"The Prayer of the Soul" Translations

knowledge_of_self

The Living Force
Hey Bo

I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but I e-mailed the poem to my cousin in Iran, and she wrote it for me in Farci text and sent it back, so here it is :)


دعای روح

ای خداي هستی بخش ذهن
ای آنکه از همه خلقت مطلعی
جا گرفته در قلبم
سلطان ذهن
ناجي روح
در من زندگي کن
نان روزانه من باش
که من به ديگران نان بدهم
به من کمک کن که در دانش رشد کنم
در تمام خلقت
چشمهایم را پاک کن
که بتوانم ببینم
گوشهایم راپاک کن
که بتوانم بشنوم
قلبم را پاک کن
که بتوانم به
تقدس هستی حقیقی آگاهانه عشق بورزم
اي خدای هستی بخش ذهن


PS: Mods, Please keep the Farglish version of the poem on here, just in case someone like me can't read the Farci text... thanks
 

The Mechanic

Jedi Council Member
Hi salleles, thanks for your Dutch translation. I think it's very good. As an experiment I didn't read yours before making a translation myself, so as not to be influenced by your choice of words beforehand. So here is what I came up with:

"Het Gebed van de Ziel"

Oh Goddelijke Kosmische Geest
Heilig Bewustzijn in de Schepping
Gedragen in het Hart
Heerser van de Geest
Redder van de Ziel
Leef in mij vandaag
Wees mijn Dagelijks Brood
Gelijk ik anderen Brood geef
Help mij groeien in Kennis
Van Gans de Schepping
Zuiver mijn Ogen
Opdat ik mag Zien
Zuiver mijn Oren
Opdat ik mag Horen
Zuiver mijn Hart
Opdat ik mag Weten en Liefhebben
De Heiligheid van Waarachtig Bestaan
Goddelijke Kosmische Geest


As you can see it came out quite different. This was what I expected actually, because Dutch is a language full synonyms that are more or less overlapping in meaning, and people choose different ones all the time.

I chose "in de schepping" as opposed to your "al het geschapene" (line two), which is kind of the same but not exactly the same. I do believe that 'in' is better than 'van' because the original English 'in' is much closer in meaning. I think the second sentence means to say that the divine cosmic mind (1st line) is holy awareness in all creation, meaning that there is literally awareness in all creation, not of all creation. 'Van' would be closer to 'of' in English, so I used 'in'. I think your 'al het geschapene' is a beautiful find!

I used 'geest' in stead of 'verstand' as you did in line four. I think it's closer to the original meaning, but I could be way off. What do you think? And what would be the difference in the meaning of the word 'mind' in line one and four?

I choose to translate 'As' into 'Gelijk' in stead of your 'Zoals' (line eight), but the meaning is, as far as i know, almost the same. One could use 'evenals', 'net zoals' or 'evenzo' as well. 'Gelijk' just sounded better to me, but that could be just my Christian upbringing speaking from the past :)

I translated 'Help me grow in knowledge' as 'Help mij groeien in Kennis', where you translated it as 'Help mij kennis te vergaren'. Don't really know which would be best. My translation feels a bit awkward, but it is correct spelling and grammar, and I think close to the original. 'Kennis vergaren' would translate back as 'gather knowledge' I think. Any thoughts on this anyone?

What I also noticed is that you translated 'clear' differently three times, as 'schoon', 'zuiver' en 'reinig' (line 11, 13 and 15). I chose to use 'zuiver' in all cases because I feel 'reinig' is more something you would do to the kitchen sink, and 'schoon' isn't much used as a verb, much more as a noun. I also think 'zuiver' comes closest to the original meaning, but that could be my subjective opinion also. When you would translate 'zuiver' back to English it would be closer to 'pure' than clear, though google translate does suggest 'clear'. When translating 'reinig' and 'schoon' to English google suggests 'clean', which is close but different.

Another difference between your translation and mine is that I used 'mag' as a translaten of 'may', where you used 'kan' (line 16 and 17). I think 'mag' is closer, but still a bit off. I also used 'Opdat' in stead of 'Zodat', but those are very close. Still thinking about that one.

Last one: I used 'waarachtig bestaan' where you used 'het ware bestaan'. I think both are good.

