Bert Hellinger and Family Constellations

Possibility of Being

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Could we research and discuss it?

Firstly, it's posted on this board because such is my current understanding and my working hypothesis. If it comes proved wrong, the topic can be moved where it belongs.

Hellinger's therapy has been recommended quite a few times on this forum. It's mentioned in passing by Dr. Sircus in his article quoted in the MMS thread, in the mechanisms of possession thread, karma from progenitors thread and a few other places (use the search engine), mostly in a positive context. There are some forum members who have a direct experience with it and they found it powerful and helpful; my current guess is, "by accident", so to say.

For basic info please check out Wikipedia entries: Bert Hellinger and his Family Constellations.

From what I could gather, BH's approach has nothing to do with any science, so recommending it on the forum, where we have such a great section on cognitive psychology and so forth, seems a bit off, but maybe it actually is worth recommendation with no word of warning necessary. Hellinger himself seems to be a bit of a suspicious character with no psychological education. His group/systemic constellations therapeutic method is known as controversial, but most of the criticism goes on in Germany and little is known to non-German speaking people. How valid is that criticism? Is it just mainstream body of science against it, because it is all but conventional approach? Or is it (or could be) actually dangerous? (There are reports of suicide and serious psychotic cases allegedly in consequence of the therapy.) Is it a New Agey fluff? quackery? and not much more than an excellent business (which it definitely is)? Can and/or should that therapy itself be considered separately from its creator and the trainer of 'constellators'?

Looking forward to finding at least some answers.

From Wiki on controversy re: BH:
Controversy

Adolf Hitler

Hellinger created controversy in writing a poem dedicated to Adolf Hitler which asks the reader to identify something of themselves in Hitler and to respect that part of themselves. Several articles related to this appeared in the Dutch antifascist magazine "Alert!".[10] [full poem translated into English here]

Incest

Hellinger's position on Incest that the perpetrator should not be punished is regarded as questionable in the therapeutic community and is summarized by this quote taken from one of his recent books:

Now about incest. If you are confronted with cases of incest, a very common dynamic is that the wife withdraws from her husband, she refuses a sexual relationship. Then, as a kind of compensation, a daughter takes her place. This is an unconscious movement, not a conscious one. But you see, with incest there are two perpetrators, one in the background and one in the open. You cannot resolve that unless this hidden perpetrator is brought in. There are very strange sentences that come to light. The daughter can tell her mother, "I do it for you." And she can tell her father, "I do it for mother." What is the effect of these sentences? Incest cannot go on anymore. If you want to stop it, this is the best way without any accusations.

If you bring a perpetrator to justice, then the victim will atone for what is done to the perpetrator."

Hellinger goes on to tell a story of an incest/abuse victim who became suicidal, because the perpetrator was prosecuted.[11]

Other controversial positions taken by Hellinger

* A breast cancer victim may secretly want to die due to a woman's unconscious "war with her mother."
* Homosexuality may result because a boy unconsciously assumes the feelings of a deceased aunt or great aunt when there are no female descendants in the lineal family system.
* Rape and incest create a bond; the perpetrator must receive "due respect" before the victim can bond with another.[12][13][14][15]

While English Wiki entry on Systemic Constellations says that "the Systemic Constellation process is sanctioned by family therapy associations in Europe", this doesn't apply to Family Constellations, at least not everywhere. For example, the German Association of Systemic and Family Therapy (DGSF) issued an open letter (published in journal "Systeme" (JG. 16, vol. 1-02)) where they distanced themselves from the FC stuff, criticized H's method and stated that it, as it is now, has nothing to do with systemic therapies and should not be perceived as such. (Official DGSF position on Constellations here, in German)

Here (Google books) you can read more on his approach to incest from his book "Love's Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships".

According to Wiki again, Hellinger was trained by, and took inspiration from, Arthur Janov, whose so called Primal Therapy was criticized too, including by Alice Miller who said that "there was 'too much faith' in cathartic discharge"-- and we know also from Peter Levine that it can be dangerous and re-traumatizing experience in some cases, and not efficient in others.

One of very few critical materials on BH and his therapy I could find in English is here. A big part of it below (my comments in italics):

Bert Hellinger's so-called systemic constellations, which he commends as a therapy for problems within families and organizations, are now being offered in more than 25 countries all over the world; they are especially popular within esoteric and new age circles. Over half a million of his books and videos based on this sort of therapy, which is supposed to constitute a revolution in the field of psycho-therapeutics, have as yet been sold in these countries. Since a couple of years, Hellinger's own reactionary ideas have been under severe attack in his native country Germany, whereas hardly any criticism exists in other countries. German critics point out that Hellinger is not only attempting to set the clock back for decades or even centuries on achievements in contemporary society, but habitually also adopts a most humiliating attitude towards those who come to him for help. Worse still, he displays sympathy and compassion towards dictatorships such as Adolf Hitler's regime and his national-socialist movement. ...

