Traits of Confident People

[Seamus]

Thanks for starting this Laura.

First my scores from the long version of the personality test with my comments in blue:

Extraversion: Average
Agreeableness: High
Conscientiousness: High
Neuroticism: Average
Openness to experience: High

EXTRAVERSION 35
..Friendliness 62
..Gregariousness 35
..Assertiveness 42
..Activity Level 29
..Excitement-Seeking 2
..Cheerfulness 77
Your score on Extraversion is average, indicating you are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone.

For the most part this category fit what I expected. The low Activity Level is interesting because I am constantly on the go because of my school schedule, but I enjoy downtime and a leisurely pace and I tend to procrastinate give the opportunity. Someone recently told me that I am a busy person. When I thought about it I concluded that I have a busy schedule, but I don't think I am a busy person.

AGREEABLENESS 85
..Trust 1
..Morality 70
..Altruism 98
..Cooperation 91
..Modesty 81
..Sympathy 98
Your high level of Agreeableness indicates a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative.

I didn't expect my Trust level to be this low. I think this partly reflects my low level of Trust in general society. Even though I'm friendly towards other people I'm generally wary of them and I don't really trust many people. I would say that I have many "friends" and few Friends, ie I am on good terms with almost everyone but I rarely truly open up to anyone.

I also find it interesting that Altruism, Cooperation and Sympathy are all so high given my extraordinarily low Trust level. I enjoy helping others, I'm very willing to compromise to try to find a win-win solution and I feel deeply for the suffering of others, yet I "see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous".

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS 71
..Self-Efficacy 58
..Orderliness 40
..Dutifulness 80
..Achievement-Striving 59
..Self-Discipline 36
..Cautiousness 99
Your score on Conscientiousness is high. This means you set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

I hear this last sentence all of the time. In a way it surprises me because I see myself as a procrastinator and I think that is reflected in the lower Self-Discipline score. I think I am better at following through on what I say I will do for others than I am at following through for myself. I also see myself as self-disciplined in spurts. I am good at trying something and staying disciplined enough to give it a fair trial, but sometimes I give up on things even if I think they are good for me.

NEUROTICISM 35
..Anxiety 60
..Anger 9
..Depression 62
..Self-Consciousness 28
..Immoderation 49
..Vulnerability 28
Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.

This category was really surprising for me. The quiz results state that my levels of Anxiety and Depression are average, which is interesting because 60 is pretty high so there must be alot of people out there with high levels of Anxiety and Depression. I am really suprised that my Anxiety score is that high. I don't consider myself an anxious person, but I've been realizing more and more lately that I am! I find I am frequently anxious that I will hurt someone's feelings, make a mistake, say or do the "wrong" thing, etc. I get anxious about finishing projects and upset my own digestion. I feel anxiety about the future. Maybe this shouldn't surprise me so much given my low level of Trust in the motives of others...

OPENNESS 72
..Imagination 44
..Artistic Interests 38
..Emotionality 86
..Adventurousness 66
..Intellect 80
..Liberalism 68
Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

This category is exactly what I would have expected...

They don’t make excuses. If there’s one trait confident people have in spades, it’s self-efficacy—the belief that they can make things happen. It’s about having an internal locus of control rather than an external one. That’s why you won’t hear confident people blaming traffic for making them late or an unfair boss for their failure to get a promotion. Confident people don’t make excuses, because they believe they’re in control of their own lives.

If I am honest with myself I know that I make excuses. Common excuses that I use are "I don't have time," "I'm too tired," "I don't feel like it," and "It's not worth it". I think I make fewer excuses than I used to and its something that I'm working on, but I still make many excuses.

They don’t quit. Confident people don’t give up the first time something goes wrong. They see both problems and failures as obstacles to overcome rather than impenetrable barriers to success. That doesn’t mean, however, that they keep trying the same thing over and over. One of the first things confident people do when something goes wrong is to figure out why it went wrong and how they can prevent it the next time.

I'm not a quitter but I try to be flexible and know when to retreat and try something new. My parents stick to a path stubbornly and double down whenever things don't go the way they should be going, so I've tried to learn how to change direction when things aren't working. That said I don't give up easily.

