The "Rational Male and Female"? - Biology and Programs in Relationships

One note to remember is Boris M mentioned 3 legitimate spouses, not just one. And my hunch is they each have their own field of play. Perhaps like the 3 rings: an exoteric, mesoteric and the inner true polar being spouse.

Like American baseball: you get 3 strikes. If you fail to recognize the true polar match, all is not lost. There are still a couple more legitimate chances for esoteric development in a relationship.

Certainly life in an ivory tower is far removed from life in the trenches but the muddy trenches are where the progress takes place. Your partner can see you in a way that you can’t. And vice versa. If you can be magnanimous to take in the other point of view without getting up in arms defensive, you can learn a lot. If you see something about your partner that takes them 25 years to see, acknowledge and face, we’ll there’s your test of patience and love and commitment. It’s far easier to say “F this” and try to escape although it loads on another steamer trunk of baggage on the camels back.

Many choose to create excuses to rationalize the avoidance of this hard-as-hell work. Everyone may desire this dance on some level but there is just as much, if not more, resistance to it on many other levels.
 
If we are all fragmented parts of a 6D soul and genders don’t exist from 4D onwards, then the concept of soul-mates and polar opposites is a limiting one. We may come across or end up being with someone who “ticks the boxes” and that would, in limited cases, prove useful in accelerating the lessons and increase opportunities of being in service to others but in most cases, would lead to a false sense of achievement and growth-stagnation. The very idea of working towards finding the ONE is a classic STS trap. Consider for a moment that in a network of crystalised STO consciousness units, each one is a soul-mate of the others. Fwiw
 
I think the concept is worth meditating on as either way (polar couples or individuals considering the concept) the necessity is to pursue the work.

People long for the type of love connection that is described as a polar couple, this may be our spiritual destiny. It is written about by great minds through the ages and is not frivolous at all.

True. But then again, I think it's healthy to question it. Many people also long for perfect happiness, a higher degree of spirituality, etc. But we know that at least in part, that has been programmed. In both cases (longing for the perfect/ideal something) is, IMO, an illusion in this reality, and a product of our society, that removes responsibility and agency. At least for me, fairy tales and Disney created more of a distortion than many other things when I was younger. Mouravieff and others gave different explanations, of course, but in the end, I was often left with the impression that they were talking about a state were things "happen" (instant recognition at first sight, etc.), which is the opposite of the Work. Sure, one could say it happens in stages, and he explains that. But in life, I've never seen those stages either.

For example, from the text you quoted:

This would relate to the idea of the 3 stages in the Work: the work begins with work on oneself, then progresses to work with others, and finally working for the Work itself. In each stage one expands to include more and more – from the selfish concern of one’s own development, one moves on to include another, and from there, opens out into a larger whole.

This is so different from my experience, that of many others and what is just visible, that I can't relate at all. For me, they all go together. You will work on yourself THANKS to the fact that you are working with others, and receiving a mirror from your interactions. You will let go of your "selfish concern of your own development" because you are working towards something higher than yourself to begin with. And so on. See what I mean? IMO, that 3 stage division is so artificial that it can't apply to "polar opposites" either, unless you are talking about a different reality. I get over myself whenever I can because I love my husband, and because we have aims that are higher than our petty issues. If I had only worked on myself, to then meet him, to then be part of something bigger, then... I don't think that's even possible, because the "working on ourselves" part would remain very self-centered and limited. There are SOME things you can do in separate stages, but not a whole bunch, me thinks.


The best advice I read was that people should pursue the work (Gnosis) and act in a way that their current partner is their polar opposite. This is because any genuine pursuit of this knowledge will move you towards your polar opposite [what ever lifetime that may be].

Hmm, I have a problem with that. Being STS, I doubt that with that idea in mind, any human being can have a "pure intent", a "genuine pursuit of knowledge". To me it reads more like, "Hey honey, let's stick together in this life and pretend that we are Polar Opposites. I'll learn a lot with you, and in another life, I can meet the real deal". :umm: I know it may be an exaggeration, but it's pretty shit*y if you put it that way.