It has been said that he copied material from the late U.S. family-therapist Virginia Satyr, who displayed a more serious approach in her work. In the early 1970's, Hellinger left the order and resettled in Austria and Germany, where he set up a practice as a psychotherapist without the appropriate qualifications. In many European countries, psychotherapy is not officially recognized, causing a situation that furthers uncontrolled growth of indistinct legal status of the profession. H's followers-cum-practitioners present themselves as qualified, but might actually be would-be as they might have read only one of his books or seen only one of his videotapes and besides, Hellinger's readings do not match with regular concepts of psychotherapy at all. ...

Patriarchism all over

Over the last 4 years, Hellinger's controversial ideas have confronted him with lots of criticsm in German-speaking countries, and this is gradually spreading to the Netherlands. Critics report that the Hellinger-like practitioners -in contrast to regular psychotherapists- generally lack solid training and consequently their therapies show a very amateuristic set-up. Intake interviews merely consist of a few sentences, and there is hardly any aftercare. Besides this, Hellinger displays in his therapies an authoritative approach and reverts to extremely old-fashioned moral standards, leaving hardly any freedom to his clients. One of the keystones in H.'s doctrine consists of the hierarchical structure within a family: a father is considered the irrefutable head, and his wife and children are at all times answerable to him and must under all circumstances obediently submit to his will, while the first-born child takes precendence over the younger ones. This hierarchy also applies to inhabitants of a country towards the head of state, and the summit of Hellinger's hierarchical ranks is fate: human beings should be aware that fate actually controls their lives and they have to submit to it.

From Hellinger's highly patriarchal viewpoint, family constellations dealing with matrimonial problems usually tend to conclude that the spouse has been disobedient to her husband, and that she was actually the one who had caused the problem. Obviously, feministic circles, after having achieved a liberal, self-determinative standard for women over the past decades, are far from happy with Hellinger's doctrine. Regarding homosexuality, Hellinger points out that within a family, a homosexual is generally regarded as an outcast and suffers from a very heavy fate. Proudly, Hellinger claimed that he had cured at least one person from this 'disease', who - after having participated in a family constellation - married a few months later and is now the happy father of a child.

A highly unprofessional scene

H.'s therapies occasionally prove to have critical consequences. In 1997, a woman committed suicide after taking part in a family constellation in Leipzig. She was suffering from serious depressions and relational problems and hoped to find a solution through Hellinger's therapy. Hellinger's evasive comment on the matter ran as follows: "It didn't occur to me that she might have been suicidal. I only saw her for three minutes." A psychiatric clinic in Bad Schussenried, a town in southern Germany, had to treat various patients who turned psychotic after participating in Hellinger's family constellations. This clinic confirmed that H.'s practitioners used highly unprofessional methods and were obviously incapable of solving the problems they are faced with. One of Germany's prominent critical agencies, the Forum Kritische Psychologie [FKP] (2) stated that four patients had to undergo treatment for obsessions incurred during their Hellinger sessions in 2004. According to the FKP, the factual number of mentally disordered patients among Hellinger's ex-clients may well be much higher, since they generally find it too embarrassing to relate their unsavoury experiences in public. Dutch psychiatrist Nelleke Nicolaï reported of four additional cases of patients who suffered from mental disorders after they had taken part in H.'s workshops. Nolens volens, these cases end up in regular psychotherapeutic wards and in the end, the National Health Service is burdened with the financial consequence of H.'s failures.

Incest isn't bad at all

Hellinger's controversial methods include an incest-therapy of his own making. In his view, a father who has sexually abused his daughter in childhood cannot been held responsible for the deed. The actual offender is the mother, whose repeated rejection of her husband's sexual advances causes him to use the daughter instead. [This is simplified and not exactly all what he says, as you can read in the above linked book, but in a nutshell, close.] Hellinger turns a blind eye to the problems that emerge from incest, claiming that nothing is wrong with sex and even postulates that a young girl might well experience her father's advances as an exciting, pleasurable adventure. [Clear psychoanalysis influence. In one of his videos, BH even happened to say that the conflict arises because there is an accusation of the perpetrator by the victim.] Years of terrible trauma and victimization are completely denied, and during family constellations these problems are "solved" by means of the following ritual: the practitioner orders the representative daughter to kneel down in front of her representative father [frequently in public!] and is then told to say: "Thank you Dad, I am very grateful to have been able to do this for you". Hellinger believes that the distorted family balance will be restored in this manner, but critics point out that this 'therapy' is extremely humiliating to the victim and will in no way contribute to a solution of such a serious problem. German writer Elisabeth Reutter, sexually abused by her father during her youth, writes in her autobiographical book Gehirnwäsche [Brainwash] (3), that Hellinger's incest-therapy almost expelled the last remainders of her human dignity.

