A shocking evening

theos

theos

The Living Force
Hey everyone,


I had a somewhat strange night last night. I was on the way to a friends house (about 40 minutes from where I live). I was about a block away from his house when I realized that I'd left a pot of beans cooking on the stove. I stopped to get him before going back (just for company along the way). On the way I was listening to this really cool Marvin Gaye CD and missed my exit (I'm not originally from this city so from time to time I may make a wrong turn here and there) which added about 20 minutes to my time. (It's funny because earlier in the day I'd imagined what I would do, or what I would attempt to save if my apartment building caught on fire. I'd also seen Knowing at the movies earlier which asked the question of determinism vs randomness.) All the while I was driving I was watching myself for signs of freaking out which I managed not to do. It wasn't until I got home and my apartment was almost totally filled with smoke that I knew what a close call it had been.
Stupidly, I'd taken the batteries out of my smoke detectors cause they would go off even with the smallest amount of steam in the air while showering or cooking. Luckily, the two apartments on either side of mine were empty. The place could have easily gone up in just five to ten minutes more. I think I would've been okay with losing all of my things. Losing all my diaries and photos would've smarted, however. And I can't imagine how I would be able to live with myself if a fire had erupted and someone died because of my stupid mistake.
That brings me to the most shocking event of my yesterday...
On the way back to my friends house we were on the street advancing through green light when a kid darted out into traffic behind a truck and into the path of the car in front of me. I saw the car hit the kid who immediately got up and half ran/hopped onto the sidewalk. As I was pulling over to help the kid ran up to my car screaming "help me, help me!" I've never seen anyone in such a frantic and terrified state. My friend called 911 and I got out just as I heard the couple who hit him offer to take him home. I just shouted at them, "No! He's going to the hospital!" I could tell that the boy's leg was hurt and it wasn't until I had him lie down on the sidewalk that I could see that the hoodie he was wearing over his head was starting to pool with blood. The couple who hit him chastised him a couple of times for running out into traffic and the boy was apologizing and saying that his head hurt and asking if he was going to die. It was hearbreaking and I held his hand and tried to reassure him that he would be okay and that it wasn't his fault. I got him to give me some demographic information as I was scared he would lose consciousness and nobody would know who he was or who his people were. I was trying not to panic so the kid would stay as calm as possible but I felt on the edge of losing it myself. It was a shock to say the least. The police and ambulance arrived in a few minutes and got the story and took the kid to the hospital. I hope he didn't die.
Now, here's a dilemma...as I was fumbling in my purse for my cell phone I saw the couple in front of me switch positions in the car. I saw the female move into the driver's seat. So, the male is the one who hit the kid. Initially, it was my full intention to let the police know about this. The officer took all of our names and social security numbers and we explained what happened. As we were waiting in our cars, I talked about it with my friend and decided not to say anything. Here's my rationalization which could very well be erroneously based: the car in front of me wasn't speeding or driving erratically; it wasn't a hit and run; the kid did seem to just dart into traffic; and from what I could tell the couple didn't seem to be drunk driving; they seemed to be barely out of their teens themselves. It truly seemed to be an accident. By not saying anything was I doing the kid a disservice? By saying something was I doing the male driver a disservice? If he'd had warrants the police would have certainly taken him in but they were both cleared to go. My guess is that he had no license. Was I using good judgement? Or was I being a chicken for not saying anything?

That was extremely...rattling... seeing that child so afraid and in pain. It's no wonder that victims, let alone witnesses, of trauma can "lose it".

So, I could go on and on...but any thoughts?
 