They don’t wait for permission to act. Confident people don’t need somebody to tell them what to do or when to do it. They don’t waste time asking themselves questions like “Can I?” or “Should I?” If they ask themselves anything, it’s “Why wouldn’t I?” Whether it’s running a meeting when the chairperson doesn’t show up or going the extra mile to solve a customer’s problem, it doesn’t even occur to them to wait for somebody else to take care of it. They see what needs to be done, and they do it.

This is an area I need to work on. I am good at taking initiative when I see low risk but I tend to hang back if I am afraid. I don't like confrontation, I don't like drawing attention to myself and I don't like making waves. I was the manager of a small student store for the past year or so and we recently hired someone for me to train as the next manager before I graduate. She is a real "go-getter" and at first I was a little put off by her because I interpreted her high energy level as urgency or a pushiness. I've been working with her for about a month now and I'm appreciating how doggedly she attacks problems and cuts through the school's bureaucracy to get things done. She's been scolded several times by our manager for acting without asking for permission or for stepping on someone else's toes, but she hasn't let that stop her. Its not the same as "Doing what is RIGHT, telling the truth in a world of lies" but its still a good lesson for me.

They don’t seek attention. People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what, or how many, people you know. Confident people always seem to bring the right attitude. Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re receiving attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

This is true about me. I like a pat on the back as much as anyone does but I don't do what I do to get attention. I like making people laugh and brightening up their day, but I'm not doing it for attention.

They don’t need constant praise. Have you ever been around somebody who constantly needs to hear how great he or she is? Confident people don’t do that. It goes back to that internal locus of control. They don’t think that their success is dependent on other people’s approval, and they understand that no matter how well they perform, there’s always going to be somebody out there offering nothing but criticism. Confident people also know that the kind of confidence that’s dependent on praise from other people isn’t really confidence at all; it’s narcissism.

I love to hear a word of encouragement or praise from someone I respect but I don't need to constantly hear about how great I am. If anything I think I'm more into my own self-criticism and hearing praise from others makes me feel uncomfortable.

They don’t put things off. Why do people procrastinate? Sometimes it’s simply because they’re lazy. A lot of times, though, it’s because they’re afraid—that is, afraid of change, failure, or maybe even success. Confident people don’t put things off. Because they believe in themselves and expect that their actions will lead them closer to their goals, they don’t sit around waiting for the right time or the perfect circumstances. They know that today is the only time that matters. If they think it’s not the right time, they make it the right time.

This is a big problem for me and probably my biggest weakness on this list. I absolutely put things off because of my fear. I am getting better at it by starting small and taking small steps but its still a huge issue for me.

They don’t pass judgment. Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

I try not to judge others, even though I don't trust their motives. This is harder with family members...

They don’t avoid conflict. Confident people don’t see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs; they see it as something to manage effectively. They don’t go along to get along, even when that means having uncomfortable conversations or making unpleasant decisions. They know that conflict is part of life and that they can’t avoid it without cheating themselves out of the good stuff, too.

I don't like conflict and I generally try to avoid it. Most of the time I can find ways out of situations without dealing with direct confrontation, but I generally play it safe. I need to learn some better tools for conflict management. As Morpheus tells Neo in the scene with the woman with the Red Dress "they are guarding all the doors, they are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later someone is going to have to fight them."

https://youtu.be/QoKKx5IjXjU

I have no (few) illusions that I am Neo, just reminded of the scene.

They don’t let a lack of resources get in their way. Confident people don’t get thrown off course just because they don’t have the right title, the right staff, or the money to make things happen. Either they find a way to get what they need, or they figure out how to get by without it.

This is also a strength of mine. My folks were always quite resourceful and I think I inherited this trait.

They don’t get too comfortable. Confident people understand that getting too comfortable is the mortal enemy of achieving their goals. That’s because they know that comfort leads to complacency, and complacency leads to stagnation. When they start feeling comfortable, they take that as a big red flag and start pushing their boundaries again so that they can continue to grow as both a person and a professional. They understand that a little discomfort is a good thing.