I'll try to get my hands on some of those old heavy Dutch dictionaries to look up some more words. I think my dad has one, and hem being a school teacher I'll also ask him to translate the prayer, just to see what he comes up with. Although Dutch is my first language this little exercise surprised me because it illustrated to me what a difficult language it is.

Please feel free to comment. I hope we can get to a final Dutch translation of the prayer.
 
What a great idea to translate before reading mine, Mechanic! This way you delivered the text completely open minded.

I'll try to get my hands on some of those old heavy Dutch dictionaries to look up some more words. I think my dad has one, and hem being a school teacher I'll also ask him to translate the prayer, just to see what he comes up with.

Excellent. Can't wait to read his version and refine the prayer some more. Of course, input from others would be much appreciated.

About your suggestions:

I do believe that 'in' is better than 'van' because the original English 'in' is much closer in meaning.

I totally agree with that one. Much better.

With 'De schepping' I felt a little too much biblical associations coming up (although I wasn't raised that way).

Also, next to feminin and masculin words, the dutch uses 'neutral' (onzijdig) nouns, just as in German. 'De schepping', though feminin, sounds sort of masculin. 'Al het geschapene' is neutral. That's too why I still prefer the last one.

I used 'geest' in stead of 'verstand' as you did in line four. I think it's closer to the original meaning, but I could be way off. What do you think? And what would be the difference in the meaning of the word 'mind' in line one and four?

Good one. I thought of a difference between mind in the 'human sense' and mind in the 'higher sense'. But I agree with you, 'Geest' is better here and more consistent.

I choose to translate 'As' into 'Gelijk' in stead of your 'Zoals' (line eight), but the meaning is, as far as i know, almost the same. One could use 'evenals', 'net zoals' or 'evenzo' as well. 'Gelijk' just sounded better to me, but that could be just my Christian upbringing speaking from the past.

'Gelijk', used in that way, sounds rather archaic in Dutch. As far as I know, it is mainly used in a 'funny' manner. So for the readability I prefer 'Zoals', just like the German version.

I translated 'Help me grow in knowledge' as 'Help mij groeien in Kennis', where you translated it as 'Help mij kennis te vergaren'. Don't really know which would be best. My translation feels a bit awkward, but it is correct spelling and grammar, and I think close to the original. 'Kennis vergaren' would translate back as 'gather knowledge' I think. Any thoughts on this anyone?

Input from others would indeed be very welcome here. But I must confess I never heard of 'groeien in kennis' :)

What I also noticed is that you translated 'clear' differently three times, as 'schoon', 'zuiver' en 'reinig' (line 11, 13 and 15). I chose to use 'zuiver' in all cases because I feel 'reinig' is more something you would do to the kitchen sink, and 'schoon' isn't much used as a verb, much more as a noun. I also think 'zuiver' comes closest to the original meaning, but that could be my subjective opinion also. When you would translate 'zuiver' back to English it would be closer to 'pure' than clear, though google translate does suggest 'clear'. When translating 'reinig' and 'schoon' to English google suggests 'clean', which is close but different.

Jeremy F Kreuz also suggested 'Zuiver'. I think my interpretation was more subjective than yours, by searching a bit 'forced' for suitable translations. Thus 3x 'zuiver is the better one.

Another difference between your translation and mine is that I used 'mag' as a translaten of 'may', where you used 'kan' (line 16 and 17). I think 'mag' is closer, but still a bit off.

Agreed, 'mag' is literally closer, but I chose deliberately for the stronger 'kan'. This one stays open, I reckon.

I also used 'Opdat' in stead of 'Zodat', but those are very close. Still thinking about that one.

See 'Zoals' above. 'Opdat' is (somewhat) archaic in Dutch, so I would prefer to keep 'Zodat' for concistency - and readability.

Last one: I used 'waarachtig bestaan' where you used 'het ware bestaan'. I think both are good.

Difficult one. As you said, both are fine translations. I guess we'll have to wait and see what others think.

Please feel free to comment. I hope we can get to a final Dutch translation of the prayer.

