The bond by sex
I may say something about these bonds. If there is sexual intercourse between an adult couple and it is without any reservation, a bond is established between the two. I used the term reservation to include many things, I don't want to be too specific. This bond lasts for life, after that they cannot part as if there hadn't been anything. The depth of the bond can be seen when there is a separation. After such a bond, they can't separate easily. They can only separate with pain and feelings of guilt. If they do separate and meet another partner and they have sexual intercourse, there is also a bond established. But it is less intense than the first one. When they separate, the pain and the feelings of guilt are less. After the third one even lesser. And so on. After some time they are unable to establish a stable partnership, they remain single. This may serve a special purpose in view of the evolution, perhaps. There is no judgement on my part on that.
With regard to incest, sexual abuse and rape, we must know that also a bond is established. But I go first back to the couple relationship. If there has been a relationship and it has been broken and they have another relationship, the former partner will be represented in the later relationship by a child. unless the separation has been one with love. Then a second relationship may succeed. The same applies now to incest, abuse and rape. Unless this bond is acknowledged and there is a separation with respect and love, later relationships are difficult.
With regard to rape, this may seem very strange. But family constellations show a different picture. There was once a woman who set up her family. She said she had sexual difficulties. I said, I didn't want to deal with this in public. But when she set up her family, I asked her, "Was there something special?" She said, "I was raped six times." So I selected six men and put them there side by side. Then the representative of that woman stood in front of each of them and bowed, with some very deep, with others less deep. At the end, she placed herself at the side of the last one. And she said, "This is my place." Very strange! It goes against our moral thinking. But the family constellations show a different picture.
Now about incest. If you are confronted with cases of incest, a very common dynamic is that the wife withdraws from her husband, she refuses a sexual relationship. Then, as a kind of compensation, a daughter takes her place. This is an unconscious movement, not a conscious one. But you see, with incest there are two perpetrators, one in the background and one in the open. You cannot resolve that unless this hidden perpetrator is brought in.
There are very strange sentences that come to light. The daughter can tell her mother, "I do it for you." And she can tell her father, "I do it for mother." What is the effect of these sentences? Incest cannot go on anymore. If you want to stop it, this is the best way without any accusations.
If you bring a perpetrator to justice, then the victim will atone for what is done to the perpetrator. I give an example. In a group, a social worker reported a case of abuse and incest, and he said he would bring the perpetrators to court. I warned him that this might be very dangerous for the girl. But he felt right and he brought them to court. When I met him after some time, I asked him how the girl was doing. He said, "She always wants to jump out of the window." This is the result of this righteous action