The Legend of Zorro

A

atreides

Guest
Hi All

I just finished watching the most obscene film I have ever seen. It was so unbelievably loaded with propaganda it was actually making my stomach turn. Which is not an easy task, one expects a certain amount of pro-american stuff in films, but this movie is evil.

The fight scenes are cheap poorly choreographed homages to krav maga style bash 'em ups, the sword fighting can't even be called that and certainly isn't even remotely similar to escrime, the two and three on one scenes are off tempo, glaringly so. The plot is insulting, the plot and dialogue are contrived and formulaic for anyone who read Dov's book you would see exactly what I mean, they follow the formula ohs, oh nos, and oh shits perfectly. Basically two hours of complete crap.

The basic gist: Europeans, lead by a French aristocrat try to aid the south in the civil war, the only European not involved is the Englishman who bows out gracefully, only to be double crossed by the uncouth frog. The movie was actually distasteful to watch, they weren't even trying to hide it, and I am sure that there were some messages in there, with all of the train stuff and the big explosion at the end, hmm... Worse than Battlefield Earth, and that's saying something.
 
So, for once, would you just tell us what you honestly thought of the movie?
 
No really, I am telling you it isn't fit for swine, it's garbage, I am saying to you that this movie makes me vomit, and the vomit again.
 
=D

oh, and this is why I do love you so, my Michael Jackson Avatar using spouse.

So - clearly - three cheers all around for the legend of zorro!!!

~runs away as fast as she can while laughing hysterically~


~trips over an empty hostess fruit pie wrapper and falls flat on her face~

~lives to tell about it, but never speaks of the legend of zorro movie again~

and so it goes....
 
It's actually not michael, it's a girl named Tess who is a michael jackson impersonator.
 
atreides said:
Worse than Battlefield Earth, and that's saying something.
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I'd rather see Battlefield Earth than Elf or Catwoman. But don't trust me, I think Bubble Boy was good ;-)
 
Actually, I would rather watch LoZ than Date Movie (or any of the Movie variety) anytime. *That* movie was an all time low for me and for the first time I actually wanted to sue the makers of this film for making me spend 1 1/2 hours watching total and utter crap. (yeah, stupid of me to actually *continue* watching: a lesson learned)

Hey, is this going to be a "bash the worst movie of all time thread" ? ;)
 
Snow said:
Hey, is this going to be a "bash the worst movie of all time thread" ? ;)
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hey, why not!
:D

checking my imdb vote history - the movies i rated 3 or lower are as follows:
(movies REALLY have to suck to get 3 or less from me)

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
Flubber (1997)
On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
The Prophecy (1995)
The Second Arrival (1998)
Summer Catch (2001)
Vertical Limit (2000)
Down to Earth (2001)
City of Angels (1998)
I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Killing Me Softly (2002)
Little Nicky (2000)
 
atreides said:
I just finished watching the most obscene film I have ever seen.
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Yes, but.

It also "stars" Catherine Zeta-Jones. And she was (at least by the advertisements, I have not actually seen this "abomination of a movie") clad in outfits that caused her ample bosom to heave.

That was good enough for me. After the ads, I no longer needed to see the rest of the movie as I have learned that movie trailers always give away the best parts of the movie. Clearly Catherine Zeta-Jones' heaving ample bosom was the best part.

Snow said:
ey, is this going to be a "bash the worst movie of all time thread" ?
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Without doubt the worst movie *ever* made has to be "WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?" Its so bad I cannot even bring myself to copy the IMDB plot summary.

One of the greatest regrets of my life is the fact that I sat through this movie. I regret that I did not get up once I realized just how bad it was and go to the box office and simply demand a refund.
 
Nice website for movie ratings: mrqe.com. It compiles many ratings from many websites and critics and you can sort them all and get a general sense of what the critics think about a movie. Just thought I'd throw that out there, don't mean to interrupt the bashing though! :o

But ok I do have to bash something - one of the biggest disappointments for me in the past couple of years - Superman Returns. Cliche, generic, just a bunch of senseless hollywood effects and totally anti-climatic and absurdly unrealistic at the end. They basically did the same thing that they did in one of the early superman movies where they had him fly around the planet faster than light to go back in time so that he can have the chance to save Louis who died. I mean honestly, if superman can just go back in time and redo things as much as he likes until he gets what he wants, why there is no more challenge, no more fun, no excuse why he should ever end up messing anything up since he can just go back and correct it till the cows come home. Similarly in superman returns that whole lifting of the kryptonite-infested island was similarly retarded and a cop-out because the writers lacked any imagination. Superman is one of those heroes whose powers seem to be expanded at will to basically be God when the situation calls for it.

Oh yeah I just noticed the irony in that last sentence considering the religious undertones in that movie and how he's supposed to actually be Jesus. I bet Jesus never wore his underwear on the outside though..
 
atreides said:
Worse than Battlefield Earth, and that's saying something.
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heh! I loved battlefield earth even though, yes, it was rubbish and illogical. but it showed John Travolta in his true colours.

ok, maybe I made that up, but he sure did fit into the evil-bastard-psycho role rather comfortably :shock:
 
It's all become a little too much for me to bare. Saying that this is a copy of that is ridiculous. Should all portraits made after the Mona Lisa be labelled copies off of the work of Da Vinci? Or shall we trace it all the way back to the first person who scribbled a face on a cave wall? Or perhaps because one portrait has blue eyes it should be considered a copy of the first portrait of a blue eyed person? No, I should really think not.

So now we have super hero mythology, yet we can't see it for what it is, only what it is like. We can't enjoy the original interpretations of classical myths, we have to split hairs on the similarities with previous interpretations. No place is this more rife than with the mythology surrounding Superman, Kal El, Clark Kent, the Man of Steel, whatever you want to call him, no serious super hero mythologist can avoid the subject of our ages greatest mythological hero.

Superman is, as comic book heroes come, utterly unique in two core respects, the first is that he was in fact the first comic character to be imbued with otherworldly gifts. While most comics during the 30s were built around classical cultural heros like Alexander the Great and other such “down to earth
 
atreides said:
I just finished watching the most obscene film I have ever seen. It was so unbelievably loaded with propaganda it was actually making my stomach turn. Which is not an easy task, one expects a certain amount of pro-american stuff in films, but this movie is evil.
Click to expand...
Wow. I normally dig "hero" movies, but for some reason I hadn't watched this one. Thanks for letting me know why. ;)

BTW: My main beef with "Superman Returns" was that the story seemed twisted to fit the "typical" Xtianity version - Ie. Superman as a savior, and the world is up the proverbial creek without his leet saving skills. And Lex Luthor as "Satan"?... pfft.

Gimme Neo or V any day. ;-)
 
But matrix went essentially in the same direction, and became or of a play on superman than any other. V is an entirely different anti-hero genre. While as I said, I prefer tortured heroes to pure heroes like superman, I like superman for what he is instead of not liking him for what he isn't or can't be.
 
"Superman returns" really striked me as being used to pass on some propagandist messages, I will only remind this one :

Superman does not like you to smoke, he blows out your lighter with wind (I know that sounds bad, luckily you don't explode when he does that.).
 
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