a heck ova lot of anger

[Cyre2067]

Recently, as I work on getting in touch with my emotions, I've found a lot of anger. I never suffered depression, except a bit of seasonal at the start of school (from about 8th till my junior yr @ uni), so it's not like I turned it inward. I've been reading God's of Eden and it's like another piece of the puzzle, goes great with Secret History, Controversy of Zion, & Ponerology. But some parts really piss me off. I'll do a proper review when I'm finished, but mainly the financial system, how it's been set up from day one to concentrate power and wealth in the hands of a few pathetic excuses for human beings. How they run around in the shadows with their secret societies stirring up war and famine... genocide & disease... it's such a rigged game and yet people play it like they have a shot at 'winning'.

I get these flashes of anger that can come at random times, but it's like all of a sudden I go from being happy-go-lucky me to being something much more dark, angry and destructive. I do some deep breathing when these come on, but I get images in my head of things being smashed, doors & walls mostly, along with a flush of heat & elevated heart rate. Typically I'll be reading something that triggers it, either God's or an article online. I just try to stew in the emotions, to really feel them, to acknowledge them and then to breathe. It lasts for about 5-10 minutes and then it may come back later in the day.

I also get sadness too, but that's no so intense. Also triggered by reading, and just crying without feeling shame about it is really nice. But I'm not exactly sure if I'm handling my anger the right way.

It's strange to watch my I's when these flashes come on. One cadre is full of righteous indignation, almost zealous in it's desire to stop the PTB. Then another group knows that The Work is the best avenue, that by improving myself I'm improving the world. It's like, I 'know' that but I don't 'feel' it. I try to channel it into my writing and reading, my exercise, and I've been meditating a few times a day to help accept it. The last thing I want to do is suppress and deny it, I'm just not sure what else I can do with it. It feels so, powerful but dangerous - brain chemicals......

I also put it into my video gaming, it helps to feel like I'm 'fighting' something, even though I'm totally projecting it does make me feel better. Total disconnect between heart & head here...

Anyway that's "whats on my mind" and it does feel better just talking about it. I have this habit of being "Look at me! I'm speshul!" so I apologize if that comes through here, I'm working on trying to honestly relate what I feel without trying to feed on my friends. Any ideas on how to healthily express anger? Ya know, besides putting my fists through dry wall.... painting perhaps?

 

[KDawn]

Anyway that's "whats on my mind" and it does feel better just talking about it. I have this habit of being "Look at me! I'm speshul!" so I apologize if that comes through here, I'm working on trying to honestly relate what I feel without trying to feed on my friends. Any ideas on how to healthily express anger? Ya know, besides putting my fists through dry wall.... painting perhaps?


Doing something physical that can produce good results will help. Walk fast, work out at a gym or at home, or dig a new flower or vegetable bed. I have been dealing with my anger that surfaces after reading the things you are reading without alcohol or drugs. Trying not to whine alot too. The physical activity really helps. No one loses and eye........or a ftst.

 

[anart]

I get these flashes of anger that can come at random times, but it's like all of a sudden I go from being happy-go-lucky me to being something much more dark, angry and destructive. I do some deep breathing when these come on, but I get images in my head of things being smashed, doors & walls mostly, along with a flush of heat & elevated heart rate. Typically I'll be reading something that triggers it, either God's or an article online. I just try to stew in the emotions, to really feel them, to acknowledge them and then to breathe. It lasts for about 5-10 minutes and then it may come back later in the day.

It might be worthwhile to try to hold the anger below your neck - there is power there. This means fully feeling it - all the heat, all the power, but not letting it get to your head where it causes you to imagine punching walls or even acting on that imagining - basically 'let it burn' in your chest - no matter how difficult that is to do - to at least try to keep it there.

This is extremely useful, if you can do it - it is heating the crucible. Considering the state of the world in which you live, 'happy go lucky' is pure personality - not essence - past time to start burning that away.

I also get sadness too, but that's no so intense. Also triggered by reading, and just crying without feeling shame about it is really nice. But I'm not exactly sure if I'm handling my anger the right way.

