Three Dreams - A slowly dieing ego struggles against the work?

[Cyre2067]

I had three very odd dreams this morning that 'stuck', i could feel the emotions that i was experiencing in the dream rather viscerally, which is rather unique for me.

I'm underground, and there's a fire illuminating the room. I'm feeling my body twist, and contort, it feels as if I'm morphing, bones cracking and rearranging, skin becoming hard and scalying, wings jutting out of my back and my skull rearranging itself so my lower jaw extends and puffs out. The process isn't painful, but awkward and the whole time I'm thinking "Oh my god! What's happening to me!?" I feel shocked and disturbed, but am too busy experiencing the transformation to worry about anything else.

I see a woman, she's pretty and has some white robes on, she's watching this and she feels bad for me. The process completes and I stretch these wings of mine, creating a shadow on the wall behind the woman, it's hideous. I see bones, blood and flesh on the ground(used to be mine). I move close to the woman, feeling the awkardness of my new body with each step i take, knowing I am no longer human. I put my head on her lap and she comforts me eventhou i feel like a monster, i feel like crying, but cannot.

So i just finished secret history, and in the end laura discusses the alchemical process of transformation which occurs to those who complete or are near completing "The Great Work" - in the literature its decribed as being chopped into pieces, taken apart, drained of all fluilds and having you head cut off and placed so it can watch the whole process. Then you're slowly put back together over the course of three years, this usually happens in the underworld, and when it's done you have new blood, bones, eyes, and abilities. Death/Rebirth.

I'm no where near there, infact I doubt I have a solid magnetic center yet. I've been suffering a spasm of depression lately, lot of emotional ongoings in my life that aren't pleasant, but were necessary. I feel like this relates somehow, like my ego fears the work is turning me into a monster, while in reality I know my ego, the current dominant I, the predator - IS the monster and I'm working on killing that so i can be reborn. So it's an interesting juxtaposition.

Again, underground in some sort of mine or tunnel system. This time there's a group of us, maybe three in total who I do not recognize but know as familiar. And we're trying to get out of this tunnel thing trying different passages, but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm getting frustrated, that's when i turn around and see this little hairy dwarf/alf-looking/critter staring at us from around a corner. When he sees me he looks startled and then runs away. We follow him and find a secret passage... we start working down it and find a light at the end of a tunnel and that's when the scene shifts.

Clearly Underground is a theme, maybe that's where i feel my 'real I' is? Buried, lost, confused and struggling to get out. I didn't get the sensation that the hairy critter was a threat, more like he was scared of us, and when we followed him we found what seemed to be a way out, though we never got there in the dream.

Much more typical dream of mine. My family and a few of my friends are vacationing in France (this is way out of the ordinary, my family doesn't goto non-english speaking places for vacation, and I've never traveled abroad with friends). We're in a mall/hotel thing, we've been there for a week and it's the day before we head back. I know our flight back to the US leaves from Paris, but we're somewhere in Southern France and we have no travel booked from there to Paris. So it's all a bit strange. My sister and her friend are leaving tonight to get on a train for paris and I'm wondering whether or not we should join them. I recall having the sensation of being really bored there and wanting to get home (that's how i felt when i visited paris IRL btw, which in retrospect was a struggle with my pred i ended up loosing), and NOT wanting to miss our flight the next day.

The scene shifts and I'm in a pub talking to some beautiful, blond actress who's work I really enjoy. At the time she was getting a lot of criticism, but i sat there, had a beer with her and we discussed her latest role and how much i really enjoyed her performance.

Now this is awkward for several reasons -

1.) the locale, france esp the notion of southern france and me 'wanting to go home' badly. This also gives me the idea that my ego is screaming/kicking against the work. It makes sense as lately I've been more lackidazical, esp since the emotional turmoil. Typically I'm good @ controlling my emotions, so when i get all 'overcome' and my behavior starts to get affected it really throws me for a loop and I don't feel 'like myself'. Though this morning i feel surprisingly better, even after the awkward dreaming.

2.) The travel dream is one that i've had repeatedly, the location tends to shift, usually its NYC/DC which are locations i travel to regularly and me somehow missing a train or a ride, or getting lost or losing my travelmates. I'm never with my family in these dreams thou, so that stuck out.

3.) The actress that was getting a lot of criticism? I can only think that given the setting and the feeling of admiration i had for her work that she represents laura. I just finished secret history last night and i can't tell you how appreciative I am she wrote that book. It's an incredible amount of work, not to mention 'high quality', ya have to read it to really 'get it' thou.

Sorry for the length, I just wanted to get these dreams 'out there' and i didn't analyze them until now, didn't have time when i wrote em in my journal. They were very 'intense' and had a feel that is different that my usual run of the mill super-hero fight the bad guy, help save someone dreams.

 

[Craig]

Hi Brent,

Clearly Underground is a theme, maybe that's where i feel my 'real I' is? Buried, lost, confused and struggling to get out.

Carl Jung would have a field day with the first dream, and I think your analysis is pretty much spot on. As for the 'real I' - buried and lost yes, confused and struggling no. That would be the false personality in reaction to losing its supremacy (the monstrous figure) whereas the soul is the woman in white. When imagining the dream and the woman observing your transformation (which to you was a horrifying process), the biblical verses on Love in 1 Corinthians came to mind. Those are all the qualities that the Real 'I' embodies. Why didn't she go running, screaming her lungs out and insulting you in the filthiest terms? Instead she suffered with you, because she represents the greatest part of you. Jung calls it the anima, and a couple of the dreams he analyses in his works contain a woman in bright robes as the guide to the seeker.

This is run of the mill stuff! The memory of the scraping sound the top of my skull made as I tried to screw it back on after "washing my brain" still remains, and then the horror at seeing my decomposing corpse lying dead on the bed. ;)