The next Reiki night, I walked in the room and Trudy saw me coming and stopped what she was doing and headed right for me. She stopped in front of me and denounced me for the vile serpent I was, and how dare I tell her husband to divorce her and lock her out of her own house! And then she said she couldn't stand to be in the same room with such a horrible person as I was, and stormed out!
Everybody stood around looking stupid for a minute. I looked at Louise and Candy who had both been there when I said what I said to George, which certainly had been repeated by him to Trudy, though it was altogether out of context. Neither of them said a word in my defense! Later, in private, they were sympathetic and told me not to worry, that Trudy was just going through a difficult time, but I was a little confused that they would stand there and NOT say something to straighten the matter out immediately, which is what would have been the result if they had pointed out what George had said to provoke such a remark! If Trudy was innocent, as they were suggesting, didn't she need to be warned that her husband was spreading such lies about her? I was pretty confused here, and Louise and Candy were entirely insouciant about the whole thing.
The next day, Louise called me and said that a "meeting" had been set up at a local restaurant so that we could all get together with Trudy and "iron this problem out." Was I willing to come? Of course, I was. I detested discord and misunderstanding and I NEVER intended to hurt Trudy. I was simply responding to George's claims that he was afraid for his life. If what he had been saying was true, he should certainly have taken my advice. But obviously, there was some kind of game going on there and both of them were sucking everybody else into it.
I arrived at the restaurant with Louise and Candy. Trudy and several others (who were apparently "on her side") were already there there at a large, round table. Louise informed us that she had also invited another lady that no one else there had ever met except Louise, and who was reputed to be a VERY good psychic. She just "thought it was a good opportunity" for us to all meet this lady, IF she came, and she doubted she would because she was very reclusive. Louise had met her in her work as a home health aide and she raved about this unknown lady's abilities as a "seer."
Trudy was tightlipped and obviously not happy to be present. I was not terribly happy with the situation myself, having made an innocent honest remark that sort of exploded in my face, but I was determined to make the effort to have everything return to normal with the group and to assure Trudy that if anybody was playing games here, it wasn't me. I was pretty upset that Louise and Candy hadn't just talked to Trudy themselves to explain the exact circumstances of the remark that was the cause of all this brouhaha. Had they done so, my feeling was that the upset would have just evaporated.
Just then, the expected/unexpected guest arrived - Jeanie - and that is her real name, but she has passed over now so it doesn't matter any longer whether I use her real name or not. She was like a rare tropical bird that sort of fluttered about for a moment and then chose to land in the chair right next to me. But just as she started to sit, the chair, (on wheels),actually shot across the room behind her! I had to literally catch her to prevent her from sitting on the floor with a thud! Being elderly and rather fragile in appearance, such a fall could have been completely disastrous. She was startled and confused for a moment, and Candy jumped up and retrieved the chair. We got Jeanie seated and settled, concerned that she would be just overwhelmed by such a thing and go off on some sort of "old lady" whining and complaining about chairs and so forth.
But Jeanie didn't miss a beat! She looked at me and said "Ohhhh! I see all kinds of good spirits around you! You are gonna do BIG things! Yes. Big things! Oh, my! We have to talk, you and I! But later. Let's order now I'm starved."
Well, that certainly made a shift in the atmosphere and lightened things up a bit. If it hadn't been for Trudy brooding on the other side of the table, looking daggers at me, and dabbing a tear away from time to time, a good time would have been had by all.
We did finally get to discussion of the matter, and Trudy was just obstinately predisposed to think that no matter what I said, I was an evil person. That was the bottom line. I explained the whole incident from start to finish, and while I was doing so, I looked to Louise and Candy for confirmation of the salient points, of which they were witnesses, and the most they would say was "yes, it seemed to be that way," or "I think it was that way too, but I can't remember exactly." All the sympathy was going to "poor Trudy!" It was maddening! I never in my life was in the presence of such mealy-mouthed people who, claiming to be friends, were unable to offer an opinion of their own much less to simply recount the events as they occurred!
But Jeanie, sitting beside me, piped up with "You better believe what this girl is saying because I can SEE the light in her! There are a LOT of good spirits around her, and if she says that's the way it happened, then that's the way it happened!" So, everybody sort of looked at her in surprise and got quiet. It has to be one of the strangest luncheons I ever attended in my life!
Well, Trudy was eventually grudgingly mollified and agreed to "let bygones be bygones," and we all exited to the parking lot to go home. Jeanie asked for my arm to walk her to her car, and on the way gave me her phone number and said I should call her as soon as I got home.
So, I did. What she told me was about the most bizarre thing I had ever heard! She said to me: "Did you see that Trudy make my chair shoot across the floor? She didn't want me there, I can tell you! She was furious that I came. And I almost didn't. I could feel her hate when I was getting dressed! But spirit told me that there was a reason for me to go, and I HAD to do it. That reason was that you needed an ally. And she hates you, too! And she's messed up with all kinds of dark things. That group at that church - I'd stay away from them if I were you! That Reverend Ruth - she's at the middle of some evil things, you mark my words!" and so on. When I asked her what was going on with this whole misunderstanding we had just been through she said: "You have the light in you. Those people hate you for that. When the light comes into the middle of darkness, it exposes things. They can't stand the light. They will do anything to get you away from them. You have to be careful. There are things out there that can really hurt you. I know! They've been trying to kill me all my life. Now they are trying to kill you! And beware of Louise! Did you see how she didn't say a WORD in your defense? Well, that's because she's one of them! And Candy, too. You need to be on your guard."
By this time I was SURE that Jeanie was like "Aunt Clara" on the old TV show, Bewitched. What she was saying just did NOT make sense. It was crazy talk. But she was so sweet and sincere and urgently concerned that I assured her I would take the greatest care. I promised to keep in touch. I told Candy what she had said and we agreed that the poor dear may have been a good psychic (as Louise assured us) but she was obviously over the hill now!