Mouravieff also said that "polar opposites" may not even recognize each other in one life. Then, as much as he talks about the more "lofty" and spiritual aspects of the work, that statement is quite telling. It means that in order to love, you must know. And to know, you need a lot of efforts and suffering in most cases. But the idea of Polar opposites is, from the get go, an "easy path". We are together because it was meant to be. We don't make our relationship work, it works because we are advanced and opposites. We don't decide every day to be together, we just are. Etc. Well maybe, but I don't see how that marries with the Work in this reality, at our level. (His explanation is in the levels/stages, but see above.)

Do Polar Opposites exist, and is it close to what is described in the literature? Well, why not? But I wonder if there isn't a big portion of symbolism in the idea, and if taking it literally is part of the illusion. Very often miracles happen in life, but we are so busy anticipating and determining what a miracle should look like, that we miss the real deal. In some cases, we have to make the miracle happen, but we don't act because we think miracles happen. It's like the difference between "waiting for your other half" (passive), or working (active) to become whole. 1/2 + 1/2 = 1, as opposed to 1+1 = 2.

I don't know, maybe I'm too "practical", and not imaginative enough. But to me, there is a lot more appeal in the idea of two people BECOMING "polar opposites" in the process of learning to give, to know themselves, to share knowledge with others, etc. in this life. That could be predestined, if you wish, but it still involves a lot of conscious effort and agency. Without the latter, it may amount to nothing, just like a genetic predisposition towards a skill is nothing if the person doesn't work hard to achieve competence at that skill.

FWIW!
 
Chu said:
The best advice I read was that people should pursue the work (Gnosis) and act in a way that their current partner is their polar opposite. This is because any genuine pursuit of this knowledge will move you towards your polar opposite [what ever lifetime that may be].

Hmm, I have a problem with that. Being STS, I doubt that with that idea in mind, any human being can have a "pure intent", a "genuine pursuit of knowledge". To me it reads more like, "Hey honey, let's stick together in this life and pretend that we are Polar Opposites. I'll learn a lot with you, and in another life, I can meet the real deal". :umm: I know it may be an exaggeration, but it's pretty shit*y if you put it that way.

I read that quote last night and have been thinking about it and came to the same interpretation. I wasn’t sure if I’d misunderstood what I’d read, so came back to the thread to find that Chu had posted pretty much what I was thinking, although Chu’s expansion of it went a lot further than where I was with it.

To me, it basically read as, “You, my current partner, will be a placeholder and substitute for the real thing.”

How can you fully love your partner if you are expecting another person to come along one day who will be your ‘true love’? It almost suggest a kind of paradoxical ‘cynical realism’, whereby one is working to achieve a state where one is capable of real love by working in a relationship that is not conducive to its development, because one has taken the stance that at present it’s probably impossible. It seems to me that rather than being a ‘fake it till you make it’ approach, it’s more likely to produce an effect akin to the ‘black magnetic centre’ - i.e., that whatever one has developed has been built on a wrong foundation and will need to be broken down entirely and started again.
 
And, that is the crux of the matter at hand. “In order to love, you must know”. Most people out there, be it males or females, don’t know anything about love since such knowledge is removed from this world. What we see out there is everyone seeking an experience from their favourite Disney movie. People don’t seek love, they seek a lifestyle and a partner who can provide that. The addictive parts are just chemical reactions and hormones. Creature loves its comforts.

The ones who feel they are more enlightened seek a soul-mate, but they are also looking for a certain lifestyle, the one that’s agreeable to their ego. Its all the same really. One fallacy to another. We are STS afterall.

But, knowledge changes the dynamics greatly. Suddenly those chemical reactions and hormones can be used or processed better to overcome the addictions they impose, to control and channel those wild energies to realise our higher centers. And, we can then finally begin to understand the true meaning of love i.e Love is Light is Knowledge. We realise that serving others selflessly is also love. And to do that, a person doesn’t need a soul-mate and/or a polar opposite although two people can work on themselves to grow into a pair resembling the soul-mate definition but the overall concept is still limiting and not a vehicle for growth.
 
