mk1154
The Force is Strong With This One
Hello all, I am seeking advice from others who have dealt with psychopaths in their life. Let me start with a little bit of backstory first.
My mother and father divorced when I was about 5 years of age. Being so young, it didn't effect me all that much (that I realized anyway). I was never that close with my Dad anyway, and this just meant double the gifts at Christmas. What followed was weekend visits, gifts from him to convince me I wanted to live with him (so he could collect child support), and constant complaining about my mother. I watched as he bought big screen TVs, expensive cars, and threw me the occasional video game so I would have something to do when I came over.
As I got older I started to realize he was not the person I thought he was. It was more apparent that everything in his life was driven by his unending need for more and more money to spend. He borrowed money from almost every member of our family, never paid it back and continually blamed others for his increasing debt and problems. I went through college unable to buy groceries some weeks but never got a dime from him, even after begging. When visiting I couldn't help but notice the new Porsche parked in his garage and the expensive stereos.. this never seemed to even phase him. I don't think it even registered he was doing anything wrong.
When I discovered the forums here and read a few books on psychopathy it was like reading a case description of my father. He fits the profile almost exactly... it was extremely helpful to be able to identify what was going on. I started to detach, realizing there was probably little I could do for him. My longings to have a relationship with him started to weaken, but I felt stronger as a result of it.
Fast forward to present day and karma is starting to kick in it seems. Over the past couple of years he has been in and out of prison, has become completely broke and his career is ruined. I won't go into all the details. He has been in jail for the last 6 months (not charged... just working through the court system.. very efficient) and is apparently started to deteriorate mentally. He is becoming paranoid and is sometimes losing his grip on reality, according to his state appointed attorney and the jailers.
I was, up to this point, of the mindset: "Well you're an adult and have a hole to dig out of but there is no reason you can't handle that if you change your ways, so good luck." But now with alzheimers or dementia or whatever it might be that is happening to him it is much more difficult say something like that. I have no emotional attachment to him, but he is another living being that I don't want to see homeless on the streets.. a very real possibility if I choose to turn my back on the situation. Giving him money would be like giving a crack addict more crack so that is not in my options either.
Sorry this got much longer than I intended. My dilemma comes down to this: How can I help someone with psychopathic tendencies? Is it possible to do so? Has anyone on the forum successfully "helped" a psychopath in their life? I'm truly torn here, as to what the "moral right" thing to do is.
My mother and father divorced when I was about 5 years of age. Being so young, it didn't effect me all that much (that I realized anyway). I was never that close with my Dad anyway, and this just meant double the gifts at Christmas. What followed was weekend visits, gifts from him to convince me I wanted to live with him (so he could collect child support), and constant complaining about my mother. I watched as he bought big screen TVs, expensive cars, and threw me the occasional video game so I would have something to do when I came over.
As I got older I started to realize he was not the person I thought he was. It was more apparent that everything in his life was driven by his unending need for more and more money to spend. He borrowed money from almost every member of our family, never paid it back and continually blamed others for his increasing debt and problems. I went through college unable to buy groceries some weeks but never got a dime from him, even after begging. When visiting I couldn't help but notice the new Porsche parked in his garage and the expensive stereos.. this never seemed to even phase him. I don't think it even registered he was doing anything wrong.
When I discovered the forums here and read a few books on psychopathy it was like reading a case description of my father. He fits the profile almost exactly... it was extremely helpful to be able to identify what was going on. I started to detach, realizing there was probably little I could do for him. My longings to have a relationship with him started to weaken, but I felt stronger as a result of it.
Fast forward to present day and karma is starting to kick in it seems. Over the past couple of years he has been in and out of prison, has become completely broke and his career is ruined. I won't go into all the details. He has been in jail for the last 6 months (not charged... just working through the court system.. very efficient) and is apparently started to deteriorate mentally. He is becoming paranoid and is sometimes losing his grip on reality, according to his state appointed attorney and the jailers.
I was, up to this point, of the mindset: "Well you're an adult and have a hole to dig out of but there is no reason you can't handle that if you change your ways, so good luck." But now with alzheimers or dementia or whatever it might be that is happening to him it is much more difficult say something like that. I have no emotional attachment to him, but he is another living being that I don't want to see homeless on the streets.. a very real possibility if I choose to turn my back on the situation. Giving him money would be like giving a crack addict more crack so that is not in my options either.
Sorry this got much longer than I intended. My dilemma comes down to this: How can I help someone with psychopathic tendencies? Is it possible to do so? Has anyone on the forum successfully "helped" a psychopath in their life? I'm truly torn here, as to what the "moral right" thing to do is.