By this time, Candy and I were on the phone every day. When not on the phone, she would drop by and I would stop what I was doing to sit and chat. I really enjoyed her company, and she seemed to enjoy mine and we both had a voracious curiosity about the "alien abduction" research, so we spent a lot of time talking about it and comparing it to the different teachings that Reverend Ruth was sponsoring at the church, as well as anything and everything we heard about from any other source. When I could get out of the house once in awhile, we would go to rock shops and metaphysical stores and look at all the stuff that was available, occasionally buying a rock or sage or some other such "energy enhancing" thing.
A few weeks went by and we continued with our Reiki nights, and things were better, but there was still an undercurrent of dis-ease. I was doing my best to put as much love and light around the situation as I could, and to also keep myself in a "bubble" of love and light so that all my words and actions would issue from a deep place of love and understanding in my heart. I was terribly grieved that Trudy had been so hurt by me, and I did all I could to make it up to her. But she began to change in some way; even her appearance changed and she began to get heavier. At the same time, her husband just seemed to be wasting away to nothing. He whined and complained and Trudy rolled her eyes in exasperation.
Meanwhile, Candy and several of the others were coming to the experimental channelling sessions on Saturday nights, and even if all we did was chat with "dead dudes," we still had a of of fun with it. And all of them wanted to experiment with the Spirit Release process, so there was a lot of experimenting and investigating going on off to the side of the regular Reiki group. Two events stand out at this point, as needing to be included here.
The first one was a phone call I received one night from Tim, the young kid who had been participating in the local Wicca group. He was in a complete panic. He had been trying one of the "rituals" that he had been taught in the coven. I don't know if the exact procedure he was given was what he had followed, or if he was improvising, but the gist of it was that he had run hot water in his tiny bathroom to make it like a "sauna," and then had been doing some sort of "calling forth" ritual while staring in the mirror. (Seems to me that he would have had to be constantly wiping the steam off the glass to even do this!) Well, the upshot of it was that a horrible demonic face had appeared in the mirror and had told him that it was his "companion" and was now going to have fun tormenting him or "feeding" on him or something. He had the feeling of pressure and his heart started beating like crazy and he thought he was going to die.
He was actually calling from the hospital where they had given him some sort of sedative and had told him that nothing was essentially wrong with him except some sort of stress reaction. He was terrified to go home because the demon was there, and what should he do?
Well, I was a little shocked that such a thing could happen to a Reiki initiate, especially since he and Candy had taken their second level initiations. But, I tried to calm him down and told him to come right over - I would fix him up pretty quick.
I called Candy and explained the situation to her, and she was pretty excited at the thought of seeing a "real" exorcism. She agreed to come right away.
It was a long wait before Tim arrived, and when he did, he was in a TERRIBLE state. He told us that on his way over, he had actually been in an accident - another car had sideswiped him and spun his car around and into a ditch. He was certain that it was the demon doing it, and his terror had practically gone through the roof!
We got him on a Candy's massage table which had been set up, and started giving him Reiki just to calm him down. As we did, there were all kinds of strange things going on with his body. Muscles would jump and jerk in a way that was definitely NOT normal, and he said he could actually FEEL something "slithery" moving around in him!
Well, we were sort of freaking out too, but my experience with similar things during many hypnosis sessions had schooled me to remain calm and in control of the situation. I asked Tim to recount exactly everything that was done and said, and as he did, he began to breathe more normally and calmed down.
Soon I was able to put him under hypnosis and address the entity directly. It was a new level of Spirit Release - rather bizarre to say the least. As I addressed what was clearly NOT a "dead dude," nor an "elemental spirit," but something altogether more powerful, devious, and nasty, poor Tim alternately swelled and expelled the most horrible gas imaginable. This was definitely not a case of finding a poor lost, departed individual who needed to be counseled to "go into the light," thereby releasing the victim. This critter had no intention of going anywhere! He had been "invited," and he liked his new "home," and there was not gonna be an eviction!
Well, I had a different opinion of the matter and was equally determined that he was going to depart rather quickly, so it was pretty much a matter of who was going to prove to be the strongest in the dispute.
I did the usual calling on the "guides" and "light workers" of the astral planes to come and assist in the freeing of the victim, followed standard procedures and so forth. No dice. I did the "in the name of Jesus" routine, which can work depending on the religious affiliation of the victim. Didn't work. The entity was making poor Tim jerk and jump on the table, constantly swelling with gas and expelling it in quantities that were simply abnormal by any pathological criteria. When I directed Tim to join with Candy and myself in generating light and heat to encapsulate the entity, it began to complain that it was "hot" and "burned" and for us to just stop and leave it alone. It started to whine and moan that we ought to have sympathy and compassion for such as himself because that WAS the philosophy we were espousing in the "love and light" New Age trend. It was actually a caricature of the recent machinations of both Trudy and George and I was not fooled one bit.
Finally, I just simply told the entity that I was NOT going to leave him alone, I was not going to stop harassing him with heat and light, that if I had to, we would stay there all night and all the next day and however many days it took. That seemed to have an effect, and I demanded that the entity leave in no uncertain terms, and with a last "blow up" of Tim's abdomen, followed by a particularly noisy expulsion of the most horrible sulfurous stench, the entity left and Tim was finally peaceful.
I brought him out of the hypnosis and we discussed the matter. One of the things that the entity had said was that he had been initially attracted to Tim at one of the coven meetings where a whole host of such entities commonly congregated, selecting their prey, and then hanging around, waiting for the opportunity to "connect" in a more permanent way. They would "influence" the individual to perform certain acts that would facilitate entry, and even though the individual thought that these ideas were their own, they were not. Apparently enough "mind contact" can be made to "plant thoughts" and "ideas" that will lead to fuller "possession."
Well, Tim was certainly cured of his interest in Wicca. After such a horrible experience, he was not going to risk going back into that environment and getting another "hanger on" of that sort!
We agreed between us to keep this quiet because of Tim's obvious embarrassment as well as the fact that we were trying to "protect" Trudy in her "less advanced" beliefs. Candy said that she just could not handle the idea that "love and light" was not the be-all and end-all of all answers.
