The Power Of Kindness

[webglider]

I heard this story on National Public Radio this morning, and it moved me so much that I'd like to share it.

A man who was in the habit of eating at the same diner every night got off the train as usual and was about to exit the station when he was accosted by a teenager brandishing a knife who demanded his wallet.

The man said, "No problem. Here it is. It's yours."

The kid took the wallet and was exiting the station, when he heard the man call after him:

"Hey, take my coat too."

The kid turns around and sees that the man has taken off his jacket and is holding it out to him. He looks at the man and says, "Hey, why are you doing this?"

The man says, "If you're going to spend the night robbing people, you might as well be warm."

The kid takes the coat, and starts to walk away, when the man calls after him, "I was on my way to dinner. Are you hungry? Do you want to join me?"

The kid hesitates. Then he says "Yes".

When they enter the diner and sit down, all the wait staff, the cooks, the busboy, come over to say hello to the man.

The boy says, "What's this? Everybody knows you - even the dishwashes, and you're nice to everybody. What up with you; you the owner or something?"

The man says, "No, I'm not the owner, but I come here every night for dinner and I talk to everybody. I'm nice to the dishwashers and to everybody else."

Over dinner the man wants to find out more about this kid to give him a sense of why he is out robbing people. He asks him about his dreams, and goals, but the kid looks upset, so the man stops asking questions.

When the bill comes, the man says to the kid, " If you give me back my wallet, I can pick up the check."

The kid gives him back his wallet.

The man pays the check and gives the kid twenty dollars. Then he says, I'm giving you twenty dollars, but you have to give me something.

"What do you want me to give you?" the kid asks.

"I want you to give me the knife," the man says.

And the kid gives him the knife.

The man never learned why the kid felt that he needed to go around with a knife and rob people.

But the kid learned a lesson about kindness.

Obviously, this kid was not a psychopath - just a lost soul.

And the man was not a psychopath - just a person with understanding.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone acted like the man in the story?

I don't know who kept the coat.

 

[Ryan]

Obviously, this kid was not a psychopath - just a lost soul.

And the man was not a psychopath - just a person with understanding.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone acted like the man in the story?

What do psychopaths have to do with that story? I'm confused... :/

 

[anart]

This was on NPR? Did you transcribe it verbatim as it was playing or is this from memory? I only ask because it has the flavor of one of those viral email stories...

 

[Tigersoap]

This was on NPR? Did you transcribe it verbatim as it was playing or is this from memory? I only ask because it has the flavor of one of those viral email stories...

That story sounds fake alright although I have a strange feeling of reading or hearing about it before.

 

[Mr. Premise]

Well when I read this I immediately thought about psychopaths because tactics like the ones the man employed can ONLY work with non-psychopaths. So this is a heartwarming, yet dangerous story, because it ignores "the other human race."

Obviously, this kid was not a psychopath - just a lost soul.

And the man was not a psychopath - just a person with understanding.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone acted like the man in the story?

What do psychopaths have to do with that story? I'm confused... :/

 

[anart]

That story sounds fake alright although I have a strange feeling of reading or hearing about it before.

Yes, it rings a bell with me too, that could be why it jumped up in my mind as 'really on NPR this morning?' - of course, I'm not saying it wasn't just asking - ;)

 

[Ryan]

Well when I read this I immediately thought about psychopaths because tactics like the ones the man employed can ONLY work with non-psychopaths. So this is a heartwarming, yet dangerous story, because it ignores "the other human race."

Yep - I thought the same thing. What I'm curious about though, is why webglider made the point of stating both characters were NOT psychopaths, considering the story didn't really raise the issue of psychopathy? Like Anart mentioned, the whole thing has a sort of "spam-esque" flavour to it.

 

[webglider]

Well when I read this I immediately thought about psychopaths because tactics like the ones the man employed can ONLY work with non-psychopaths. So this is a heartwarming, yet dangerous story, because it ignores "the other human race."

Yep - I thought the same thing. What I'm curious about though, is why webglider made the point of stating both characters were NOT psychopaths, considering the story didn't really raise the issue of psychopathy? Like Anart mentioned, the whole thing has a sort of "spam-esque" flavour to it.

I really did hear this on NPR this morning.

I mentioned psychopaths because as I was writing it from memory, little warning bells were going off in my head, especially when I came to the part about the man asking for something in return.

I don't think that I can read or hear stories of acts of spontaneous kindness without becoming anxious. It's as though I find it impossible to expect that people are capable of acting decently anymore.