And, that is the crux of the matter at hand. “In order to love, you must know”. Most people out there, be it males or females, don’t know anything about love since such knowledge is removed from this world. What we see out there is everyone seeking an experience from their favourite Disney movie. People don’t seek love, they seek a lifestyle and a partner who can provide that. The addictive parts are just chemical reactions and hormones. Creature loves its comforts.

The ones who feel they are more enlightened seek a soul-mate, but they are also looking for a certain lifestyle, the one that’s agreeable to their ego. Its all the same really. One fallacy to another. We are STS afterall.

But, knowledge changes the dynamics greatly. Suddenly those chemical reactions and hormones can be used or processed better to overcome the addictions they impose, to control and channel those wild energies to realise our higher centers. And, we can then finally begin to understand the true meaning of love i.e Love is Light is Knowledge. We realise that serving others selflessly is also love. And to do that, a person doesn’t need a soul-mate and/or a polar opposite although two people can work on themselves to grow into a pair resembling the soul-mate definition but the overall concept is still limiting and not a vehicle for growth.

For me, ‘To know is to love’ when it comes to romantic relationships means that one needs to actually know and see the other person for who they really are, not so much that one needs to know what love is, since, ‘to know is to love’.

This is in opposition to the regular state of most people, where what they see in the other tends to be mostly projection, or that they allow themselves to be fooled by how the person they are wanting to be with initially presents themselves, or that they wish to ‘overcome or ignore or shut out’ the traits of the person that they don’t like. I think this is the main reason most people don’t have particularly long and happy relationships these days, because after a time, these issues cause more and more friction until the couple can’t tolerate each other any more.
 
So "polar opposites" could simply be two people who have a "craystallised being" and for that reason are particularly compatible?
That's more or less how I interpret it, although rather copious amounts of exposition could be derived from that tiny sentence. Certainly, there are a number of essentially predetermined "types" which must be resonant in order to establish basic compatibility, and then the Work definition of crystallization is what makes the polar opposite thing possible after that. I think Mouravieff goes a little overboard with this concept when he gets into his discussion of facets and sectors to arrive at his calculation that your polar opposite is 1 in 100 trillion or something like that. One could explore different subtypes of polar opposites, such as the advanced souls that had come back to the past to reinforce and solidify something that exists in their present and our future example that was used earlier, but that is a special case and I don't think it is exclusively that.
 
Thank you all for this thread. It definitely makes one stop and think more about life, the universe and everything. And the answer 42 still may hold true :-)

If we consider there are 8 billion people present on this planet, the amount splits about evenly between males and females, how long would it normally take to recognize a polar opposite amongst them all? Several lifetimes perhaps. And that is without external interference. I think it was noted in one of the C sessions in the past that 4D STS can go quite the lenghts to prevent certain things or relationships from happening including setting up and manipulating people around us.

Emotionally, it is a tough pill to swallow. Old folklore, fairy tales, stories, movies all elude there is that one. And most likely it is either wishful thinking, projecting or programming of sorts. Whether intentional or not. The thing is, there has to be a hope. Anybody can look back into their own lives about what did they achieve just hanging on to that teeny tiny bit of hope.

Reality kicking in, in our current incarnation here we have amassed so many biases, programs and other distractions that it is virtually impossible to even attempt the search of this magnitude. Like what exactly are we looking for? There may be some quite disturbing implications if anyone would wanted to go down this rabbit hole (current French president could talk).

Thinking further, learning before leaping is the objectiive of the day.

Imagine an ordinary couple where one thinks he or she is doing all the work and the other one is either lazy or simply a "user" consuming whatever the partner has produced. Common situation. Interesting bit is, whether the hardworking one realizes, that no only he or she is making lots of efforts to make their relationship work, but also that seemingly uninterested partner actually enables learning associated lessons? That without that person they wouldn`t be where they are? Strong, independent, able to withstand the storm? Now imagine this was part of karmic plan the two of them agreed upon back in the 5D. Nobody remembers it, but after all, the two are accomplishing their goals. Enabler and learner. Is this polar opposites?
 
