Thanks for writing this, you gave me some understanding to my own struggles with this. I put a lot of pressure on myself as well which was to fix my machine quickly so I could properly participate and help out here. I'm not sure if others had this feeling but when I found this place, and spent a few weeks lurking around I had a weird feeling this place was important... I think that coupled with other issues in my life lead me to believe I was not ready for it yet when in actual fact I probably will never be ready, I just have to take the first step.
And the beauty of taking that first step is that it will possibly help you, because you are doing 'what it doesn't like'. Participating, receiving feed-back, learning to integrate what we receive from this network will help us grow until one day when we compare ourselves to the person we were yesterday or yesteryear we will see the difference (one of Jordan Peterson's rules) ! Fixing our machine without the active exchange of knowledge from this forum is hard, because we need the objective eyes and ears of others. So, enjoy the ride.
I also had that feeling that this forum was important, even though I didn't even understand what they were doing. I just knew that I had to be here.