Ominous said:
What can one do for severe depression, esecially when one has children to take care of?
It depends on the severity, but if it's really driving you nuts then I'd recommend finding a good psychotherapist and making sure you're getting enough sleep. Also avoid antidepressants.
Ominous said:
they're probably gorging themseves on me. I realize this. BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP IT & I feel as tho its killing me emotionally.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Having said that, I recommend cutting down on all this self pity. Don't take what is happening "to you" so personally and try not to identify with "poor me, boohoo" attitude. Don't even see it as happening "to you" - it's just happening, you just happened to be there. It helps to remember that we're all machines, which includes our families. Any illusions you had about your partner are just that, illusions. There was never any guarantee of stability/security/permanence/"love" - any illusion of such things was just that, a feel-good lie you told yourself. Machines have no capability to make any kind of choice like that - the choice was made by some little "i" for its own self-important reasons, and now another "i" for its own self-important reasons is making a different choice - just like that. Just because you thought the previous choice was made for some "greater" reason and something deep and meaningful was driving it, doesn't make it true.
Ominous said:
I mean, my kids...I wanted them to have a stable home with the "original" line up of mommy & daddy.
Again, you were anticipating what cannot be anticipated because of your desire to believe a lie about yourself, about your partner, about your family, and about "life itself". This is of course normal, but it is also the reason that you're so shocked right now.
Ominous said:
But I'm so hung up on the loyalty & trust thing (program) that all systems are haywire
Again, more illusions that you chose to believe - but they never existed. Your partner is doing what they were always prone to do at any moment - you just chose to ignore that possibility and pretend it wasn't there, you saw only what you wanted to see about your partner, hence your shock.
Ominous said:
I expect criticsm for this outburst, but perhaps somewhere there'll be some words I can grasp onto...
And I'm not trying to be "cold" nor do I lack sympathy for your situation, I'm simply being honest and offering advice that won't just feed your ego and self-importance (self pity), but something that you can use to get a grip on yourself and address the situation more appropriately with respect to efficient utilization of energy and working for your own destiny.
Yes, you had an emotional shock, and you have to give it time for it to heal. But this is also an opportunity to learn why you're having this shock, what are the illusions involved, and how to make sure this doesn't happen in the future. Your emotions and self-pity will hamper critical/objective thought about your situation, so keep that in mind. Plus, I'm sure your kids won't benefit from someone who is not thinking clearly due to so much self-importance and emotions going haywire. If you're going to be making any kind of big decisions that involve your future and their future, I'm sure you understand that it's best if you are clear-headed, objective, and calm.
This is not the end of the world, you cannot anticipate what life situation is ultimately best for your children, but if you're thinking clearly you can make a much wiser decision than if you're emotionally blinded and full of assumptions and anticipation. For example, if you're obsessed with the idea that "2 parents are better than 1 or none" then you may be unable to see that sometimes 2 parents that don't trust one another and only stay together "for the kids" can be much worse - what kind of lesson are you teaching them about what a "relationship" is and should be based on? Then they may very well be much better off with just one parent. Anyway, it's upto you to critically consider the situation and choose. The point is to see situations and people as they really are, because "wishful thinking will get ya every time".
Good luck!