Crying without feeling shame is also important - it tends to open up those closed and rusted emotional gates a bit to get the emotional center stirred in an active way - perhaps that is why the anger can now come through a bit - the key here is reigning in the emotions for your use - to burn - instead of having those horses run off, carrying 'you' with them. It's simple enough to discuss, but it is the 'doing' that matters.

It's strange to watch my I's when these flashes come on. One cadre is full of righteous indignation, almost zealous in it's desire to stop the PTB. Then another group knows that The Work is the best avenue, that by improving myself I'm improving the world. It's like, I 'know' that but I don't 'feel' it. I try to channel it into my writing and reading, my exercise, and I've been meditating a few times a day to help accept it. The last thing I want to do is suppress and deny it, I'm just not sure what else I can do with it. It feels so, powerful but dangerous - brain chemicals......

So, these 'i's are the various ways you've been programmed since birth to deal with strong emotions. The reason the Work is the 'best avenue' is that all other avenues are 'playing' within their paradigm - by their rules - on their field and with the limitations they set in place. The Work, if pursued relentlessly, allows one to step outside that paradigm - to escape the General Law all together and actually 'do' something.

I also put it into my video gaming, it helps to feel like I'm 'fighting' something, even though I'm totally projecting it does make me feel better. Total disconnect between heart & head here...

Yet you say, "the last thing I want to do is suppress it or deny it" ??? You speak about 'gaming' as if it were real - on any level. It is pure dissociation and nothing more - it is sleep - it is, to a person who is sincere about actually awakening when the world is on literal fire - poison and nothing more. the 'feel better' is sleep - a buffer - an opening the furnace door to let the heat escape, thus doing the real 'you' no good whatsoever.

This is either real or it isn't. If it isn't, keep playing video games.

Anyway that's "whats on my mind" and it does feel better just talking about it. I have this habit of being "Look at me! I'm speshul!" so I apologize if that comes through here, I'm working on trying to honestly relate what I feel without trying to feed on my friends. Any ideas on how to healthily express anger? Ya know, besides putting my fists through dry wall.... painting perhaps?

No, it doesn't come across as you're 'speshul' - it comes across as if some part of you is actually trying to wake up and you're putting it back to sleep with buffers (video games).

Anger is powerful, as is real grief and sadness - it is what one does with this power that really matters.

There is potential in you, Cyre, and time is running out - how many more years will you spend playing around while the world is on fire? I'm not saying you don't have every right in the world to keep playing around if that is what you choose to do - you most certainly do - but... 'time's a wastin'

 

[FireShadow]

Cyre2067 - Thank you for this thread. I have been experiencing similar reactions (pretty much the same anger, but even more grief and sadness). I, too, have been wondering if I am dealing with it properly.

Anart - Thank you for your entire post, it made some things clear and provided some good suggestions. This was especially interesting:

It might be worthwhile to try to hold the anger below your neck - there is power there. This means fully feeling it - all the heat, all the power, but not letting it get to your head where it causes you to imagine punching walls or even acting on that imagining - basically 'let it burn' in your chest - no matter how difficult that is to do - to at least try to keep it there.

This is extremely useful, if you can do it - it is heating the crucible. Considering the state of the world in which you live, 'happy go lucky' is pure personality - not essence - past time to start burning that away.

I will begin making efforts in this direction right away.

And, this:

Crying without feeling shame is also important - it tends to open up those closed and rusted emotional gates a bit to get the emotional center stirred in an active way..........the key here is reigning in the emotions for your use - to burn - instead of having those horses run off, carrying 'you' with them. It's simple enough to discuss, but it is the 'doing' that matters.

Simple enough to discuss maybe, but your description clarifies the process for me. (Unless of course, I am misunderstanding even this!)

Yet you say, "the last thing I want to do is suppress it or deny it" ??? You speak about 'gaming' as if it were real - on any level. It is pure dissociation and nothing more - it is sleep - it is, to a person who is sincere about actually awakening when the world is on literal fire - poison and nothing more. the 'feel better' is sleep - a buffer - an opening the furnace door to let the heat escape, thus doing the real 'you' no good whatsoever.

This is either real or it isn't. If it isn't, keep playing video games.

