Looking for Web Designer

Miss Isness

Jedi Master
Hello,

I'm looking for help with my blog, 'Flights of Mind', which needs small adjustments from time to time. My husband used to do it but we're getting separated. Would be happy to pay by purchasing books, making sott donations, or could pay someone directly using a credit card.

Hope this post is ok, if not, please remove and accept my apologies :-[
 

Laura

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
It's okay. Maybe a "want ads" section of the forum could be useful if carefully monitored.
 

Tigersoap

The Living Force
Miss Isness said:
Hello,
I'm looking for help with my blog, 'Flights of Mind', which needs small adjustments from time to time. My husband used to do it but we're getting separated. Would be happy to pay by purchasing books, making sott donations, or could pay someone directly using a credit card.

Hi Miss Isness,

I know it may seem a daunting task if you are not "technically minded" (I am not good at code either) but is there any possibility that you could either learn the minimum of code needed or migrate your blog towards an easier to update blog platform ? Especially if there are minor things to update from time to time.
Maybe it would save you a few bucks and the hassle to rely on someone ?

I apologise if you already considered these options but chose to hire someone instead.
 

Alejo

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
I'm a web designer... i could probably help you , but right now getting software such as Contribute from adobe could make your life easier... send me an email so we can probably see if i can help... ! :)
 

Miss Isness

Jedi Master
Alejo,

Check your forum mailbox :)

For anyone else who might be interested, I now realize I should mention that CMS dblog programming information and forum is in Italian! :scared:
 

adam7117

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
Miss Isness said:
My husband used to do it but we're getting separated.

If you don't mind being asked (and don't have to answer if it's too private) - how do you feel about that...?

:)
 

Miss Isness

Jedi Master
adam7117 said:
Miss Isness said:
My husband used to do it but we're getting separated.

If you don't mind being asked (and don't have to answer if it's too private) - how do you feel about that...?

:)

Well, I've been laying the groundwork for a possible separation for at least a few years. During that time, I was still hoping against all odds that my marriage could be fixed. I've known for sometime now that it can't be fixed, but I was worried that I'd be like that caged bear that was set free. who continued pacing back and forth where the bars of his cage had been; never venturing any further, or the dog who had been shocked so many times, in such unpredictable ways, over such a long period of time, that when the door to the cage was opened, it could no longer find the will to leave.

So, having initiated the process of separation makes me feel freer. I'm not sure if I've gone through the hardest part yet though. I'll be leaving a beautiful house that's fairly isolated in the country, to live in a tiny apartment in the noisy center of a small city. Severing ties will also mean giving up most, if not all of my contact with people involved in the music scene, which is tough since it's already hard enough to find appropriate venues for original music in English here in Italy. Then, there's the question of loneliness. Fortunately, I have a couple of close friends, one of whom is part of a large circle of acquaintances that are involved in cultural integration.

I've read that the first year after a separation is the most difficult. Getting this far has been nearly impossible, if it only takes me another year to bounce back, well that would be great. ;)
 

rs

Dagobah Resident
Miss Isness said:
Well, I've been laying the groundwork for a possible separation for at least a few years. During that time, I was still hoping against all odds that my marriage could be fixed. I've known for sometime now that it can't be fixed, but I was worried that I'd be like that caged bear that was set free. who continued pacing back and forth where the bars of his cage had been; never venturing any further, or the dog who had been shocked so many times, in such unpredictable ways, over such a long period of time, that when the door to the cage was opened, it could no longer find the will to leave.

So, having initiated the process of separation makes me feel freer. I'm not sure if I've gone through the hardest part yet though. I'll be leaving a beautiful house that's fairly isolated in the country, to live in a tiny apartment in the noisy center of a small city. Severing ties will also mean giving up most, if not all of my contact with people involved in the music scene, which is tough since it's already hard enough to find appropriate venues for original music in English here in Italy. Then, there's the question of loneliness. Fortunately, I have a couple of close friends, one of whom is part of a large circle of acquaintances that are involved in cultural integration.

I've read that the first year after a separation is the most difficult. Getting this far has been nearly impossible, if it only takes me another year to bounce back, well that would be great. ;)

I would strongly recommend this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Transitions-Making-Changes-Revised-Anniversary/dp/073820904X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1223656087&sr=8-1

Transitions, Making Sense of Life's Changes. by William Bridges

I won't pretend to understand your situation but I am going through my own personal tragedy, and this book helped significantly in trying to come to grips with where I am.

I can sum up the book in a trivial way:

A life transition is composed of three phases:

An End
A transition period where it seems like you are groundless
A Beginning.

While this seems obvious, it is usually poorly executed by people. The "End" is a recognition that, yes, there is an end to the old life pattern. It helps to admit this in direct terms and confront it directly. People often have a problem "letting go" and this is simply a reflection of the inability to either recognize or accept "an End".

The transition period is a period of maximal discomfort because you are seeing your "old" life slip away but your "new" life has not begun. People have a tendency to rush this phase because groundlessness is extremely disconcerting. The key learning here is to stop wishing for things to be different. "Enjoy" as best you can the freshness of it all, the newness, the childlike process of discovery. Instead of rushing off into something new, simply remember to breathe. In. Out.