But I was concerned about the implication that Reiki was NOT as "all-powerful" and protective as was being taught. I felt that we needed to convey this to the others in some way. Candy agreed, but urged that I let HER do it in her own way and time. I agreed.
The second event of concern was directly stimulated by this incident with Tim. Candy wanted me to do the Spirit Release process on her "just to see." She had been on a terrible emotional roller coaster for some time, and she was now thinking that much of this could be directly attributable to attachments of one sort or another. I agreed and we scheduled it for the next day.
For some reason Candy wanted to "bring Louise in on the action," and with reservation, I agreed. Candy was, after all, the subject and whatever was necessary for the comfort of the subject was to be considered desirable. So, Louise was informed and after expressing interest in being a witness, invited us to do the session at her house, which was okay with me.
During this session, an attached entity identified himself as "Thomas." His "story" was that he had been a practitioner of Voodoo in Haiti and had been killed by a rival Voodoo "doctor" in 1945. The REAL shocker was when he claimed that he had been "induced" or "commanded" by a "magician" to attach to Candy as a "control conduit."
A "Magician?" Who, where, when? and all that.
He would NOT identify the "who," and it was clear that he was terrified of punishment if he betrayed his "master," but he did say that this had occurred in the previous few weeks and that Candy DID know this individual.
There was another entity that had attached to Candy via marital relations with her husband, but that one was rather glad to be sent "to the light," and gave no trouble.
There was two suicides who had attached to the first "frequency available" host, i.e. Candy, in their fear of having violated a religious tabu in killing themselves. This is not uncommon. One of the biggest reasons for spirit attachment is the ignorance of the individual about what REALLY happens after death. A strong religious belief can be as detrimental as no belief in an afterlife at all. There was also an automobile accident victim, and a victim of a shooting. I never did find out if that particular entity was involved in a crime or if it was just an accident because he/she left almost immediately to "go into the light," after having followed the process with the previous entities, learning from what was being exchanged with them. (This is also not uncommon. If there are multiple attachments, they seem to be influenced by the actions of each other in their "shared host/home."
Both Candy and I were beginning to get the idea that there was something fishy going on here, and she was somewhat upset to think that even SHE had been attached in this way by "someone" trying to control her. She was also angry and determined to find out WHO it was.
Louise, as usual, expressed no opinion. She kept saying "isn't that amazing!" over and over again with her eyes wide and innocent.
Now, what happened next was surrounded by several weeks of bizarre synchronicities that are just simply too numerous to recount. I am also sorry that I didn't keep a daily journal of events because trying to remember everything in the proper order is not easy, for sure.
For some time - almost exactly two years - I had been trying to obtain a second copy of Velikovsky's Worlds in Collision without success. I had been to every book store, had called book distributors; had even contacted the publisher who told me it was out of print with no plans for another press run. So, I had gone around to all the used book stores and filled out little cards for them to look for it and call me if it became available.
Another event that converge at this moment in time was a funny thing that had to do with the murder investigation I had been involved in back in 1993 which led to the exacerbation of my physical condition which put me to bed for over a week, during which time I was more or less forced to open my eyes to the possibility of alien interactions with humans on the Big Blue Marble. This story is pretty much outlined in Amazing Grace, so I won't retell it here. But, suffice it to say that this particular murder investigation was sort of a "doorway" to the later UFO/Alien awakening in my own life. I hadn't had any "involvement" with this case for many months, so I was surprised when the phone rang one day shortly after these spirit release incidents described above, and it was the Private Investigator friend of mine who had acted as liaison between me and certain law enforcement officials at a later stage in that murder investigation. He had a question about something unrelated to that, but then asked me about a conversation between me and a certain detective in the homicide unit of the local law enforcement agency. Well, this conversation had never happened so I asked him what he was talking about. He said "I called you back in October when he was here in the office with me, and one of your kids said you were in the hospital, so I left his number and a message that you should call him. I was sure you had by now."
I never got the message. The kids must have forgotten. So, I took the name and number down again, and called and left a message on the detective's answering machine. I was curious to find out what he wanted to talk to me about. His name was "Marion Thomas." (Not the real name, but the "made up name" relationships are similar here because they were part of the "clue system" as I later figured out.) I knew that "Marion" was often used as a man's name in the past, but it wasn't too common in the present time so I thought it odd. And, Thomas was my brother's name, and he had a best friend when we were kids who was named "Thomas Marion." All those little thoughts ran through my head at that moment.
I was getting ready to take my mother home since she had been at my house most of the morning. As we started out the door, the phone rang again. I answered it and it was "Marion Thompson," the owner of a local used book store calling to tell me that she had a copy of Velikovsky's World's in Collision that I could have for seven dollars. I was so excited that I told her to put a "sold" tag on it and I would be right down. It wasn't until I hung up that I said to myself: "Marion Thompson? Marion Thomas? What is going ON here?!"
But, I brushed it aside as I headed for the door. Mother was standing there waiting.
The phone rang again. I almost DIDN'T answer it, but decided I had better. It was my cousin - the one I had met for the first time at the first MUFON meeting I had attended after the UFO sighting over the pool (see Amazing Grace). He, too, was calling to announce that he had just found a copy of Velikovsky's Worlds in Collision in a box of books in his garage. He knew I had been looking for it, and it was mine if I wanted it!
Well, that was just TOO much! Two "Marions," two books, two years of searching for the book at an end, and all within about 30 minutes of time! I mean, what were the chances of two people named "Marion," for God's sake! calling me within a few minutes of each other? And what were the odds of having two people offer me a specific book within a few minutes of each other after two years of no results? But, by this time I was used to that sort of thing. It just meant that things were REALLY getting weird. I just didn't know how weird they were gonna get!
It was Wednesday - Reiki night.
