John de Ruiter and Oasis

Hogan

The Force is Strong With This One
I usually don't post but it's necessary now to since I've just recently left John de Ruiter and the Oasis community in Edmonton, Canada after being there for 7 years. It's been difficult the last 6 months coming to the realization that aspects of his teaching were not matching up with what has been going on there.

2 years ago I was told by someone on his trusted committee that he has had an "opening in the Calling" and that what it required of him was to be sexually involved with female members of the group. The one who told me this didn't know how to handle the news and said that it's probably going to go public soon and to just be prepared. Word got out that I was aware of this information and that it wasn't going public and that I wasn't suppose to know about any of this. The person who told me was "reprimanded", was sorry they told me and that I shouldn't say anything about it to others in the group. Trying to be the good spiritual student I kept quiet about it but told two very close friends shortly after. One was in the group but moved away not long after and another not connected to the group. I spent a lot of time trying to rationalize why this was taking place in all kinds of ways, by thinking it was the esoteric level of the teaching, that Gurdjieff supposedly slept with some of his students, along with Trungpa, so as not to freak out. It wasn't what I signed up for when I moved to Edmonton to follow him and after some time, chalked it up to being his personal life and therefore wasn't any of my business and to just "trust".

A year later a woman in the group went missing under very strange circumstances. Police found her body hours north of the city weeks later. For some reason they couldn't tell the community what they discovered about the case but said only it was most likely suicide. I was very disturbed, as was everyone else, and started seeing a therapist about it and about being in this group around John. I needed help. I continued going to the meetings he holds at Oasis but felt a separation happening slowly.

In December of this past year I told John I was finished with the whole spiritual seeking thing and that I just wanted to live; that I'm throwing enlightenment out the window and I'm done and might be leaving. He didn't say anything to me in response to all of that and I walked away. About 10 minutes later my heart opened and it felt like it was flying out of my chest through the cosmos and that I was free. It was a very ecstatic experience, one I've had a glimpse of before I ever met him. But once again, I attributed it to John's ability to evoke it out of me and I thought that I didn't have to leave at that time.

Soon after this, my mother bought me a plane ticket to visit her in Rome where my sister and her family live and I left a few weeks later to meet them. I hadn't left Canada for 6 years so it was great to finally go again. Yet I didn't tell them much about what was really going on there except to say that I wasn't sure about being there anymore. I felt horrible that I was utterly finished with the whole scene and didn't care if I ever went back again and broke down more than once about it. It was a turning point of sorts that seemed to break the spell.
My sister suggested I go and just see what happens if I go back to Canada and NOT go to any of the meetings and watch what happens. I did and never went back and didn't care anymore about going again.


This Spring the family of the woman who died wrote a letter to the Oasis community explaining that they read her diaries and believe that John slept with her a few weeks before she killed herself. Many people were shocked. "John would never do something like this."
But I knew it was very probable that he did. Oasis issued a statement a few days later saying that the accusations are false, unjustified and that the diary entries describe nothing more than "waking dreams and visions". Basically, that she dreamed it all up. I was angry. A friend in the group was shaken and I told this friend then what I knew about what's been going on with "the man behind the curtain", that I couldn't prove he slept with her but it's very likely that he did. This friend and another went on the community website about considering the possibility that John DID have some kind of sexual interaction we don't know about and they were both shut down. This was the final straw.

I told other close friends outside the group at that point what I knew, who suggested that I be very careful, that the woman who died might have been suicided, that the case had not been closed officially and there are still many unanswered questions about it. At that point I got very scared and knew I would have to leave.

With some distance now from Edmonton, I can't wrap my head around, STILL, who the heck this guy really is because I truly believed he was a teacher of honesty, integrity, and purity. I really did learn to take responsibility for my life and not play the victim (as he pointed out to me more than once). He always highlighted the ways in which, as Awareness, we're either serving the self that we have or serving Knowledge and our deeper knowing, to do what you know to do and pay the cost. This never sounded like a psychopathic approach. He would point out to me too how self-absorbed, self-identified, I was at times and ways to be more honest about it and make real changes to correct it. His perspective on what many would call entities isn't talked about by many teachers, save Casteneda, Gurjieff and The C's. I never once saw him lose his temper or sense a hint aggression in the tone of his voice toward another even when attacked by others. He was nothing but kind and respectful to me personally. Nevertheless, I had to go.

