Crowhatchling
A Disturbance in the Force
He are is a thing I've been trough some difficult experiences during last few years and i may refer it later, but now I'm just new. i don't feel 100% comfortably opening myself so ill just go with some basic info for now.
i never released any of my comics i stopped thing i loved which is drawing for almost 6 years, and it was real paralyzing, i do loved it but when i were trying to do it i just couldn't: it was latterly pushing me Elway. I hit the bottom, lowest of the low. There were that pressure, and stress. issues with family, everyone turned around from me and for some long time i latterly had no one to speak aaaand i gave up on live, on trying on doing anythink meeting anyone etc I Had no desires, dreams goals AND then that thing happend. it was last firday. i imminently remembered that forums i found at last week Monday when i was looking for some info about a thing i recently experienced, seeing trough closed eyes during meditation. BUT yeah firday! I've heard a voice. It like interrupted my thoughts and it was huge slap in my face. I'm back into drawing.
I was empty. Emotionally and physically exhausted. Every aspect of my live went down and crushed me to the ground. I gave up on latterly everything but that was apparently very freeing. Tough i not only st oped worrying about my problems but also about anything else. I was coming back from work on the back seat of my fathers car. Since I'm intrested in meditation and self-improvement I had that little bit of knowable about subconscious mind and i tried to write in my mind some questions so my brain could focus on figuring out them for me. it was a long line of: "What now?","What is purpose of my live?", "What should i do?", "What do i want?", "What do i need?", "Where is my place?". At the exact same moment as i though "where do i wanna be?" i heard that woman voice! It was very strange. Like i wasn't sure if i heard it but i understand that sentence clearly. its hard to explain. Anyway it like interupted me the same time, with same but slightly different sentence, it goes like this: "Where do i wanna be NOW?" and it struck me like lightning! i get back to drawing this day AFTER 6 YEARS! and i never was a Picasso but i was better then ever! So i think it could be voice of spiritual guide, I've came across something about it numerous time. since then I've heard it 2 more times one time when i was going to sleep lost in thighs and one when i was trying to contat with it during meditation, its never been a dialogue just single silent answear to random though. but here is a thing:
Should spiritual guides suppose to be nice? Cause shes a prick, she sound annoyed or little angered. when i heard that "Where do i wanna be NOW?", the voice was kind of mocking me. She did helped me and I'm relay starting to be happy again but she sounds mean. is that normal?
I dint know how to search for it, i dint know what to type. I see colors when I'm meditating, but here another one: When i first start meditate practice colors were bur and green, now they re purple and yellow. Does it make a difference?
Also i la telly see red face, sometime when i mediate looking at me i think its a female. is it a hallucination/visualization or what it actually could be? ill try to do a a quick drawing of this.