I think we are slowly moving into the right direction :)

Oh Goddelijke Kosmische Geest
Heilig Bewustzijn in al het Geschapene
Gedragen in het Hart
Heerser van de Geest
Redder van de Ziel
Leef vandaag in mij
Wees mijn Dagelijks Brood
Zoals ik anderen Brood geef
Help mij Kennis te vergaren
Van Al het Geschapene
Zuiver mijn Ogen
Zodat ik kan Zien
Zuiver mijn Oren
Zodat ik kan Horen
Zuiver mijn Hart
Zodat ik de Heiligheid van het Ware Bestaan
Kan weten en liefhebben
Goddelijke Kosmische Geest
 

Oxajil

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
This is what I prefer the most checking both of your translations:

I like...
- ''Al Het Geschapene'' better, because it sounds more ''fluid'' if that makes sense.
- ''Leef vandaag in mij'' better than ''Leef in mij vandaag'', because it sounds grammatically better even though both are correct. Though I think both would fit.
- ''Help mij Kennis te vergaren'', because it sounds better than ''groeien in Kennis'', which sounds more literally.
- ''Opdat'' better, because I think it makes the sentence sound more open. Though I think both would fit (zodat/opdat).

In the original version we read

Clear my eyes/ears and Cleanse my heart
So that's why I used
Zuiver mijn ogen/oren en Reinig mijn hart instead of 3x Zuiver

Het Gebed van de Ziel

Oh Goddelijke Kosmische Geest
Heilig Bewustzijn in Al Het Geschapene
Gedragen in het Hart
Heerser van de Geest
Redder van de Ziel
Leef vandaag in mij
Wees mijn Dagelijks Brood
Zoals ik anderen brood geef
Help mij kennis te vergaren
Van Al Het Geschapene
Zuiver mijn ogen
Opdat ik kan Zien
Zuiver mijn oren
Opdat ik kan horen
Reinig mijn hart
Opdat ik de Heiligheid van Het Ware Bestaan
Kan Weten en Liefhebben
Goddelijke Kosmische Geest

edit: (I also think you could use Gelijk instead of Zoals if you prefer that)
 

Chu

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
Hi,

Looking at all these wonderful translations of the Prayer of the Soul and amazed at the interactions and help going on among forum members, I thought of reminding you to read this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=12953.0 in case somebody missed it and is interested in the project.

It is excellent to see the Prayer of the Soul in so many languages!
 

Mountain Crown

The Living Force
[quote author=Ailén ]It is excellent to see the Prayer of the Soul in so many languages![/quote]

Yes. Iit's wonderful, and highly significant.
 

Luks

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Lucas said:
O Boży kosmiczny Umyśle
Święta świadomości całego stworzenia
Noszona w sercu
Władco umysłu
Zbawicielu duszy
żyj we mnie dzisiaj
Zostań moim codziennym chlebem
Tak jak ja daje chleb innym
Pomóż mi rosnąć w wiedzę
Wszelkiego stworzenia
oczyść moje oczy
tak abym mógł widzieć
oczyść moje uszy
tak abym mógł słyszeć
Oczyścić moje serce
/
Tak abym mógł rozpoznawać [czym jest miłość] i kochać
/
Tak abym wiedział kiedy jestem zakochany i mógł kochać

Prawdziwa święta egzystencjo
Boży kosmiczny umyśle


If you can modify it pleas do it .

O Boży Kosmiczny Umyśle
Święta Świadomości Całego Stworzenia
Umiejscowiona w Sercu
Władco umysłu
Zbawicielu Duszy
Żyj we mnie dzisiaj
Zostań moim Chlebem Powszednim
Tak jak ja daje chleb innym
Pomóż mi rosnąć w wiedzę
Całego Stworzenia
Oczyść moje oczy
Abym widział
Oczyść moje uszy
Abym słyszał
Oczyść moje serce
Abym potrafił kochać
Świętość Rzeczywistej Egzystencji
Boski Kosmiczny Umyśle

How it pleases you?
 

