Runaway Dog and Feelings of Ownership and Depression

[JonnyRadar]

Hey all,

Well, my dog took off a week ago and has been gone for eight days now. I let her out to go pee in the yard and she didn't come back. I've done all the requisite stuff, called the humane society, newspaper, radio, police, to report her description. When I let her out she didn't have her collar on, so she's not identifiable except from the picture I put on some posters around town.

Anyhow, I want to be really careful about posting this for the right reasons. Not to search for sympathy and run the "poor me" program.

She's like a child to me, but I'm also aware that she's "just a dog" and that - with people starving and being murdered the world over - a lost dog is a relatively small "tragedy".

I'm posting this because I find myself dealing with a pretty intense depression that I haven't experienced for a while, and I've been trying to self-observe - it's working most of the time - but sometimes it just overwhelms and I can't think about it anymore. A couple nights ago I cleaned her kennel and cried until I could barely breathe, and then I thought "is this silly? Am I being too emotional?" But it just felt like it wouldn't stop.

Just wondering if anyone else has had something like this happen since beginning The Work, and how did you deal with it? Just grieve and get it over with? Remind yourself that we don't "own" dogs? Perhaps my feelings of depression are totally inspired by self-importance and I should look at it that way? A bit lost on this matter, 'cause I don't want to intellectualize it either and misplace the energy of the emotions. This is a tough one... Any insight is greatly appreciated...

 

[thevenusian]

I could be off on this, JR, but it kind of seems you are trying to dismiss your very understandable feelings about the loss of your dog. I really don't think there is anything abnormal or wrong about being really bummed out, sad or whatever else you feel. Seems to me in the context of the Work what is most important is to keep observing yourself, but I also think you wouldn't be doing the Work if you didn't feel the strong feelings you are having fully. If it helps at all, I would have cried my eyes out several times by now!

We have 2 dogs in our household, and they are like children to us, too. Even though they are 2-D, we love them and care for them and hurt for them. About a year ago one of our dogs had an accident which resulted in our having to make the extremely difficult decision to put her down. I attended all this business myself, and going through it all was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It was at least a week before I could think about her without crying, and it took months for the wound to heal. In fact, those feelings don't ever really go away, they just become familiar enough that they settle down somewhat and aren't so acute. In your case, there is the uncertainty about what happened as well.

I appreciate that you are not looking for sympathy, but you sure have mine.

 

[webglider]

She's like a child to me, but I'm also aware that she's "just a dog" and that - with people starving and being murdered the world over - a lost dog is a relatively small "tragedy".

Well, she's not "just a dog" to you. You obviously love her and grieve your loss, and are having a hard time right now. Your intellectual center seems to be trying to smother your emotional center, so her loss must be even harder to bear with those two parts of yourself warring with each other.

You have a right to your feelings. You don't have to compare your tragedy to anyone else's. Some people will understand, and other people won't.

It doesn't matter.

It's your dog, and you love her.

Dogs understand love and they reciprocate it.

They are so generous and loyal, and they're always happy to see you.

I am so sorry. I hope you find her, or she finds her way back to you.

 

[JonnyRadar]

I could be off on this, JR, but it kind of seems you are trying to dismiss your very understandable feelings about the loss of your dog. I really don't think there is anything abnormal or wrong about being really bummed out, sad or whatever else you feel. Seems to me in the context of the Work what is most important is to keep observing yourself, but I also think you wouldn't be doing the Work if you didn't feel the strong feelings you are having fully. If it helps at all, I would have cried my eyes out several times by now!

Well, she's not "just a dog" to you.

Actually, I meant a couple times to go back and edit that part of my post, because after I looked at it, I had the same thought. Interesting that you both responded to that point. She's not "just" a dog, I love her very much and she's been companion since she was five weeks old. She's slept in my bed for years and traveled with me almost everywhere.

Your intellectual center seems to be trying to smother your emotional center

It's weird to notice, in my post, that I don't want to over-intellectualize the emotions, when that may be in fact what I'm doing by not allowing myself to experience them fully. I think I may be afraid of experiencing the sadness fully.