An obscure form of mysticism

By the same token, Hellinger explicitly and invariably sides with the role of offenders during therapeutic sessions which centre around the latter and their victims. He goes even further on this issue, claiming that those who commit crimes - including war-criminals - are unable to act in any other manner since they are under orders of an authority 'from-on-high' that lies entirely beyond their influence. Basing himself on indeterminate cosmic laws and obscure mysticism, Hellinger proclaims that this authority makes use of human beings whose actions are inescapably determined by their destiny. Consequently, war criminals were unable to defy their duties as this authority was in complete control of them. Sixty years after the end of W.W.2, Germany is still suffering from feelings of guilt, which prompts Hellinger to induce the victims of the first and subsequent post-war generations to be grateful to their offenders instead of dealing with post-traumatical problems for years on end. In keeping with his habitual family constellations and incest-therapies, victims are told to perform a ritual of a similar kind: they must kneel down before those representing their malefactors and express their gratitude. Obviously, Hellinger met with strong criticism from German authorities, all the more so since the idea to end all discussions on war culpability is one of the main issues within the N.P.D., a German political party with outspoken leanings towards the extreme right, which over the last years has gained increasing public interest.

Winning the hearts and minds of managers

Meanwhile, pretentious expressions such as 'systemic constellations for organizations' serve to introduce H.'s therapies on a large scale into - mostly German - enterprises and institutions. Managers and business people in general are considered prone to therapy in order to weather the present economic incertitudes. Unfortunately, they are frequently oblivious of authentic scientific methods and instead are receptive to pseudo-therapies with alluring claims. Unable to tone this down to its real proportions, they tend to become impressed and overwhelmed by the current terminology on the H.-scene such as systemic ranks, morphogenetic fields, resonance, and chaos-theory.

Allegiance to resistance fighters is uncalled for

According to Hellinger, opposition against those so-called authorities-on-high is entirely futile, and resistance workers during W.W. II ought to have been aware that nothing could be undertaken against the desastrous phenomena within Hitler's Third Reich. In fact, they should have realized their failing beforehand. Only last year, Hellinger told a German audience, whilst guiding one of his family constellations: "In this country, a broad public opinion still exists that these nazi criminals were personally responsable for their acts and took decisions of their own free will and that they are therefore to be blamed for those crimes. But that is wrong, because at the time a stupendous force had enveloped them." Hellinger also proclaims that allegiance to resistance fighters against national-socialism - or any other dictatorial government such as the former Pinochet regime in Chile - is useless, wrong and actually based on ego-inflating self-deceit. ...

Hitler's mystic spot

Not surprisingly, Hellinger displays considerable admiration for W.W.II-dictator Adolf Hitler in his books and teachings. ...

Lost court cases (4)

Public criticism of Hellinger's doctrine also culminated when, at prime time on April 19th 2004, Germany's renowned national tv-channel Das Erste presented a lengthy and most devastating report on H. called "Das Geschäft mit der Seele [Merchandising the soul]" (5). Claiming that Hellinger had been portraited as a fascist, his most prominent followers immediately called upon the producers to rectify some of the issues, but in the end they abandoned their efforts. In this documentary, an ex-Hellinger patient reported she had suffered severely from therapeutic treatment by H.-psychiatrist Robert Langlotz from Munich, against whom she subsequently filed a lawsuit. The case ended six months later in court, where the parties agreed upon a compromise. In 2004, additional prominent followers of Hellinger were involved in court cases. ... By now, it appears highly questionable whether H.-celebrities will continue to take their critics to court.

How one of Hellinger's closest friends quitted

Although Hellinger hardly made any personal efforts to defend himself against increasing criticism, the H.-scene began to feel uneasy. Reinhard Bauss, until then an unimportant member of the guild of practitioners, made a courageous attempt to plunge right into the heart of the scene by stating in the Hellinger periodical Praxis der Systemaufstellungen (6), that some of H.'s standard family constellations were outrageous and in no way corresponded with regular psycho-therapy. Their sacrosanct repute should therefore be got rid of. He was reprobated by the H.-elite, but then a prominent member and close personal friend of Hellinger, Arist von Schlippe - also chairman of the German umbrella organization of family-therapeutical centres - completely broke with H.'s ideas. In May 2004, von Schlippe wrote an open, emotional farewell letter stating that he could no longer agree to Hellinger's views on psychotherapy. Two months later, the Potsdamer Erklärung (Declaration of Potsdam) (7) was drawn up, which von Schlippe also initiated. In this declaration, more than 150 H.-therapists offically announced their rejection of all H.-readings and teachings. ...

Some other links:

_http://www.selectsmart.com/hellinger.html
_http://skepdic.com/hellinger.html
_http://sciamanesimo.forumattivo.com/t149-principali-critiche-al-metodo-delle-costellazioni-familiari#492 (it.)

Some people say, Constellations are so powerful because you get connected with your emotional imprints, some unconscious patterns that keep you stuck in life. The question is, does it work because it's Family Constellations or despite it, because you do what is within you and not necessarily what Hellinger and his school claim and do? And if so, perhaps real systemic constellation (or other) therapies would be a safer and better option?
 

Possibility of Being

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And what can we learn from the master himself?

_http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=951654

Q: How did you discover or develop this method?

Bert Hellinger: All this is based on observation. I have no theory about it. ...

Q: When the representatives feel like the people they represent, is there any hypnosis applied?

BH: No, there is no hypnotic movement in any way, because as soon as they stand there, they feel like the people they represent without knowing them. ...

....

Anorexia

There is a widespread theory in psychotherapy that anorexia has to do with the mother, that the relationship to the mother is in some way distorted. But family constellations show that, usually, this has to do with the father. The father want to leave the family, and the girl says, "I do it in your place."

