sHiZo963
Jedi
Last night before bed I was reading about Organic Portals on the Cassiopaea web site and read many of the posts on the forum about the subject. During the past couple months I have been reading many posts and articles regarding psychopathy, though I have not yet gotten around to reading Ponerology. All of this knowledge probably led to the dream that I had last night - it was one of the 'clearest' and most vivid dreams I have ever had in my life.
I woke up knowing exactly what it was about and what it meant, which I found rather odd (I usually awaken with bits and pieces and end up forgetting them after a few seconds). I tried analyzing it throughout my day and in so doing, had a strange 'increased awareness' to people today, almost as if I could 'feel' their STO/STS orientation. I noticed the smallest details in the way they talked and behaved, and then found it easier to 'read' them. My reactions to certain people were more thought out, and I could deal with them better than before. Needless to say, it was an interesting experience to all of a sudden be so aware!
Was all of this a consequence of the dream? I guess I should try to explain the dream first:
Even though it was quite vivid to me when I first woke up, I regret to say that by focusing on the most emotional parts of the dream throughout my day I seem to have forgotten many of the details. I should really get in the habit of writing these things down!
In any case, it was a dream centered around my best friend and I. For some reason, I was living in an old, run-down apartment building with many stories... I remember walking up and down the wooden back patios where the back doors are, the wood creaking beneath my feet. I think it was a U- or L-shaped building, and it was definitely night time.
I remember picking up many books of various colors (one was purple, another one green, among others) after they had been delivered to the back of the building - I had been expecting them for a long time and was excited to finally get them. It was a huge stack of books!
The next thing I remember, I am at my best friend's apartment (in the same building, it seems - not his apartment in real life) and he is laughing hysterically at my pain!! I don't know what the pain was or what it was caused by, but it FELT horrible inside that he did not care about it... in fact, it felt like in the movies when the bad guy takes pleasure from stepping on and irritating the protagonist's open wound! I felt myself DEEPLY hurt and I kept asking - "why? can't you see I'm hurting?" Now that I think about it, the initial pain might have been caused BY him, but I'm not entirely sure anymore...
All of the sudden I remember talking to his mom, trying to explain to her that her son is hurting me on purpose, but she keeps brushing it off as if it was nothing.
Cut back to my friend, he is still laughing and hurting me... and suddenly, I start crying because it HITS ME that I cannot be his friend anymore... that I must let him go in order to stop the pain - it hits me that he is impossible to deal with, that he will only continue hurting me. I cry because it hurts to let him go.
The next scene, he is walking away with his mom and dad at his side. He walks off as if nothing happened, untouched by the fact that he has lost a friend forever. This hurts me. Then I look at his parents, but they won't look me in the eye - they have their heads down: ashamed? defeated?
One more thing - I felt very 'aware' in my dream. After receiving the shipment of books, I had this feeling of 'knowing' when I was with my friend. Even though I was hurting inside and crying, I could notice things about the way he acted, things I can't really describe in writing - attributes that probably led to my sudden realization that I'd have to let him go. This feeling of awareness was similar but more intense than the one I felt throughout my day.
That's all that I can remember for now... it was an interesting dream, but disturbing in an obvious way.
This guy truly is one of my best friends in real life. We are different individuals, he and I, but we have been friends for a while and hang out quite often. I enjoy his company, but I can't explain why. I've noticed that he is very 'selfish' sometimes, but rarely does he act that way towards me. In general, I would say that he is STS, but I would hold back strongly the conclusion of psychopathy, even though in the dream this is really the only conclusion that can be reached. After all, every so often (more so recently, it seems) he mentions feeling sorry and bad for doing this or saying that.
This dream makes me question and re-analyze my friendship with my best friend... could the most obvious interpretation of the dream be wrong? Maybe it is a sort of metaphor for a larger lesson to be learned?
Please try to help me analyze this thoroughly, because it is certainly one important dream! Any feedback is most appreciated :)
I woke up knowing exactly what it was about and what it meant, which I found rather odd (I usually awaken with bits and pieces and end up forgetting them after a few seconds). I tried analyzing it throughout my day and in so doing, had a strange 'increased awareness' to people today, almost as if I could 'feel' their STO/STS orientation. I noticed the smallest details in the way they talked and behaved, and then found it easier to 'read' them. My reactions to certain people were more thought out, and I could deal with them better than before. Needless to say, it was an interesting experience to all of a sudden be so aware!
Was all of this a consequence of the dream? I guess I should try to explain the dream first:
Even though it was quite vivid to me when I first woke up, I regret to say that by focusing on the most emotional parts of the dream throughout my day I seem to have forgotten many of the details. I should really get in the habit of writing these things down!
In any case, it was a dream centered around my best friend and I. For some reason, I was living in an old, run-down apartment building with many stories... I remember walking up and down the wooden back patios where the back doors are, the wood creaking beneath my feet. I think it was a U- or L-shaped building, and it was definitely night time.
I remember picking up many books of various colors (one was purple, another one green, among others) after they had been delivered to the back of the building - I had been expecting them for a long time and was excited to finally get them. It was a huge stack of books!
The next thing I remember, I am at my best friend's apartment (in the same building, it seems - not his apartment in real life) and he is laughing hysterically at my pain!! I don't know what the pain was or what it was caused by, but it FELT horrible inside that he did not care about it... in fact, it felt like in the movies when the bad guy takes pleasure from stepping on and irritating the protagonist's open wound! I felt myself DEEPLY hurt and I kept asking - "why? can't you see I'm hurting?" Now that I think about it, the initial pain might have been caused BY him, but I'm not entirely sure anymore...
All of the sudden I remember talking to his mom, trying to explain to her that her son is hurting me on purpose, but she keeps brushing it off as if it was nothing.
Cut back to my friend, he is still laughing and hurting me... and suddenly, I start crying because it HITS ME that I cannot be his friend anymore... that I must let him go in order to stop the pain - it hits me that he is impossible to deal with, that he will only continue hurting me. I cry because it hurts to let him go.
The next scene, he is walking away with his mom and dad at his side. He walks off as if nothing happened, untouched by the fact that he has lost a friend forever. This hurts me. Then I look at his parents, but they won't look me in the eye - they have their heads down: ashamed? defeated?
One more thing - I felt very 'aware' in my dream. After receiving the shipment of books, I had this feeling of 'knowing' when I was with my friend. Even though I was hurting inside and crying, I could notice things about the way he acted, things I can't really describe in writing - attributes that probably led to my sudden realization that I'd have to let him go. This feeling of awareness was similar but more intense than the one I felt throughout my day.
That's all that I can remember for now... it was an interesting dream, but disturbing in an obvious way.
This guy truly is one of my best friends in real life. We are different individuals, he and I, but we have been friends for a while and hang out quite often. I enjoy his company, but I can't explain why. I've noticed that he is very 'selfish' sometimes, but rarely does he act that way towards me. In general, I would say that he is STS, but I would hold back strongly the conclusion of psychopathy, even though in the dream this is really the only conclusion that can be reached. After all, every so often (more so recently, it seems) he mentions feeling sorry and bad for doing this or saying that.
This dream makes me question and re-analyze my friendship with my best friend... could the most obvious interpretation of the dream be wrong? Maybe it is a sort of metaphor for a larger lesson to be learned?
Please try to help me analyze this thoroughly, because it is certainly one important dream! Any feedback is most appreciated :)