Question: I think I understand what you are saying regarding video games being a buffer, a dissociation...a way of sleeeping. So, are you saying that "taking naps" as it were is a bad thing. I, too, have played video games upon occasion (knowing it for a distraction) for a few hours, then returning to the real world to get back to dealing with reality. Also, I have on occasion had a few glasses of wine in an evening. I don't drink often (less than once a month as a rule), but enjoy the relaxation. I mostly think of these episodes as "taking a break" before getting back to work. Do they do more harm than good?

As I think on this, I now want to ask: Is it harmful because it dims the fire that burns the crucible? Is this an example of the "leaks" discussed in Ouspensky's "The Fourth Way"? Does it mean that you lose ground and then have to start over?

Anger is powerful, as is real grief and sadness - it is what one does with this power that really matters.

Yes. I agree. Hence my questions.

 

[Mark7]

Anart, do you ever do anything to relax? I know you are very dedicated to this forum - and I'm glad you are out there. The world IS on fire, but do you ever "take a break" and if you do what do you do? Castaneda's Don Juan once told Carlos to have something to do that is totally useless. a hobby, sort of, to re-establish the "Tonal" after an excursion into the "Nagual". I'm paraphrasing here and I don't remember where that passage is.

I'm a gamer myself and I know I should do less of it. I'm "indulging beyond my limits", I take it too far. I don't think I'm much of a "Warrior". Currently I'm replaying Baldur's Gate and the Fallout series. At least I know I could be doing something else, something more constructive - But Baldur's Gate and Fallout rock!

Sorry if this is noise.

I'm also completing a BS degree - in Liberal Studies with a minor in Industrial Studies. Two weeks left in a "ten year program", (ha).

Is that any better than playing video, considering the state of the world?

 

[Oxajil]

I'm not sure if you're a member of casschat and if you can see this page if you aren't, but I think this post can be quite useful for dealing with ''Negative Emotions''.

Here is the link: _http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/casschat/message/16846

A piece:

[...]

There are many reasons in the Work for not expressing negative
emotions. When you begin to practice this exercise, you will first be
surprised at how often you experience negative emotions. Next you
will be incredulous at your own powerlessness when trying to resist
the pull of need to express them. The next things you will probably
see are justification I's popping up all over the place. Before we go
further, let's clarify what the Work term "negative emotions"
encompasses.

It means not only anger, but also irritability, sadness, boredom,
dislike, complaining, melancholy, malice, criticizing, impatience,
resentment, envy, "woe is me", rage, annoyance, bitterness, grudges,
dissatisfaction, violence, etc. All of this, which you will observe
in yourself as well as in others, is the wrong work of a sleeping
machine who presumes everything should suit its agenda and
requirements. "Tainted" would be an inaccurate word to describe this
condition. As a matter of fact, this is the normal psychological
condition of every sleeping person and it's just the wrong work of
the emotional center. If you manage to do the Work exercise of not
expressing negative emotions, if you observe them uncritically in
order to see them clearly, if you can do this for even a moment or
two, you will suddenly find yourself outside of the flow of human
stimulus-response momentum. From this more objective point of view,
whether in the moment or later on reflection, you can carefully look
at what was behind your own negative feelings.

[...]

In the Work, the proper way of dealing with Negative Emotions is
first of all, not giving expression to them. This you know and can
manage. It is critical that Negative Emotions are not repressed as
opposed to expressed. They require another approach. Repression will
not work in the long run. Observing your Negative Emotions comes
next, or at the same time. Recognizing what your Negative Emotions
are in the context of the Work and where they come from is the next
step. Separating from your Negative Emotions is the next (super)
effort and this is repeated until you are no longer Identified with
your Negative Emotions. Use the "rising fire of negative emotions" as
an alarm. You are in Wrong Work. Stop. Consider. And adjust your
attitude to alignment with the Work.

Ways to Work against habitual Negative Emotions:

-- Even before you understand what it is you are trying to do or why,
you are asked by the Work not to express Negativity.

-- Recognize that regardless of any justification or secret liking of
them, being in the Work, doing the Work, means getting rid of them.

-- Be aware that they are hyper-Identified.

-- Be aware that they are subjective, apply Scale and Relativity.

-- Be aware that Negative Emotions are behavior patterns and
associated sets of I's laid down in you when you had no choice.