Suicide

Most suicides are committed out of love, or in order to follow somebody into death.

The Negative Exchange

But what happens if the husband hurts his wife? She has now the urge to retaliate. She feels, she has a right to hurt him also. And because she feels right to do this, she hurts him a little bit more. Then he feels, he has the right to hurt her again. And because he feels right, he hurts her a little bit more. ... We cannot escape our drive to give something back, be it positive or negative. If I have been hurt, I feel the right to revenge myself. But when I love the other person at the same time, I hurt her a little bit less than she me. This is a great secret of happy relationship.

From his website:

_http://www2.hellinger.com/en/home/family-constellation/where-do-these-new-family-constellations-lead-us/

New paths

In the meantime we have been experiencing a transformation of consciousness. Family constellations have played a crucial role in preparing for this change.

From the beginning, practitioners and clients were faced with the phenomena that participants in constellations were taken over by forces outside common understanding and were led into a service that went far beyond the usual relationship between helper and client. ...

The practitioners were similarly taken into possession by other powers, and they were on the same level as the clients who sought their help. The helpers also depended on the same creative movements. They were at their mercy in the same way.

In the practitioners and in the rest of the participants another consciousness came through, far beyond the relationships of I and You. The I that wanted something was taken along by an Us in which it ended as an I in the usual sense, including any prior ideas of good and bad, of better and worse, even of healthy and sick. ...

Where do these new family constellations lead us? Without a need for intermediate steps they lead us into oneness with our source, at one with its movement, wherever it may take us along. ...

The practitioners leave the level of I and You. They agree to be taken into the service of another consciousness. ... Therefore, 'training' in family constellations as you would train for any other profession overlooks the essential aspect of family constellations: the openness to being taken along by the spiritual movements that guide the practitioners and everyone else into another consciousness, taking them into service, rather than the reverse.

How do we learn this way of family constellations?

We learn it through our own experiences and personal spiritual growth. How does the new consciousness reveal itself?

The new consciousness leads to an inclusive love. It leads us to a creative love in which the boundaries between I and You come to an end, and even the boundaries between creator and creature, so the boundaries between the power from which everything has its being, and that which this power called into being. Through this consciousness we are guided in every way into an accord with this creative power, into unison with our source.

How Conscience works

Firstly it is the insight, that our conscience, which experiences everything as a good and a bad conscience, namely innocence and guilt, has a beneficial side and also a devestating side to it. The beneficial side is that is that it binds us to important groups for our survival, to our family and to larger groups that our bound to our family. Especially our land and the people belonging to our religion and culture. The devastating side of our conscience drives us to reject others that are different beause they belong to another family or to another group or religion. Even to go as far as conflicting with them or, getting rid of them, and this with a good conscience. How can we deal with the devastating side of our good conscience? We can avoid this by withdrawing from our sense of security, which is driven by our thinking that good conscience creates something good, even if it justifies the conceivable worst for us and for others.

The Order of Precedence

The Order of Precedence in the family demands, that no family member joining later is allowed to take over the position of an earlier family member. This law is continuously violated – and namely, with a good conscience. This is where the devastating consequences of the violation of the ‘we’ conscience shows up the most clearly. In the end this ‘we’ conscience punishes the violation of these 2 universal laws with death. We see these consequences in all tragedies, including family tragedies.

YouTube

A couple of videos I found disturbing...

Hierarchy in the family

_http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3MwuUMUVAM [ge, it, pl]

The woman married a man who has two children. After what BH said about parents always giving and children always taking, she experienced herself as an always giving person. BH explains the hierarchy in the family (or, the order of precedence) and tells her, her place is behind her husband, his first wife and their children (the couple has no kids together). She has no right or responsibility to take care of his children. That's their biological parents' job. She is supposed to say this much to the children when they ask her for anything, and to her husband, adding that she is his wife only.

Victims' aggression (with quick translation)

_http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GwoR15dRVI [ge, ru, it, pl]

(quick translation)
Q: How should we deal in life with an victim who is aggresive?

A: All victims are aggressive. You can see it in your work. A family with a handicapped girl came here yesterday. The girl was making a sad face. What did I do with her? Can I show it on you? [Demonstrating] Does it feel good?

[A: Yes, I woke up.]

BH: There was a boy there too and I did the same with him. He was glad. He got out of his role of a victim. But your question goes dipper than that. I'll take the time to answer it. You saw it often in my work. My experience is that, maybe I'll give an example. I ran a course in Washington and a woman said she had a difficult female patient, a very aggressive one. And whether I could help her. I said yes. Asked: Why did she come to you? Because she had shoulder pains. She had been at a physiotherapist before who treated her. I asked if it had helped. She said it had. So what's the problem? I asked her what happened in her family. Since then she'd been treating her. For how long? 13 years. She's made a victim out of her patient. I make a victim of every one who I want to help. Then the victim becomes evil. So I say to those who do family constellations: Who comes to be dangerous to a person who's leading constellations? The victim, always. The victim always comes with a specific expectation, wants something to be done for them, and when we say, I won't do it, because I can see they want something very specific, for example that I would feel compassion for them, then in a newspaper they write about me some time later how ruthless I am. It is always a victim who denounces a psychotherapist. Have I answered your question?
 

