the_red_jester
A Disturbance in the Force
Dear All
I feel that I have reached a crossroads and all the signs are in a language that I do not understand. Having wanted to work as a structural engineer for years (since the age of 12) I finally got a degree in 2006 and entered the UK workforce. I thought that all was well but after a year into the job my feelings changed quite markedly and this was reflected in my home life - heavy drug and alcohol abuse over many years finally took its toll and I fell out with my friend (and housemate) of 10 years. Since then I started reading about the more esoteric works including a lot on Buddhism and philosophy (struggling through Kant's Critique of Pure Reason is not for the faint hearted!!) and generally questioning everything and everyone around me. This lead to more questions than answers (is that not always the way...?)
For about a year I was out of work and struggling with bouts of depression - some more 'deep' than others. The light at the end of that tunnel was me finally finding new work in structural engineering in a small practice in central london. Well that job only lasted for about 2 months (up till Aug 08) till the feeling of directionlessness overcame me again.
I read Bringers of the Dawn and found parts to be really emotional but being a skeptic I am now filled with doubt and longing for some release within me to find a new direction in my life with which I can utilise my potential (perceived potential by parents and then self so again that might be misguided).
I am really just seeing if there is anyone else on the forum who has experienced similar situations and could give me some advice. I am reluctant to see a psychologist (again for that matter!) as I do not want to be put on any course of drugs which I/they do not really know the affect on the brain since and lets face it the scientists do not have a mastery of human genetics or neuroscience.
Thank you for reading and I hope I am not rambling or digressing too much - I did undertake to give a rough overview, but short of producing reams of text which would bore the best of use to tears I will leave it at that.
I feel that I have reached a crossroads and all the signs are in a language that I do not understand. Having wanted to work as a structural engineer for years (since the age of 12) I finally got a degree in 2006 and entered the UK workforce. I thought that all was well but after a year into the job my feelings changed quite markedly and this was reflected in my home life - heavy drug and alcohol abuse over many years finally took its toll and I fell out with my friend (and housemate) of 10 years. Since then I started reading about the more esoteric works including a lot on Buddhism and philosophy (struggling through Kant's Critique of Pure Reason is not for the faint hearted!!) and generally questioning everything and everyone around me. This lead to more questions than answers (is that not always the way...?)
For about a year I was out of work and struggling with bouts of depression - some more 'deep' than others. The light at the end of that tunnel was me finally finding new work in structural engineering in a small practice in central london. Well that job only lasted for about 2 months (up till Aug 08) till the feeling of directionlessness overcame me again.
I read Bringers of the Dawn and found parts to be really emotional but being a skeptic I am now filled with doubt and longing for some release within me to find a new direction in my life with which I can utilise my potential (perceived potential by parents and then self so again that might be misguided).
I am really just seeing if there is anyone else on the forum who has experienced similar situations and could give me some advice. I am reluctant to see a psychologist (again for that matter!) as I do not want to be put on any course of drugs which I/they do not really know the affect on the brain since and lets face it the scientists do not have a mastery of human genetics or neuroscience.
Thank you for reading and I hope I am not rambling or digressing too much - I did undertake to give a rough overview, but short of producing reams of text which would bore the best of use to tears I will leave it at that.