PTSD and Cometary primal fear?

Gary

The Cosmic Force
FOTCM Member
A couple of days after the Russian meteor in February this year (or denatured comet as the C’s termed it) I did my usual full EE program (have been doing EE weekly for a year or more, with beneficial results) which, despite feeling a bit depressed and irritable beforehand, felt naturally calming and quite uneventful. I just had my usual ear ringing and tingling sensation. Afterwards however, as I sat quietly, the significance of the Russian meteor really hit me. I began to have the sudden realisation that although I had read nearly all I could from Laura/SOTT, pertaining to the subject - it was/is really happening!!! I became aware, in a vague dreamy state, of a version of ‘me’ clawing at the earth with sheer desperation to dig a hole and hide. I did not ‘feel’ the terror that would lead to this primitive, animalistic survival response, and felt quite calm observing this (Ironically, I keep meaning to post a thread on Sacred Shelters for Soul Communities - earth change mitigating, really affordable, community built. Inspired by Intelligent Design not fear based survivalist thinking. A reminder perhaps?!)

Anyway, a month ago I attended my first group meet up, which was great and we ended the weekend doing EE. It never occurred to me that a group session may well ‘amplify’ any possible sensations/experiences, and I felt completely relaxed doing it. Immediately afterwards though I felt cold and shivery. However as soon as I left to drive home I began shaking uncontrollably, and for the entire 3 hour journey there was no respite. I have never experienced anything like it before, I felt scared and vulnerable (I never ‘thought’ to pull over and at least belly breath or try pipe breathing). Fortunately the roads were quite clear and I stayed in the slow lane, hunched over, praying constantly for a safe journey home. Eventually I got back and crawled into bed, sweaty and shaky, and fell into a very deep, long sleep. I felt really shaken up, disassociated and fatigued for well over a week afterwards.

I felt it may have been a ‘healing crisis’ of sorts, sudden onset of flu (I did later develop a cough - perhaps the result of my trying to smoke that weekend though - and some aching) or PTSD episode. Although I have experienced a huge outpouring of grief from a probable past life before, ‘survivors guilt’ (under hypnosis I saw the burnt remains of the Indian village, where my family and community lived and assumed it was from a deliberate act of arson. I didn’t know about ’fire from the sky’ at that time, so that is a possibility too, and I remain open minded yet healthily sceptical) it wasn’t until I came across a similar thread (PTSS may stem from guilt more than fear of death or injury) that it occurred to me that, via EE, possibly the Russian meteor had triggered some ‘primal fear’ of cometary threats or I may have experienced another past-life ‘flash back’?


Evolutionary psychology

Mammals generally display several defensive behaviors roughly dependent on how close the threat is: avoidance, vigilant immobility, withdrawal, aggressive defense, appeasement, and finally complete frozen immobility (the last possibly to confuse a predator's attack reflex or to simulate a dead and contaminated body). PTSD may correspond to and be caused by overactivation of such fear circuits. Thus, PTSD avoidance behaviors may correspond to mammal avoidance of and withdrawal from threats. Heightened memory of past threats may increase avoidance of similar situations in the future as well as be a prerequisite for analyzing the past threat and develop better defensive behaviors if the threat should reoccur. PTSD hyper arousal may correspond to vigilant immobility and aggressive defense.

Posttraumatic stress disorder - Wikipedia


As always, ‘knowledge protects’. I am not qualified to make a self diagnosis on whether or not I suffered an episode of PTSD (although I recognise some symptoms) and don’t know even if it was, if there is a definite connection to past life experiences. But, that’s what it felt like.

Kind of makes one wonder how the vast majority of folk out there (without any knowledge of cyclical catastrophes, EE, diet, psychology etc), will respond to unexpected and potentially terrifying celestial events or triggered memories of them, and the consequences thereof. Immobilized (frozen) or aggressive I suspect.

Maybe it was the cumulative effect of repeated viewing of recent cometary and meteor videos, repeated reading of related historical and scientific books and articles, striving to do the Work etc, that gave me the ‘window of opportunity’ to experience the ‘shock’ that I needed?


