Crushed & Confused...

[Laura]

Ominous, you will suffer as long as you need to in order to learn how not to suffer. You probably need a few more years of it before you've had enough. Thing is, you WILL have enough, sooner or later. And one day you will probably hate your wife. That's a sad thing: to spend years letting your children live in that kind of turmoil and letting things go on until you actually detest the person who is mother to your children. But if you can't do otherwise, then you can't.

Only thing to do in the meantime is observe your machine, see how completely mechanical you are, and read all the books on the reading list. At least that will give you information that may come in handy at that point in time when you have finally had enough.

Been there, done that.

 

[D69]

@webglider

Help the people who can be helped: first yourself, and then your children.

I disagree.
Indeed i am helping myself by helping others but it has to happen in this specific order and NOT helping myself by persuading others to help me or something similar.

Also I wanna ask , why you guys attack Ominous that hard ?
I mean i know he deserve strong kick in his butt but what i just read sound lil too harsh.
Yeah i agree that if relationship is bad or even is vampiric based , but not everybody in this world are prepared to hit this kind of reality in just few posts.
My word for Ominous is - go , take a deep breath , rethink everythink twice or more , and then just make a good decision , remember , objective decision

ps. itll probably take more "time" than 1 deep breath ;)

 

[anart]

Also I wanna ask , why you guys attack Ominous that hard ?
I mean i know he deserve strong kick in his butt but what i just read sound lil too harsh.

You have been on this forum for less than a month. Have you read all of the other threads directly dealing with this situation? If you have not, then it would serve you well to do so before offering advice or criticism.

In short, you know not of what you speak.

 

[Annette1]

I’ve read at this forum for three years now. Ominous has been seeking input and advice. I believe he has been given excellent advice. Ominous expressed that he recognizes the problem, yet is unable/unwilling to do what he knows needs to be done. Further, the advice he was given was not harsh or unkind. Nor was he invited to leave the forum as he assumed. Anart, in particular, took the time and answered his post with care and respect. She was REAL with him. Personally, I admire and respect that.

Ominous has some difficult and painful choices to deal with. Many of us can empathize with his situation and/or have been in similar situations. As Laura says, “been there, done that.” Some of our most painful and difficult lessons (if we learn them) often turn out to be the most valuable in acquiring knowledge. The experience may have been painful, but later reflection may prove that in order for one to have thoroughly acquired the knowledge, it was necessary.

Some of the “learning” I’ve experienced was extremely painful, difficult, stressful and downright scary. In reflection, what I’ve gained has proven to be invaluable and what was lost was, when put into perspective, NOTHING.

Ominous; I hope you can find the courage and strength to do what you know needs to be done. The lesson is here now. Putting it off to “another lifetime” doesn’t sound too appealing, imho.

 

[Renaissance]

Hey Ominous, it does seem as though you have made your choice to accept your lies, but I think it could be helpful to reflect on the type of experience needed to get to a point to make a choice. It could be said that a choice always exists but there seems a special kind of momentum that is first needed to build up to that point. I think it involves a questioning spirit.

Difficult times can help break down our illusions and make us ask 'why' and 'what can we do'... but if we ride the difficult times out long enough without making a choice, our choice will be made for us when a source of comfort returns. While in the state of 'why' we're closest to glimpsing something other than our mechanical nature, even if the events and the questioning spirit they brought about are just as mechanical. If however, we can begin to question things when we are comfortable, and make choices with a clear head then the 'battle' is shifted to different grounds. I'm not equating comfort with making conscious decisions as I don't think they're related, but in cases where a high degree of external conflict makes logical thinking near impossible, as may currently be the case with you, then a less stressful environment might be able to provide the backdrop where work towards more authentic choices can be made. I don't think this means an avoidance of conflict would occur but that it would be of an entirely different nature, and a different kind of suffering would be involved.

The point is to keep doing the Work no matter what - if it is within you to do.

Good luck my friend,

Shane

 

[D69]

You have been on this forum for less than a month. Have you read all of the other threads directly dealing with this situation? If you have not, then it would serve you well to do so before offering advice or criticism.

In short, you know not of what you speak.

Your most probably right. Thats why i asked.
Also imo even if i read all threads it would not help because i cant say "been there , done that".
Lesson learned. Thx for helping me realize my problem.