Deckard

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Possibility of Being said:
From what I could gather, BH's approach has nothing to do with any science, so recommending it on the forum, where we have such a great section on cognitive psychology and so forth, seems a bit off, but maybe it actually is worth recommendation with no word of warning necessary. Hellinger himself seems to be a bit of a suspicious character with no psychological education. His group/systemic constellations therapeutic method is known as controversial, but most of the criticism goes on in Germany and little is known to non-German speaking people. How valid is that criticism? Is it just mainstream body of science against it, because it is all but conventional approach? Or is it (or could be) actually dangerous? (There are reports of suicide and serious psychotic cases allegedly in consequence of the therapy.) Is it a New Agey fluff? quackery? and not much more than an excellent business (which it definitely is)? Can and/or should that therapy itself be considered separately from its creator and the trainer of 'constellators'?
Good questions.
Actually Wikipedia entry does say that he has psychological education:
He spent several years in the early 1970s in Vienna training in a classical course in psychoanalysis at the Wiener Arbeitskreis für Tiefenpsychologie (Viennese Association for Depth Psychology). He completed his training at the Münchner Arbeitsgemeinschaft für Psychoanalyse (Munich Psychoanalytic Training Institute) and was accepted as a practicing member of their professional association.
also his bio on Wikipedia doesn't really read like Nazi supporter.

But he is controversial character that's for sure.



Possibility of Being said:
A couple of videos I found disturbing...

Hierarchy in the family

_http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3MwuUMUVAM [ge, it, pl]

The woman married a man who has two children. After what BH said about parents always giving and children always taking, she experienced herself as an always giving person. BH explains the hierarchy in the family (or, the order of precedence) and tells her, her place is behind her husband, his first wife and their children (the couple has no kids together). She has no right or responsibility to take care of his children. That's their biological parents' job. She is supposed to say this much to the children when they ask her for anything, and to her husband, adding that she is his wife only.
I haven't seen the video but what you describe sounds like actual constellation and it does make sense. Of course no therapist would encourage the subject to say these things to real children, but during the constellation it is necessary for woman's representative to repeat these statements in order to free her from toxic relationship with her husband's children. Most probably the real husband and children are not even present.

The premise of Hellinger's method is that with each sexual bond we create field and participants in this field have chronological precedence. So Man, First wife, First Child, Second Child, Second Wife. This is the order of love in this constellation. If the second wife doesn't acknowledge this order and is placed in between man and his children toxic relationship will develop. One of the children may take on their mothers pain and assume the role of their mother towards second wife. Everyone needs to know their proper place in the field and their role.

I only have basic understanding of this method as I never really studied it excessively I also never conducted in depth research on Hellinger. Nevertheless From my own experience of the method I can see how his statements can be taken out of the context, just like in the case of video above.

I plunged into Family Constellations work upon the recommendation of my gestalt therapist understanding only the basic premise of the method. In a nutshell the theory is that when men and woman form the sexual bond powerful "field" is created and everyone included in this field ( meaning their children, but also everyone attached to them like siblings and even ancestors) is subject to certain laws of this field. Ideally the flow of love ( that's why the method is also called The Order Of Love) should be unhindered and balanced but in many families this is not the case and the aim of this work is to reconfigure the field and restore the order. There are many situations which can make this filed dysfunctional, previous relationships not dealt with in proper manners, family tragedies, abortions according to this theory any of these can be carried into the field and participants may unconsciously take on the roles of deceased, murdered, tragically loved etc which can then lead to hidden toxic dynamic between them.
Allegedly Hellinger figured this out studying shamanic rituals of Zulu tribes. The order is restored by letting the subject see their proper role in the constellation, uttering acknowledging statements to representatives of constellation subjects - dead and alive.

That is the only understanding I have of the theory.. and then I have experience of 3 workshops FWIW:

Something indeed happens once the therapist opens the field and the subject chooses people to represent his/her family constellation. As soon as they are positioned ( by the subject according to his/hers perception of family dynamic) in "the field" these representatives start experiencing strong emotions and even physical sensations which they are encouraged to express or report to facilitator so that the real story can be pieced together. They also start moving and very soon the constellation looks totally different from the original assembly set up by the subject. This is because the dynamics we see on the surface is usually totally different from the real dynamics in the background. For example I positioned my parents in front of each other but very soon my mother drifted away and couldn't even look at my father, her gaze was tied to the ground ( this is a clue that dead people are involved and in my mother's case there was a quite a few of them).

I also worked many times on other people's constellations and I did experienced some very strange things, it almost as if you are instantly tuned to certain energies and you start acting as a conductor. The most extreme example was when I was chosen to represent a 26 year old man who suffers from Parkinson's disease, as soon as I was placed into the field I experienced tremors in my legs.
Another "high strangeness" moment occurred during my own constellation when one still born baby was discovered between me and my sister, this was something my mother never talked about and when I asked her about it she was pretty startled.
I also noticed that once entanglements are detangled and acknowledging and healing sentences are uttered the energy of the constellation instantly changes as if someone has lifted a dark cloud and you can actually feel restoration of good energies or as they like to say love. But there were also constellations where no solution could be found and some of them had to be interrupted because they were too toxic for the participants.