The Beginning comes once you find a new pattern and you settle into it. Perhaps you find a new lover. Perhaps you move to Italy. Whatever it is, it is the start of the rest of your life.

[Um, edit: I just noticed that apparently you already live in Italy, so what seemed to me to be a significant break is not so for you... ;) Oops. OK, perhaps you move to Australia. ;D]

My own personal observation however is that it is not important that you completely transition into a Beginning as a distinct yet new pattern. For me, I am trying to turn my own personal tragedy into a key learning in how to deal with the uncertainty, the "in between". Its so, "now". The past is gone, the future not determined, so just experience the now. Breathe. In. Out. Feel the now, and learn as much as you can. Tomorrow you could be hit by a truck.

I know this will read as superficial, I am not intending it to be a deep dive into emotional recovery. I do not have the training or understanding myself to do a better job. Please read this book, I am almost certain you will find some salve for your wounds. Mostly, try and let go of the need to rush things.
 

Miss Isness

Jedi Master
rs said:
Mostly, try and let go of the need to rush things.

That would be good advice if it weren't impossible to rush a separation in Italy. Once you finally get legally separated, you have to wait three years to get a divorce! :rolleyes:

Seriously though, thanks for sharing. I'm definitely in the transition phase, and it is a bit tricky. Funny you should mention Australia. I've always wanted to check it out. :love:

My plan is, as you mentioned, to stay focused on the present, and let things unfold naturally.

I know that it's important to give oneself time to grieve without rushing into something new, but that it's often tempting to look for a distraction. Thanks for the book recommendation. I might get a copy, if I find my determination wavering.
 

rs

Dagobah Resident
Miss Isness said:
I might get a copy, if I find my determination wavering.

I'd recommend the book even if your determination does not "waver". It helps to have a language to describe what is happening to you.
 

Erna

The Living Force
Miss Isness said:
been shocked so many times, in such unpredictable ways

It's that first shock (way back) that's the hardest, and that's also the one you keep remembering. When you see serious character flaws in your partner for the first time, and you hope against hope that it will somehow vanish, that he was maybe acting out of character on that one occasion, but then that occasion becomes the norm, and the bad times outnumber the good, and eventually the bad times are all that's left.

It took me 3 years to leave my partner, and when you say you've been laying the groundwork for a possible separation for a few years, I can only assume it's from a financial point of view. I can resonate with the advice rs has given you. I never told my family and friends about my partner's behaviour, cause I knew once they knew, it would be the end for us. But when I finally made the decision that I'm done, I told everyone EVERYTHING, knowing full well that there would be no turning back, and that was liberating.

Today I am so relieved when I think back on those dark days, that I'm out of it, and I am sooooo sensitive to those personality traits he had when someone new comes into my life.

Life's not easy, but these bags of salt along the way is something you'll appreciate in the long run. Good luck, Miss Isness. Stay close to your friends, even if you feel like wallowing in your own grief. (The grief is also essential for recovery, one day you'll wake up, and it will be gone :) )
 

Pierre

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
I was worried that I'd be like that caged bear that was set free. who continued pacing back and forth where the bars of his cage had been; never venturing any further, or the dog who had been shocked so many times, in such unpredictable ways, over such a long period of time, that when the door to the cage was opened, it could no longer find the will to leave.

Hi Miss Isness,

I was reading your words while looking at your avatar. It made me think that maybe with enough courage and determination Miss Duck will gain back her freedom and discover that following Mister Duck is not the only way. The most beautiful way is certainly to follow our own way despite all the doubts, the risks, the fears that come with it.
 

Miss Isness

Jedi Master
Hi Everyone,

It's funny, I didn't expect this thread to go in this direction, but I'm glad it did. I really appreciate your interest and support. I never could have made it this far without everything I've learned here. A big thank you to all of you! :flowers:
 

Miss Isness

Jedi Master
Belibaste said:
I was worried that I'd be like that caged bear that was set free. who continued pacing back and forth where the bars of his cage had been; never venturing any further, or the dog who had been shocked so many times, in such unpredictable ways, over such a long period of time, that when the door to the cage was opened, it could no longer find the will to leave.

Hi Miss Isness,

I was reading your words while looking at your avatar. It made me think that maybe with enough courage and determination Miss Duck will gain back her freedom and discover that following Mister Duck is not the only way. The most beautiful way is certainly to follow our own way despite all the doubts, the risks, the fears that come with it.

Miss Duck has just shape shifted into a starburst dahlia! Following one's own way certainly is transformational :D

I'm still looking for help with my blog and have decided that I may need to change formats since I haven't had any luck finding someone who knows Italian. Can someone tell me if I can transfer everything off-line, and then just have someone who knows what they're doing switch the page when it's ready?
 

Erna

The Living Force
[quote author=Miss Isness]
I was worried that I'd be like that caged bear that was set free.[/quote]

[quote author=Belibaste]Miss Duck will gain back her freedom and discover that following Mister Duck is not the only way. The most beautiful way is certainly to follow our own way despite all the doubts, the risks, the fears that come with it.
[/quote]

[quote author=Miss Isness]Miss Duck has just shape shifted into a starburst dahlia![/quote]

;)
 
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