-- Know that you want to choose.

-- Want to choose change.

-- See what destruction and pain they create.

-- Learn the taste of them.

-- Learn to dislike the taste of them.

-- Choose a specific, verified habitual Negative state to apply these
practices to: practice Inner Stop to behavior and thoughts that
support them.

-- Practice Inner Silence in relation to them specifically .

-- Do not give them your words externally or internally.

-- Make your Personality passive. Don't allow it to act mechanically.

-- Sacrifice requirements.

-- Understand that Negative Emotions lie, they NEVER tell the whole
truth of a thing and cannot be Objective.

-- They hold a sort of attraction because of their intensity, which
is an illusion that wastes energy.

-- Desire to be free of that burden.

-- Nourish and nurture your Emotional Center in positive ways.

-- Remember yourself.

[...]

 

[jlarka]

Thank you Cyre for putting in the question...
But at least as many thanks goes to Anart aswell.

 

[Rabelais]

I'll do a proper review when I'm finished, but mainly the financial system, how it's been set up from day one to concentrate power and wealth in the hands of a few pathetic excuses for human beings. How they run around in the shadows with their secret societies stirring up war and famine... genocide & disease... it's such a rigged game and yet people play it like they have a shot at 'winning'.

This is a pretty good explanation about the rigged money system. It might not help with your anger over the horror of the situation, but it is a good econ 101 explanation of the situation. Its also a well produced primer for getting people up to speed who are just beginning to awaken.

Money as Debt
_http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9050474362583451279

 

[anart]

Anart, do you ever do anything to relax?

No - NEVER!! ;)

Of course, it's necessary for sanity, or so I'm told...

It's interesting how people who play video games always get 'triggered' when the fact that they are purely dissociative comes up. Don't want to let go of them, do we? They have to serve some positive purpose, right?

It really comes down to whether a person truly wants to awaken or not - because the fact is that, no, they do not serve a positive purpose - they are mind programming and dissociative.

I used to be an avid gamer - I mean AVID like all weekend LAN sessions AVID - because being 'here' hurt too much, and it was so much more comfy/pleasant/fun inside the game. Check out the thread on gaming for more discussion on that. ( http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=5553 )

My main point in this thread, in reference to Cyre, is that the anger he is feeling can be utilized to further his aim (IF his aim is to fuse a singular 'I' and to escape the General Law) - it is IMPORTANT - so when he takes that anger and dissociates in a video game - it is the perfect trap to keep him where he is - perfect.

I'd love to be able to reassure you and others that video gaming is 'good' - I cannot.

It is said (to paraphrase) that everything that furthers your aim is 'good' and everything that hinders it is 'bad' - so it really comes down to the question of 'what is your aim'?

 

[Mark7]

Glad to hear you take a break. I don't really want to justify gaming. I'm fiddling while Rome burns - I know.

It is said (to paraphrase) that everything that furthers your aim is 'good' and everything that hinders it is 'bad' - so it really comes down to the question of 'what is your aim'?

It would be great if I could "level up" in real life! Not for power over others, but for personal power so I won't be "lunch". More power to see the truth. "Knowledge protects, ignorance endangers" - the Cs. My problem has more to do with being lazy rather than angry. There is a bit of anger and frustration though as I am awake enough to see what's going on. I've read a lot of the work discussed on this forum - just about all of Laura's stuff, Mouravieff, Castenada, some stuff on psychopathy. I haven't read any Gurdjieff yet - open to suggestions too - anyone? I have spent most of my life as a single parent working an average of 50+ hours a week - although I'm only working part-time right now and my son is in college. I am struggling in this economy. It's hard to not just zone out after work and school. The whole school thing will be over soon, (last course is online - through my state U.).

I wish I could just drop out of the "rat race" - wishful thinking.

I'm under attack - and it's because I'm usually too sleepy to step aside in time.

 

[Erna]

It means not only anger, but also .................... boredom,................melancholy,..................dissatisfaction................All of this, which you will observe in yourself as well as in others, is the wrong work of a sleeping machine who presumes everything should suit its agenda and requirements.

