If I remember correctly that was about Cathy O'Brian and the information in her book "Tranceformation of America".
Yes, that's her, thank you! I never read the book but watched her press conferences.
@Color, your responding post was very helpful and sharing a bit about the darkness you lived in also shed much light on the subject too. I just can't imagine what you had to live through or even do now to help deal with the trauma. Another thought about your post I had was the constant pressure that people like Fiona and yourself lived under. When you can't trust others and feel like you have to do everything on your own and without a sane network to be apart of, there will be a lot of mistakes along the way. I am used to learning things the hard way so I can understand that all to well.
Hi KristinLynne, thank you for your reply, it means a lot to me, I remember you commenting something similar on my intro posts. ❤ It takes me a while to respond cause English isn't my native language and when writing something highly emotional it's difficult to express myself clearly and I hate to post noise. I always think 'oh, it will take me just few minutes to respond' and then end up writing it for an hour!!!
Just to clarify - I didn't experience any sexual cult like exploitation during my childhood, only later in life and it was through one-on-one contact with persons who were heavily involved with it and I learned about it much later in relationship. It's not like they were advertising it to anyone, even me! Only after they felt fully comfortable with me and making a wrong assumption how I will go along with it, was the moment of their revelation.
The thing is- one has no clue what people are actually like, in their private lives and under their skin, from occasional social interaction and sometimes even during an extended more intimate relationship! When I started connecting the dots, after the initial confessions from few people (separate experiences), I realized how that very same pattern of evil was starring at me during my youth (since being 16 yo and till late twenties) only I never scratched under the surface and more importantly - I was heavily protected by someone 'above' for circulating in those high circles and didn't end up being raped or worst! I was also told back then, many times, how I am highly insightful and intelligent but awfully stupid at the same time, even by Laura herself and it was the Truth!
For whatever reason, starting at my teen years, I would find myself mingling in circles of rich and famous people. Back then it was restricted to my little country I lived in, so it's nobody famous outside its borders. I am no sex bomb or beauty, I have nice hair and pretty eyes, petite figure and I always looked way younger than my age, absolutely nothing spectacular. But people liked me, I had a wide spectrum of interests and understood the cultural/social expectations; a dark sense of humor which often strikes at the heart of the matter and I love to laugh. Most importantly - I could always connect easily and adjust to my surrounding. That's something you learn while growing up with a sociopath of a parent, I saw many people noticing the same about themselves on this forum, through their own experience. You are always on the look out, never knowing when the next blow will come crushing down on you with no warning signs whatsoever, hence you become extremely aware of your surrounding and intuitively adjust to it. I don't want to say anything more about that part of my life, except that no child should go to sleep with a knife under the pillow, afraid their own parent will keep up to their promises and try to murder them in their sleep. You get the picture.
Later in life I found myself in 'high circles' of the society once again, but now on the international level. I dated few very rich and influential guys who lived and worked all over the globe, all the time. That seemed to be the pattern. I was a nomad at heart myself, always moving around, exploring new realities of this earth, I wanted to know it all... So we connected and understood eachother on that level. I almost married one of them.
What I realized later was a crucial difference between us. I was restless cause I was looking for a place to belong to, for the person to belong to. I wanted to find my place on this planet, which always made me feel like an intruder. They probably had that same problem once, in their past, but they found their solution for it already. Money, power, sex and... what I can best describe as: feeding off other's souls through destruction. More innocent the victim, more pain being inflicted for some extra delicious food..
I was so hesitant to write in this thread in the first place, cause of its triggers and one other thing. It is very difficult to comment and share without being able to go into the details and specifics of my experiences. But I can't, I have to be smart about it and not to further endanger my daughter and myself. And I know for the fact how there are many like me out there, in that very same position. It's designed that way, this nightmare hidden world of our reality that one can't speak of. All I can tell you is that is REAL. It EXISTS. It's everywhere, in your neighborhood, present in every circle and back corner of our society. It is dark beyond imagination and it's feeding of us constantly. And I can't give you any more proofs, I can only share through this cryptic posts and hope it will somehow resonant the Truth of it.
I do not encourage individual deep exploration of such matters, it's damaging to one's mind, heart and soul. That's why I was inclined to post after all, in this thread, as a warning to Ocean. Since everything happens for a reason - here I am writing way more than I ever intended to, but what good are my own experiences and what I've learned from them if I can not share at least the overview of it with others? Knowledge has to be shared, no matter how personal and shameful at times, there's always the way to put it out there in more or less coherent way so that other people don't have to go through that same trap. That's my motive and I hope it will help someone reading it, if nothing else to realize they are not alone and how there's a way out of it. There's a way to live with those experiences without being defeated and to keep on fighting for one's own sanity and world's at large.
There's also the warning in my story and it's the crucial one: None of those people that I've met in social circles and especially those with whom I've had deeper relationships with, were giving up any signs of such underlying 'issues' and tendencies! Not for a very long time! I am well aware how most of people reading this might think "Oh, she was sooo delusional, she just wanted to marry rich and also had all those underlying childhood issues on top of it!!!" or something along those lines. I assure you I was extra careful with whom I was associating with at that later time, not because of me, but because of my young daughter. My boyfriends were well respected people with articles online celebrating their sport and business endeavors, they were and ARE still considered as an adventurous and brave, highly intelligent and capable human beings. They were never connected with any sort of scandal and probably never will be. They are extremely smart, charming, well educated, logical and all around charismatic. That's all I can say about it. Please keep that warning in mind.
Fwiw...
