In many cultures, serving food is seen as an act of showing respect to whoever is visiting, however throughout the years this idea has sort of become misunderstood and internal consideration has become the result. The following excerpts are taken from the research article ''Cultural and Social Influences on Food Consumption in Dutch Residents of Turkish and Moroccan Origin: A Qualitative Study" (bolds by me)
Now, of course this only talks about Turkish and Moroccan people, but I think that in every culture, in a more or less same way, the wrong use of hospitality is practiced.
I was wondering, what are your thoughts on this subject, and on the above? What is a more considerate way of practicing hospitality towards guests regarding food? How do you cope when you visit relatives/friends, with regards to your diet?
Here is my own example. I have an aunt who lives about an hour away from where we live, and every time my parents would visit them, I didn't come along. So once, when she and her husband visited us, she was sad that I didn't come to visit her. I told her that I can't really eat other kinds of food besides my own. She was very understanding and she told me that she will have the meat at home and that she'll prepare it for me. I thanked her, but I told her I'd rather please prepare the food myself. So when I visited her I brought my iron pan with me, along with duck fat, salt, some herbs and black pepper (also brought clean water with me), while she had the meat at home. When I went there, and prepared my food, they were very suppportive. We had a good time and everything was alright. I had no problem refusing any of the cookies and other things she put on the table, though my aunt was a bit sad when I kept refusing, but she understood.
My aunt's husband made a joke when we were eating and said ''So, you're basically being your own guest here, yes?'' He also mentioned once that other people from my culture would probably totally disapprove the fact that I'm refusing prepared meals by the host, and that they'd probably be as mad as to kick me out of the house, to which I replied that they must be crazy people then... So yea, but we had a good conversation on food and stuff. And in the end, I observed that my way of being more conscious towards subjects on health affects others too. Because my aunt's husband came up to me and asked me if I know of any brand of good quality tobacco, one that would be healthier than the one he uses.
My experiences overall have been that many of my family members are having problems with me refusing what they prepare. But when they know that I am consistent and that I'm not like a ''Okay, only this once''-person they will eventually take me serious, and hopefully become a bit more supportive. Even if they shake their heads often and probably think me as crazy. (I would have played the allergy-card if I could, but since they're relatives and have known me for a long time, plus the fact that my parents tell everyone that I'm following a diet, it becomes hard)
I'd be interested to hear about your thoughts and your experiences.
Tradition of Hospitality
Participants argued that Turkish and Moroccan cultures are characterized by a tradition of hospitality, within which food plays a central role.
"You know what it is? Food is hospitality, it means your guest is welcome, that's how it should be and that's what we do." - Moroccan woman
During the interviews, it was expressed that guests are welcome at any time and will always be offered food. Guests themselves anticipate that they will be served a variety of different food items, while hosts expect that their guests will indulge. Not meeting these expectations leads to dissatisfaction from both sides.
''I don't like it when people don't eat what I've prepared for them. The same counts for me, if I'm going to visit someone then I try not to eat too much beforehand, I eat there so that the hostess can see that I appreciate her food.'' - Turkish woman
It was suggested that given the relevance of food as an expression of hospitality, it is customary to prepare an abundance and variety of food to emphasize the value placed on the visitor. It is customary in both Turkish and Moroccan cultures for the host to insist that their guests eat. Moroccan participants reported that it is even expected that guests will initially refuse food; etiquette allows guests to refuse up to 3 times before giving in to the host's pressure. This negotiation between host and guest emphasizes their mutual respect. The participants mentioned that is is considered impolite to refuse food; it may be considered as an insult to the cooking skills of the hostess and may even create the impression that the guest considers himself to be above the hospitality being offered. There are few 'legitimate' reasons to limit food intake, and dieting for anything other than a medical condition such as diabetes or heart disease is not taken seriously.
[...]
Participants discussed that within their cultures, [hospitality] is a highly valued concept that is promoted and rewarded by their shared religion, Islam. The present study suggests that food plays a central role in expressing hospitality, resulting in a social context where food is abundant and difficult to refuse.
[...]
The present finding that these Turkish and Morrocan groups place great emphasis on the tradition of hospitality is not unexpected. Hospitality is generally valued by traditional societies, and in particular by Middle Eastern cultures. Within a human evolutionary context, the culture of hospitality is likely to have evolved as a response to physical challenges; in a context of food shortage, sharing resources by welcoming guests and serving them food may have ensured group survival. Serving physical needs also helped create bonds within groups, promoting the development of social networks.
[...]
Although hospitality ostensibly promotes cohesion within the group, it is also a medium for distinguishing individuals. [...] serving an abundance of challenging dishes may enhance the image of the hostess as an accomplished and successful woman. The cooking skills of women are highly valued in Middle Eastern cultures. The result is that an abundance of food is prepared and served to guests. Focus group participants talked extensively about the difficulties of declining food in social situations. [...] Therefore, as social norms make it difficult for individuals to decline food, the traditional culture can be seen as contributing to overeating and ultimately overweight.
[...]
The tradition of hospitality helped to promote cohesion between tribal groups. The existing tradition of hospitality is likely to have been adopted and encouraged by Islam to help create a wider community based on religious rather than tribal connections.
Now, of course this only talks about Turkish and Moroccan people, but I think that in every culture, in a more or less same way, the wrong use of hospitality is practiced.
I was wondering, what are your thoughts on this subject, and on the above? What is a more considerate way of practicing hospitality towards guests regarding food? How do you cope when you visit relatives/friends, with regards to your diet?
Here is my own example. I have an aunt who lives about an hour away from where we live, and every time my parents would visit them, I didn't come along. So once, when she and her husband visited us, she was sad that I didn't come to visit her. I told her that I can't really eat other kinds of food besides my own. She was very understanding and she told me that she will have the meat at home and that she'll prepare it for me. I thanked her, but I told her I'd rather please prepare the food myself. So when I visited her I brought my iron pan with me, along with duck fat, salt, some herbs and black pepper (also brought clean water with me), while she had the meat at home. When I went there, and prepared my food, they were very suppportive. We had a good time and everything was alright. I had no problem refusing any of the cookies and other things she put on the table, though my aunt was a bit sad when I kept refusing, but she understood.
My aunt's husband made a joke when we were eating and said ''So, you're basically being your own guest here, yes?'' He also mentioned once that other people from my culture would probably totally disapprove the fact that I'm refusing prepared meals by the host, and that they'd probably be as mad as to kick me out of the house, to which I replied that they must be crazy people then... So yea, but we had a good conversation on food and stuff. And in the end, I observed that my way of being more conscious towards subjects on health affects others too. Because my aunt's husband came up to me and asked me if I know of any brand of good quality tobacco, one that would be healthier than the one he uses.
My experiences overall have been that many of my family members are having problems with me refusing what they prepare. But when they know that I am consistent and that I'm not like a ''Okay, only this once''-person they will eventually take me serious, and hopefully become a bit more supportive. Even if they shake their heads often and probably think me as crazy. (I would have played the allergy-card if I could, but since they're relatives and have known me for a long time, plus the fact that my parents tell everyone that I'm following a diet, it becomes hard)
I'd be interested to hear about your thoughts and your experiences.