Oxajil said:
I don't think you were feeding at all, you just said what you have been observing
Yes, I see that too now. But shortly after posting I had an insight into why I was having this awkward feeling about it. I was looking into the abyss and I can understand a little bit better why people here often refer to 'looking into the abyss' or 'facing the Devil (i.e. the horror of our machine's set-up) - there's usually no need to spell out what one has seen, but rather keep it as a further note in one's notebook of 'Study of one's machine'. It wasn't about feeding, there was a narcissistic, self-serving aspect to it, but not while posting my observation on 'feeling a connection', this was in a state of 'innocence', i.e. without second thoughts as far as I can tell. It's more complicated and I'll explore it further. Hope it's okay to leave it at that for now.
Oxajil said:
Maybe it is because you once cried over something I wrote to you?
You know, that was actually my very first thought when the feeling of connection to you rose up in me. I was so very grateful for you to touch exactly the spot in me that led to an emotional release and insight. What your words elicited was very intense and my gratefulness kind of developed a certain emotional bond to you as a consequence. Only, this thought somehow got lost on the way and I came to post of feeling a connection to you and, at least partly, ascribing a spiritual value to it.
Oxajil said:
It wasn't me you know, it was you. You recognized that part of you, and eventually you chose to grow. It was all you, I just gave you a little push.
This is actually a very healthy statement. You take away the foundation for any kind of projection by reminding me of my own part in this situation. Thank you for that, it was important to me to have it spelled out directly by you.
But still I do remain on my position of being grateful for your help/assistance in this. It simply shows me that we all need one another, that the given feedback indeed helps in our learning/seeing/processing.
Oxajil said:
Some of our programs start to like certain individuals, and trying to figure out why that is might be interesting.
Approaching Infinity said:
It's been my experience that very often, when we feel a connection with someone, we're seeing in that person a part of ourselves that we're denying, or that is otherwise hidden. Like you said, it can be a form of projection.
The image I have of Oxajil, and I'm aware it is only what
I see in her and probably inflate about her, is that she represents a close approximation of a healthy feminine energy, full of faith towards DCM and life, full of compassion and
trust and devoid of judging herself. The very qualities I long for, so that this aspect of what I see in her morphs into her becoming some kind of role model for the endeavour of developing these aspects in me as well.
AI said:
The danger is in thinking that it's strictly "out there" or "in that person", and not also in ourselves. That's the danger of projecting our "inner beloved", those soul qualities that lie in wait to be discovered and made manifest!
So what I need to do is taking back the projection and simply keep exploring, keep working.
Gawan said:
Puzzle said:
Yes, definitely the fear of losing something. But losing what, exactly?
Hello Puzzle, maybe try the POTS in the sense of: "clear my eyes that I may see [of what I'm afraid of]" in your daily meditation.
I've started doing this, thanks for the suggestion!
Gawan said:
And Puzzle, don't be -afraid- of posting
This one made me cry, Gawan. (Now I feel a connection to you. Lol, just joking.)
You're spot on with your observation. What's most conspicuous presently is the immensity of fear inside me. Life-threatening fear. The root being a lack of a sense of basic trust. A naturopath teacher of mine once said that "Urvertrauen" (the German term) is something that actually each newborn should learn as the first thing, for this is the foundation for a psychologically healthy life. Same as Laura said about the imprinting phases and that either the child learns that the universe is the loving mother, or the punishing father (=threat), which will shape every interaction of the individual with people and life in general.
So my set-up is definitely the one of seeing the universe as a threatening force, only waiting for me to make a deadly mistake so it can crush me; and nothing can be trusted. This lack of trust is also being displayed in my interactions with the network. There are times when I do trust (=the new behaviour) and times when I don't (=the old behaviour). Not trusting (and this mostly goes unrecognized by me) comes along with withdrawing from interaction. Way I see it is I've been engaging in the new behaviour of trusting already (= forming new pathways within the brain), but I do fall back into the old behaviour repeatedly (=old pathways in the brain are still dominant and automatical mode, playing along whenever I'm not aware enough to choose to stop and tread the new pathways instead). So it's like the new behaviour of trust is already there, but it needs to be constantly reiterated, so that it can become the new modus operandi. It needs to be firmly settled into the brain,it needs to be integrated, and as it seems from observing my actions, it does indeed take a lot of time. So patience with myself seems another important point to bring into the equation here.
Gawan said:
Did you mean this message?
Yes, I did, thanks! :)
DanielS said:
Not sure exactly how it works, but lately I've found myself thinking more and more about forum members when I'm out and about.
Yes, I've seen this increasing in me as well. I'm walking around in my all-day life and have the people here so close to my heart and constantly with me it's amazing and a constant source for inner strength.
DanielS said:
And to be honest, Puzzle, I often identify with your posts because it seems that, at least from the way you write, your glimpsing into my own mind and posting it up on the forum. There have been a few times you've posted your thoughts and I've been like "that's exactly what I've been thinking about too!" and it's encouraged me to post more.
Wow, I wouldn't have expected anyone to identify with what I post. But I understand and am glad that it has encouraged you to post more! :) And thanks for sharing, DanielS, it's comforting to know that my struggle to post can also have an effect on others. :)
Thank you all very much for your input!