Today I started making summary notes of The Narcissistic Family, having just finished my first read-through, and I came to part that has stumped me a little and I would very much like some input, as I can't seem to put this concept into words that, at least for me, elicit the degree of significance I feel about it (which almost always means that I'm missing a few pieces of the puzzle). It's from the passage on reflection in chapter one:
[quote author="The Narcissistic Family"]
In the same way, the child becomes a reflection of the parental expectation. This happens in all families to some extent, of course; the concept of mirroring in personality/ego development is a long-established tenet of psychology. Frequently in the narcissistic family, however, the mirror may reflect the child's inability to meet parental needs. This reflection almost always is interpreted by the child as inadequacy and failure on her part.
[/quote]
I don't seem to grasp the mirror/reflection analogy being used here completely. I can see, osit, how a child (or anyone vulnerable, for that matter) would feel inadequate from not being to satisfy the expectations, explicit or implicit, imposed on by the parent, though even that, with the picture I have in mind at the moment, would only be through negative reinforcement (disapproval, guilt induction, punishment, etc.). This view feels too much like a static, linear sequence (though it occurs cyclically), and I strongly suspect that there's more to it than that.
[quote author="The Narcissistic Family"]
In the same way, the child becomes a reflection of the parental expectation. This happens in all families to some extent, of course; the concept of mirroring in personality/ego development is a long-established tenet of psychology. Frequently in the narcissistic family, however, the mirror may reflect the child's inability to meet parental needs. This reflection almost always is interpreted by the child as inadequacy and failure on her part.
[/quote]
I don't seem to grasp the mirror/reflection analogy being used here completely. I can see, osit, how a child (or anyone vulnerable, for that matter) would feel inadequate from not being to satisfy the expectations, explicit or implicit, imposed on by the parent, though even that, with the picture I have in mind at the moment, would only be through negative reinforcement (disapproval, guilt induction, punishment, etc.). This view feels too much like a static, linear sequence (though it occurs cyclically), and I strongly suspect that there's more to it than that.