Luckily the facilitator I worked with is considered a top expert in this field as well as Gestalt therapy and it was really amazing to watch her work. She was very intuitive and good at interpreting the body language and emotions that would emerge during the constellation. She was also very good at sassing out peoples ability to undertake this work. I felt very safe working with her but I have no doubts that this method can be dangerous and even lead to suicide , I would say such incidents are likely precipitated by inadequately trained or irresponsible facilitators.
The lady I worked with was very selective and careful not to include people who were not ready for the experience, and she would also break the field at the first sign that energies being carried are having too strong influence on the representative (conductor). Very often the evidence of spirit attachments, and even possessions would be uncovered but she stirred clear from any metaphysical explanations and adamantly insisted on psychological jargon which annoyed me at the time but now I see it was actually externally considerate to all the participants.

Does it have any effect? I would say very much so. People come there with different issues to work on, sometimes toxic family dynamic, sometimes sick family member or like in case of the young man I represented, their own tragic circumstances or illness. Surely this method will not cure illness or change toxic people but it certainly changes our perception of these events and relationships. I think what happens is that bringing the hidden dynamics into the light makes you better equipped to deal with it.

It is very powerful work and very cathartic experience, for several days after I would wake up crying not just for my mother but also for every single member of her family who perished in WWII genocides and other family tragedies. My mother is still what she is, I cannot say this constellation changed her but my perception of her changed completely. All of the sudden I could see enormous burden she is carrying which lead to great love and compassion making it much easier for me to deal with her.
 

Aiming

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FOTCM Member
Interesting topic, Possibility of Being, I've been having a question mark about it in the back of my mind for years, yet never got around to studying it yet. I also have personal experiences with it from many years back, though more with modified family constellations based on Hellinger's work. The main difference was that while there are certain rigid procedures followed with Hellinger's method, in those family constellations the work was more open, a wait-and-see approach as to what will unfold in the dynamics of the field and then trying out different things with the aim of finding a solution to the conflict that has become visible.

If the material you quoted is accurate, Hellinger's mindset itself sounds concerning, most especially in terms of excusing pathologicals and the patriarchial stance, both of which are huge red flags. Yet, especially in Germany, from what I've seen, alternative methods are still being pretty much discredited and ridiculed (and the New Age crowd's behaviour itself plays a part in this, too), so in terms of the person himself, there is a possibility of defamation, imo. Yet it could also be that there is, once you take away the noise, a valid and useful method for healing, that 'coincidentally' happened to be delivered by the wrong person (from our point of view), who unknowingly distorted it such that it makes people conclude the entire approach is invalid.

As to my experience with it, I have watched and participated in numerous family constellations years ago. Once being in the "field" (= being the representative of a part in someone's else's system, be it in a family situation or any other life situation or conflict) it was indeed as if 'stepping into' an energy field and embodying it, and moving around and/or saying things, which were not coming from me. Likewise, I saw other people experience it, too. (Yet, what concerned me even back then was e.g. to see people coming into the field and acting as representatives only to dramatize themselves and feed off of it; or therapists themselves so New Agey and deluded that it all amounted to a frenzy of magical thinking with proclamations such as "Are you willing to let the miracle of healing happen to you?" - where have we heard that one before?)

When I did a family constellation concerning my own family dynamics, there came out a few interesting things, which however I could never verify, even though it elicited strong emotions of mourning and sorrow, and at the time seemed to explain the life paths of women in my ancestry.

What did stand out was that the psychological dynamics seemed to be portrayed quite clearly, in that they showed where they came from and how they related to each other. What seemed most helpful to me back then was to see the family dynamics that I carried inside me being embodied in a 3D way in front of me (having an externalized view of it).

Notable also was the energy being felt once a dynamic was placed in the "field" and how it changed when the dynamics changed or were changed, and it was different with every new constellation. It was also very mind-boggling sometimes what words would be spoken by the representatives, which seemed to nail just what was going on behind the scenes. I also experienced that such a family constellation uncovered that there was a (I think) decade long family secret which was weighing heavily on the entire family system and affecting its members and the dynamics between them in various ways.

Yet, in my own family constellation, even after a nourishing scene with my 'mother' and a cathartic scene in relation to my 'father', it did not result in any consequences/changes in real life. In the constellation itself, when I was asked to step into my own field and take my role there, I was confronted with a few situations, and the naturopath then suggested me to take certain steps and say certain things in order to resolve existing conflicts, which I did, but I could feel that this was merely an outer, imposed action, and nothing real. What we were told repeatedly was that even if a constellation doesn't change things immediately, it is of help already to see the solution to a conflict embodied, and one will be able to move there more easily once one is ready.

