One or two of my texts... News from the writing workshop

[Mililea]

I took part in a Zoom writing workshop yesterday. Before p(l)andemic, this always took place in our in-house café. It is sometimes very liberating to use your head creatively while writing. Yesterday there was a task where I was surprised at myself what came out in the end, so I share it with you. The whole theme of the morning was "Lack and Abundance".

The exercise I am talking about here was: Finish the following story.
You drive to the petrol station, put the nozzle in the tank and switch on the automatic pump. The pump no longer stops pumping......

And this is my continuation of the story:

...but I only notice this when I'm already standing in the puddle with my shoes wet with petrol. Before that, my mind wandered and flew off into another world. A brief forced moment of pause. At the petrol pump next to me was another car in which an elderly woman was waiting for her husband to finish filling up. What may these two have experienced in their lives so far. They may be in their 80s. Do they have children? Did they have children? How long do you think they have been together? They look hale and hearty, I wonder if they are? I imagine them in their youth, freshly in love and without knowing what life will ask of them or give them in the future. They simply trust each other. At least that's how I imagine it.
I wonder if it's just wishful thinking. They must have had difficult times, even in their relationship, but they seem to have overcome them, because they are standing here together next to me at the petrol station.

Where do you think they go after filling up? To the shops, to the doctor, to the countryside or simply back home? The answers run through my head one after the other like a cinema film. It's a wonderful idea to spend so many years together. Knowing what the other likes and doesn't like. Knowing what the other person needs and how I can make them happy. Sharing the experiences of the day with each other. I am completely absorbed in the comparison with my own life. Determined to turn this wishful thought into reality. I too have experienced so much, I think everyone has, some more and some less. I don't think you can compare it either, because it is easier or more difficult for one or the other to deal with different things in life. It depends on what experiences one has had or what seeds were sown in childhood.

The man next to me has now finished refuelling and knocks on the passenger door window, which is immediately opened by the woman. She holds out a purse. He lovingly strokes her cheek with the back of his hand and takes it. She smiles lovingly at him. I am still absorbed and happy that I was able to witness this small gesture of love between the two of them. He goes inside, pays and then they drive away.

Somehow it has become cold. My feet feel like icicles. As if I had just waded through a cool mountain stream with my shoes on to get to the other side. But no, what is it? Suddenly not only the wetness but also the smell makes itself felt. Far from cool, fresh mountain air. It's the petrol seeping through my socks and shoes..... Back in the here and now... a pleading look in the direction of the petrol station attendant.He seems to have recognised the situation and rescues me.

After paying, I sit down in my car with a smile on my lips, drive home and give my husband a kiss. He smiles at me in love.... It's the little things in life that make my heart overflow....

 

[Mililea]

The first writing workshops with us took place in 2017. It was just a difficult time for me, as in 2016 my father had passed away at the age of 60 and I had the procedure on my heart at the end of 2016. Today I came across some texts from that time and I find it very interesting what has changed in me since then.

The first task was to just let the spontaneous flow of thoughts flow and work on the topic "What is writing for me". This is the text I wrote:

There is cheese bread... or what is writing for me today?

Writing, what is writing for me? First I need something to eat so that the thoughts can flow through my pencil onto the paper. There is cheese bread....

I would like to write so many things off my chest. All my mistakes, my experiences over the last few years. Throw off the ballast. Unfortunately, I have a hunch that writing alone won't do it. I will have to pull things out of the carefully constructed drawers and boxes from the deep dark cellar of my soul and look at each one again. Some with joy, some with terrible fear. Some boxes I might close again quickly because it hurts too much. But I have firmly resolved to find my actual lightness again. Sometimes it's already flashing out. I catch myself feeling something like a guilty conscience. Am I allowed to do that? Can I even feel lightness and have fun after these experiences? And immediately images come and my mind retreats back into the darkness like a shy child.

I realise how writing helps after all. It makes me aware of how much power a thought can have. Now I have it in black and white. To read about it. I have it in my own hands. I just have to allow myself to do it. It may take a little time. But I am now firmly convinced that I can set out to find my lightness again. Maybe already today? Who knows...

Or is it simply because I'm getting older that I'm losing my lightness? Is it normal? But what is normal... at least not for me. Maybe you don't always have to be carefree at all times. Sometimes it's good to let go of thoughts and feelings. The one or other tear is allowed to find its way. It cleanses and makes room for new lightness... or a cheese bread

Spoiler: German Version

Es gibt Käsebrot... oder was ist Schreiben für mich heute?

Schreiben, was ist schreiben für mich? Erstmal brauche ich etwas zu Essen, damit die Gedanken durch meinen Bleistift aufs Papier fließen können. Es gibt Käsebrot....