When I arrived for the Reiki session, I noticed that there were several people sitting on the patio outside. As I got closer, I was surprised to see that one of them was Reverend Ruth. There was also a big redheaded woman, and a man dressed all in white - white shorts, white shirt, white socks, and even white shoes - with heavy gold jewelry dangling from his neck to disappear inside his partly unbuttoned shirt, and heavy gold chains on his wrists. I spoke to them cordially as I went in the house, but their responses seemed to be somewhat less than friendly. But, I just mentally sent love in their direction and closed the door.
The woman who was "up" when I found my place at one of the tables was a hospice nurse who had been suffering from a lot of physical problems that were probably related to the stress of her job. I was given the head position and when I put my hands on her, it was like the two powerful magnets suddenly connecting - BAM! - in a way and with a strength that I had not experienced before. And the energy began to pour.
Now, the only way I have ever been able to describe my personal sensation of channelling Reiki energy is that it really feels like nursing a baby. The instant contact is made, it feels like the milk "lets down," only it is in the arms and not the chest. But it is a distinct sensation. I can feel and monitor the flow constantly exactly like I could feel and monitor the flow of milk when I was nursing my five children through the years.
This particular woman, the hospice nurse, was pulling energy so hard, it was actually painful! My wrists began to ache and ache like an access that needed to be lanced. I knew that this might relate to the surgery I had had on my wrists, and that there were obviously some "short circuits" or something, but I had hitherto been able to deal with this discomfort. In this instance, I could hardly stand the pain. I disconnected for a few minutes and shook my hands and rested them, and then put them back. Same thing. This poor woman was sure exhausted of all reserves and I was glad to be able to help her in this way, even if it was somewhat uncomfortable. But soon, the flow began to slow down, the pain eased, and the "magnetic" sensation released and I knew that she was "finished" for that treatment.
I was going to take a break and have some punch and let somebody else have my spot, but just then the man in white from outside came in and said "don't go yet!" Louise introduced him as a "friend of Reverend Ruth's" who had come to try out the Reiki since he had a phlebitis problem. He hopped on the table with such spryness, I could hardly believe he had any problems at all! I went back to my position at the head as requested.
There was nothing unusual about this man in terms of energy consumption. In fact, he didn't seem to be drawing at all. I DID smell whiskey on his breath and it had been my experience that alcohol and Reiki do NOT mix. I have seen people get violently sick if they drank too soon after a Reiki treatment. I thought I would mention this to him as he got off the table, that it might be better if he refrained for a few hours, but I never got the chance.
As soon as we took our hands away (there were five of us per table), the man sat up and jumped to his feet swinging around to face me in the same motion. "This is for you," he said as he reached out his hand and traced some sort of figure on my forehead with his finger.
That is what he did, described in just a couple of words, but the way it happened was what was strange. It was as though everyone in the room froze for a few, almost imperceptible, moments. And everyone remained frozen until he had walked out the door and we were startled back to awareness by the sound of car doors slamming, a motor starting, and a car driving away. Everyone was staring at me and everyone began to talk at once. "What was THAT all about?" or "What DID he DO?" or "Who is that man?" or "How DARE he touch you without your permission."
The last was the main issue. It was pretty standard in Reiki classes that no one touches anyone without their permission. It was repeated over and over again to us, and we took it seriously.
I asked Louise who the guy was, and she claimed not to know any more than the fact that Reverend Ruth and her friend had brought him. Candy and the others were all exclaiming in outrage and examining the smudge on my forehead to see if they could make out what had been drawn there. Nobody knew who the man was. Nobody knew the meaning of his actions. Nobody knew what was going on with the sudden visit of Reverend Ruth and friends. That was the consensus.
After all the hubub died down, we all settled back to our work, and I was surrounding myself with love and light, certain that whoever the man was and whatever the purpose of his strange behavior, it couldn't penetrate my shield.
That night, at about midnight, I woke up in so much pain that I knew I was having a heart attack. There was not only an elephant sitting on my chest, there was a fencepost driven through my breastbone and I was encased in an iron maiden that was slowly squeezing the breath out of me. I woke my (ex)husband and he took me to the emergency room.
As soon as we arrived at the hospital, the pressure and pain began to subside, but with the symptoms I described, they took me in right away. Since I seemed to be "stabilizing," there wasn't a HUGE rush, (you know, like grabbing the little electric paddles and the "jump start" machine), but they were still working rather quickly to get me "prepped." The doctor said I would have to be admitted for tests and kept under observation for a few days, so that was fine with me. I was pretty terrified at this sudden activation of a condition that I believed to have been long cured. But, when the nurse wheeled in the cart with the IV setup and started the preparations to insert same, a voice as clear and powerful as anything I can ever remember spoke in my head telling me that if I let them put that needle in my arm, it would be used to kill me.
My rational conscious mind immediately countered with "That is UTTER NONSENSE! You are paranoid! You've been reading too much weird stuff for too long and it has affected your judgment."
Then a wave of heat washed over me and the "knowing" that I would die if I stayed in the hospital surged forward again drowning out the conscious argument. I felt totally schizoid for a moment. And, not only that, there was the problem of how to get out of the situation I was now in. I mean, how do you say "thanks for trying to save my life, but no thanks!"? I was between a rock and a hard place of overwhelming proportion, and there seemed to be no way out.
I tried to convince the nurse that an IV wasn't necessary. She simply brushed my objections away and said it was "standard procedure" and had to be done. There was no option.
I then told her quite simply, "no, I don't WANT the IV." It was clear she was going to ignore me.
I quickly calculated in my mind the possibilities. Yes, I could have been having a heart attack, and it could have been a precursor to the "big one." But, on the other hand, it could also have been something that had to do with that man at the Reiki meeting. I was acutely aware of the information extracted from both Tim and Candy in their spirit release sessions. But how reliable was that sort of thing? It was one thing to work with it in others, when no definite act of a physical nature had to be made, and another to have to consider it as REAL, and base a crucial decision on such knowledge. IF it WAS knowledge, and not just another layer of the "onion," so to speak. If it was accurate information of how things could work at "psychic" or "unseen" levels, then maybe what was happening to me WAS designed to get me in the hospital. And maybe it WAS done so that somebody at the hospital could then be activated to "get to me" and "accidentally" do something stupid that would result in my death.
