Menna
The Living Force
I have identified that I over give in friendship relationships and sometimes among family relationships. To be more specific my friendship relationships average 15+ years. I am not talking about meeting someone in May and over giving in June albeit, in romantic relationships in the past (haven't been in a romantic relationship in 8 years) I over gave early on. I am bringing this identified program to the forum to get down to the root cause as to why a human being would over give and run this program.
My assumptions is that I don't like to take from people or ask much from people so to keep a relationship I over give in fear of being let down or disappointed? Also, in over giving I am taking from myself which leads me to believe there is a side of masochistic behavior. I also believe that I have an underlying insecurity based on a relationship early on in childhood along with the "be a good boy" program as most things in life are a mix of more than 1 thing.
Masochisms - "Enjoying an activity that seems to be painful or TEDIOUS." Over giving is tedious, one has to know the details of dynamics to know when and how to give, have to take time out of ones own life to over give and plan and prepare and spend time/money above what is usual and customary.
Being Let Down - No one likes to be let down and if one has been let down before or majority of the time then one will do things to rig the game so that being let down doesn't happen, however in the dynamic of over giving to not be let down I believe one is just avoiding the inevitable.
Insecurity - When I was 4 years old I was playing in the front yard of my home. A kid from across the street came over to play. For 7 or so years we were very close (I still remember his families home phone number) fast forward to Junior High School I had a birthday party and I went to the movies with a bunch of friends. I remember my friend saw other people from school that I didn't know and sat with them for the rest of the evening since then the friendship drifted apart. I believe I started over giving or looking past faults or any combination of the two in order to keep friendships in hopes of success.
Be Good Program - Well my family/parents are very idealistic so that kind of says it all which is good but the balance of idealism and realism is off kilter so this is a big part of how I was raised.
The above are my root causes however, I am wondering if anyone else has this program? I am reading the Polyvagal Theory and in it the theme is the human organism wants to feel safe. Maybe over giving was my way of trying to rig the game so that I would feel safe in relationships. But it creates a uneven reciprocity where the other side doesn't develop an equal giving dynamic which is also another human need (reciprocity) so in the end by over giving I am setting myself up for eventual disappointment that I was trying to avoid feeling since it first happened in a relationship at 11 years old. Over Giving = Shooting oneself in the foot IMO
My assumptions is that I don't like to take from people or ask much from people so to keep a relationship I over give in fear of being let down or disappointed? Also, in over giving I am taking from myself which leads me to believe there is a side of masochistic behavior. I also believe that I have an underlying insecurity based on a relationship early on in childhood along with the "be a good boy" program as most things in life are a mix of more than 1 thing.
Masochisms - "Enjoying an activity that seems to be painful or TEDIOUS." Over giving is tedious, one has to know the details of dynamics to know when and how to give, have to take time out of ones own life to over give and plan and prepare and spend time/money above what is usual and customary.
Being Let Down - No one likes to be let down and if one has been let down before or majority of the time then one will do things to rig the game so that being let down doesn't happen, however in the dynamic of over giving to not be let down I believe one is just avoiding the inevitable.
Insecurity - When I was 4 years old I was playing in the front yard of my home. A kid from across the street came over to play. For 7 or so years we were very close (I still remember his families home phone number) fast forward to Junior High School I had a birthday party and I went to the movies with a bunch of friends. I remember my friend saw other people from school that I didn't know and sat with them for the rest of the evening since then the friendship drifted apart. I believe I started over giving or looking past faults or any combination of the two in order to keep friendships in hopes of success.
Be Good Program - Well my family/parents are very idealistic so that kind of says it all which is good but the balance of idealism and realism is off kilter so this is a big part of how I was raised.
The above are my root causes however, I am wondering if anyone else has this program? I am reading the Polyvagal Theory and in it the theme is the human organism wants to feel safe. Maybe over giving was my way of trying to rig the game so that I would feel safe in relationships. But it creates a uneven reciprocity where the other side doesn't develop an equal giving dynamic which is also another human need (reciprocity) so in the end by over giving I am setting myself up for eventual disappointment that I was trying to avoid feeling since it first happened in a relationship at 11 years old. Over Giving = Shooting oneself in the foot IMO