Shocks are necessary for man to be shaken out of his normal state of complacency. Special conditions are needed for man to gain moments of a different consciousness and these conditions involve internal friction and shocks.
If the little I's inside one are never shaken, never made to have friction with each other or to move against one another, these will never be noticed. Shocks are necessary first for one to become conscious of this internal multiplicity and later to forge unity out of the multitude.
In this sense, a shock is anything that evokes an emotional reaction. Often this reaction is subjectively seen as disagreeable but this is not always so.
To gain consciousness or mastery over the self, shocks are necessary. They are both a wake-up call and a test and the light whereby one can see the self
. By being repeatedly shocked one can build knowledge of self and control over its mechanical reactions.
Another meaning of the word shock has to do with the Law of Seven. All processes are octaves and there are two shocks in the octave, one between the notes Mi and Fa and another between the Si of the preceding and the Do of the next octave. A special influx of energy or shock is needed for the octave to continue its progress over these special intervals.
In 4th Way work, the activities of self-remembering and transformation of negative emotion have to do with providing shocks helping the psychic metabolism to do its work.

Shocks - Cass glossary


Essentially, I really wanted to learn and understand about comets and cyclical catastrophes but it required effort. A little ‘I’ was probably quite content engaging in a ‘safer’ intellectual type ‘learning’ process, as the knowledge of such events and their consequences, can be more than a little ‘uncomfortable’! I only mention this as a reminder. From reading about other folks’ experiences, I can more readily observe my own ‘self calming’ tendencies, which can be quite subtle.


This is the process of pushing aside thoughts or emotions that are uncomfortable.

This is a pervasive characteristic of the human condition and is found at many levels.

In the most basic sense, self-calming takes place when one rationalizes and self-justifies actions or inactions which one is not comfortable with. This amounts to putting one's conscience to sleep. This action is opposed to consciousness or conscience and is a way of furthering sleep. Systematic self-calming makes buffers.

However, the more complex forms of self-calming go far beyond simply excusing one's behavior because one was lazy/tired/drunk/in lust/under some other mechanical influence or because everybody does the same thing or because the human is imperfect.

In a spiritual sense, self-calming can take many forms of denying reality. Blind belief in a fundamentalistic deity can be an extremely potent agent of self-calming. It is apt to rationalize murder, genocide, pillage and rape. No human debasement is such that the committed true believer could not do it if the hypnosis of blind belief is potent enough.

A still subtler form of this is found in some practices that seek to induce a state of spiritual bliss as an end in itself. In these practices, self-calming hides behind the noble goal of seeking contact with 'higher realities.' A lot of the New Age talk about 'space brothers' being here to save us or that all is right with the world or that one only needs to think nice to have a nice world are agents of self-calming.

Much of pop psychology teaches ways of self-calming.

In all its forms, self-calming promotes subjectivity and further divides the personality from reality as well as promotes the further factionalization of little I's.

Man cannot function in a state of abject horror. Therefore some means of emotional regulation are necessary. The human organism is wired to naturally provide these through mechanisms of dissociation, repressing memories and so forth. These are to a degree necessary for life in the world.

The division between what is self-calming and what is a survival response is not always clear cut. Generally, self-calming is done for comfort and with a degree of deliberateness, even if self-calming itself were rationalized as yet something else, whereas trauma responses are automatic and in real time.

Self-calming - Cass glossary


Personally the main discernable result of this recent ’shock’ (PTSD or whatever) is that I feel an increased (I am not getting complacent) sense of psychological ‘preparedness’ for ‘something evil this way comes‘ - the ‘doozie‘ and its ‘friends‘ as the C‘s recently stated. I am also speaking about these celestial threats more openly, rationally yet sensitively with my children and others (with strategic enclosure and external considering), and it has given me much needed focus again, networking and DOing. Although I am not feeling ’fear’ as such consciously , this experience was a reminder of how essential and powerful EE actually is, particularly when dealing with our unknown subconscious (perhaps on many other levels too?) issues; and our deepest, darkest ‘primal fears’.