And yet I see acts of kindness often, and I try do perform those acts myself.

Imagine what would have happened to the kid if an undercover policeman had been in the station? If he had arrested the kid, would people have had difficulty believing that scenario, or would the general consensus have been t that it served the kid right?

Or imagine if the robbery had turned violent and the man were injured. Would people have questioned the veracity of that outcome?

It reminds me of an exchange that took place during a conference for teachers whose purpose was to inform us about gangs and gang culture.

The detective who spoke to us stated that one of the main reasons that more kids are joining gangs now is that so many after school programs and centers are not being funded.

I asked about the possibility to do outreach and ask for volunteers to come and help out.

The detective gave me a long look and said, "I'm a detective, but also a parent. As a parent, I would wonder why an adult would want to hang out with kids."

So if one person wants to be paid to work with kids that person can be trusted more than someone who volunteers for the common good.

I think this story raises many more issues than whether or not it actually happened.

 

[Seeker 1313]

News story or not---kindess is really all we have. I used to tend bar when I was in college. I worked in a large building that had many sports activities going on inside. One Sunday morning--of course there is very little business for the bar because I was putting together the supply order for the week and I had an occasional sale. My customsers did not remain in the bar, but took their purchases out to their respective venues with them. Somewhere around lunchtime a man came and sat at the bar near the register. He did not order anything, but did try to steal my tip jar. However, I caught him. We had a talk and I saw the act as very desperate because I only had about $3.00 in the jar, but he said he was hungry. I took him next door and bought him lunch--which is what I would do for any one I thought needed my help. He kept apologizing and kept saying that he could not beleive anyone could be so kind.
Kindness is really all we have and that is consideration for others. I act towards others in that way regardless of how they act because I decide for myself what is appropriate or not. I cannot let others behaviors sway my thinking. Was he a liar or psychopath? Perhaps, but I chose my behaviors and did not allow this mans wrong behaviors to influence my thinking or how . Maybe he was just a hungry person who was desperate. I worked there for about 6 years an I never saw this man any other time. BTW--doing the right thing cost me more than what was in the tip jar.

 

[webglider]

Here is the text of the story from the NPR website:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89164759

A Victim Treats His Mugger Right
Listen Now [3 min 12 sec] add to playlist


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Julio Diaz recorded his story in New York City just days after he was mugged in the subway. StoryCorps




“If you're willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money.”
Julio Diaz, speaking with the teenager who robbed him



Questions or Comments?
Write to the ParticipantsContact StoryCorps
Morning Edition, March 28, 2008 · Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.

But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.

He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.

"He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, 'Here you go,'" Diaz says.

As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, "Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you're going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm."

The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, "like what's going on here?" Diaz says. "He asked me, 'Why are you doing this?'"

Diaz replied: "If you're willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me ... hey, you're more than welcome.

"You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help," Diaz says.

Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.

"The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi," Diaz says. "The kid was like, 'You know everybody here. Do you own this place?'"

"No, I just eat here a lot," Diaz says he told the teen. "He says, 'But you're even nice to the dishwasher.'"

Diaz replied, "Well, haven't you been taught you should be nice to everybody?"

"Yea, but I didn't think people actually behaved that way," the teen said.

Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. "He just had almost a sad face," Diaz says.

The teen couldn't answer Diaz — or he didn't want to.

When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, "Look, I guess you're going to have to pay for this bill 'cause you have my money and I can't pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I'll gladly treat you."

The teen "didn't even think about it" and returned the wallet, Diaz says. "I gave him $20 ... I figure maybe it'll help him. I don't know."

Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen's knife — "and he gave it to me."

Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, "You're the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch."

"I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It's as simple as it gets in this complicated world."

Produced for Morning Edition by Michael Garofalo.


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[Nawd]

I don't find this story anything but creepy and dangerous to other would-be nice people who are being robbed. Sure be nice to people, but going overboard for a robber seems careless.

If someone has an story that might put someone else in danger (because this guy was lucky the kid was taken aback enough to not hurt him), then why share it with NPR where another person might be hurt in a similar situation?

 

[Seeker 1313]

if 1 in four people are psychopaths then 75% are sort of normal and these kinds of stories should be the norm---it is just that news and the rest of us only focus on the negative.

 

[Ryan]

I don't find this story anything but creepy and dangerous to other would-be nice people who are being robbed. Sure be nice to people, but going overboard for a robber seems careless.