Another difficulty being there was his perspective on being gay, that it wasn't the highest form or way for evolving as Awareness, that being with the opposite sex was better and for me to consider the possibility. Many people get married there, sometimes matched up by John or guided by him as to who would make the better partner for them. John stresses marriage as the " the high road" to evolution. It wasn't until I as seeing my Focusing coach/therapist for awhile that I realized how unconsciously it was convenient not to deal with my gayness in a group that stressed heterosexuality as better. I tried for years to transcend sexuality altogether.

One other aspect of John's teaching that recently clued me in is his supposed connection to Christ. He claimed very openly years ago that he was in direct communication with Christ and that Christ was, in part, responsible for John's training for the future. But after learning all about Caesar and the research done about the creation of Christianity I honestly wondered, "Who then is John really talking to if Jesus is a total myth?!"
The Oasis group is also very pro-Israel which I had problems with, as well. People truly live in a bubble there with regard to what's really going on in the world. Fb friends from the group would shame me for postings, for paying attention to the horrors of that truly awful situation in the Middle East and tell me I was distracting myself from going within and not staying "with what matters more". I could no longer be a part of a group people that consciously chooses to stick their heads in the sand.

I looked for the thread from years ago when I defended John to post this there but couldn't find it in the search engine.

Today I'm sharing all of this stuff here to help sort some of it out (or try to, at least) and so that others are aware of what happened there.
 
Hogan said:
I looked for the thread from years ago when I defended John to post this there but couldn't find it in the search engine.

Today I'm sharing all of this stuff here to help sort some of it out (or try to, at least) and so that others are aware of what happened there.

That post of your is here - https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,25035.msg342159.html#msg342159

Post merged. :)
 
Hi Hogan,

Congratulations with your newly reconquered freedom and thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I deeply sympathize with your ordeal.

What you have been through is sadly rather the rule than the exception, at least according to Geoffrey D. Falk who wrote Stripping the Gurus: Sex, Violence, Abuse and Enlightenment which is available for reading and/or download (PDF-file) here: _http://www.strippingthegurus.com/

His book cured me from any and all illusions whatsoever about the persons and organizations he described and made me healthily suspicious about every other one.

Reading this might help you too in getting over it, as well as with learning from it.

Hope this helps a bit. :)
 
Oh dear! What a strange and frightening experience. And what a scary guy!

Just remember, even psychopaths can say/do things that are accurate and helpful IF it helps their agenda.
 
Laura said:
Just remember, even psychopaths can say/do things that are accurate and helpful IF it helps their agenda.

That's what I am thinking also. And maybe being in his presence has a hypnotic/mesmerizing effect on a person too. I never met him, I just listened to one of his taped lectures once years ago, and I recall not being impressed at all. He sounded to me like a snake oil salesman, his words a word salad with no real meaning. I wrote about it above in this thread.

Hogan said:
This Spring the family of the woman who died wrote a letter to the Oasis community explaining that they read her diaries and believe that John slept with her a few weeks before she killed herself. Many people were shocked. "John would never do something like this."

Actually, the way you describe the story Hogan, it sounds very familiar in relation to so many other predatory "gurus". I am sorry you had to go through this horrific ordeal, but I am also glad you did and are no longer under his spell. I have no doubt that the woman's diaries are accurate and that he is somehow involved in her untimely death. There were rumors from years back that he was sleeping with his students anyways (see Ennio's post above). Honor her death, as it has helped you (and hopefully others too) wake up and claim your life again.
 
Thank you for your kind and helpful replies.

This morning it became clearer than ever that it's time to dive into so many creative things I've loved for so long
and that this is the direction to take now. Journaling a lot and noticing how right it feels at this time.

A friend invited me to audition for a production he's in and it really cheered up. Gonna call the director today.

Looking forward.

Thanks again for all your support.
 