Session 28 November 2009

[...] (I**) What about these New Agey people who are so excited about the wave without any knowledge about it. And there is kind of anticipation...

A: If they want to surf the wave they must work to get ready, they must do the EIRIU EOLAS program to get in synch. A lot of little personal wavelets or ripples won't change anything. That is what 4D STS knows and why they seek to engender divisiveness. It is also not worth the risk of being smashed by hidden negative emotions, so best to get on with getting them cleared. Better safe than sorry!!!![/i]
 
What you describe is similar to how I experience reality--even the horror of an anticipated event--without the language filters to narratize (narcotize) and buffer experience. This can happen during deep meditative experiences. I think people would be surprised at just how much of their experience of reality is really buffered in various ways.

This has happened to me to various degrees after being deep in thought for some time in certain problem areas. It's like a huge loss of heat energy, followed sometimes immediately, sometimes a day or two later, by some kind of insight or understanding. Regardless though, during this time I just bundle up, go to bed or just pile the layers on until I warm back up because I can shake pretty violently sometimes. Energy always returns though, and when it does I'll feel better than ever. That's the best way I can explain it ATM.
 
It looks to me that you are experiencing fear which is deriving from your body and its fear of non-existence. I think you shouldn't be worry about it as it is one of parts of natural feelings that we feel. However, remember that you are not the body and don't let these feelings to take over control of you. Have priorities and focus on what is really important but keep your attention to the signals your body sends to you, because, in instance, save your life.

FWIW
 
Thanks for you comments.

I am currently reading Comets and the Horns of Moses, and just wanted to share the following that I have only just read and seems very ‘timely’. I have emphasised what I consider the most pertinent parts, relevant to this thread, in bold.

Once you abandon rationalism in one domain, it is all too easy to be irrational in another one. The default setting of the human brain is to seek causes for effects; this was evolutionarily adaptive because the creature that can read the signs of the environment correctly , and anticipate future events that might be fatal, survives. If you add that evolutionary tendency to self-awareness, interesting things happen. Human beings are able to remember past mistakes and, with this ability to recognise patterns, anticipate how things could go wrong in the future; they can also conceive of their own death in the future. Being wired to figure out a solution, a defensive response, and also to conserve energy, religious belief becomes the path of least resistance. Disbelief and facing hard truths or painful realities, on the other hand, requires effort and causes mental pain. Studies have shown that trauma - generally associated with fight, flight, or freeze responses - can activate this circuit in a powerful way, and that is where things get sticky.” (pages 69-70)

For me an increasingly significant aspect of ‘being prepared’ (as has been discussed in the recent session with the C’S) is facing the issue of death. Being able to accept that what we perceive as ‘death’ is just as natural as birth, within the living system; but just how 'prepared' are we facing probable or imminent 'death'? Be that, checking out to 5D, graduating to 4D; or living as a caveman under a red sky starting over again in 3D, which would feel like a 'living death' particularly if one had some memory left (after the catastrophic trauma) of having had opportunities to not only acquire but ACT on knowledge.

“Some of the scientific studies being done in cognitive science are terrifying in their implications for society considering the fact that the tendencies they reveal are rather widespread. For example, many people believe that when there are intimations of danger they have some sort of automatic system that will kick in and protect them and if they don’t feel that ’fight or flight’ response, everything must be okay. But that isn’t true. There is a tendency to normalise even the most terrifying dangers; the brain can’t tolerate the pain or the effect, so it basically shuts down. The truth seems to be that, when warned of danger, most human beings do not do things necessary for their survival. John Leach, a psychologist at the University of Lancaster who studies freezing under stress, says about 75% of people find it impossible to reason during a catastrophic event of impending doom. The 15 or so percent on either side of the bell curve react either with unimpaired, heightened awareness or blubbering, confused panic. Normalcy bias is freezing or stalling during a crisis and pretending everything will continue to be normal.” (page 72)

I intend to be part of the 15% or so, with "unimpaired, heightened awareness" - It seems much less likely I can be of STO alignment, or strive to protect my self and loved ones if either "freezing" or engaging in "blubbering, confused panic." But I do understand whatever happens, as the Wave approaches ever closer there will be increasingly traumatic times ahead. There is no hiding place. An 'island of survival' seems to be a state of Being, not a 'safe underground bunker' which is 3D, fear driven, wishful thinking. Yet, moving to a safer locale, with adequate provisions, working on Self and being part of a network may well feel like an 'island of survival'.

