Working on the self

[anitasweetie]

Hello everyone!
The only way to say this is to just do it. I apologize for my other posts, not being up to criteria of forum.
Been lurking and reading for past three years!
Recognizing programs in oneself is one of the harder things to do, these programs are so close to you.
Funny thing is, you can see lots of these things in others, but not yourself. Thinking the best way to start is this:
I am a liar, thief, cheat, and a coward, nothing excuses this, I want to see myself as I truly am!!!
Of course, could just say that I was Greenbaumed(who knows). I don't think that is the case because I am semiconscious/conscious of what I seem to be doing. Just wanting to start at the bottom and maybe someday catch up with the rest of the group.
It might be a while before I can get back to the forum today. Have to go to work. Thank you for your patience.
Anita

 

[anart]

Welcome Anita - don't worry about 'catching up with the rest of the group' - we are all at different levels and understand different things and we are all still learning, so one step at a time. :)

 

[anitasweetie]

Thanks Anart,
You are right about the one step at a time. It seems to me that I am constantly fighting a paralysis of the brain, for lack of a better term (sleep?). I've read the wave series probably five times. In the beginning I couldn't understand most of it, but it did resonate with me. There seems to be more that I learn every time, but the fight with myself and whatever is being used to make me "sleep", is most definitely a grim fight and bitter struggle. All the people around me are into religion. It took me nine years to say that there is no god. It was before I even had the Internet. I guess what I'm saying is there were things to notice before I started seeking knowledge. SOTT and the Wave Series has made the difference. Thanks Guys!!!