In An Unspoken Voice - Peter Levine

[Anthony]

Thank you for sharing the video Menrva, I'm going through the book currently and it's great that the author has managed to change people's lives with his work.

 

[beetlemaniac]

I returned to this thread following an earlier suggestion by Pashalis. I recently stumbled upon the Complex PTSD work by Peter Walker. I think his work is focused more on the mental manifestations of PTSD, or as Peter Levine would explain it, the result of suppressed drives in the body. When I first read In An Unspoken Voice, a lot of interesting insights came to me then, but they were still very fragmented and unintegrated. Along the course of time I read the same book a few times, always with the aching feeling that I am still not getting the whole picture.

A lot of time has passed since I delved into Peter Levine's book. Recently encountering Complex PTSD has given me some kind of solace in the concepts that he introduces such as the "emotional flashback" which is kind of similar to the amygdala hijack. A brain constantly scanning for threats and ready to trip at the slightest sign of something "amiss", such as certain facial expressions, is characteristic of the same PTSD type of issue.

What may be missing, or less elaborated on in Complex PTSD from my rough estimation is the idea (I haven't read his book yet) that the nervous inputs from the viscera (gut feelings) are severely hampered in PTSD patients. Like Yas mentions, I guess it's the complex of fear and anxiety that keeps the body from properly communicating with the brain.

I find it daunting to re-open and explore Peter Levine's theory because it is so dense. I find Pete Walker's Complex PTSD has more practical exercises which seem to be applicable to my more neurotic nature. However, I feel that Peter Levine's work is much more holistic and provides a better guidemap to true healing. Would there be a better way of integrating his concepts into my understanding, besides just reading the whole book again?

I am currently doing yoga quite frequently, which helps immensely in getting back into the body. It has been a world of a difference since I started doing this twice a day. It seems especially important to do it after work, as I think the fight/flight reactions get dammed up and my body seems to shut down completely after sitting at my desk the whole day. I can literally feel the vital energy coursing through the body as I perform the various poses. I wonder if others may be helped by trying some type of body work like this.

 

[obyvatel]

[quote author=bm]
I find it daunting to re-open and explore Peter Levine's theory because it is so dense. I find Pete Walker's Complex PTSD has more practical exercises which seem to be applicable to my more neurotic nature. However, I feel that Peter Levine's work is much more holistic and provides a better guidemap to true healing. Would there be a better way of integrating his concepts into my understanding, besides just reading the whole book again?

I am currently doing yoga quite frequently, which helps immensely in getting back into the body. It has been a world of a difference since I started doing this twice a day. It seems especially important to do it after work, as I think the fight/flight reactions get dammed up and my body seems to shut down completely after sitting at my desk the whole day. I can literally feel the vital energy coursing through the body as I perform the various poses. I wonder if others may be helped by trying some type of body work like this.[/quote]

Hi bm,

It is great that you have found a practice that helps you get into a proper relationship with your body. I can relate to a general sense of well-being after doing mindful physical movements especially after sitting behind a desk all day. To me, getting more "embodied" was the single most important point I "took home" from Levine's book. I would say that practicing body awareness is a necessary step towards practically integrating some of the concepts in Levine's book.

If there are some specific sections of the book you find challenging or would like to discuss, you can post here. You can , for example, cite an excerpt or a page number or chapter number you wish to discuss and those who have the book can respond.

 

[Cosmos]

[...]If there are some specific sections of the book you find challenging or would like to discuss, you can post here. You can , for example, cite an excerpt or a page number or chapter number you wish to discuss and those who have the book can respond.

Indeed. just post it here and we can discuss it if necessary.

[...] When I first read In An Unspoken Voice, a lot of interesting insights came to me then, but they were still very fragmented and unintegrated. Along the course of time I read the same book a few times, always with the aching feeling that I am still not getting the whole picture.

The book is very rich and you can discover new things as you read it again.