When I start to get comfortable I get bored and I start looking for something new to try, learn, study, do. I think I yearn for a simple, idyllic life, something like life in the Shire in Middle Earth or romanticized agrarian Europe. Even if I had that I think I would be constantly reading and "stirring the pot"

 

[Seamus]

In regards to the 40% nurture part, Frankenstein's book about psychopathy is extremely useful...

Do you mean Victor Frankl's book? Sorry I'm confused...

Or maybe you're talking about Dr. Fraahnkensteeen

https://youtu.be/2p5AG0Tqh3A

 

[obyvatel]

In regards to the 40% nurture part, Frankenstein's book about psychopathy is extremely useful...

Do you mean Victor Frankl's book? Sorry I'm confused...

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,41416.msg642996.html#msg642996
[quote author=Laura]
"Psychopathy" by Carl (Karl) Frankenstein. Quite a fascinating read since it gives a lot of clues as to where Lobacewski's ideas came from (that type of school/inquiry/theorizing). There were obviously quite a few anti-Freudian types working on the problem back in the day but their work has been almost completely sidelined because of their "genetics is important" stance.

Alongside of psychopathy he must, naturally, discuss disorders that develop in people who are not essentially psychopathic and it sure gives one a lot of food for thought.

You can read his works made available on this site:
http://en.carl-frankenstein.com/HTMLs/page_691.aspx?c0=419&bsp=3
[/quote]

 

[Laura]

In regards to the 40% nurture part, Frankenstein's book about psychopathy is extremely useful because he talks a lot about different types of people and their possible early infancy experiences and how this can react with the genetic substratum to produce a wide variety of manifestations

And this is where you understand that what you are is the result of almost 99% of parameters you never controlled and never chosen...

Seems to me that such an understanding, in an adult, means that if you don't like those parameters or results, you can make at least SOME changes more to your own liking. You can also re-frame and learn to appreciate what you were born with and how you developed in the sense that it gives you the ability to understand what was not positive and to make efforts to change it. As Gurdjieff was reported to have said:

“It's only with the present that you can repair the past and prepare the future. The future and the past do not exist without the present. The present exists to repair all our mistakes and to prepare the future, that is to say, another life, desirable for you. It is very important for you to feel the present. You must do everything in order to have a present...a different tomorrow depends on the presence of today. It is necessary to practice.”

(G.I. Gurdjieff, “Questions and Responses,” from Gurdjieff - Essays and Reflections on the Man and His Teaching, edited by Jacob Needleman and George Baker)

If 40% of who you are is due to nurture, you can modify that. Yes, it may take effort - even super efforts - but it can be done if you want it badly enough.

 

[Menna]

This is what drives me what G talks about. Realizing that what you are born into was not in your control and dictates 2% 7% or 90% of who you are now might be so but why are we in this forum? To be stagnant to be complacent? If you are not moving forward you are moving backwards correct? Energy is always in motion. I joined this forum to learn about an interest that was birthed into me I did not choose to be interested in these topics at first however I do choose to move forward with the forum topics (free will) what will you do when you realize your narcissism is because of your mother, your codependency was because your parents were divorced and your poor diet is because you try to fill emotional voids due to poor relationships? What will you do? Choose to be successful in your life subjectively, objectively it doesn't really matter if it a goal that you choose and you believe it to be objective to you then accomplishing that goal is a form of success. Maybe you will learn something along the way maybe you will walk down your goal path and realize it's not what you really want...isn't this a form of success?

To me this topic is about people that move forward and take action. Contemplation is important however during contemplation I'm sure people that posses these traits are thinking about how can I be better.

You choose how you want to be in 3D on this journey you can be resourceful and positive/active or you can chose not to be

 

[sedenion]

Seems to me that such an understanding, in an adult, means that if you don't like those parameters or results, you can make at least SOME changes more to your own liking. You can also re-frame and learn to appreciate what you were born with and how you developed in the sense that it gives you the ability to understand what was not positive and to make efforts to change it.

If one are not like me, yes, this is what should be done (at least try to).

If 40% of who you are is due to nurture, you can modify that. Yes, it may take effort - even super efforts - but it can be done if you want it badly enough.

You first have to find a good reason to modify that (to try) it seem some intellectual abilities are double-edged...