I have been soooo bored lately. What used to be something I was passionate about, is now something I have to drag myself out of bed for. When someone complains to me about their jobs, I would say "life is aaaaall about choice". Especially after I've been listening to the same old same old year in and year out.

Nowadays I do things like stand in front of the mirror and point my finger at myself and say: "WHAT is it that you want? THINK!" or "Life is all ablout choice, he? SO START FOLLOWING YOUR OWN ADVICE!".

what is your aim?

I guess that's what it comes down to, then.

 

[Cyre2067]

Doing something physical that can produce good results will help....

Yessir, that is without a doubt. My bit is that I exercise regularly and still get these flashes. I have been tryin to channel it into it though. Martial arts would probably be much better then bike riding/situps/pullups though.

It might be worthwhile to try to hold the anger below your neck - there is power there. This means fully feeling it - all the heat, all the power, but not letting it get to your head where it causes you to imagine punching walls or even acting on that imagining - basically 'let it burn' in your chest - no matter how difficult that is to do - to at least try to keep it there.

Will Do, thanks for the reminder.

Crying without feeling shame is also important...

One thing I've noticed in conversations with other Men, it's hella difficult for them to cry. Like they get to the point where they feel like they should, but it's almost as if they can't. Some kind of internal control mechanism crops up and halts the whole process. I feel bad for them. It did take me awhile to cry without feeling shame, it's a severe program. I also have this dreaded memory of my pops calling me a baby after a vicious argument (tears were streaming out my eyes and nose), I almost hit him.

So, these 'i's are the various ways you've been programmed since birth to deal with strong emotions. The reason the Work is the 'best avenue' is that all other avenues are 'playing' within their paradigm - by their rules - on their field and with the limitations they set in place. The Work, if pursued relentlessly, allows one to step outside that paradigm - to escape the General Law all together and actually 'do' something.

It is strange, its like all of a sudden there's a conversation in my head - I know that's a cue to sit back and observe, avoiding identification is a great exercise, and it's taken much practice to get to that point. Once I was able to get there it does feel as if they are all 'not me', but prior to that one always 'sounded right' and I would identify with that one.

Yet you say, "the last thing I want to do is suppress it or deny it" ??? You speak about 'gaming' as if it were real - on any level. It is pure dissociation and nothing more - it is sleep - it is, to a person who is sincere about actually awakening when the world is on literal fire - poison and nothing more. the 'feel better' is sleep - a buffer - an opening the furnace door to let the heat escape, thus doing the real 'you' no good whatsoever.

This is either real or it isn't. If it isn't, keep playing video games.

Unfortunately the darned things are an addiction of sorts. Since I have experience beating one addiction I don't think it's impossible to beat this one. The method is even applicable - gradual withdrawl, ultimately leading to complete cessation. Heh soon my friends won't recognize me - "Dude you stopped smoking, quit playing video games, you barely hang out anymore & all you do is read - you act like the world's comin to an end or something...."

Anger is powerful, as is real grief and sadness - it is what one does with this power that really matters.

There is potential in you, Cyre, and time is running out - how many more years will you spend playing around while the world is on fire? I'm not saying you don't have every right in the world to keep playing around if that is what you choose to do - you most certainly do - but... 'time's a wastin'

A good reminder of the power of emotions. Now if I can stop wasting them on frivolous pursuits, one day at a time, a daily battle against subjectivity indeed. I looked up "potential" as a sort of alarm clock: something that can develop or become actual. It can, but only if I give all.

I'm not sure if you're a member of casschat and if you can see this page if you aren't, but I think this post can be quite useful for dealing with ''Negative Emotions''.

Thanks Oxa, I'm not in casschat anymore so the copy/paste was appreciated.

My main point in this thread, in reference to Cyre, is that the anger he is feeling can be utilized to further his aim (IF his aim is to fuse a singular 'I' and to escape the General Law) - it is IMPORTANT - so when he takes that anger and dissociates in a video game - it is the perfect trap to keep him where he is - perfect.

She's right, and she's speaking from experience. I had wittled it down to the occasional round or two of DOTA, but as my aim is to awaken I'll be quitting that as well.

I wish I could just drop out of the "rat race" - wishful thinking.

I'm under attack - and it's because I'm usually too sleepy to step aside in time.