Hi Hogan
I'm involved with the Oasis community and like you once did, I have deep respect and appreciation for John as a spiritual teacher. He is possibly the most profound being I've come across. Certainly his transmission is hugely powerful. However I've always been disturbed and concerned by the nature of his relationships with women. Certainly the circumstances under which he got together with the two sisters, while still with his wife, struck me as seriously lacking in integrity. Not only that, it seemed in direct contrast to what he was teaching. Then, after 10 years, his relationship with the sisters ended, but not amicably. As with his first wife there was much hostility directed at him, this time by one of the sisters.

Reading your account of what led to your departure from the group has re-ignited my concerns about the sexual aspect of John's life. I was disturbed to read about the disclosure made to you that John had "had an "opening in the Calling" and that what it required of him was to be sexually involved with female members of the group." Although I'm open to the possibility that John may genuinely feel this to be a necessary part of his work, I have serious reservations about it for a number of reasons, one of which is his lack of openness and transparency.

Like you I've only ever seen John being kind and gentle, as well as deeply thoughtful and profoundly committed to Truth. However, if he is secretly involved sexually with female members of the group, I feel he needs to communicate openly about this with the community, so we are all made aware and given some understanding about it, otherwise it becomes the stuff of rumour and speculation. It's been evident to me that a number of people have left the group in the last two to three years. Some of these people were devoted students and involved with the organisation over a long period. I can't help thinking they somehow became aware of this information and found themselves unable to reconcile these facts with John's otherwise exceptional qualities and abilities.

I've experienced profound transformation from being a student of John's and hope to continue unfolding into more and more of my spiritual capacity through being in his extraordinary presence. However, this issue remains troubling to me, and is something that I really seek understanding about. John is the only one who can provide that understanding. But at this point it looks as though that is not going to happen.

I totally understand and respect you for leaving, Hogan. It must have been a difficult decision as you were obviously a deeply committed student who had great respect for, and faith in John. However, given your long held commitment to the spiritual process, I feel confident that you're continuing to grow and transform wherever you are. The journey continues as long as spiritual flowering and maturation remain a deeply held aspiration in our hearts.

I would very much appreciate the opportunity to dialogue with you privately about the disclosure that was made to you, Hogan, as you may be able to shed more light on this issue than what you've communicated here. I'm happy for Admin to provide you with my email address if you'd like to contact me. I hope that perhaps we might be able to have some fruitful email exchange. By the way, I also have great respect for AH Almaas and did the Diamond Approach work for a while!

May your way be guided by Grace!
 
Delphi said:
I would very much appreciate the opportunity to dialogue with you privately about the disclosure that was made to you, Hogan, as you may be able to shed more light on this issue than what you've communicated here. I'm happy for Admin to provide you with my email address if you'd like to contact me. I hope that perhaps we might be able to have some fruitful email exchange. By the way, I also have great respect for AH Almaas and did the Diamond Approach work for a while!

We tend to discourage private messaging here. Too many unknowns about both parties. We have had the experiences of things going very wrong when private messaging is allowed. Also, the fact that you are a member of an organization that Hogan has left, and you want to have private correspondence with him seems a bit fishy, don't you think? You may have no ulterior motives, but no one knows that. Can you understand this?

Hogan can share whatever he wants here. So can you.
 
Hi Nienna
I can understand the risks of private messaging between parties who don't know each other and I respect your wish to protect members of this forum. However, I would have thought that if I'm willing for my contact details to be shared with another member, and if that member wants to communicate with me privately, that the responsibility for our decision would lie with us.

It's also a shame you consider my request fishy. My motivation and intentions are completely innocent. Of course you don't know that because you don't know me, but you are leaning towards a negative rather than positive or neutral conclusion. Although I'm involved with the Oasis community, it doesn't mean I'm involved unquestioningly and that my response to Hogan's post has some ulterior motive. Discernment is very important to me and I am not prone to groupthink. That's why I'd like to find out more from Hogan.

Thanks anyway for your feedback.
 
Delphi said:
Hi Nienna
I can understand the risks of private messaging between parties who don't know each other and I respect your wish to protect members of this forum. However, I would have thought that if I'm willing for my contact details to be shared with another member, and if that member wants to communicate with me privately, that the responsibility for our decision would lie with us.