 

[Laura]

If 40% of who you are is due to nurture, you can modify that. Yes, it may take effort - even super efforts - but it can be done if you want it badly enough.

You first have to find a good reason to modify that (to try) it seem some intellectual abilities are double-edged...

In the end, it comes down to love. You have to love something more than yourself even if it is only an abstraction such as the ideal of Truth. If you don't love anything more than yourself, you have a serious handicap I think.

So the question is: do you love anything more than yourself?

 

[dugdeep]

Thanks for posting the quiz Laura. I took the long version and was surprised by a number of the scores. Like DBZ mentioned, I have trouble with these tests often as so many of the answers can be dependent upon the situation or environment, ie. I'm a different person at work than in social situations. This is particularly true of the extraversion scale, which I think my be lower here than reflects how I present myself in some situations.

That said, the neuroticism score is really concerning and clearly the area I need to work at most.

EXTRAVERSION 15
Friendliness 62
Gregariousness 48
Assertiveness 33
Activity Level 2
Excitement-Seeking 1
Cheerfulness 19

AGREEABLENESS 77
Trust 61
Morality 54
Altruism 63
Cooperation 96
Modesty 85
Sympathy 38

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS 39
Self-Efficacy 1
Orderliness 83
Dutifulness 27
Achievement-Striving 23
Self-Discipline 24
Cautiousness 87

NEUROTICISM 97
Anxiety 99
Anger 61
Depression 95
Self-Consciousness 93
Immoderation 81
Vulnerability 99

OPENNESS 28
Imagination 44
Artistic Interests 19
Emotionality 37
Adventurousness 8
Intellect 25
Liberalism 79

 

[sedenion]

In the end, it comes down to love. You have to love something more than yourself even if it is only an abstraction such as the ideal of Truth. If you don't love anything more than yourself, you have a serious handicap I think.

Personnally, i am trapped in a knot bag of paradoxes and contradictions. When you choose to love something, you take the risk to lost this thing, or, to be disapointed about this thing. This is why i even have trouble to love myself, because i don't want to be disapointed by myself... And, this is only the visible part of the iceberg

What i love more than myself ? If i begin to really meditate about this question, i am sure to enter in some never-ending "ouroboros" considerations, self-judgment, and retro-seeking... as i said, some intellectual abilities are double-edged. This is why i avoid some questions...

So the question is: do you love anything more than yourself?

This is the only answer i can give for now :)

 

[Windmill knight]

I took the short version. In my Extroversion score, I'm fired! :( Well I knew that already, and I do try to work against that. Overall the test seems to be quite accurate, but then again, that's me saying that, who just answered the questions with what I think of myself.

EXTRAVERSION 30
..Friendliness 75
..Gregariousness 45
..Assertiveness 6
..Activity Level 9
..Excitement-Seeking 30
..Cheerfulness 57
Your score on Extraversion is low, indicating you are introverted, reserved, and quiet. You enjoy solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends.

AGREEABLENESS 89
..Trust 17
..Morality 85
..Altruism 87
..Cooperation 90
..Modesty 71
..Sympathy 98
Your high level of Agreeableness indicates a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative.

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS 79
..Self-Efficacy 17
..Orderliness 85
..Dutifulness 56
..Achievement-Striving 43
..Self-Discipline 89
..Cautiousness 92
Your score on Conscientiousness is high. This means you set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

NEUROTICISM 36
..Anxiety 87
..Anger 4
..Depression 51
..Self-Consciousness 61
..Immoderation 2
..Vulnerability 62
Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.

OPENNESS 96
..Imagination 82
..Artistic Interests 88
..Emotionality 92
..Adventurousness 89
..Intellect 91
..Liberalism 58
Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

 

[Maat]

In the end, it comes down to love. You have to love something more than yourself even if it is only an abstraction such as the ideal of Truth. If you don't love anything more than yourself, you have a serious handicap I think.

Personnally, i am trapped in a knot bag of paradoxes and contradictions. When you choose to love something, you take the risk to lost this thing, or, to be disapointed about this thing. This is why i even have trouble to love myself, because i don't want to be disapointed by myself... And, this is only the visible part of the iceberg

What i love more than myself ? If i begin to really meditate about this question, i am sure to enter in some never-ending "ouroboros" considerations, self-judgment, and retro-seeking... as i said, some intellectual abilities are double-edged. This is why i avoid some questions...