With knowledge, we can mitigate as much as possible the impact of this 'thermonuclear blast' or however the C's describe the effect of the Wave. Watching unfolding economic collapse, cometary activity, plagues or whatever, may well feel like a stroll in the park, compared to when the wave hits! Dealing with trauma in its many guises, on different levels, may well be important lessons to learn.

I have had experiences of death, that has greatly lessened any fear of my own demise. But the thought of my loved ones, especially my children, suffering causes me pain, not so much them dying. Feeling the possible suffering and yet accepting the emotional 'attachment' associated death, knowing its not the 'end' is maybe a natural response. Lessening limiting emotions like fear based 'love', for more expansive emotions like 'real love'.

The only time I can recall being paralysed with fear, was having a High Strangeness experience, glimpsing what I understand now to be an 'alternate reality'. I have benefited hugely from reading books (Laura, John Keel, Karla Turner etc) and threads relating to this topic, so I may be less fearful if I had a similar experience now.
 
I felt it may have been a ‘healing crisis’ of sorts, sudden onset of flu (I did later develop a cough - perhaps the result of my trying to smoke that weekend though - and some aching) or PTSD episode. Although I have experienced a huge outpouring of grief from a probable past life before, ‘survivors guilt’ (under hypnosis I saw the burnt remains of the Indian village, where my family and community lived and assumed it was from a deliberate act of arson. I didn’t know about ’fire from the sky’ at that time, so that is a possibility too, and I remain open minded yet healthily sceptical) it wasn’t until I came across a similar thread (PTSS may stem from guilt more than fear of death or injury) that it occurred to me that, via EE, possibly the Russian meteor had triggered some ‘primal fear’ of cometary threats or I may have experienced another past-life ‘flash back’?


I feel I have been struggling recently with possible 'survivors guilt' issues again, similar to when I wrote this last year. Although I have poor internet reception, I try to keep up with SOTT and the forum, even if I cannot easily post (on mobile phone. I am using a friends broadband now.) More than the increasingly extreme earth changes, societal upheavals etc that is quite evident, it is the 'fire from the sky' threat that seems to affect me a lot more. Whatever the cause of this stress/anxiety (I have been quite depressed, tearful and fatigued over several weeks) would reading Fear of the Abyss by Dr Aleta Edwards be beneficial, or could somebody recommend another book. I am improving my diet again, practicing EE more and am focusing on healthier relationships, but feel I am missing an important lesson somehow, so any help would be appreciated.


“Once you abandon rationalism in one domain, it is all too easy to be irrational in another one. The default setting of the human brain is to seek causes for effects; this was evolutionarily adaptive because the creature that can read the signs of the environment correctly , and anticipate future events that might be fatal, survives. If you add that evolutionary tendency to self-awareness, interesting things happen. Human beings are able to remember past mistakes and, with this ability to recognise patterns, anticipate how things could go wrong in the future; they can also conceive of their own death in the future. Being wired to figure out a solution, a defensive response, and also to conserve energy, religious belief becomes the path of least resistance. Disbelief and facing hard truths or painful realities, on the other hand, requires effort and causes mental pain. Studies have shown that trauma - generally associated with fight, flight, or freeze responses - can activate this circuit in a powerful way, and that is where things get sticky.”
(Comets and HoM pages 69-70)

I want to survive, and help others where possible, but don't fully understand the above statement nor why I have being feeling so full of apathy recently. I am slowly getting more energy back, but have been sleeping more than usual too. I still feel such a profound sense of inner sadness / imminent danger sometimes, painfully accepting the real terror of our situation perhaps? I wonder if I am experiencing a form of 'normalcy bias' or denial?