Goodness, what a horrible experience. That, coupled with your fire-scare, certainly attests to the fact that we are all, potentially, just a few minutes from life-altering disaster. Whenever I experience "close calls", it shocks me into realizing how much of my daily behaviour is largely unconscious and automatic.

chachachick said:
I talked about it with my friend and decided not to say anything. Here's my rationalization which could very well be erroneously based: the car in front of me wasn't speeding or driving erratically; it wasn't a hit and run; the kid did seem to just dart into traffic; and from what I could tell the couple didn't seem to be drunk driving; they seemed to be barely out of their teens themselves. It truly seemed to be an accident. By not saying anything was I doing the kid a disservice? By saying something was I doing the male driver a disservice? If he'd had warrants the police would have certainly taken him in but they were both cleared to go. My guess is that he had no license. Was I using good judgement? Or was I being a chicken for not saying anything?
Click to expand...

From what you are saying, it certainly seems that there was "no harm done", in terms of the outcome of your action (or rather non-action). I guess you would have to examine your own motivation for not saying anything to evaluate it further. For example, if you decided to say nothing simply because you didn't want to cause any further inconvenience/trouble for yourself, that would be a decision based purely on self-considering, regardless of the outcome/consequences. However, if you were motivated by not wanting to cause the young couple unnecessary trouble (rather than simply following the "letter" of the law, just for the sake of it), that would be motivated by compassion and consideration for others. But would it be misguided compassion? As you say, the "cause" of the accident was not connected to whether or not the young man had his licence and/or insurance (the only reasons I can think for them having switched places). But did your "protection" of the young man keep him from learning a valuable lesson, one that might have kept him from making more serious mistakes in the future? On the other hand, if he didn't have insurance and was financially poor, would your speaking up have resulted in the boy's hospital/injury costs not being covered?

Obviously, there are too many unknowns that cannot be answered. For what it is worth, after considering the knowable facts about the situation, I probably would have done the same as you. Most situations are not black-and-white, and we quite often have to choose the "lesser of evils"....
 
Pepperfritz said:
Whenever I experience "close calls", it shocks me into realizing how much of my daily behaviour is largely unconscious and automatic.
Click to expand...

Earlier in the day I was really feeling the mechanicalness of this life and was basically seeing us all as big ole fleshy robots with DNA simply being our motherboards. After I missed my expressway exit I asked my friend if he'd ever felt like a rat in a maze. I felt like a rat who hadn't fully mastered it's maze.

Throughout the night I was wondering if I had deprived the male driver of a lesson. My hope was that the experience itself would be lesson enough, that is if he had a conscience. I would have been horribly broken up if I were the one who hit the kid, which I very well could have. I also wondered if I'd not said anything just to keep myself out of any further involvement. I don't think that's the case. I also wondered if I should've said something to the couple while the police were otherwise occupied to see if the driver understood the importance of the situation.

So, yes, a lot of variables were involved. Thanks for your input.
 
chachachick said:
So, I could go on and on...but any thoughts?
Click to expand...

Hi chachachick;

If I had been in your situation, knowing what I know about myself, I would most probably have done the same thing you did.
Even so, I think that even if you had told the officer about the 'switching', that would probably have been ok too. I say that based on the assumption that a reporter who is simply reporting the facts of reality as they were, without interpretation, removes her interests from the picture, so that she cannot be involuntarily used in someone's attempted deception.
On the other hand, there may be times when withholding certain 'facts' might be necessary to prevent harm to someone or oneself.

What would weigh the choice one way or the other? The Three Forces theme might suggest that the 'correct' decision must consider 'the situation itself' which includes your own development (what you know and what you can see).

You said your first intention was to tell the officer about the 'switch', but you didn't...and you didn't say why not. Unless I misunderstood you, that 'blank' probably contains the answer. (you have no program to handle that? You have little knowledge to guide you here?)

You DID give your 'rationalization' process after-the-fact. Does this mean you thought up these reasons after your conversation with your friend, or do you mean that these 'rationalizations' were actually the reasoning process before the decision?
That might make the difference. This could very well be the area to focus on. But you probably know that.


Either way, it looks to me that your decision was to err on the side of doubt, since you didn't know for sure, if you should report the switch. And as mentioned, knowing what I know about myself, I would most probably have done the same thing, and that, regardless of what I would have done, I certainly can't say if it was the most appropriate choice or not for you. :)

Thank you for this post and all the details. This is something for me to think about too.
 