I find it daunting to re-open and explore Peter Levine's theory because it is so dense. I find Pete Walker's Complex PTSD has more practical exercises which seem to be applicable to my more neurotic nature. However, I feel that Peter Levine's work is much more holistic and provides a better guidemap to true healing. Would there be a better way of integrating his concepts into my understanding, besides just reading the whole book again?

While I can understand why Levine's book might seem dense to a certain extent, I think it is an outstanding piece of work that connects a lot of dots that also Gurdjieff talked about way back then. I guess the best option is to just try to reread Levine's book again and you might find that it is not so dense after all. You can also see the "denseness" as a challenge.

 

[Can Won]

Hi bm, you might find it beneficial to read Peter Levine's other book...Trauma and Memory - Brain & Body in a Search for the Living Past
It helped me process what was in "In An Unspoken Voice" and get a better grip of what was being explained.
Here's what i put in the review section for it...
If you want to know any more about it, because it is a pretty brief review , let me know and I'll get into action...

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,40169.msg617253.html#msg617253

I recently ordered this book (again, thanks for the heads up Approaching Infinity! :)) and it's a very interesting read.

One I would thoroughly recommend!

I was curious when reading "In an Unspoken Voice" what exactly was going on in the therapy sessions and in this book as well as being a great follow on, you get an in depth view of numerous case studies and the techniques he uses.

(My earliest memory is being in a confined space and not being able to get out. I was haunted by nightmares as far back as I can recall and can clearly remember what would be described as being slowly crushed in the hand of a giant gorilla When working through the traumatic episodes of my life and how they could still have a firm grip on me, I broached this subject with my Mum and the possibilities of this particular episode being perhaps related to my birth... there were complications!)

From Chapter 7 - The veracity Trap and the Pitfall of False Memory -

And yet, in therapy, whether the memories are true or not shouldn't be the primary concern. What is critical to recognize is that the client is stuck in an engram imprinted on brain and body- a procedural and emotional memory that is dominating their affect, mood and behaviours. So in either case, whether the attribution is actual or misconstrued, we must understand that the impact and meanings of their experiences hold truth and value. We are obliged, as therapists and healers, to help our clients liberate the vast survival energy that is bound in their nervous system - regardless of the specifics of the trauma - so that they can expand into greater freedom and peaceful grace.


If you found Peter Levine's books have worked for you in some way, then grab a copy of this. His style of writing and the topic he discusses are "just what the doctor ordered" ;D

The back cover reads;


Dr Peter Levine introduced the world to his pioneering approach to trauma therapy, the Somatic Experiencing method, in Waking the Tiger and In an Unspoken Voice. Now, with Trauma and Memory, he takes the next step step in his work as a scientist, story teller, and master clinician, tackling one of the most difficult and complex questions of trauma therapy: Can we trust our memories? While trauma therapy work frequently addresses "explicit" memories, less attention has been paid to how the body itself stores "implicit" memory, and how much of what we think of as "memory actually comes to us through our interoceptive bodily sense. By learning how to better understand this complex interplay of past and present, brain and body, we can adjust our relationship to past trauma and move into a more balanced, relaxed state of being and wholeness. Written for mental health care practitioners as well as trauma sufferers, Trauma and Memory is a groundbreaking look at how memory is constructed and how influential memories are on our present lives.

 

[scotseeker]

Thank you for starting this post Obyvatel! I have ordered the book and should receive it tomorrow, look forward to reading it. :)

 

[Turgon]

Hey everyone, I read In An Unspoken Voice several years back and am thinking of revisiting it again. It was very profound to read and although quite dense, made a lot of sense as to how trauma effects us in so many ways and stores itself in our body, as a continuous state of 'holding' - so that the energy is never released or processed so that we can eventually move on from it and continue forward in life. For those that find the book difficult or at the very least don't have access to it yet and would like to learn more about it, I made an abbreviated Coles Notes version of it. It's been sitting on my computer, in a holding pattern for quite a few years, so maybe now is a good time to release it. It's about 70 pages long and a collection of what I thought represented the essence of the book for the most part. I've attached it to this post in case anyone is interested.

 

[beetlemaniac]

Hi obyvatel, thanks for sharing your experience and special thanks for the offer to help. Keeping the fact that I can come back to the forum for help gives me the push to stay on track as I read. I seem to have a bad habit of dissociating to random thoughts every time I try to sit down and read. I looked up a video on youtube on how to read for better comprehension and a few tips stuck out for me. One is to always have a pen with you while reading. Well, I use a pencil since I don't want to make permanent marks. Another strategy is to verbalise on some occasions - this I have done before. It seems very effective since you get all kinds of additional stimulation you wouldn't normally get when you read silently. In fact - it affects the body directly, which seems very apt given the subject matter.

Dear Pashalis, I will take it as a challenge, and you are right, many things are becoming revealed that were not apparent before. I feel like I have not really read this book at all -- just kind of meandered through it hoping that I achieved some kind of comprehension. I think my dissocative tendencies get the better of me, and I tend to lose track instead of building new tracks in my brain.

Dear Can Won, Trauma and Memory looks very interesting and it seems like a logical follow up to this book. I may purchase it after I read through In An Unspoken Voice again. Currently, I can't focus on too many things at once, and I have to take it slow to be able to absorb and integrate the information. Thank you!

Turgon, that summary you made is fantastic! I'm using it as a springboard to get back into the book. I'm so glad you shared it.

 

[Cosmos]

Hi obyvatel, thanks for sharing your experience and special thanks for the offer to help. Keeping the fact that I can come back to the forum for help gives me the push to stay on track as I read. I seem to have a bad habit of dissociating to random thoughts every time I try to sit down and read. I looked up a video on youtube on how to read for better comprehension and a few tips stuck out for me. One is to always have a pen with you while reading. Well, I use a pencil since I don't want to make permanent marks. Another strategy is to verbalise on some occasions - this I have done before. It seems very effective since you get all kinds of additional stimulation you wouldn't normally get when you read silently. In fact - it affects the body directly, which seems very apt given the subject matter.[

I felt similar about reading in the past and discovered what actually helps is reading more and thus getting yourself accustomed to this way of data input. The reason that you have a hard time following what you read could also be related to overactive though patterns about different subjects while reading. What can help in both cases is regular practise of meditation.

It could also be that you simply are a person that can gather data better via audio and/or visual input. Have you tried for example to listen to audio books, and if so, have you noticed a difference?

 

[munaychasumaq]

Really interesting book.I am still reading it.I am not an English speaker,so i go very slow because i must to translate many words to have a better understanding of the context but anyway i learn the mechanism of the body to release energy in case of tremendous stress,and the wonder of nature is fascinating. Long time ago i witnessed a bicycle accident and I could see how the injured one trembled. Now I know that I was releasing energy from the stress he suffered.

 

[beetlemaniac]

I felt similar about reading in the past and discovered what actually helps is reading more and thus getting yourself accustomed to this way of data input.

Hi Pashalis, you know, I had always thought the same way. However, it seems to me, as time passed and my life became more stressful, I could not focus on reading, however much I tried. Most of the time now, reading is associated with a lot of fear and anxiety, because of the inability to use attention and get something out of what I read, hence the resultant frustration which creates a vicious cycle.

However, verbalizing what I read gives me a better gut feeling about what I read, since I can feel it better in my gut. It doesn't sound so strange come to think of it. Maybe the anxiety and fear that I feel in my guts is being countered by the good feelings that come from the reverberations. It's like the "voo" sound exercise, just less obviously felt, but felt nonetheless. This method jives well with PAL's concept of creative self-regulation. On top of that, who knows how the content of what is verbalised actually affects the body, ie. it's informational content and the body's direct link to the information field. Fascinating stuff!

The reason that you have a hard time following what you read could also be related to overactive though patterns about different subjects while reading. What can help in both cases is regular practise of meditation.

I guess you are right about that. I tend to drift into dissociative thinking about events that happened in that day, various fears and imagination and daydreaming, etc. I agree that meditation can help, and I am doing a little bit of that in the morning the moment I wake. Maybe the bugs in my gut are also creating a problem where bad chemicals are being released. My diet is quite good however I am having some carbs at night, and doing the enemas. I don't know really how to pinpoint the exact cause of this issue. I do know that tension in the body is directly linked to the overactive mind issue.

It could also be that you simply are a person that can gather data better via audio and/or visual input. Have you tried for example to listen to audio books, and if so, have you noticed a difference?

I have tried various ways of data input - but the most prominent variable that affects my ability to absorb information seems to be the stress that is held in the body. The more stressed I am, the more my mind wanders and does not want to focus on what I want it to focus on. And I think that is why the body awareness work that I have been doing through yoga has been so transformational. I have become much more aware of when my body is in a stress state, say when my shoulders are raised towards my ears, that is usually the sign of stress.

If you would care to share your experience, would you say that you are quite aware of your body, especially when under stress? Additionally, how does stress affect you mentally?

 

[Cosmos]

[...]
If you would care to share your experience, would you say that you are quite aware of your body, especially when under stress? Additionally, how does stress affect you mentally?

I wouldn't say that I'm all that aware of my body, (in fact I think I'm rather bad at it) but I recently started to pay more attention to it, after reading some book material, like Levines book and a lot of Gurdjieff. What seemed to have made quite a difference, is this acquiring of knowledge together with recent realizations that came through shocks in real life, that made me painfully aware how mechanic our actions, movements and behaviours really are and how destructive they can be, both for ourselves and the people around us.

I knew and felt it on occasions before, but only in short flashes and mostly in the aftermath of life situations. That seems to have changed to more situations, that hold longer, where I can be aware of what I do and how this affects others and me and in the situation itself. Or at least being more aware of it then before. Slowly but surely I try to change myself (movements, actions , feelings, thought patterns etc.) now, if possible in those situations themselves, by essentially "doing what it doesn't like"more often. So it seems to me that this is a slow process that takes a lot of time and one small step at a time. I'm still far away from where I want to be (read "The Practising Mind" for how that can be applied without getting overwhelmed by that "big future goal", by using it as a ruder to move into the right direction, rather then the point of focus), but I try to not work myself up with "how bad it is" but rather try to gather more knowledge and experience in life through that knowledge in combination with daily meditations.

Being aware of the body (let alone all the other parts) in stressfull situations is very difficult, and I can't say that I've mastered that. It depends on how you define a stressfull situation. What becomes clearer to me now, is the fact that most of the stress (both conscious and unconscious) that we experience in life is by choice (again, either conscious or unconscious) through how we approach situations and feelings, and this in turn is mostly determined from all the programs we have a acquired throughout life.

Gurdjieff said for example that a human has a certain fixed amount of energy at his disposal every day and that most people use so much of it by useless movements, tentions in the body and associations, so that they have no energy left for anything else.

So while reading Gurdjieff (and trying to observe myself in real life) it also dawned on me how I essentially consume so much energy everyday by "tensions and associations in the body and mind":

[...]Gurdjieff also mentions that every person has a specific amount of energy at its disposal every day. The way we approach life every day in regards to feelings, reactions, thinking patterns, tentions in the body, moves and behaviours, can either deprive us from a lot of energy, or we can "economise" it, as Gurdjieff phrased it, and make conscious efforts in all those departments to expend as little of that energy as possible, but at the same time get the thing done much better and effective.

So when we loose a key, we could also ask ourselves: how should I react now, so that I don't get deprived of to much necessary energy? Same with everything else, like interpersonal relations with people. Say I'm annoyed by this or that person, then I think: How could I think, react and feel next time when I'm confronted with that person, so that my energy storage does get deprived as little as possible? And try to apply it in the situation. And so on. [...]

It regards to stress what seems to be most important is that we try," one little drop at a time" as Levine puts it, or as Gurdjieff called it "one small thing first, then another small thing", or as Sterner from "The Practising Mind" puts it "do small things in the here and now slowly and with attention". If we try to tackle a "big thing" first, we are doomed to experience a lot of stress and as Levine puts it "run into the risk of retraumatizing" ourselves and thus get even farther away from the goal. The same thing applies for "searching for the cause" of this or that thing that was programmed in us. See here.

That doesn't necessarily mean though that we can't or should not expose us to "big things" also. That can also be done and can be of much value if we approach those situations rightly. Thus, it is good to get always some ground work done beforehand "through small things" in order for our bodies and mind to get a feeling "of real will" as Gurdjieff would put it. It gives us confidence that we can develop a will to change things.

For example: Let's say we notice that we have a really hard time to meet and talk with a crowd of people, that we do not know. Let's say we know that this is a "big thing for us" and thus could lead to retraumatization, if we don't approach it the right way. We can then try to see what small things we can do there, that bring us closer to what we want.

We could of course also decide to avoid the situation completely, but we know that this will not bring us closer to our goal, but instead will make things worse. So instead of avoiding it, we can break it up in small sections like: Try for half a year or longer to just approach crowds instead of hiding (which you have done for years) while paying close attention (just observing) what our mind and especially our body does when we do that. Do it as long as it is needed to get accustomed to that new feeling and behaviour and how you react to it. If you mastered this "small step", you could set yourself the next "small thing", like taking on another body language and facial expression, when you approach them. Then the next step just to be with the crowd and observe. Next step, just sit and move differently in the crowd. And so on.

Of course we encounter in life also constantly situations in which we are thrown into the bathtub of that "big thing" that is "to far away for us". Or situations in which we just have to face "the big thing". The same applies then: Try to find something "small" in that moment that you can "will" to do good or better, like moving differently. A good thing to always keep in mind in any given situation is "be externally considerate", it can give valuable insight into what we do in any given moment. And then try to think of "small things" you can do in that direction. As with everything else it needs practise.

 

[Oxajil]

However, it seems to me, as time passed and my life became more stressful, I could not focus on reading, however much I tried. Most of the time now, reading is associated with a lot of fear and anxiety, because of the inability to use attention and get something out of what I read, hence the resultant frustration which creates a vicious cycle.

Hi bm, perhaps one thing that could help is to maybe tweak your environment a bit in which you're reading. If you can create a spot somewhere in your house or room that is quiet and has a relaxing feel to it (maybe add a plant here and there, maybe even lit a candle for a bit), it might help with reading with less stress or tension on your mind. This way, you kind of condition your mind to be calm by your surroundings. This may not work for everyone, so just a thought. I'm glad that verbalizing what you read is helping! What could also help keeping your focus is to write little notes in the book or to mark important phrases. Writing things down, or any thoughts that pop up while you read, may also help with remembering things you've read. Either way, trying to stay focused little by little while you read is a good practice to discipline the mind. FWIW.

 

[beetlemaniac]

I wouldn't say that I'm all that aware of my body, (in fact I think I'm rather bad at it) but I recently started to pay more attention to it, after reading some book material, like Levines book and a lot of Gurdjieff. What seemed to have made quite a difference, is this acquiring of knowledge together with recent realizations that came through shocks in real life, that made me painfully aware how mechanic our actions, movements and behaviours really are and how destructive they can be, both for ourselves and the people around us.

I knew and felt it on occasions before, but only in short flashes and mostly in the aftermath of life situations. That seems to have changed to more situations, that hold longer, where I can be aware of what I do and how this affects others and me and in the situation itself. Or at least being more aware of it then before. Slowly but surely I try to change myself (movements, actions , feelings, thought patterns etc.) now, if possible in those situations themselves, by essentially "doing what it doesn't like"more often. So it seems to me that this is a slow process that takes a lot of time and one small step at a time. I'm still far away from where I want to be (read "The Practising Mind" for how that can be applied without getting overwhelmed by that "big future goal", by using it as a ruder to move into the right direction, rather then the point of focus), but I try to not work myself up with "how bad it is" but rather try to gather more knowledge and experience in life through that knowledge in combination with daily meditations.

That book is one that I have read, thanks to you, and it taught me so much about how to work and do things with love. He summarised the keys to activity as the four “S” words simplify, small, short, and slow. I think one of the keys here is that recovering from traumatic life situations that we originated from is that it is a process, and a process requires tending to like a garden needs weeding and planting. It can't be done in a go and it can't be finished right now.

Being aware of the body (let alone all the other parts) in stressfull situations is very difficult, and I can't say that I've mastered that. It depends on how you define a stressfull situation. What becomes clearer to me now, is the fact that most of the stress (both conscious and unconscious) that we experience in life is by choice (again, either conscious or unconscious) through how we approach situations and feelings, and this in turn is mostly determined from all the programs we have a acquired throughout life.

Isn't that usually the case? I find myself sometimes getting frustrated at myself as I slowly lose control over my own reactions to external situations, that I have become very sensitive to the fact that I AM losing control and that I NEED to do something to turn this ship around right NOW, before things get really out of hand. I find yoga to be very helpful in grounding myself back in my body and developing a relationship with the body through positive kinesthetic and other sensation-based input. I am at the point at Levine's book where he talks about the SIBAM model, and Sensation is the first part of the multi-part Somatic Experiencing therapeutic model. I am yet to integrate the rest into a holistic understanding -- though I bet this would be easier with an actual therapist!

Gurdjieff said for example that a human has a certain fixed amount of energy at his disposal every day and that most people use so much of it by useless movements, tentions in the body and associations, so that they have no energy left for anything else.

So while reading Gurdjieff (and trying to observe myself in real life) it also dawned on me how I essentially consume so much energy everyday by "tensions and associations in the body and mind":

[...]Gurdjieff also mentions that every person has a specific amount of energy at its disposal every day. The way we approach life every day in regards to feelings, reactions, thinking patterns, tentions in the body, moves and behaviours, can either deprive us from a lot of energy, or we can "economise" it, as Gurdjieff phrased it, and make conscious efforts in all those departments to expend as little of that energy as possible, but at the same time get the thing done much better and effective.

So when we loose a key, we could also ask ourselves: how should I react now, so that I don't get deprived of to much necessary energy? Same with everything else, like interpersonal relations with people. Say I'm annoyed by this or that person, then I think: How could I think, react and feel next time when I'm confronted with that person, so that my energy storage does get deprived as little as possible? And try to apply it in the situation. And so on. [...]

That is another great reminder. I think Don Juan also had something to say about a warrior keeping an inventory of everything he does, and to be on the look out for anything that can be eliminated to allow further respite for the real Work. I feel so great to be able to share here and talk to you about this. It feels like I have created some reserve to be able to do this. I had originally started reading your replies at work, but I felt like I couldn't justify a proper response - so I made a conscious decision to work on this at home. It's difficult to sustain the attention needed to read and understand these topics at work, even when I am free and have "done my part". Let's just say others always seem to intrude at the moment I seem to be getting to any real understanding or a place of calm and peace. I don't want to be superstitious about it and say that things happen specifically to suppress higher-level cognition but that's the General Law for you.

It regards to stress what seems to be most important is that we try," one little drop at a time" as Levine puts it, or as Gurdjieff called it "one small thing first, then another small thing", or as Sterner from "The Practising Mind" puts it "do small things in the here and now slowly and with attention". If we try to tackle a "big thing" first, we are doomed to experience a lot of stress and as Levine puts it "run into the risk of retraumatizing" ourselves and thus get even farther away from the goal. The same thing applies for "searching for the cause" of this or that thing that was programmed in us. See here.

I don't normally go searching for causes of programs - but I do get stuck in guilt and shame loops from which I have to consciously affirm my existence in the here and now to be able to escape from them. I guess I have an overactive conscience or morality-based program or what is called a "superego" which asserts itself constantly. It's probably better not to call it Conscience as that is something else altogether and very far away from us, as Gurdjieff put it?

That doesn't necessarily mean though that we can't or should not expose us to "big things" also. That can also be done and can be of much value if we approach those situations rightly. Thus, it is good to get always some ground work done beforehand "through small things" in order for our bodies and mind to get a feeling "of real will" as Gurdjieff would put it. It gives us confidence that we can develop a will to change things.

For example: Let's say we notice that we have a really hard time to meet and talk with a crowd of people, that we do not know. Let's say we know that this is a "big thing for us" and thus could lead to retraumatization, if we don't approach it the right way. We can then try to see what small things we can do there, that bring us closer to what we want.

We could of course also decide to avoid the situation completely, but we know that this will not bring us closer to our goal, but instead will make things worse. So instead of avoiding it, we can break it up in small sections like: Try for half a year or longer to just approach crowds instead of hiding (which you have done for years) while paying close attention (just observing) what our mind and especially our body does when we do that. Do it as long as it is needed to get accustomed to that new feeling and behaviour and how you react to it. If you mastered this "small step", you could set yourself the next "small thing", like taking on another body language and facial expression, when you approach them. Then the next step just to be with the crowd and observe. Next step, just sit and move differently in the crowd. And so on.

Of course we encounter in life also constantly situations in which we are thrown into the bathtub of that "big thing" that is "to far away for us". Or situations in which we just have to face "the big thing". The same applies then: Try to find something "small" in that moment that you can "will" to do good or better, like moving differently. A good thing to always keep in mind in any given situation is "be externally considerate", it can give valuable insight into what we do in any given moment. And then try to think of "small things" you can do in that direction. As with everything else it needs practise.

I have an upcoming "big thing" happening next week, as a matter of fact. I'm to attend a friend's wedding in another country and I will be there for a week. I am quite apprehensive about the whole thing, and I can't really seem to shake the feeling of something bad happening. Part of me is happy that I feel more connected to the group and participating at hopefully a more open and honest level, and this part is a little afraid of being swept up by what's about to happen during this coming trip. I'm not sure if it makes a whole lot of sense. I think it's the whole fear of being "re-traumatized" that's egging me. It's actually a good reminder for me to firm up my travel plans and not leave things to chance, as much as possible.

I will remind myself of that last paragraph - that is quite some precious advice. I find that if I keep a strong intent expressing humility in my interactions, things usually work out well. However, it takes a lot of energy to be humble, I realise. It's about being unselfish and considering the other as deeply as possible. That means you give up all your preconceived notions about life and everything you know, to SEE the person in front of you for who they really are. To give up automatic thinking for conscious apprehension of reality is an energy-consuming act and it seems like the greatest expression of love for another.

 

[beetlemaniac]

However, it seems to me, as time passed and my life became more stressful, I could not focus on reading, however much I tried. Most of the time now, reading is associated with a lot of fear and anxiety, because of the inability to use attention and get something out of what I read, hence the resultant frustration which creates a vicious cycle.

Hi bm, perhaps one thing that could help is to maybe tweak your environment a bit in which you're reading. If you can create a spot somewhere in your house or room that is quiet and has a relaxing feel to it (maybe add a plant here and there, maybe even lit a candle for a bit), it might help with reading with less stress or tension on your mind. This way, you kind of condition your mind to be calm by your surroundings. This may not work for everyone, so just a thought. I'm glad that verbalizing what you read is helping! What could also help keeping your focus is to write little notes in the book or to mark important phrases. Writing things down, or any thoughts that pop up while you read, may also help with remembering things you've read. Either way, trying to stay focused little by little while you read is a good practice to discipline the mind. FWIW.

Those tips sound useful and I did not think of doing something like that. I like soft lighting, that really helps provide a calm ambiance for reading. It also behooves me to pay attention to how my environment is affecting my focus. It sounds like it would be a good idea to take stock of my surroundings before I set myself down with a book, rather than just mechanically plonking down and going to the last page I read without the foundation of where I actually am in space and time. There is also a lot to be said about consciously recalling what I've read so far before actually opening the book and starting reading. Like you said in the last sentence, with small daily efforts, I think it all will come about in due time.