Blacki

Dagobah Resident
Luks said:
Lucas said:
O Boży kosmiczny Umyśle
Święta świadomości całego stworzenia
Noszona w sercu
Władco umysłu
Zbawicielu duszy
żyj we mnie dzisiaj
Zostań moim codziennym chlebem
Tak jak ja daje chleb innym
Pomóż mi rosnąć w wiedzę
Wszelkiego stworzenia
oczyść moje oczy
tak abym mógł widzieć
oczyść moje uszy
tak abym mógł słyszeć
Oczyścić moje serce
/
Tak abym mógł rozpoznawać [czym jest miłość] i kochać
/
Tak abym wiedział kiedy jestem zakochany i mógł kochać

Prawdziwa święta egzystencjo
Boży kosmiczny umyśle


If you can modify it pleas do it .

O Boży Kosmiczny Umyśle
Święta Świadomości Całego Stworzenia
Umiejscowiona w Sercu
Władco umysłu
Zbawicielu Duszy
Żyj we mnie dzisiaj
Zostań moim Chlebem Powszednim
Tak jak ja daje chleb innym
Pomóż mi rosnąć w wiedzę
Całego Stworzenia
Oczyść moje oczy
Abym widział
Oczyść moje uszy
Abym słyszał
Oczyść moje serce
Abym potrafił kochać
Świętość Rzeczywistej Egzystencji
Boski Kosmiczny Umyśle

How it pleases you?

And now it is very important !! :)

ARK If you can pleas Give us Polish Final Correct version .
OR maybe these two version are good ????
 

Andrian

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
hi to all i want to try to translate in romanian

Rugaciunea sufletului
O, minte cosmica divina
Sfinta constiinta in toata creatia
Purtata in inima
Conducator al mintii
Salvator al sufletului
Traieste in mine astazi
Fii piinea mea zilnica
Cum impart piinea cu altii
Ajuta-ma sa cresc in cunostinte
A tot ce exista
Purifica-mi ochii
Ca sa pot vedea
Purifica-mi urechile
Ca sa pot auzi
Purifica-mi inima
Sa pot cunoaste si iubi
Sfintenie a adevaratei existente
Minte cosmica divina.
 

gurjf

Jedi
My "Prayer of the Soul".
Mi "Oracion del Alma".

La Oracion del alma

Oh Mente cosmica divina
Sagrada conciencia en toda la creacion
Llevada en el corazon
Regidora de la mente
Salvadora del alma
Vive en mi hoy
Se mi diario alimento
Asi como yo doy alimento a los demas
Ayudame a crecer en conocimiento
De toda la creacion
Limpia mis ojos
Para que pueda ver
Limpia mis oidos
Para que pueda escuchar
Lava mi corazon
Para que pueda conocer y amar
La grandeza de la verdadera existencia cosmica
Mente cosmica divina.


I like it like that!!!! :halo: Yeah!!!
 

knowledge_of_self

The Living Force
gurjf said:
My "Prayer of the Soul".
Mi "Oracion del Alma".

La Oracion del alma

Oh Mente cosmica divina
Sagrada conciencia en toda la creacion
Llevada en el corazon
Regidora de la mente
Salvadora del alma
Vive en mi hoy
Se mi diario alimento
Asi como yo doy alimento a los demas
Ayudame a crecer en conocimiento
De toda la creacion
Limpia mis ojos
Para que pueda ver
Limpia mis oidos
Para que pueda escuchar
Lava mi corazon
Para que pueda conocer y amar
La grandeza de la verdadera existencia cosmica
Mente cosmica divina.


I like it like that!!!! :halo: Yeah!!!

Hey gurjf, it might be helpful to others like me who don't speak that language if you could please state what language you've translated it to. I see it as some dialect of either spanish or laten?
thanks :)
 

MilkoJanovich

The Force is Strong With This One
Lucas said:
Luks said:
Lucas said:
O Boży kosmiczny Umyśle
Święta świadomości całego stworzenia
Noszona w sercu
Władco umysłu
Zbawicielu duszy
żyj we mnie dzisiaj
Zostań moim codziennym chlebem
Tak jak ja daje chleb innym
Pomóż mi rosnąć w wiedzę
Wszelkiego stworzenia
oczyść moje oczy
tak abym mógł widzieć
oczyść moje uszy
tak abym mógł słyszeć
Oczyścić moje serce
/
Tak abym mógł rozpoznawać [czym jest miłość] i kochać
/
Tak abym wiedział kiedy jestem zakochany i mógł kochać

Prawdziwa święta egzystencjo
Boży kosmiczny umyśle


If you can modify it pleas do it .