Buddy said:
You said your first intention was to tell the officer about the 'switch', but you didn't...and you didn't say why not. Unless I misunderstood you, that 'blank' probably contains the answer. (you have no program to handle that? You have little knowledge to guide you here?)
Click to expand...

You're right. I didn't say why not. Right when the police arrived I began to think about the reasons that I would be telling. Was there self importance involved in any way? Did I want to tell simply because I wanted the couple to know that they couldn't put one over on me? Who would benefit? Would it take away the child's suffering? Would it be my way of "punishing" the couple for their hitting the kid even though it was an accident? Was I expecting accolades? Did I believe that because the couple switched seats that there was some malice involved when the accident could've happened regardless of who was driving the car? Did I feel that should tell because the couple seemed intent on making it clear that they were guilt free by chastising the kid several times about "just running in the street like that"? Was the couple assuaging their guilt by doing this? Then of course, it normal to feel guilt for causing harm to another. It doesn't necessarily imply mal-intent.

All of the above ran through my mind as well as picturing myself actually telling the officer in front of the couple and what could have possibly come of that whether they admitted it or denied it. (So in a way, perhaps I was protecting myself from being thought the bad guy.) Doubt began to enter my mind. In the end I talked with my friend and he thought it would cause more harm than good to tell. I agreed.

I did what I felt was most appropriate???
 
chachachick,

This situation is causing a lot of thought on my part. I can see several things that would play into how I think I would handle this. But since I have never experienced something like this, I really don’t ‘know’ how I would respond.

On one hand I can see the possibility of violating someone’s free will because of not telling the police who was driving the car. This could have impacted the driver, the passenger, and/or the victim’s free will. It also leaves open the possibility that you could be drawn into a legal situation later for not informing the police of everything you had witnessed.

As PepperFritz stated, it would depend on your reason for not saying anything that would define whether or not the decision was the right one. Do you think you were trying to be externally considerate to all involved in this situation? This may not even apply in this case, and if not, please disregard my question.

You had already experienced a very traumatic evening, and then this happens to you. Is it possible that you were so stressed at this point that you changed your mind and decided to just let things go, instead of adding to your stress? What was it that made you decide to change your mind and not tell the police about the change of drivers? I think this is a key to your answering your own questions.

I am not judging you in anyway, but rather asking you the questions that come to my mind when I put myself into your situation. I don’t have the answers, but I think you will find them, given the time to really think it all through.
Thanks for sharing this. I wish you well in the future.

Take care,
gwb
 
chachachick said:
I did what I felt was most appropriate???
Click to expand...

Well, I certainly agree with you. Especially considering the amount of thought you gave the issue. Hope I didn't give the wrong impression. :)
 
chachachick said:
I saw the female move into the driver's seat. So, the male is the one who hit the kid.
Click to expand...
My hope was that the experience itself would be lesson enough, that is if he had a conscience. I would have been horribly broken up if I were the one who hit the kid, which I very well could have.
Click to expand...
Perhaps the male driver was shook up afterwards and asked the woman to drive. A person might seem pretty calm right when something tragic happens, and then feel the emotions flood shortly afterwards.
 
gwb said:
You had already experienced a very traumatic evening, and then this happens to you. Is it possible that you were so stressed at this point that you changed your mind and decided to just let things go, instead of adding to your stress? What was it that made you decide to change your mind and not tell the police about the change of drivers? I think this is a key to your answering your own questions.
Click to expand...

This is a possibility. I also imagined the relief -- perhaps similar to the relief I felt when I realized I hadn't burned my apartment down --the couple must've felt when they realized that they weren't found out and how terrible it would feel to be in their shoes. Once again, there are many variables. I don't think we can be 100% sure.

Buddy said:
Hope I didn't give the wrong impression. :)
Click to expand...

You didn't.
 