 

[Ruth]

Sometimes when we are at our lowest point and feeling that things cannot possibly get any WORSE, then that is when we are doing the most 'work' on ourselves. But we don't realise it until we have passed through it. So distorted are our perceptions at the time. At least that is what I've experienced. Life is a continual challenge and it is really PAINFUL on many occassions. How a person responds to this pain is a clue. They need to ask the question "why?". And sometimes it is really hard to find the answer because it could be karmic or past life related (and what the Hell do we know about that anyway?! :) ) On the other hand, if a person is deliberately seeking out pain, then they need to look at their internal mechanisms.... also asking the question "why?" Not an easy question to answer either. A lot goes into making a person what they are, or what they are not....

I personally found kinesiology and becoming a Reiki channel very useful. Because these two things were somewhat of a 'step forward' for me - or maybe just a step in a different direction.

Different people do it in different ways. I had a preference for kinesiolgy over psychology. The reason being that it was quicker and my body would tell the practitioner what I was feeling (right through a time line) and what my mind was 'ordering' my body and soul to do. Often the mind gives some really silly "orders" and doesn't even begin to know all the facts.

Hang in there and seek as many forms of help as you think is appropriate. If your situation isn't handled by you as mindfully and patiently as possibly, you run the risk of developing (worse) depression or finding solace in drugs. Neither is a good thing.

Oh, and find out as much as you can about bipolar disorder. It will give you a lot of insight into some of your partner's behaviours. You might find a support group for partners of people with mental illnesses helpful.

 

[the rabbit]

Being one of those who have been there done that as regards to being in a long term relationship that reached the point that the only one who wanted in was me , I have some idea of what you are going through.

You have to let go , you have no right to put your ex partner through hell if they have said it is over, thats it. You must change direction if you are to reach the other side , and to say next life time , you have to see is a no no. You have to do it now !

In my case I had to literally tare myself away , move to another town. It was one of the toughest , if not toughest things that I have ever done to date. One can not continue to hurt others by clinging on to them.


After further time and reflection progresion was made.

Via posting here Im assuming you really do see what monsters lurk within , and they are running wild , and so the " I ".that is observing these other representatons of you is going to have to do the work. The observer is not useless , it is recognising the diffirent selfish "I" s within.

Many years after the true separation , my ex partner and i can actually talk to each other in a civilised manner , even sharing a joke or two now and again. If you can refuse your monsters their dance of madness you will have given yourself the possibility of learning a great life lesson.

You do not possess or own any one.

Hoping you find the strength and will that is within most people.

 

[mkrnhr]

Omnious, it is hard, very painfull. I know it and I can guess that many in this forum are in more or less the same situation. I am also downward and I can imagine how desesperate the situation could be for you. You might think that you are helplessly in a prison and that you cannot escape. Maybe you are. But hey, you are aware of your prison! You know there are walls around you. Isn't it a little spark in the dark? You can always choose to get out, maybe immediatly or not, but you still have this possibility. Personnaly this thought keeps me alive when the dark clouds of destiny surround my heart, and I think it also applies for many people. I always appreciated your interventions in this forum and I really would like that you keep fighting the matrix.
Very friendly.

 

[name]

Ominous,

it appears that you (or a strong part of you) have made the decision to remain in this situation which is painful and troublesome for you.

Sometimes opposition is not the way to go, and 'extricating' yourself from the situation (opposition) is obviously not a way to deal with it, at least not something which that stronger part of you will allow. A better way could be to accept that there is a part of you which wants to remain in this situation, to understand this part of you it and also its decision (and respect it), and from there try to understand what you are in. Good luck.

You also complain about not having advanced on your way towards STO.
It looks to me that, if the results of whatever you are doing towards this is that people tell you to get a backbone, your version of 'becoming STO' corresponds to what certain christian sects propagate as 'being good'. Perhaps another approach would be of help with this too, thinks me ...

 

[Ryan]

I’ve read at this forum for three years now. Ominous has been seeking input and advice. I believe he has been given excellent advice. Ominous expressed that he recognizes the problem, yet is unable/unwilling to do what he knows needs to be done. Further, the advice he was given was not harsh or unkind. Nor was he invited to leave the forum as he assumed. Anart, in particular, took the time and answered his post with care and respect. She was REAL with him.

It's interesting to watch how these things play out. It seems Ominous prefers to suffer for a bit longer. Nothing wrong with that. We're all incarnated here for our own reasons and lessons. I wonder though if Ominous will be back sooner or later with a tale of how everything fell apart? He certainly can't say he wasn't warned.