Perhaps this thread would help you understand better why this forum does not encourage PM discussions between members : Forum Personal Messages and Predators
 
[quote author=Delphi]
I've experienced profound transformation from being a student of John's and hope to continue unfolding into more and more of my spiritual capacity through being in his extraordinary presence. However, this issue remains troubling to me, and is something that I really seek understanding about.[/quote]

Probably because the part of you with some sense understands the need for Ontological Proof. FWIW, this proof is simply that whatever John teaches operates fully in his own life. If there is anything real and permanent to any of it, he would be able to go about his daily business and thereby show to everyone what his "spiritual transformation" has made of him and can make of you rather than what he actually seems to be doing: giving them techniques for evoking thought-induced experiences and causing cognitive dissonance within certain students.

You would probably do well to read up on the "secret lives" of gurus and spiritual teachers and anything from former students with "Lives in the shadow (of)..." in the title and verifiable stories of different teachers' private lives and things they do when they think no one is looking.

[quote author=Delphi]
John is the only one who can provide that understanding. But at this point it looks as though that is not going to happen.[/quote]

Why not? Why not go see him and insist that he "provide that understanding". Does sentiment for the guru secretly deflect you to second-hand information when you might ask questions of John yourself?

[quote author=Delphi]
Discernment is very important to me and I am not prone to groupthink. That's why I'd like to find out more from Hogan.[/quote]

You are likely as prone to groupthink as anyone and simply deflect what you don't want to hear. Notice you didn't ask for any understanding at all for the depth of meaning and experience behind Nienna's message and yet you freely use the word "unfolding" when it applies to your own meaning.

If discernment is important to you, then you might consider the role that leaving other people's experiences and opinions alone in the sense of attending to your own can play in your efforts to develop personal discernment based on lived experience. You might also consider the role that avoiding the initial impulse to dismiss unwanted replies from members here might play in limiting this discernment you want.

Do the research, think about your own experiences...what you've seen with your own eyes and heard with your own ears, experienced with your own experiencing structure. And consider what you bring to the table when you invite dialog with someone or a group.

At the end of the day, this is the way and this is what we have to rely on in order to stand on our own two feet.

If you will do this, you will more deeply understand the pm policy on here. This info has been learned the hard way.

[quote author=Delphi]
...it doesn't mean I'm involved unquestioningly and that my response to Hogan's post has some ulterior motive.[/quote]

Of course it does. You said it yourself:

[quote author=Delphi]
I feel he needs to communicate openly about this with the community, so we are all made aware and given some understanding about it, otherwise it becomes the stuff of rumour and speculation.[/quote]

Are you John's PR person? Plus, there is the fact that even with those 'spiritual' experiences you've accumulated so far, there is no way at all for you to establish a relationship with Hogan except on the basis of "What can I get?" You also said that yourself:

[quote author=Delphi]
I totally understand and respect you for leaving, Hogan. It must have been a difficult decision as you were obviously a deeply committed student who had great respect for, and faith in John. However, given your long held commitment to the spiritual process, I feel confident that you're continuing to grow and transform wherever you are. The journey continues as long as spiritual flowering and maturation remain a deeply held aspiration in our hearts.

I would very much appreciate the opportunity to dialogue with you privately about the disclosure that was made to you, Hogan, as you may be able to shed more light on this issue than what you've communicated here.[/quote]

Notice the rapport building in the top paragraph that attempts to put Hogan in the right frame of mind for what follows. Notice that what follows is a totally self-centered expression of "What can I get?"

It's all about you and what you want. Where is your concern for what Hogan wants or doesn't want? And why aren't you questioning John?

I really hope that this post, while it may sound blunt, doesn't come across as rude to a newcomer. I am only sharing what I have learned to think as a result of my own personal experiences with fake gurus and whatnot. Issues like this are pretty serious since so many people get duped, but we can build some immunity to predation through inoculation with information like what can be found on here and through here.

Are you at all familiar with the Cassiopaean Experiment and any of the material on predatory people available through this portal?
 
Delphi said:
Like you I've only ever seen John being kind and gentle, as well as deeply thoughtful and profoundly committed to Truth. However, if he is secretly involved sexually with female members of the group, I feel he needs to communicate openly about this with the community, so we are all made aware and given some understanding about it, otherwise it becomes the stuff of rumour and speculation. It's been evident to me that a number of people have left the group in the last two to three years. Some of these people were devoted students and involved with the organisation over a long period. I can't help thinking they somehow became aware of this information and found themselves unable to reconcile these facts with John's otherwise exceptional qualities and abilities.