That it didn't result in changes in real life for me, might be the first clue -- yet leaving the method itself aside for a moment, since I have heard of many positive results from others, it could also depend on several other factors, such as the competence of the therapist themselves, the competence/maturity of the people acting as representatives and the point on the learning cycle of the person doing the constellation (and not to be forgotten, of course, the active healing work one is doing oneself). Also, the general recommendation is to do a number of those constellations, since doing it once normally isn't enough, and I didn't follow up on it back then, mostly because of the high cost of having it done.

H.E. said:
Surely this method will not cure illness or change toxic people but it certainly changes our perception of these events and relationships. I think what happens is that bringing the hidden dynamics into the light makes you better equipped to deal with it.

I agree. What fascinated me about the method was seeing how it made possible the unveiling of the hidden dynamics going on between people and/or in a complex situation of just any kind, and thinking of the possible potential of this method, if only it could somehow be assured that more objective parameters would enter the picture, i.e. e.g. very well trained therapists and representatives, and an elimination of all the fluffy New Age lingo, or rigid procedures and/or rituals a la Hellinger for that matter, which contain ponerized messages. And as H.E. described, I think the potential of this method mainly depends on the quality, depth and knowledge of the therapist performing the work. So, currently, my stand on it is this:

Yet it could also be that there is, once you take away the noise, a valid and useful method for healing, that 'coincidentally' happened to be delivered by the wrong person (from our point of view), who unknowingly distorted it such that it makes people either accept and practise it in its distorted and potentially harmful form, or conclude the entire approach is invalid. As with an instrument, it depends on who plays it.
 

Possibility of Being

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Herr Eisenheim said:
Actually Wikipedia entry does say that he has psychological education:
He spent several years in the early 1970s in Vienna training in a classical course in psychoanalysis at the Wiener Arbeitskreis für Tiefenpsychologie (Viennese Association for Depth Psychology). He completed his training at the Münchner Arbeitsgemeinschaft für Psychoanalyse (Munich Psychoanalytic Training Institute) and was accepted as a practicing member of their professional association.
also his bio on Wikipedia doesn't really read like Nazi supporter.

From what I managed to find, Wkipedia is wrong or inaccurate about his education. He studied some psychoanalysis and other psychology related disciplines, but those supposedly were not regular academic studies and he has no degree in psychology. I'm not sure about the Nazi part. I thought it would be possible for German speaking members to dig some more reliable data, but it may not be necessary since he seems nuts/pathological no matter what his education and attitude toward Nazi is.

Possibility of Being said:
A couple of videos I found disturbing...

Hierarchy in the family

_http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3MwuUMUVAM [ge, it, pl]

The woman married a man who has two children. After what BH said about parents always giving and children always taking, she experienced herself as an always giving person. BH explains the hierarchy in the family (or, the order of precedence) and tells her, her place is behind her husband, his first wife and their children (the couple has no kids together). She has no right or responsibility to take care of his children. That's their biological parents' job. She is supposed to say this much to the children when they ask her for anything, and to her husband, adding that she is his wife only.

I haven't seen the video but what you describe sounds like actual constellation and it does make sense.

Nope. They are both sitting in front of an audience and talking.

Of course no therapist would encourage the subject to say these things to real children, but during the constellation it is necessary for woman's representative to repeat these statements in order to free her from toxic relationship with her husband's children. Most probably the real husband and children are not even present.

From the video (perhaps taken out of context, I don't know), he does exactly that. Tells her how she should relate to her husband and his children and what she is supposed to say to either of them.

The premise of Hellinger's method is that with each sexual bond we create field and participants in this field have chronological precedence. So Man, First wife, First Child, Second Child, Second Wife. This is the order of love in this constellation. If the second wife doesn't acknowledge this order and is placed in between man and his children toxic relationship will develop. One of the children may take on their mothers pain and assume the role of their mother towards second wife. Everyone needs to know their proper place in the field and their role.

This is plain pathological, patriarchal, misogynistic and Old Testament-like for me. And what if the first wife was/is psychopathic or seriously disordered? And the children need protection and full support from the step mother? At the very least, it doesn't take pathology in the family into account, as far as I can tell.

I plunged into Family Constellations work upon the recommendation of my gestalt therapist understanding only the basic premise of the method. In a nutshell the theory is that when men and woman form the sexual bond powerful "field" is created and everyone included in this field ( meaning their children, but also everyone attached to them like siblings and even ancestors) is subject to certain laws of this field. Ideally the flow of love ( that's why the method is also called The Order Of Love) should be unhindered and balanced but in many families this is not the case and the aim of this work is to reconfigure the field and restore the order. There are many situations which can make this filed dysfunctional, previous relationships not dealt with in proper manners, family tragedies, abortions according to this theory any of these can be carried into the field and participants may unconsciously take on the roles of deceased, murdered, tragically loved etc which can then lead to hidden toxic dynamic between them.
Allegedly Hellinger figured this out studying shamanic rituals of Zulu tribes. The order is restored by letting the subject see their proper role in the constellation, uttering acknowledging statements to representatives of constellation subjects - dead and alive.

The patriarchal, hierarchical order that doesn't take possible pathology into account and blames the victims is to be restored? You seem to be really taken in by this theory. I understand that this kind of group therapy can work, but the whole Hellinger's theory is repulsive to me.