Imagine an ordinary couple where one thinks he or she is doing all the work and the other one is either lazy or simply a "user" consuming whatever the partner has produced. Common situation. Interesting bit is, whether the hardworking one realizes, that no only he or she is making lots of efforts to make their relationship work, but also that seemingly uninterested partner actually enables learning associated lessons? That without that person they wouldn`t be where they are? Strong, independent, able to withstand the storm? Now imagine this was part of karmic plan the two of them agreed upon back in the 5D. Nobody remembers it, but after all, the two are accomplishing their goals. Enabler and learner. Is this polar opposites?
Very good point IMO. It seems in the end, it's all about the choices you make, and the choices you make lead to somewhere, some level of experience and learning, and at the end of it all, you have no choice (ironically) but to assume that is what you were "meant" to learn because if it wasn't, why are you where you are? I suppose you could claim someone or something screwed you over, but that won't change anything, and that realization too would be part of the lesson.
 
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Thanks for your inputs bringing light to the matter, it's clearer now.
Then my next question would be, according to you, can there be love in a couple without necessarily being polar opposites ? Because until now I saw Love = Polar Opposites.
 
Thanks for your inputs bringing light to the matter, it's clearer now.
Then my next question would be, according to you, can there be love in a couple without necessarily being polar opposites ? Because until now I saw Love = Polar Opposites.
I think that what most couples call "love" is the fulfilment of mutual need. In this case what they call love is really need. Nothing wrong in that imo but is it real love in the objective sense? Perhaps there are different levels of love from the unconditioned to the conditioned and "need" falls somewhere within that. But I think that real objective love is at the top based on the quest for objective knowledge and values, something that is greater then ourselves that connects us. My 2 cents!
 
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Then my next question would be, according to you, can there be love in a couple without necessarily being polar opposites ? Because until now I saw Love = Polar Opposites.
Ya know, I've been on a spiritual path of one kind or another, since forever, but maybe with more of what's talked about on these pages since the early1980s....And never did I feel this kind of confusion....

I grew up with and was raised by ppl who celebrated golden wedding anniversaries and beyond in years. Marriages, friendships take time to build, years.

After, I quit working for corporations, I did all kinds of jobs....menial some said. But not to me! They placed me in the thick of others' lives, doing odd jobs for ppl, especially the elderly....I was blessed to witness their lives up close and personal.

One couple I cleaned house for, Dom and Vera, an old Italian couple. First, I'd clean the living room/dinning room while Vera watched tv shows. And believe me, she and other elders I worked for, with no internet or alternative media, could watch politicans or whoever on the tube and yell out, "They're lying!"; point is they were mentally sharp.

Dom would go bowling with his friends (they were in late 80s) in the morning on the days I was there. Vera would make me lunch and we'd talk more. Then I'd go back to work and she'd fix lunch for her husband.

After, Dom ate lunch, Vera would go into her bedroom...a lot of the elderly had separate bedrooms; something I thought a good idea...give self space and heighten sexual relationships, making it special.
Anyway, Vera would turn on her daily soap operas and Dom would join her. I could hear their conversations and Dom asking Vera who this or that character was....This couple and others I worked for, married for decades, loved each other in a way that youth has yet to find.
 
How can you fully love your partner if you are expecting another person to come along one day who will be your ‘true love’?
I think expecting your true love to come along wanting and longing this is not engaging in the work. To me that’s turning away from the work.
Reality kicking in, in our current incarnation here we have amassed so many biases, programs and other distractions that it is virtually impossible to even attempt the search of this magnitude. Like what exactly are we looking for? There may be some quite disturbing implications if anyone would wanted to go down this rabbit hole (current French president could talk).
The whole point is to not search or attempt this or even expect it, the polar opposite couple happens as a consequence of individual development.
Imagine an ordinary couple where one thinks he or she is doing all the work and the other one is either lazy or simply a "user" consuming whatever the partner has produced. Common situation. Interesting bit is, whether the hardworking one realizes, that no only he or she is making lots of efforts to make their relationship work, but also that seemingly uninterested partner actually enables learning associated lessons? That without that person they wouldn`t be where they are? Strong, independent, able to withstand the storm? Now imagine this was part of karmic plan the two of them agreed upon back in the 5D. Nobody remembers it, but after all, the two are accomplishing their goals. Enabler and learner. Is this polar opposites?
No, this is not a description of a polar couple.
 
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