Do you notice the cognitive dissonance in the above paragraph? It appears that John is a cunning predator who is able to mimic behaviors that provide him with his prey. In other words, his kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness and committment to truth are about as deep as a thimble: a Mask of Sanity.
 
Delphi said:
Hi Nienna
I can understand the risks of private messaging between parties who don't know each other and I respect your wish to protect members of this forum. However, I would have thought that if I'm willing for my contact details to be shared with another member, and if that member wants to communicate with me privately, that the responsibility for our decision would lie with us.

It's also a shame you consider my request fishy. My motivation and intentions are completely innocent. Of course you don't know that because you don't know me, but you are leaning towards a negative rather than positive or neutral conclusion. Although I'm involved with the Oasis community, it doesn't mean I'm involved unquestioningly and that my response to Hogan's post has some ulterior motive. Discernment is very important to me and I am not prone to groupthink. That's why I'd like to find out more from Hogan.

Thanks anyway for your feedback.

If you look at Buddy's post, he has shown why I said what I said. I wanted Hogan to realize that even though you sound like a good and interested person who wants nothing but the best for him, and to learn more about John, there could be other motives. It has nothing to do with a negative perspective of you. I just wanted to be sure that Hogan looked at both sides of this. It's all about objectivity. There is nothing wrong with letting people know that there could be danger. Not that there is, but that there could be.
 
This story just appeared in the Globe and Mail, archived here for information purposes.

Are a spiritual leader's sexual relationships a calling or a dangerous abuse of power?

For decades, Alberta's John de Ruiter has styled himself as a spiritual leader, a Messianic figure with a piercing gaze who could lead his followers to enlightenment. But over the years, allegations of sexual impropriety have surfaced and a young woman has gone missing, leaving her family – and a growing number of adherents – seeking answers. Jana G. Pruden reports...

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/alberta/staring-back-john-de-ruiter-alberta-spiritual-leader/article37071277/
 
Timótheos said:
This story just appeared in the Globe and Mail, archived here for information purposes.

Are a spiritual leader's sexual relationships a calling or a dangerous abuse of power?

For decades, Alberta's John de Ruiter has styled himself as a spiritual leader, a Messianic figure with a piercing gaze who could lead his followers to enlightenment. But over the years, allegations of sexual impropriety have surfaced and a young woman has gone missing, leaving her family – and a growing number of adherents – seeking answers. Jana G. Pruden reports...

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/alberta/staring-back-john-de-ruiter-alberta-spiritual-leader/article37071277/
Thank you for that link. I first heard about him 10-15 years ago and know of several people who after watching some videos of his, moved to live in Edmonton. At least one of them, a young man, became almost lifeless in his expression and mannerism. I did watch part of a video back then but it was not my cup of tea.

His way of speaking is very hypnotic, slow and monotonous. This bit from the article is interesting, also in light of the discussion around Gurjieff and his use of hypnosis.

Stories circulate that de Ruiter studied hypnotism for two years, and in past interviews, de Ruiter's ex-wife, Joyce, described him spending nearly a year studying with a new age practitioner in the early 1990s, then coming home in the evenings and staring at Joyce and their children until they saw visions.

Scientific studies have shown that concentrated staring can have profound effects, and staring is a well-documented method of both persuasion and seduction – capable of inducing significant changes in perception, a sense of being detached from the world or in a dream, and feelings of being in love. A 2015 study found 90 per cent of subjects began hallucinating after staring into another person's face in a dimly-lit room for 10 minutes, seeing other faces, spiritual forms or monsters, like some of de Ruiter's followers describe.

Stanford University hypnotism expert Dr. David Spiegel says there is also clearly a "hypnotic-like potential" at de Ruiter's meetings, which could evoke the powerful responses some people experience. Dr. Spiegel says he was personally able to replicate a profound religious experience in a patient through hypnosis. "And believe me, I'm not Jesus," he added. "You can interpret an unexpected ability to change the way your body feels as a sign of some great religious significance, or not."
 
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