At the same time I was thinking all this, I remembered Frank's recitation of the events of my life, pointing out that some of it was, indeed, a bit unusual; and his idea that there was a reason for it. If that WAS so, (and remember,there was NO PROOF of this except for the uncertain proof that, as soon as I asked for help with my health, I was led to Reiki), then there also might be a reason for some people or groups of people to want me "out of the picture."
But, no matter what, it was still a choice I had to make without visible PROOF! I could either go with the "surface" or "standard" interpretation of the events - which was that I needed to be in the hospital because I might be having a heart attack, which entailed taking the risk of dying either naturally or unnaturally; or, on the other hand being "saved" by the medical profession.
The other choice was that I could go with the subtle, spiritual interpretation, take the responsibility for my life into my own hands, do something significant based on knowledge WITHOUT PROOF, and, if I was wrong, I would die. But if I was right, I would not. And if that was the right interpretation, then I would certainly die if I stayed.
Talk about the horns of a dilemma! And every single thing in my enculturation and social programming tended toward the "normal" interpretation - I had a health issue and needed to be hospitalized to be "saved."
My learning to this point, my experimentation, my expanding awareness could all be brushed under the rug as "subjective" or even "crazy." Heck, I thought it was crazy too, at that moment! What was I THINKING?!
But some sort of crazy "courage" swept over me. Right or wrong, for once in my life, I HAD to listen to my inner impressions. If I was wrong and I died, so be it. It would not be for lack of courage!
I decided.
A great calmness descended over me and I told the nurse firmly that she could put the kit away, I was not going to be admitted. At first, I don't think she believed me, but when I got off the gurney and began to put my clothes on, she said "Let me get the doctor."
The doctor came in and gave me the "you are making a big mistake here!" talk and said I would have to sign release of liability forms and all that. "I'll sign." I said. I have nothing against the hospital or you or anything, but I am NOT going to stay here and I am NOT going to have needles and drugs pumped into my system." And, just for good measure, I said "It's against my religion."
Well, that must have been the right thing to say, because they had the forms ready by the time I got to the desk. I signed, went out to the waiting room and told my (ex) husband to take me home.
He thought I had completely lost my mind. So did I! But I just simply could NOT argue with the force that was compelling me to leave that place.
I went home, went to bed and began to shake like a leaf with the implications of what I had done. I had opposed and defied all normal convention. I had gone against all the programming of my life to be under one kind of control or another - to be a "good girl" and let "the doctor," or whoever make the decisions about what happened to me. After the fact, I was assailed by so many doubts that it is a wonder I didn't have the "Big One" there and then!
The next day I was feeling very bad. I was weak and felt "on the edge" of something deep and dark. The "fencepost" effect was mild, but constant, the pressure was present, but less severe, and the elephant on my chest had lost weight. When I went to the kitchen to get a drink of water, I looked out and saw that the pool was green. It had turned into "pea soup" overnight.
This distressed me even more and I asked my husband to have the water tested and fix it. He did. About a hundred dollars worth of chemicals and procedures later, it was still - pea soup.
Somehow I knew that this condition of the water in the pool represented my space and my self. There was an "invasion" of psychic "slime." And clearly, judging by the fact that it was not responding to ordinary treatment, it was going to take some additional work to handle.
At that point, Candy called and I told her briefly what had happened. She seemed to be distressed and sympathetic and said she was going to try to find out something about the man who had been at the Reiki session. She would call me back later to report.
Meanwhile, Tim called me and wanted to talk about the incident at the Reiki session. He was as distressed about it as I was.
Nevertheless, Tim had many suggestions for "cleaning" my psychic environment and offered to come over and do so. He also wanted to see the pool situation for himself. I was open to having a little help here, so said "sure, come on over." Tim came and had a look at the pool and then did some ritual type activities that were supposed to "clear things up."
Nothing happened. I continued to have the "iron maiden" sensation of being compressed. It was much like the way you would feel in a pressure chamber, I guess.
Candy called again. She said she had been VERY clever in getting information out of Reverend Ruth's assistant, and it seems that our gentleman of the Reiki open house was a man who was reputed to be an adept in ritual magick, and was, supposedly, the "Big Banana" of metaphysical mumbo jumbo in the whole state.
Swell. That didn't make me feel any better. In fact, I was downright depressed thinking about people who would do something so nasty and hurtful when I hadn't ever done anything to them. WHAT, precisely, had I done to these people to make them hate me so much? Not only that, there was a LOT of confusion in my mind about how such a thing could even happen when I was "surrounded with love and light" and always thinking loving thoughts and sending love etc.
Candy said that she had the perfect answers to how to "clear things up" and offered to come over and "do her thing." Again, I was open to about anything that might work, so agreed.
She came over armed with sage and candles and salt and crystals and a whole raft of metaphysical accoutrements. Just like Tim had done, she set to work. She "cleared" a place in the study and set up an "altar" with candles, bowls of herbs, stones that had been "charged" and all sorts of things. She went around the house with burning sage, opened all the doors and windows to "air the place out," and so on and so forth. She had me stand in a loose gown while she "saged" my entire body, and then waved incense all around (incense guaranteed to get rid of any negative energies or your money back!) and... nothing happened. As much as I was relying on these "rituals" to be able to "fight fire with fire," I still felt the elephant on my chest, and the sensation of depression and constant pressure was still there.
The next day, the pool was still pea soup. I sent my (ex)husband down to get more chemicals. We dosed the 15,000 gallon pool with enough chlorine and algae killer to clean an olympic sized pool four or five times as big. We ran the pump constantly, cleaned the filter over and over again, ran it again, cleaned it, and so on for another 24 hours.
Pea soup. The pool guy said it looked like we were going to have to drain the pool and start over with fresh water.
Day after day I struggled to function against the horrible oppression in my mind. It was like I was wounded and there was a pack of wolves slowly circling, getting closer and closer, sniffing and testing, waiting for the weakness to take away all powers of resistance, at which point they would spring forward and destroy me.