Perhaps some time to think and meditate on how much I miss her and simply allow the emotions to manifest and then observe them as best as possible... I have been holding off from doing that for fear that I would be allowing my emotions to control me, but I'm probably taking it to the other extreme with the intellectual center.

Aside from all this technical talk of centers and such, yes, I just miss her really bad, and I'm finding the sadness related to that a bit overwhelming and uncontrollable.

Thanks guys for the kind words and suggestions. This is helping to grok my own feelings a little more. I need to come to terms with the possibility that she's gone and not coming back...

 

[go2]

I'm posting this because I find myself dealing with a pretty intense depression that I haven't experienced for a while, and I've been trying to self-observe - it's working most of the time - but sometimes it just overwhelms and I can't think about it anymore. A couple nights ago I cleaned her kennel and cried until I could barely breathe, and then I thought "is this silly? Am I being too emotional?" But it just felt like it wouldn't stop.

Just wondering if anyone else has had something like this happen since beginning The Work, and how did you deal with it? Just grieve and get it over with? Remind yourself that we don't "own" dogs? Perhaps my feelings of depression are totally inspired by self-importance and I should look at it that way? A bit lost on this matter, 'cause I don't want to intellectualize it either and misplace the energy of the emotions. This is a tough one... Any insight is greatly appreciated...

The capacity to grieve life’s betrayals, failures, and losses seems to be one of the functions of a balanced and tuned emotional center.
It has taken me a lifetime to realize that what I called depression was the incapacity to cry or grieve the inevitable losses. Once this dam
broke I cried for months. Since these tears cleansed the emotional center it has become a stream of water flowing through me. To love,
one must understand that this too will pass, as will our lives and the lives of all we love and with whom we share these brief moments.
I only know a little, but your tears herald an increasing capacity to fully experience and be present for your life. Thank you for noting
the loss of your dog and your tears, JonnyRadar.

 

[Nienna]

JonnyRadar,

My sincere condolences on your loss.

There is no reason why you should not grieve for the loss of a loved one, whether it be 3D or 2D, they are still loved and missed.

Sometimes it seems to me that we miss our 2D friends even more as they are so dependent on us and so loyal, loving and always there. So do grieve, get it out. And it won't all go away overnight, or a week or even a month. The sadness lingers for quite some time, I'm afraid, but with time it becomes less. I have lost many 2D friends and I still miss every single one of them. Sometimes the pain is very remote and I instead see all of the happy times we spent together, watching their beauty shine through. Other times the pain is much closer and I grieve still more of the loss of such wonderful friends.

So don't hold it in. Let it out. You cannot heal if you keep it held in.

 

[Z...]

Hi Johnny,
I feel for your loss.
Don't beat your self up with the thoughts that this is not worth grieving.
This is your grief and its real. Sometimes dogs give us more love then fellow human beings.

It is highly unusual for bitches to wonder off, unless they are not spayed. Was she spayed?
Could it be that someone stole her?
How was her prey drive? Maybe she chased a squirrel got carried away and got into some kind of trouble. Maybe even hit by car.
Have you checked radius of several kilometers?

 

[FireShadow]

I am sorry for your loss. As most have said, she was not "just a dog", she was your friend. I have suffered the loss of various cats over the years and I always feel the loss quite severely.

I think this message of our 2D friends being "just animals" comes from society. Many time, I have experienced criticism for expressing grief over the loss of my cats and have learned to be careful to whom I express my feelings. Perhaps this attitude in society prevails because it makes it so much easier to exploit the 2D creatures?

Is your message to yourself of her being "just a dog" an aspect of a negative introject? Is there a need to be accepted as normal? I don't know about you, but this was true of me. I felt ashamed of my feelings at times, but no longer. And, what is normal? What would normal be if humanity were not so ponerized?

However, these feelings are real and to deny them is to deny myself. And, so, I feel for you in your grief.

I do hope she comes back. Perhaps not likely, but possible. I once had a cat disappear for 3 months before returning home. (yes, she had been spayed). I think someone may have "adopted" her thinking she had no one and perhaps locked her up in their house. She is with me today.