[quote author=chachachick]
I realized that I'd left a pot of beans cooking on the stove.
...missed my exit
...which added about 20 minutes to my time.

[After I missed my expressway exit I asked my friend if he'd ever felt like a rat in a maze. I felt like a rat who hadn't fully mastered it's maze.]

...earlier in the day I'd imagined what I would do...if my apartment building caught on fire.
...my apartment was almost totally filled with smoke.
...I'd taken the batteries out of my smoke detectors.
...the two apartments on either side of mine were empty.
The place could have easily gone up in just five to ten minutes more.

...a kid darted out into traffic
...I saw the car hit the kid
I was trying not to panic...
It was a shock...
It's no wonder that victims, let alone witnesses, of trauma can "lose it".
Earlier in the day I was really feeling the mechanicalness of this life...
[/quote]


chachachick, I was studying your post some more when the limited readings I've done on 'seeing the unseen' came to mind. I'm wondering if there are even more lessons here than meet the eye?

Since learning about the General Law and 'hyperdimensionalness' (is that a word?), I've been suspicious, for lack of a better word, When I realize something I've done absentmindedly, or unusual for me, or just when generally stupid or weird things happen at the beginning of, or during the course of a day. I say suspicious because I'm aware of my vulnerabilities to being 'setup' by forces that operate on higher realms than I.
This is not to say that I can see anything special. In fact, I'm certainly not even the sharpest tool in the shed, but for some reason, I found it coincidental that you were feeling like a rat in a maze during a time when you were actually running the day's maze.

Could this 'rat in a maze' feeling be a subconscious symbol for you intended to alert you to expand your awareness of the present moment so that you may see that you are possibly being 'set up' by hyperdimensional forces for purposes of 'testing' or something more nefarious?

It's just a thought. Perhaps I'm just thinking with a paranoid program, or being over-imaginative.
 
Everything being the way you described it, there would be no point in adding insult to injury for the driver of the car who was (we suspect/hope) also very upset by the event. Since you don't know WHY they changed seats, and it does not affect the outcome (and probably was not part of the cause of the event), then you can't know how much MORE damage might be done to someone else by revealing what you saw. In this case, I would have done the same thing. Doing otherwise would be vindictive.
 
Buddy said:
Could this 'rat in a maze' feeling be a subconscious symbol for you intended to alert you to expand your awareness of the present moment so that you may see that you are possibly being 'set up' by hyperdimensional forces for purposes of 'testing' or something more nefarious?
Click to expand...

Funny you should say that. I thought along those same lines too. I felt that the General Law was making itself known that day. Was it intended for my apartment to burn down? What if I hadn't remembered leaving the beans on when I did? Was I supposed to hit the kid vs the car in front of me?

Strange, just strange.

Thanks for your input, Laura.
 
chachachick said:
I was on the way to a friends house (about 40 minutes from where I live). I was about a block away from his house when I realized that I'd left a pot of beans cooking on the stove.
Click to expand...

Hi, I was thinking if this happened to me, and it certainly could have - I have done worse absentminded things: I would want to do some serious recapitulation around how it could possibly happen that I would start cooking a pot of beans at about the same time I was to go to a friend's house? Like, what programs were running in me then? It may be nothing... but it could also be a place to start "learning the lesson" of this experience.

For what it's worth,

_Breton_

PS: My heart stopped momentarily when I read the story about the car-pedestrian accident. I can't stop thinking about the poor kid. Well, whatever happens after the accident, I certainly hope everyone involved puts his needs first.
 
I'd put the pot of beans on about 30-40 minutes before I decided to go out. (I usually cook them for about 90 minutes.) So, my thoughts of beans had moved to the back burner, so to speak. Sorry for the pun :-[. I did, however, remember to unplug a space heater I had going before I left.

I was feeling a strong desire for some human interaction and feeling the whole "I'm so all alone" program lately. It certainly could've played in part in making me more hasty than usual.

Thanks for bringing up the program aspect.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom