With the pandemic I came to another city to be with my parents and help them to get food and medicine because they could not go out to shop, in 2020 they were forbidden to enter the stores "for their health". After 2021 with the injections and added to other circumstances, I am staying here with them for an indefinite period of time.
Since I arrived, around April 2020, my dad expressed his desire to stop living, there have been similar conversations, what I have been able to tell him is to concentrate on the perfection of mother nature, fortunately they live in an area where you can appreciate the greenery .... It is a residential area but the trees stand out as opposed to where I lived, where the concrete, buildings and traffic were overhanging.
My dad is hyper tense and has had a pacemaker since 2014.... There was a lot of family pressure to get the Covid shot. He didn't want to take it and he didn't take it.
Since I arrived - even with the Plandemia - I have also seen how his health has been deteriorating, my mom tells whoever comes or on the phone that my dad has a lot of desire to live... It seems to me that this is a form of denial.
Around August 2021, we started with diapers and that, physiologically and psychologically, has also made him worse... He has also been very affected by the fact that no visitors come - as they used to - because of the terror of the Covid, not from him but from the fear of the others.
By December last year, we had managed - basically my mom and I - who are the ones who take care of him most of the time to get him to go downstairs and go out to Christmas events.... He wasn't wearing a diaper as much anymore. He was also encouraged, because one of his brothers was coming to visit him.... There were 4 siblings, 2 passed away before the pandemic, one in 2018 and one in 2019.... One was his twin.
But 2022 came... And he got worse again.... I went to another city for 10 days when I returned, I found him very different and much more deteriorated.... The diaper was not the constant, but the duck... Portable urine container...
My brother was home but he was sick and said it was possibly Covid without any test.
So for 20 days we took care of 2 people.
In mid-late January, my mom told us that my dad had already said goodbye to her... Three days later, my dad asked us to take him to a hospital because he felt like he was dying. My mom and I took him, I was the only one who went in because of Covid's protocols.... After several tests, blood, urine, chest x-ray and electrocardiogram... It did not reflect that he should be admitted and we were sent back.
About 10 days passed and my mom woke us up in the early morning, my dad said goodbye to me and my brother.
It was funny, nice the next day.... My dad wakes up, sits on the bed, I see him confused... he looks at us and asks.... "Who am I?"... My mom answers him... "It's you, (his name).... My dad answers: "I'm not dead? "... No, my mom tells him ...." Why? "... My mom tells him that it is not his decision, but it is until God wills.... I looked at my dad who remained angry.
Days have passed and my dad keeps saying goodbye to people.
My dad is almost deaf and almost blind, communication is difficult.... Sometimes I better write to him so he can read what I want to say.
An aunt has recommended me to "talk to him" about his possible fear of death, what if he has already seen his parents or his siblings in dreams or in some other way.... I asked her once, she is not afraid of death and she has not seen them.
Since last week a doctor came because he looked worse and worse, a family consensus was reached.... The detail that I see is that my father is not familiar with allopathy... He has been taking 3 medications for almost 10 years for hypertension.... The rest has been with homeopathy. He has had 3 pneumonias....
Then this doctor prescribed him about 9 medications plus 2 nebulizations...it's too much!.... He says he has pneumonia.... He's been taking them for 3 days... I see him drugged.... I have no experience in seeing him like this... For me, my dad is sometimes.... And when he is, he behaves like a baby....
I feed him, I've had to make his food more baby-like.... And the other time, while I was feeding him his porridge - soup - stew... I thought about that part, about dying as children.... Like angels they are born, like angels they die.
My question, after all this talk and because once, with an aunt who had no will to live and I related it as suicide.... If there is any prayer for... What to help him to leave, because that's how he has expressed it.... He hasn't told me to pray for him for that goal, though.
Today I stayed on duty at night, he is very anxious, I prayed for him to rest.....
An aunt told me, you have to pray.... I ask her what for? For his health to get better? Or for him to go away? That he may die in peace? She tells me... "to chase away the spirits that feed on his suffering".... The pains in his body, the confusion, being mad, etc.
Thanks for reading.
I am at lost, is it really when God decides or when, my father decides?