“Some of the scientific studies being done in cognitive science are terrifying in their implications for society considering the fact that the tendencies they reveal are rather widespread. For example, many people believe that when there are intimations of danger they have some sort of automatic system that will kick in and protect them and if they don’t feel that ’fight or flight’ response, everything must be okay. But that isn’t true. There is a tendency to normalise even the most terrifying dangers; the brain can’t tolerate the pain or the effect, so it basically shuts down. The truth seems to be that, when warned of danger, most human beings do not do things necessary for their survival. John Leach, a psychologist at the University of Lancaster who studies freezing under stress, says about 75% of people find it impossible to reason during a catastrophic event of impending doom. The 15 or so percent on either side of the bell curve react either with unimpaired, heightened awareness or blubbering, confused panic. Normalcy bias is freezing or stalling during a crisis and pretending everything will continue to be normal.”
(page 72)


I guess there may be varying degrees of 'normalcy bias' / denial? I am not consciously pretending or wanting 'everything to continue to be normal'. I know they won't. I have put a lot of effort in preparing my beloved children, for example, as responsibly as possible based on the knowledge I have to share. I was preparing my 'hurricane kit' prior to finding SOTT and the Forum, based on my own observations and 'inner guidance'; although I have learned so much since for which I am so grateful, and have much more to learn still.

I just can't understand why I am struggling to get motivated to pursue activities that I would enjoy, probably assist in survival of aforementioned threats and could be a viable business to assist QFG/SOTT - Shelter for Soul Communities ( http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,30945.msg407812.html#msg407812) I am open to other business ideas, but focusing on more design/build projects (innovative natural building / rocket stove mass heaters etc) seem more appropriate to my qualifications/lifestyle/passions, at the moment.

Generally, I am a quite a pragmatic person. I guess what I am asking is: am I in denial of sorts, and what can I do about it?
 
Sleeping under such circumstances is not a bad thing. A lot goes on in our subconscious when we sleep.

Have you read "Meetings With Remarkable Men"?

You mentioned that you are again getting your diet under control? Were you eating gluten or dairy? Remember, those elements can trigger schizophrenia in the susceptible individual and who knows what they do in people with just normal psychological structures.

Castaneda's "The Fire From Within" is a good one to read, too.

In a way, it sounds like a "dark night of the soul", so you might want to read The Wave section: Stripped to The Bone, and a few chapters before and after.

Did you watch the videos we made during all our recent workshops?
 
Thanks Laura. I have yet to read those two books you recommended, but will do so. I will re-read Stripped to the Bone also.

Yes, I did watch the videos, but feel it would be beneficial watching them again.

I try to avoid gluten, and only have milk in my morning cuppa (which is a habit I can address).

Yes, it has felt like 'a dark night of the soul'. Just as my home and country (England) has taken a real battering with recent relentless storms, I feel I have been battered also. Probably my biggest recent lesson is the need to remain vigilant, and ask. I chose self calming rather than networking.

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship." Aeschylus

Upon reflection, my biggest fear remains the feeling of having to choose between the life I want, am striving for, and possibly compromising that aim to stay with my children. They are 15 and 14 year old girls, and I have shared care of them. Although I have a good working relationship with my ex, their mum, she is quite conventional. My girls have adapted to our divorce, my alternative lifestyle and unconventional views - but they are typical teenage kids really (i phones and boybands!). I feel so selfish and guilty about even asking them to choose between staying here or 'sailing with me' (more choices abroad are being revealed) whereby they may be safer.

Sorry for digressing. This is probably more suited to the Swamp board, but at least I have identified further issues that I have. For now, I will focus on the present rather than 'what ifs and maybes'. I want to honour my 'authentic self' AND be a loving, responsible Father. Perhaps they are not mutually exclusive.

Thanks again :)
 
FWIW i also experienced feeling as if i had contracted the flu after a group meeting doing EE. Pretty sure the experience intensifies with a group.
 
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