O Boży Kosmiczny Umyśle
Święta Świadomości Całego Stworzenia
Umiejscowiona w Sercu
Władco umysłu
Zbawicielu Duszy
Żyj we mnie dzisiaj
Zostań moim Chlebem Powszednim
Tak jak ja daje chleb innym
Pomóż mi rosnąć w wiedzę
Całego Stworzenia
Oczyść moje oczy
Abym widział
Oczyść moje uszy
Abym słyszał
Oczyść moje serce
Abym potrafił kochać
Świętość Rzeczywistej Egzystencji
Boski Kosmiczny Umyśle

How it pleases you?

And now it is very important !! :)

ARK If you can pleas Give us Polish Final Correct version .
OR maybe these two version are good ????

In my opinion both versions are good but "Noszona w sercu" sounds better than "umiejscowiona w sercu" and "chleb powszedni" is better than "codzienny chleb" but those are only little details. the last part is problematical but I suppose Divine Cosmic Mind is smart enough to understand our intentions and thoughts and that both "Tak abym mógł rozpoznawać [czym jest miłość] i kochać" and "Abym potrafił kochać
Świętość Rzeczywistej Egzystencji" probably can be correct, but "Tak abym wiedział kiedy jestem zakochany" is, as I think, not what Laura was thinking about. It is not the state of being in love with other person important but to love the whole existence in the real sense - Love=Light=Knowledge . It is also good to translate the word "know" in that sentence correctly - "abym potrafił kochać świętość rzeczywistej egzystencji" is in my opinion not enough while Sitta's translation "Abym mogła rozpoznać/poznać i kochać" seems to me to be the best one.
 

nemo

Jedi
puzzle said:
Oh göttlicher kosmischer Geist
Heiliges Bewusstsein in aller Schöpfung
Getragen im Herzen
Gebieter des Verstandes
Retter der Seele
Lebe in mir heute
Sei mein tägliches Brot / Sei mein täglich Brot
wie ich anderen Brot gebe / So wie ich Brot an andere gebe
Hilf mir in Wissen zu wachsen
Von aller Schöpfung
Lichte meine Augen
dass ich sehen kann / So dass ich sehen kann
Kläre meine Ohren
dass ich hören kann / So dass ich hören kann
Läutere mein Herz
dass ich wissen und lieben kann / So dass ich wissen und lieben kann
Die Heiligkeit Wahrer Existenz
Göttlich kosmischer Geist.

Few weeks ago I`ve asked my flatmate to translate the soul prayer into German.
You can compare it with the other translations and decide for yourself which version comes closest to the original.
It´s a formal variation only, the pure content is practically the same in all 3 versions. Hope I`m not confusing.

O göttlicher kosmischer Geist
Heiliges Bewusstsein in aller Schöpfung
Im Herzen getragen
Herrscher des Geistes
Retter der Seele
Lebe heute in mir
Sei mein tägliches Brot
So wie auch ich anderen Brot gebe
Hilf mir im Wissen um alle Schöpfung
Zu wachsen
Reinige meine Augen
Auf dass ich sehen möge
Reinige meine Ohren
Auf dass ich hören möge
Läutere mein Herz
Auf dass ich wissen möge und lieben
Die Heiligkeit wahren Daseins
Göttlicher kosmischer Geist
 

Saša

Dagobah Resident
I would still propose some minor (cosmetic) changes to the Croatian version...
(changes in reference to jubazo's version are in bold)

"Molitva Duše"

O Božanski Kosmički Umu
Sveta Svjesnosti u Cijelom Stvaranju
Nošen u srcu
Vladaru misli
Spasitelju Duše
Živi u meni danas
Budi moj Kruh svagdašnji
Kao što ja dajem kruh drugima
Pomozi mi da rastem u Znanju
O Cijelom Stvaranju
Očisti moje Oči
Da mogu vidjeti
Očisti moje uši
Da mogu čuti
Pročisti moje Srce
Da mogu znati i voljeti
Svetost Istinskog Postojanja
Božanski Kosmički Umu

Word "svagdašnji" contains some biblical gloss, but it's more common and stronger than "dnevni", imo.
 
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