Day after day there was pea soup in the pool. Chemicals in the pool; rituals, prayers and "cleansing" actions in the house and around myself. Hours were spent erecting "psychic" barriers of love and light around me, the house, and so on. We tried psychic mirrors. Cutting psychic "connections." You name it, we tried it. Nothing was working.
We discussed it up one side and down the other. I had some clues from the spirit release work that the problem might be an "etheric cord" of some sort that was kept in place by association with certain people. I knew from discussing with various entities where and how they had "attached," that very often it is from simply being around certain people and that these people usually didn't even realize that they were "carriers" or "instruments" of connection. It was rather like the idea of a psychic "Typhoid Mary." So, I decided that if this might be the case, and since I couldn't exactly SEE who the "carrier" was, I would simply have to break with all the crowd at the Reiki sessions until I was strong enough to individually experiment to see WHO was the conduit of attack.
This was a hard decision to make because I really liked these people and we had a very good time together. Of course, the incident with Trudy made me inclined to think that she was "the one" who was the conduit of attack, but that meant that anyone who associated with her and then with me could "carry" the "infection" by proxy.
Candy and Tim agreed with this assessment and we all decided to stop association with the group until we could make some "tests." We had all three experienced problems of one sort or another by associating with people who were "not as they seem," but there was still the problem in my mind as to whether it was deliberate or not. Apparently, as the evidence seemed to show, it didn't even have to be conscious!
But that was another decision that went against the "love and light" philosophy of acceptance and "unconditional love." It also went against all the social and enculturated teaching about "compromise" and "working to get along," and so on. But, I had to do something, to have time to sort and figure things out, and this seemed to be the safest course at the moment. So, the decision was made. I mentally closed off all those people, determined to not even talk to them until I could find out more about what was going on.
That night I had a dream.
In the dream there was the pool. Somebody had driven a car into the pool and I was distraught trying to figure out how I was going to get it out. A woman came who seemed to be a relative, though the exact relationship was not clear. She called a wrecker truck to come and pull the car out, and then she helped me drain the pool, scrub the mud and oil and gas out of it, and a wave came from the nearby ocean and refilled the pool with sparkling water.
I woke up and wondered what the dream might mean. It had given me a positive feeling and I got out of bed feeling much better. The pressure was gone, and my breathing was much easier. I went to the kitchen, looked out the window, and the pool was clear. I stood there staring at it in disbelief. We had put such a fortune in chemicals into it, and in the past few days, had given up thinking that we were going to drain it, and there it was just as clear and sparkling as the pool in my dream.
At that moment, Tim knocked at the door and I let him in telling him that the pool was now clear. He became very excited and went to look. He stood there staring at it, shaking his head and saying over and over again, "I can't believe it!" He had been helping with the chemical applications, the filter cleaning and so on at the same time he had been making himself available for his little "spiritual cleansing" activities, so he knew everything that had been done with no effect and that we had given up on it. He was as amazed as I was at the sudden turnaround. So, I told him about the dream, but I was uncertain as to the exact meaning of it or even who the "woman relative" was who had come to help me.
At this point Candy called with news of her own. It seems that she had just received a call from one of the members of the Metaphysical church who had informed her that Reverend Ruth's assistant and the Big Banana guy had been in an automobile accident during the night. They were both in the hospital and "prayers" were being requested for them by Reverend Ruth. I told Candy how bizarre this "accident news" was because of my dream about a car being driven into my pool, and that now the pool was clear. What was more, the elephant had finally gotten off my chest. Was there a connection between the dream, the clearing of the pool, and the relief from the "attack," and my decision to terminate contact with the group or any particular member?
It was possible. But it forced me to consider ideas that were just totally bizarre. It seemed that surrounding oneself with love and light was just not as effective as was touted, especially in certain circumstances. Could it be that the "bubble of love and light" was some sort of "inhibitor" of knowledge, of growth, of progression? It was pretty clear to me now that people who were living in such "cocoons of belief" were exactly as likely to be attached, to be "used" by dark forces or "dead dudes" as anyone else. Maybe even MORE likely. The reason being that they did not BELIEVE it was possible, and therefore had no impetus to learn that it not only WAS possible, but that it was HAPPENING to THEM! It was like the old saying: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Here we had a perfect example of this statement. When a person is locked in a belief system, they cannot SEE what is REALLY happening in an OBJECTIVE way. They do not question their observations or experiences in an "open" way, but rather interpret them according to their belief system with no options for other explanations. Square pegs that don't fit in the round holes are ignored or swept under the rug.
It also seemed that a lot of people were presenting themselves as "lightworkers" who were not, in fact, of such a nature. Maybe they WERE in their conscious minds, but at some deep level, something was going on that really required some astute observation to discern and I was as baffled as I could be as to what to make of the whole thing. Not only that, but it seemed that at every step I was being required to make choices as to what I would or would not do based on a very subtle level of understanding. But this seemed to relate to the fact that I was constantly QUESTIONING everything. I was not stuck in BELIEF.
There was still a worrisome matter. The issue of Candy herself. How could it be that she could sit on the fence? How was it that she had such easy access to and contact with these people? I tried to brush that questions aside, but it demanded an answer eventually. In a certain sense, at that point, I erected a mental shield against her and no longer confided in her so freely.
I continued my interaction with Candy for some more months, through the early period of the Cassiopaean contact, constantly assured by her that she had "everything under control." The Cassiopaeans were saying otherwise, but at that point, I didn't know what to believe.
She was spending a lot of time interacting with a purported UFO investigator who was going to "write a book about her case" and, (it was implied) make her famous. I checked up on this guy through my P.I. friend and found his credentials to not only be lacking, but that legitimate researchers would have nothing to do with him. When I told Candy this, she apparently went and told him what I had said, and he was able to persuade her that I was the one she should be avoiding because obviously, I wanted to use her case to make myself famous as a "UFO investigator." He, on the other hand, just "wanted to help." Of course, he also wanted to have an intimate relationship with Candy.