So the question is: do you love anything more than yourself?

This is the only answer i can give for now :)

Sedenion, maybe it would be useful for you to read this book : http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28420.0.html

Just said maybe, it's just a suggestion that may be wide of the mark.

 

[Pierre]

This is why i even have trouble to love myself, because i don't want to be disapointed by myself

It reminds me of my parents', and many other parents', conditional love. Only loving their kids if they have good marks, say yes, etc.

The problem is whatever good the marks were, it was never enough. A bigger problem is that as adults we often end up internalizing this conditional love and applying it to others and to ourselves.

 

[sedenion]

Sedenion, maybe it would be useful for you to read this book : http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28420.0.html

Just said maybe, it's just a suggestion that may be wide of the mark.

Indeed i pretty well fits with this "PCS personalitiy" description, but i am aware of that, and partially aware of where that come from... a good observer can even notice that i spend some amount of energy to diffuse to others a negative image of myself (for the same reason i spend energy to know myself, but mostly all the negatives aspects)... anyway i thank you (pretty well aimed), but reading a book is not what i need.

The problem is whatever good the marks were, it was never enough. A bigger problem is that as adults we often end up internalizing this conditional love and applying it to others and to ourselves.

I was my own most pitiless inquisitor, nobody can beat me (that was the goal: strategy of anticipation)... my parents are only indirectely responsible. About "love" i just don't want to deal with this word, since it refer to a totally fuzzy concept merging many diferent things... i know narcissism, i know "like" or "dislike", i now affective attachment, biological-affective attachment... for the rest, i admit my perfect ignorance.

Now, stops speaking about me, or this topic will become a personnal psychotherapy (and with me, that will never ends)...

PS: message to moderation: i also have a pending message in the topic "The Believing Brain and C's clues..."

 

[Marina9]

In the end, it comes down to love. You have to love something more than yourself even if it is only an abstraction such as the ideal of Truth. If you don't love anything more than yourself, you have a serious handicap I think.

Personnally, i am trapped in a knot bag of paradoxes and contradictions. When you choose to love something, you take the risk to lost this thing, or, to be disapointed about this thing. This is why i even have trouble to love myself, because i don't want to be disapointed by myself... And, this is only the visible part of the iceberg

What i love more than myself ? If i begin to really meditate about this question, i am sure to enter in some never-ending "ouroboros" considerations, self-judgment, and retro-seeking... as i said, some intellectual abilities are double-edged. This is why i avoid some questions...

So the question is: do you love anything more than yourself?

This is the only answer i can give for now :)

Sedenion, maybe it would be useful for you to read this book : http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28420.0.html

Just said maybe, it's just a suggestion that may be wide of the mark.

I agree with Maat, sedenion I think that book will be of great help, and it's written in a very empathetic way, so you will not get bored at all, it's like if ur having a conversation with the author. And also this book may be helpful too: https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=27829.0

In regards of what Laura mentioned about loving yourself more than anything, I saw this quote from Ark a while ago on a member's' signature, and I have posted it on my computer to remember myself daily about this, maybe it will come handy for you too :) :

FORGET "I should", forget it all. Replace it by "I LOVE TO DO ...." and skip completely the TIME issue. If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself. This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think.

 

[sedenion]

In regards of what Laura mentioned about loving yourself more than anything, I saw this quote from Ark a while ago on a member's' signature, and I have posted it on my computer to remember myself daily about this, maybe it will come handy for you too :) :

FORGET "I should", forget it all. Replace it by "I LOVE TO DO ...." and skip completely the TIME issue. If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself. This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think.

As i said before, i don't know what "love" mean... If i think about "love myself" this mean either narcissism or attachment to myself... so yes, i "take care of myself" as you see, i am not dead and not totaly depressive, so i keep some self-care functions, and i don't have lack of narcissism despite a very poor self-esteem (paradoxical ? welcome in my world).... fortunately (or not ?), some big arrogance is lying inside me.

PS: message to moderation: i also have a pending message in the topic "The Believing Brain and C's clues..."