Last week I saw my wife's dentist. He tapped on my teeth with a metal instrument and had me chew on a stick, and there was no pain. He doesn't think there's a crack in the tooth. He had me open my mouth and close my mouth very slowly to see where the teeth first hit, and it first hit in the area of the pain. He thinks that repetitive hitting where the teeth first meet is causing discomfort of the sheath between the tooth and jaw. I have an appointment to see him in 2 weeks for imaging and making a model of my teeth and jaw, in order to determine a further plan of action.
I've had a similar experience recently. The teeth that have been impacting when I bite caused a bit of a hole in a lower tooth. The dentist said it was nothing to worry about but would put a filling in and do something called 'set my jaw' (i think that was what it was called). He will do some sort of quick adjustment so when I bite the impact will be more even across the teeth and not concentrated on them two.
The appointment isnt for over another month, but i'll let you know how it goes. If I was in your situation I would probably stick with your wifes dentist to see if he can fix it in a less intrusive way, or at least investigate it futher.