Led by this man, Candy withdrew into a circle of people whose belief in the Billy Meier "Pleiadians" was so fanatical that it had become almost like a cult. And, at this point, her actions became so bizarre that I was felt obliged to warn her about this group. She became angry that I even questioned their intentions. It was clear that there was a constant effort on their part to convince her that I was her enemy. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
At one point, Candy had discovered that the dress she was wearing at the time of here "major abduction" had been thrown into a corner of her closet and left untouched for many months. She said that she had just been unable to deal with it because of the emotional turmoil that the event had produced. I told her to put it in a plastic bag and set it aside until I could find out how to get it properly examined for any kind of traces.
I called my P.I. friend and told him about the whole affair. He was very interested in this piece of "physical evidence" since it could be scientifically tested. He decided to use his connections in law enforcement to get it to a proper lab, but he was going to do it without telling them that it was possibly UFO connected. We thought that this would be the best way to prevent the "disappearance" of the evidence, if any.
I called Candy and told her that I had managed to arrange this, and she was pretty excited and agreed to bring the dress over so I could take it to the P.I. A few hours after she had dropped the dress off, she called and asked me if I had taken it down to the guy yet, and I said "no, not yet." I was just getting ready to, though. She insisted that I NOT do this, because her UFO investigator/paramour had told her that he had the "right resources" to examine and test the dress - friend of his was a chemist with his own lab. I already knew that this guy was a complete fraud, and I warned her that she was making a terrible mistake, that her "evidence" would be completely compromised if she allowed him to take it.
But, she was convinced. It was rather like the choices I had been making, only she was doing it with her eyes closed to the objective facts. She came and took the dress back.
My cousin was in touch with a lot of people in MUFON and he called me one day to tell me that there was a lot of scuttlebutt about this incident. It seems that after Candy had turned the dress over to her new "guru" of Ufology, he had then turned it over to a the fellow who claimed to be a "scientist" who my cousin happened to know quite well. My cousin said he thought that this guy might have taken some chemistry courses in college, but that he was definitely NOT a scientist - in fact, he was only a technician at the sewage treatment plant. THAT was his laboratory!
So, effectively, Candy had chosen a tech at a county water treatment facility who was going to perform the VERY SCIENTIFIC analysis of whatever got shaken out over a shower curtain (!), over a legitimate scientific evaluation in a high tech forensics lab. Go figure. It was her choice.
I was completely disgusted with the whole lot of them and their UFO games and one-upmanship.
Right around this time, I was supposed to give a well advertised talk about the Cassiopaeans at a book store down in Indian Rocks Beach and a couple of days before this event was to take place, I received a phone call from the woman who owned the shop. She was very upset and said that she had received an anonymous phone call from a person who was obviously using some sort of electronic device to disguise his voice saying that if she did not cancel my talk, that she had better be prepared for "bad publicity" because I was on a list to be "eliminated." Did she want that to happen in her store?
Fortunately, she was outraged at being threatened and was willing to take the chance, but I wasn't taking ANY chances. I called my private investigator friend and told him the situation. His partner volunteered to act as my bodyguard, and drove me to the place, inspected every person who entered the room, and was armed and prepared for action.
I realized that things had gotten completely out of hand when I had to have an armed bodyguard in order to talk about the Cassiopaean material!
Not only that, but exactly what WAS going on here? Why was it that the whole process of experimentation with the channelling, once it had passed a certain point, had been fraught with attack after attack? One could say that such actions probably did not come from the "good guys." So, they must come from the "bad guys." And if that was the case, why? The only logical answer was that there must be some reason they did not WANT us to proceed with the experiment. And once the contact had been made, they definitely did not want the information we were receiving to be shared with anyone. Again, I had to ask why? The only logical answer for why it would be desirable to shut me up was because what we were receiving was the TRUTH - or very uncomfortably close to it!
It also brought up the question of why so many other channelled sources are NOT attacked in such a way? Logic tells us that they are not attacked because nothing they are saying is significant enough or correct enough to warrant suppression.
At this point, one day when Candy visited, I brought up the issue and she admitted that she had continued to interact with the metaphysical church group and the Reiki group. I told her that my opinion was that it wasn't such a good idea. Hadn't we learned something from all these experiences? She then went in a direction that surprised me. She began to talk about how silly it was to cut people off just because of such "trifles" as the "games" that were being played obviously were. I pointed out that SHE had not been the one whose life was threatened in this last series of incidents. She agreed, and then said that she just felt that she was "protected" and that she was able to navigate the treacherous waters of hanging out with the "other side." I tried to persuade her that she might be falling into the "trap," but she insisted that this was not the case, so I let it go for the moment.
The next day one of my daughters was sick with a fever and rash that was terrifying to look at. I took her to the doctor immediately. The diagnosis was severe systemic Candidiasis.
I didn't need anymore clues. When Candy called later that day to talk, I regretfully told her that as long as she continued to interact with "the group," we would have to terminate contact. I couldn't take any more risks - especially when my children were now being involved.
Needless to say, she thought I was crazy and judgmental and all that, but it was a decision I had to make and it later proved to be right. But that's another story.
Remember what I said at the beginning?
I had seemingly achieved a state of love and acceptance for all people, for all paths, for all who struggled in ignorance. ... I was, in a certain sense, in as bad a situation as I had been when the "voice" had told me that I must "learn" about evil. ... what I didn't know was just how subtle and torturous... deception could be and how it manifested on an individual, personal basis.
Now, what conclusions can we draw from all of this?
I have recently asked several friends to have a look at this particular narrative in order to discover if their analyses of the events is anywhere similar to my own. I was very grateful at the clarity of their responses which are so astute I would like to quote them in part.
"C" writes:
What comes up for me is:
1. The hierarchy of the attack system may or may not be known consciously to the conduits, especially those at the lower rungs of the hierarchy.
