It might be hard for you to see from your first person perspective, but from the outside, it looks to me you have some serious lessons to learn on setting healthy boundaries. Forget the vaccine, there's a number of things coming through that I'd be surprised if they didn't show up in other areas of your life
- There's something going on with feeling shame
- Something with personal boundaries
- Something with the choice of people one chooses to associate themselves with
- Potentially lying to oneself regarding ones reasons for doing something
I hope I'm wrong but thought I'd given my honest opinion in case it proves helpful to you and your self development.