We have already spoken enough about the meaning of being 'born.' This
relates to the beginning of a new growth of essence, the beginning of the
formation of individuality, the beginning of the appearance of one
indivisible I.
"But in order to be able to attain this or at least begin to attain it, a
man must die, that is, he must free himself from a thousand petty
attachments and identifications which hold him in the position in which he
is.
He is attached to everything in his life, attached to his imagination,
attached to his stupidity, attached even to his sufferings, possibly to his
sufferings more than to anything else.
He must free himself from this attachment. Attachment to things,
identification with things, keep alive a thousand useless I's in a man.
These I's must die in order that the big I may be born.
But how can they be made to die? They do not want to die.
It is at this point that the possibility of awakening comes to the rescue.
To awaken means to realize one's nothingness, that is to realize one's
complete and absolute mechanicalness and one's complete and absolute
helplessness.
And it is not sufficient to realize it philosophically in words. It is
necessary to realize it in clear, simple, and concrete facts, in one's own
facts.
When a man begins to know himself a little he will see in himself many
things that are bound to horrify him. So long as a man is not horrified at
himself he knows nothing about himself.
A man has seen in himself something that horrifies him. He decides to throw
it off, stop it, put an end to it. But however many efforts he makes, he
feels that he cannot do this, that everything remains as it was.
Here he will see his impotence, his helplessness, and his nothingness; or
again, when he begins to know himself a man sees that he has nothing that is
his own, that is, that all that he has regarded as his own, his views,
thoughts, convictions, tastes, habits, even faults and vices, all these are
not his own, but have been either formed through imitation or borrowed from
somewhere ready-made.
In feeling this a man may feel his nothingness. And in feeling his
nothingness a man should see himself as he really is, not for a second, not
for a moment, but constantly, never forgetting it.
"This continual consciousness of his nothingness and of his helplessness
will eventually give a man the courage to 'die,' that is, to die, not merely
mentally or in his consciousness, but to die in fact and to renounce
actually and forever those aspects of himself which are either unnecessary
from the point of view of his inner growth or which hinder it.
These aspects are first of all his 'false I,' and then all the fantastic
ideas about his 'individuality,' 'will,' 'consciousness,' 'capacity to do,'
his powers, initiative, determination, and so on.
"But in order to see a thing always, one must first of all see it even if
only for a second.
All new powers and capacities of realization come always in one and the same
way. At first they appear in the form of flashes at rare and short moments;
afterwards they appear more often and last longer until, finally, after very
long work they become permanent.
The same thing applies to awakening. It is impossible to awaken completely
all at once. One must first begin to awaken for short moments.
But one must die all at once and forever after having made a certain effort,
having surmounted a certain obstacle, having taken a certain decision from
which there is no going back.
This would be difficult, even impossible, for a man, were it not for the
slow and gradual awakening which precedes it.
"But there are a thousand things which prevent a man from awakening, which
keep him in the power of his dreams. In order to act consciously with the
intention of awakening, it is necessary to know the nature of the forces
which keep man in a state of sleep.