2. Compromise can be fractional or great; attacks come through integrity breeches of the chosen relay, and spread by contagion or artifice through to any weak spot of the end person.
3. One can observe strings, little nagging ideas or "small faults" which can be explained away or overridden by other more positive or engaging attributes of the person in question. 4. On the other hand, "weirdnesses" or "personality quirks" are not necessarily indicators of contamination at all.
5. The obvious "love and light" fallacy brings up a point of interest for me personally, and this relates to 3 above. [i.e. Forgiveness.]
On the topic of forgiveness: this is something that can easily go on automatic, and appears to be a point where one can easily go blind to these little strings.
When one is faced with attack, one needs to be very clear on the dynamics of a situation, and where one has consciously or unconsciously overlooked/forgiven someone for some wrong or fault, it creates weakness in one's own integrity. And by integrity I am not limiting my definition to moral integrity--I mean this as more of a generic "wholeness."
When you go down the path of forgiveness, you also open up the realm of not-forgiveness. I think that the subject does warrant some new inspection/reworking of thoughts. I think that forgiveness going on as [an] automatic mental process is a Christian program. There is also the question of how can students truly forgive each other when every action/counteraction is part of lesson?
I'm not advocating the holding of a grudge either by this.
True forgiveness implies a canceling out of the other person's weak spot, an acknowledgment that the damage has been ended in the Forgiver.
Forgiveness can be viewed in a mundane way as a judgment (just as a refusal to forgive can be judgment). It does not guarantee that the underlying weakness in the forgiven person has now been addressed and resolved. It also implies to the forgiven one that the forgiver has resolved his own lesson. Are we as humans really qualified to do this?
Seemingly to me, in a similar way, when we make allowances for others' weak spots by reason of judging that their other good qualities "cancel out these weak spots," we agree to overlook, we can also close the door to receiving information about our own more unconscious aspects from our true friends. Integral to this type of scene of course would be the ability and means with which to make effective corrections and improvements. And of course each member would have the right and responsibility to maintain his/her own integrity. Any organization would be subject to contamination, and would be as strong as its weakest link.
Therefore, the individuals in the group would really have to be completely responsible as individuals for their participation in the group. Each of us has weak spots and points where we can be "used," just as others' weak spots can be used to wreak havoc on us. The question is to what length am I going to shore up my own weak spots and to assist others who are willing to do the same?
What are our strengths and our weaknesses? What do we nurture? What do we watch for in our own ranks? Are we willing to kindly give and receive help in this direction? What can we do to mutually assist in strengthening our union and each other? Seems there should be an astral immune system, parallel to a physical immune system. If there was such a system, I would expect that integrity would be a measure of the health of that system. Knowledge protects, not forgiveness.
[There are] no guarantees that one won't get attacked, but one can minimize the duration or severity of the attack and adverse effects as one goes through life. "Forgiveness" can be a blinder to knowledge. ... I know also that I have swept correct original impressions under the rug of "forgiveness" and have regretted this later.
[In terms of Forgiveness and Love and Light] the forgiven party now "knows" he is not responsible, and if it ends there without further inspection, the source can use the same or similar modes for future feeding.
To the degree that the target of attack employs a simple "turning of the other cheek," he is marked for further attack, for as long as his energy can be siphoned off.
On the other hand, if both the attacker and the attacked can honestly and openly inspect the mechanics of the attack, and be willing to take steps to repair the holes in the integrity of the relationship, there is a formidable strength. i.e., turning the petty tyrant around.
[In any relationship where such attack transpires] if a person can observe and realize on his own steam and without judgment or blame that he is being used in this way, there is hope. But no guarantee. ... One has to be able to also commit to knowing one's own limitations, be ready for other varied and sundry modes of attack and betrayal coming through the weaker party, and also take responsibility for his part in the other's evolution and growth - even if the correct next action is to withdraw for one's own sanity and so as to not disrupt the lesson of the other.
A very good analogy of what is described above was then given by another friend, "L," who wrote:
We all have on our "spiritual" armor, our shield and sword. I picture us standing in a line. The warrior standing next to you has to be outfitted in the same gear; you can't take off your breast plate and give it to the warrior next to you because he woke up late and forgot to bring his; your chance of getting pierced through the heart would be ten fold; nor could you be fighting with a warrior standing next to you that didn't do any training - he just decided to wake up and put on some armor that day.
In other words you have to be on equal footing [with those with whom you associate closely.]
But also like a warrior, you don't leave your injured behind and if you see them being attacked from all sides you charge in swinging your sword. These people are your comrades, they are closer than family at times of battle.
This reminds me of something I read in Carlos Castenada's books: don Juan said "A warrior loses compassion because he no longer feels self pity." In many ways this is true. I think of forgiveness as just a "letting go," knowing that some things have to happen in order to fulfill a lesson; that everyone has their role to play.
And that is the point: everyone has their "role" to play in the "lessons" we are all learning. And we can use these lessons to get better at who we are and what we do, or we can retreat into the cocoons of our belief systems, closing our eyes to the marvelous wonder of the universe and the great Cosmic Drama.
Yes, in a real sense we ARE all one, but we seem to be under a mandate to discover our true options, CHOOSE our role, and act it to the hilt, bringing down the house with applause and cascades of flowers when the final curtain comes down.
When the play is over and we all meet "backstage," we may clap each other on the back, shake each other's hands, and congratulate each other for a fine performance! But that is a different level. There seem to be many more acts in the play before we reach 7th density. And if we are NOT playing our part well, we can very likely be "pulled from the play" and "recycled" as an extra! We are in the middle of the play. And we cannot become playwrights or directors until we prove that we can act. And this "acting" seems to involve very specific choices and behaviors so that the play will be "successful."
So, back to practical terms in the Cosmic drama: a very difficult situation had been "survived," and a very interesting lesson had been learned. But, that was not the end of it. Not by a long shot! Whoever or WHATever it was that wanted to kill me had NOT given up. I was about to learn that when you block it from one direction, it sneaks around and tries to find another way to get in. And sometimes, the way in is through your own mind!