If someone has an story that might put someone else in danger (because this guy was lucky the kid was taken aback enough to not hurt him), then why share it with NPR where another person might be hurt in a similar situation?

I think you are hitting on the crux of the matter here. The guy was either extremely lucky, or (as the article indicated he was a social worker) he had enough knowledge and experience to recognize that the kid was indeed just a "lost soul" and no real threat.

But to use that story as an example for why we need to be kind to those that attack us is irresponsible, dangerous, and perhaps even manipulative. Someone with absolutely no knowledge of the situation (via a background in social work) would have been far better off to have given the kid their wallet and then contacted the police.

Yes, it's heartwarming to see that a man with a clue was able to control his own fear response and act in favour of the both of them. The fact of the matter is, this situation was the exception, not the rule. It's all very well to moralize and say, "The general situation should be more like that" (which is understandable, because I think most of us WANT the general situation to be more like that, rather than hearing of another mugging victim being stabbed) , but looking at hard reality (and it is hard) and saying "tut tut" does NOT help the situation.

When we are threatened, sometimes it is necessary to draw the line and mean it.

And trying to "focus only on the good/kind" at the expense of the REALITY of the situation merely creates an environment where it is easier for the real predators to do their work in the shadows. Were the kid and the man psychopaths? Their behaviour indicates not. But what if one of them WERE? If that was the case, it's quite likely that someone would have ended up seriously injured. While people still refuse to acknowledge the REALITY of intra-species predators, the deviants will be able to continue to do their work so as to create an environment where chaos, violence and crime are the norm, rather than the exception.

To draw a rough analogy, if one is working as a gardener on a wasted estate with poor soil, water and weather, one does not use a hopeful sign such as a blooming flower to curse the rest of the garden for not yielding similar results already. Rather, one redoubles their efforts and continues to work, tilling the soil, pruning weeds, removing pests and most importantly, sharing knowledge and tips with other gardeners, until the whole estate is a vibrant and healthy work of art.

Or so I see it, anyway.

 

[Tigersoap]

I still don't believe that story.

So J.Diaz went to a Storycorps booth to record that story a few days after being mugged ?

Why would he do that exactly ? To show how a great and wise person he is or to share a story on how to act in such situation, which by the way, if true, may have resulted in being stabbed instead.

Now, how many times this kind of purposedely heartwarming story is found to be a hoax ?
That someone pretends that something happened to him/her that brought tears to your eyes.

Don't think that I never believe this kind of thing are happening but this one bugs me.
I am not about trying to disprove this story absolutely but something sounds too scripted.
This may be exactly what Storycorps is looking for, strong emotional stories, no matter their origins or veracity imho.

I found this about the "codes" of mugging (It might not be 100% relevant as it is a study of Black communities in a certain context)

_http://www.poverty.smartlibrary.org/newinterface/segment.cfm?segment=2500

Elijah Anderson, in his long-term ethnographic study of the Philadelphia poor, black community, says that the mugging or "stickup" event has a logic to it. Getting the attacker-- and especially the victim--through the stickup event safely depends in large measure on both actors' ability to play their parts correctly. A mishap can be deadly. /snipped

Anderson says that because street-smart people have an idea what kind of person a stickup boy looks for, they will present an image contradictory to this victim profile--the "chump." The "chump" is stereotypically a quiet person who dresses nice, is often "decent" and kind. In the context of the "'hood," however, this kindness may be interpreted as weakness. The person who wishes to avoid being mugged will need to communicate that they are someone to be reckoned with. They need to communicate that they are willing to fight, to "get physical," and even kill if necessary. This image may mean wearing the latest styles (often associated with drug dealers), having a "hip conversation" (knowing what to say in any given situation), and demonstrating a bravado and swagger that indicates a certain fearlessness in the face of death. The posture of the "thorough dude" is defined completely by the code of the street. Even decent people, if they want to avoid being victimized, must take on this street persona. Anderson says that some street-smart muggers may prefer a street-smart victim because they know that a knowledgeable victim will more likely understand the rules of the stickup and so be less likely to make a fatal mistake.

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

This story really feels fake. Seems really copied on the Jesus' give the other cheek (which, i know, does not even refer to actually really giving the other cheek). Frankly, if that story has indeed been told by J. Diaz himself, then he's full of ego, and how someone so full of ego could do such a ego-less act?
To me, it seems more like the kind of stories psychopaths would invent in order to let them rob you without even protesting..
Don't get me wrong, it's necessary to show compassion. But advocating that kind of behaviour is just dangerous, and in some cases stupid.