Well that rat race is likely the perfect place for you to learn the lessons you need in order to graduate. Gurdjieff stressed that before beginning The Work, the individual must be a good obyvatel, by which he meant, a good sleeping human. You should be able to provide for yourself, your family, and have a relatively stable life situation. A good intro to G is In Search of the Miraculous by Ouspensky, though G himself wrote a few tomes including Beezelbub's Tales to his Grandson, Meetings with Remarkable Men and Life Is Real Only Then, When I Am. All really interesting reads if one has the inclination.

I also think self-chastisement over failures is counter-productive. It's a tool of the system in order to keep you pumping out negative emotions. When we learn anything we don't automatically succeed the first time, I remind myself of my learning how to snowboard. The first day I fell, and fell often, every 12 feet or so. By the end of the day I wanted to give up. I was so aggravated at myself, but I didn't give up, the next time I went I was a little better, falling every 24 ft or so. After five seasons I can make it down the mountain without falling, go pretty fast and do minor tricks. The Work is much more difficult then snowboarding, but my point holds - we must try, and try daily - observe our failures and work on them. When we improve a few we'll find more, and then we can work on those. At least, that's my working hypothesis....

Thanks to everyone for their input, it's been a great help.

 

[Tarri]

Anart,

I guess I missed the info on the site concerning what to do with the anger when it fills you up. Keeping it below the neck makes sence to me also, though I had never thought that this was how to handle it. Thank you all for the thread.

Something I would like to add here. concerning angey and tense feelings. Mom and I were out doing our monthly shopping last night. And out of the blue we both became irritated and tense. No reason to speak of. Was wondering if all the "crap" they are throwing at us relating to mood and behavior control had something to do with it. We talked about it between the two of us, and being aware of it attempted to egnore it. It dissapeared about two hours later. By the time we got home, we were tired but feeling normal again. Tarri

 

[Mark7]

Well that rat race is likely the perfect place for you to learn the lessons you need in order to graduate. Gurdjieff stressed that before beginning The Work, the individual must be a good obyvatel, by which he meant, a good sleeping human. You should be able to provide for yourself, your family, and have a relatively stable life situation. A good intro to G is In Search of the Miraculous by Ouspensky, though G himself wrote a few tomes including Beezelbub's Tales to his Grandson, Meetings with Remarkable Men and Life Is Real Only Then, When I Am. All really interesting reads if one has the inclination.

Yup. Thanks Cyre, "In Search of the Miraculous" will be my next read.

 

[mamadrama]

Another thing that helps me when the anger flares, is to consider (according to the system we are studying)that conscious evil is impossible, evil is mechanical in nature not conscious.

From the viewpoint of this system there are only two things that can be compared or seen in man, the manifiestation of mechanical laws and the manifestation of consciousness. If you want to find some examples of what you call good or bad, to arrive at some standard, you will see at once that what we call evil is always mechanical, it can never be conscious; and what we call good is always conscious, it cannot be mechanical...Further, in connection with the question of good and evil, we must try to understand the relative positions of morality and conscience. What is morality and conscience? We can first say that morality is not constant. It is d ifferent in diferent countires, in different centuries, in differentr decades, in different classes with people of different education, and so on. What may be moral in Caucasus may be immoral in Europe....But conscience never changes. Conscience is a kind of emotional understanding of truth in certain definite relations, generally in relaiton to behaviour, to people and so on. This is always the same; it cannot change and it cannot differ in one nation or another, in one country or another, in one person or another.
Try to connect in your mind what I said about the study of good and evil, mechanicalness and consciousness, morality and conscience, and then put the quesiton, "Is conscious evil possible? That will require study and observation, but from the point of view of the system there is a definite principle that conscious evil is impossible; mechanicalness must be unconscious...
Q: If you deliberately set to work to deceive another person is not that deliberate evil?
A: Most probably you could not help yourself; there was such a pressure of circumstances or something, that you could not do otherwise.
These are all difficult problems and they take a long time to get used to, because we are accustomed to think in the wrong way. For instance, when we look at historical events, we take as conscious just those things that cannot be conscious and the things that may be conscious we take as mechanical, as a kind of process.