Ich möchte mir gerne so vieles von der Seele schreiben. All meine Fehler, meine Erlebnisse in den letzten Jahren. Den Ballast abwerfen. Leider habe ich die Vermutung, dass es mit dem Schreiben allein nicht geht. Ich werde die Dinge aus den sorgfältig gebauten Schubladen und Kisten aus dem tiefen Dunklen Keller meiner Seele hervorholen müssen und jedes einzelne nochmal betrachten. Manches mit Freude, manches mit fürchterlicher Angst. Manche Kiste werde ich vielleicht schnell nochmal zumachen, weil es zu sehr schmerzt. Aber ich habe mir fest vorgenommen wieder zu meiner eigentlichen Leichtigkeit zu finden. Manchmal blitzt sie bereits hervor. Ich erwische mich dabei, so etwas wie ein schlechtes Gewissen zu haben. Darf ich das? Kann ich überhaupt nach diesen Erlebnissen Leichtigkeit spüren und Spaß haben? Und sofort kommen Bilder und mein Geist zieht sich wieder in die Dunkelheit zuürck wie ein scheues Kind.

Ich merke gerade, wie das Schreiben doch hilft. Es macht mir bewusst wieviel Macht ein Gedanke doch haben kann. Nun habe ich es schwarz auf weiß. Zum Nachlesen. Ich habe es selbst in der Hand. Ich muss es mir nur erlauben. Es wird vielleicht ein bischen Zeit brauchen. Aber ich bin nun fest überzeugt, ich kann mich auf den Weg machen meine Leichtigkeit wiederzufinden. Möglicherweise schon heute? Wer weiß...

Oder liegt es einfach am älter werden, dass die Leichtigkeit flöten geht. Ist es normal? Aber was ist schon normal... ich jedenfalls nicht. Vielleicht muss man auch nicht immer und zu jeder Zeit unbeschwert sein. Manchmal tut es auch gut sich fallen zu lassen in Gedanken und Gefühlen. Die ein oder andere Träne darf sich ihren Weg bahnen. Es reinigt und schafft Platz für neue Leichtigkeit... oder ein Käsebrot

The other task was to write a letter to a behaviour or characteristic that we don't like about ourselves. This task was really fun. At that time, everything was just too much for me and I was actually always stressed.... In contrast, I chose stress, or being stressed. I hope it comes out well in the translation:

Hello dear Mr. Stresskovich,

We have been living together for several years now. Most of the time I am pleased, even proud of myself, when I can meet your requirements. Only rarely do I have to admit defeat only to be left disappointed and sad, sometimes even angry - not at you, but at myself.
I've been thinking, it's time we split up.
Since in the meantime other housemates such as Herzmarie, Herr Fridolin Lebensfreude and Vielfraß Magnus have also expressed their misgivings about you, I have come to the conclusion to terminate your access to my life at the earliest possible date.

I sincerely hope that we can bring the whole thing to a peaceful conclusion, so that the heart marie can stop stumbling through my life all day long and turning it upside down. Thank you so much for showing me what I can make possible and achieve.

But now it's time to give myself a rest. It certainly won't do you any good either if you end up without me with your constant pushing and quick, quick this and that. I recommend that you simply go where the pepper grows, I have been told by the gentlemen, what were their names again? Now I've forgotten it... they had to do with lack of courage, doom and gloom and some compulsions.... Anyway, I have already sent them there and I got a great postcard from them saying that it was very nice there. I wish you a good journey. All my love with great gratitude

Miriam

PS: If you like, feel free to drop by for a coffee when you are in town again. Chat about the old times....

Spoiler: German Version

Hallo lieber Herr Stresskowitsch,

wir wohnen nun schon seit einigen Jahren zusammen. Meistens freue ich mich, ja bin sogar stolz auf mich, wenn ich Ihren Anforderungen gerecht werden kann. Nur selten muss ich mich geschlagen geben um dann enttäuscht und traurig, manchmal sogar wütend – nicht auf Sie, sondern auf mich selbst – auf der Strecke zu bleiben.

Ich habe nachgedacht, es ist an der Zeit, dass wir uns trennen.

Da mittlerweile auch andere Mitbewohner wie die Herzmarie, Herr Fridolin Lebensfreude und der Vielfraß Magnus ihre Bedenken gegen Sie geäußert haben, bin ich zu dem Schluß gekommen, Ihnen zum nächstmöglichen Zeitpunkt den Zugang zu meinem Leben zu kündigen.

Ich hoffe sehr, wir bringen das Ganze friedlich über die Bühne, damit die Herzmarie aufhören kann den ganzen Tag durch mein Leben zu stolpern und es auf den Kopf zu stellen. Ich danke Ihnen sehr, dass Sie mir gezeigt haben, was ich alles möglich machen und leisten kann.

Aber nun ist es an der Zeit mich einmal auszuruhen. Auch Ihnen nutzt es sicher nichts, wenn Sie mit Ihrem stetigen vorantreiben und schnell, schnell noch das und das am Ende ohne mich dastehen. Ich empfehle Ihnen einfach da hinzugehen wo der Pfeffer wächst, ich habe mir von den Herren, wie hießen sie nochmal? Jetzt hab ich es glatt vergessen... sie hatten zu tun mit fehlendem Mut, Schwarzmalerei und so manchen Zwängen... Egal, jedenfalls habe ich die auch schon da hin geschickt und ich habe eine tolle Postkarte von ihnen bekommen, dass es dort sehr schön sei. Ich wünsche Ihnen eine gute Reise. Alles Liebe in großer Dankbarkeit

Miriam
PS: Wenn Sie mögen, können Sie gerne mal auf einen Kaffee vorbei kommen, wenn Sie mal wieder in der Stadt sind. Über die alten Zeiten plaudern...