TheManyShadesOfJo
Padawan Learner
This forum truly is an excellent mirror, so what better way to advance in our own Work by learning about the programs others have detected and are working on overcoming.
For myself, a major one that has recently been brought to my full awareness is "good children are seen and not heard", first installed by my Irish Catholic, ex-RAF pilot, bitter ol' bully of a grandfather (who has mellowed nicely over the years, I must add). This was re-inforced by the fact that my parents really didn't get on, my dad was away most of the time anyway so there was no communication between them and hence no communication to my brother and I. There was very little talk, warmth or laughter in my home, just strained civility and quiet frustration (which my poor brother was pretty oblivious to, they'd "make happy" for his "benefit"). My (older) brother was high-strung and attention-seeking, which meant I was just kind of left to get on with it most of the time. This did give me a chance to cultivate a rich inner life, and I started reading novels young so I had strong language skills and deep thoughts, but little skill or experience in verbalising them. This was further re-inforced by the fact that I'd always be asked to read to the class or read bible passages at assemblies - when I did get the chance to be heard, it was always other people's material.
Fortunately for me, I have always had an outlet in singing and writing. Singing to pour out my emotions and writing to express them. Still I used to be very shy, quiet, withdrawn; well, fine with 1 on 1 conversations with compatible people (perhaps because it resembled my inner dialogue) but when it came to a group setting, I just wanted to be invisible and observe. It's only in the last 5 or so years (i'm 23) that I have come out of my shell and have realised that I do have something to contribute. The old programming still kicks in from time to time; I clam up when I'm rattled, sometimes getting completely tongue-tied or sometimes word salad comes out, words tripping over each other; I don't stick up for myself nearly enough; and find it very, very hard to freestyle lyrics - my mind just goes blank. I'm getting there though, and I'm so glad I found this place - its just what I need to shed the program and hone my communication skills :D
I'm very interested in hearing about your experiences, for in each other we will surely see ourselves.
For myself, a major one that has recently been brought to my full awareness is "good children are seen and not heard", first installed by my Irish Catholic, ex-RAF pilot, bitter ol' bully of a grandfather (who has mellowed nicely over the years, I must add). This was re-inforced by the fact that my parents really didn't get on, my dad was away most of the time anyway so there was no communication between them and hence no communication to my brother and I. There was very little talk, warmth or laughter in my home, just strained civility and quiet frustration (which my poor brother was pretty oblivious to, they'd "make happy" for his "benefit"). My (older) brother was high-strung and attention-seeking, which meant I was just kind of left to get on with it most of the time. This did give me a chance to cultivate a rich inner life, and I started reading novels young so I had strong language skills and deep thoughts, but little skill or experience in verbalising them. This was further re-inforced by the fact that I'd always be asked to read to the class or read bible passages at assemblies - when I did get the chance to be heard, it was always other people's material.
Fortunately for me, I have always had an outlet in singing and writing. Singing to pour out my emotions and writing to express them. Still I used to be very shy, quiet, withdrawn; well, fine with 1 on 1 conversations with compatible people (perhaps because it resembled my inner dialogue) but when it came to a group setting, I just wanted to be invisible and observe. It's only in the last 5 or so years (i'm 23) that I have come out of my shell and have realised that I do have something to contribute. The old programming still kicks in from time to time; I clam up when I'm rattled, sometimes getting completely tongue-tied or sometimes word salad comes out, words tripping over each other; I don't stick up for myself nearly enough; and find it very, very hard to freestyle lyrics - my mind just goes blank. I'm getting there though, and I'm so glad I found this place - its just what I need to shed the program and hone my communication skills :D
I'm very interested in hearing about your experiences, for in each other we will surely see ourselves.