 

[JonnyRadar]

I do hope she comes back. Perhaps not likely, but possible. I once had a cat disappear for 3 months before returning home. (yes, she had been spayed). I think someone may have "adopted" her thinking she had no one and perhaps locked her up in their house. She is with me today.

She's found!!! One of my students found her in a town nearby, found my parents' number in the phone book and called them, and she's out at their house. I'm on my way to pick her up!

:D :D :D

 

[Nienna]

I do hope she comes back. Perhaps not likely, but possible. I once had a cat disappear for 3 months before returning home. (yes, she had been spayed). I think someone may have "adopted" her thinking she had no one and perhaps locked her up in their house. She is with me today.

She's found!!! One of my students found her in a town nearby, found my parents' number in the phone book and called them, and she's out at their house. I'm on my way to pick her up!

:D :D :D

That is truly great news, something to really give thanks for today, among other things, I'm sure.

Keep a hold of that girl, now, JonnyRadar. And give her lots of hugs! :)

 

[Jacques]

I do hope she comes back. Perhaps not likely, but possible. I once had a cat disappear for 3 months before returning home. (yes, she had been spayed). I think someone may have "adopted" her thinking she had no one and perhaps locked her up in their house. She is with me today.

She's found!!! One of my students found her in a town nearby, found my parents' number in the phone book and called them, and she's out at their house. I'm on my way to pick her up!

:D :D :D

Wow, what a great news for you.

I am really happy for both of you. Take good care of her.

 

[Gertrudes]

She's found!!! One of my students found her in a town nearby, found my parents' number in the phone book and called them, and she's out at their house. I'm on my way to pick her up!

:D :D :D

That's great news JonnyRadar! :D , I am so happy to hear that!

She needs loads of cuddles now!

As the others in this thread I felt for your loss, and my thoughts resonated with FireShadow:

I think this message of our 2D friends being "just animals" comes from society. Many time, I have experienced criticism for expressing grief over the loss of my cats and have learned to be careful to whom I express my feelings. Perhaps this attitude in society prevails because it makes it so much easier to exploit the 2D creatures?

Our 2D friends and the feelings involved in that relationship are, in general, very underestimated. For many people, they are just things...
When I was learning English in school as a second language, one thing that I found to be very strange was learning that animals should be treated with a "it", rather then with a "she" or "he". I never understood it, but have also realized that many people choose to treat them in he/she terms.

Your story reminded my of a dog my partner had many years ago. I hope you don't mind me sharing it in your thread:
One day Chita (the dog) was playing in the garden when suddenly she disappeared. My partner's parents searched everywhere, put adds on the street, but she wasn't found.
One year after, a family relative spotted her with new owners, a couple. Luckily he managed to talk to them and get their address. My partner and his parents went to see if this was indeed their beloved dog. And it was!! She jumped and barked in such happiness that put everyone, including her new owners, to tears. The couple said they had never seen her so happy. She was brought back to my partner's home and led a happy life until her death. However, never again did she wish go to the garden alone. She had been stolen once, and did not want for it to happen again. For me, this story is an example of the true bonds of love an animal can create with a human being!

 

[vinny]

congratulations on being reunited with your 2D friend!
:)

 

[ElizabethDempsey]

Jonny, I truly understand your feelings about your beloved dog's disappearance: the grief, the depression, the tears, etc. I don't have any sage advice, only the assurance that I understand. Recently a stray cat that we had taken in six months ago disappeared, and I experienced the full range of emotions. I remember thinking that the grief I was feeling was no less than what I would feel for another human being. Once we have engaged and bonded with another being, the experience of loss can be profound. I allowed myself to feel everything I was feeling, and then attempted to release all those feelings up to my higher self to be transmuted. In the process, I realized that the loss of this dear animal was (in a strange way) a gift, because it allowed me to get in touch with unresolved feelings of loss and abandonment that were now surfacing in order to be "experienced" and somewhat healed. The process continues, but at least the initial anguish has lessened. All blessings to you.

 

[ElizabethDempsey]

This is wonderful news! I rejoice with you. Not only do you have your beloved dog back, but you have gained much during this experience.