Another "high strangeness" moment occurred during my own constellation when one still born baby was discovered between me and my sister, this was something my mother never talked about and when I asked her about it she was pretty startled.

Who discovered it? Who was the first person that spoke it out? It would be helpful to know the details.

Does it have any effect? I would say very much so. People come there with different issues to work on, sometimes toxic family dynamic, sometimes sick family member or like in case of the young man I represented, their own tragic circumstances or illness. Surely this method will not cure illness or change toxic people but it certainly changes our perception of these events and relationships. I think what happens is that bringing the hidden dynamics into the light makes you better equipped to deal with it.

Bringing a hidden dynamics into the light may be helpful, but how does it equip you with tools and knowledge, so that you know what to do with it and how to protect yourself from possible pathology and toxic relationship?

I think that's a therapy designed more for the abusers, and those who wrongly blame their families for whatever their problems are and avoid their own responsibility, than for victims. Abusers and blamers are stronger and need to look at other family members as human beings, while victims are fragile, need to heal and learn how to protect themselves from the toxic dynamics within the family which that therapy seems to ignore altogether. At least that's my current understanding...
 

Possibility of Being

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Aiming said:
Interesting topic, Possibility of Being, I've been having a question mark about it in the back of my mind for years, yet never got around to studying it yet. I also have personal experiences with it from many years back, though more with modified family constellations based on Hellinger's work. The main difference was that while there are certain rigid procedures followed with Hellinger's method, in those family constellations the work was more open, a wait-and-see approach as to what will unfold in the dynamics of the field and then trying out different things with the aim of finding a solution to the conflict that has become visible.

If the material you quoted is accurate, Hellinger's mindset itself sounds concerning, most especially in terms of excusing pathologicals and the patriarchial stance, both of which are huge red flags. Yet, especially in Germany, from what I've seen, alternative methods are still being pretty much discredited and ridiculed (and the New Age crowd's behaviour itself plays a part in this, too), so in terms of the person himself, there is a possibility of defamation, imo. Yet it could also be that there is, once you take away the noise, a valid and useful method for healing, that 'coincidentally' happened to be delivered by the wrong person (from our point of view), who unknowingly distorted it such that it makes people conclude the entire approach is invalid.

The pathology is evident when you watch his videos and/or read his own words. No defamation is necessary. It more and more looks to me like a schizoidal spin added to some stolen pieces of other's ideas and work. So the therapy has still a potential to work if his sick spin is removed. But is it still his therapy then?

I came across numerous comments posted by persons who participated in the constellations sessions and who claimed it was great and helpful, but they could not stand watching H's videos.

Yet, in my own family constellation, even after a nourishing scene with my 'mother' and a cathartic scene in relation to my 'father', it did not result in any consequences/changes in real life. In the constellation itself, when I was asked to step into my own field and take my role there, I was confronted with a few situations, and the naturopath then suggested me to take certain steps and say certain things in order to resolve existing conflicts, which I did, but I could feel that this was merely an outer, imposed action, and nothing real. What we were told repeatedly was that even if a constellation doesn't change things immediately, it is of help already to see the solution to a conflict embodied, and one will be able to move there more easily once one is ready.

That it didn't result in changes in real life for me, might be the first clue -- yet leaving the method itself aside for a moment, since I have heard of many positive results from others, it could also depend on several other factors, such as the competence of the therapist themselves, the competence/maturity of the people acting as representatives and the point on the learning cycle of the person doing the constellation (and not to be forgotten, of course, the active healing work one is doing oneself). Also, the general recommendation is to do a number of those constellations, since doing it once normally isn't enough, and I didn't follow up on it back then, mostly because of the high cost of having it done.

Oh, well... Thank you for sharing, Aiming. So in other words, it works in some cases and does not in others. If it doesn't work, you need to try again and again, until it works. Or, alternatively, you're susceptible to influences and you get what you want or what others come up with, which you accept as true. I'm not saying it has always to be the case, but this kind of guessed/channeled interactions are definitely prone to wishful thinking and manipulation. Placebo effect, too.

... What fascinated me about the method was seeing how it made possible the unveiling of the hidden dynamics going on between people and/or in a complex situation of just any kind, and thinking of the possible potential of this method, if only it could somehow be assured that more objective parameters would enter the picture, i.e. e.g. very well trained therapists and representatives, and an elimination of all the fluffy New Age lingo, or rigid procedures and/or rituals a la Hellinger for that matter, which contain ponerized messages. And as H.E. described, I think the potential of this method mainly depends on the quality, depth and knowledge of the therapist performing the work. So, currently, my stand on it is this:

Yet it could also be that there is, once you take away the noise, a valid and useful method for healing, that 'coincidentally' happened to be delivered by the wrong person (from our point of view), who unknowingly distorted it such that it makes people either accept and practise it in its distorted and potentially harmful form, or conclude the entire approach is invalid. As with an instrument, it depends on who plays it.

'Delivered' or rather stolen and twisted and then, sold. And sold quite well, given the hundreds of thousand of copies of his books sold. And you need to strip it of all the twists added to make it acceptable and working. Isn't something off here? Isn't it giving credit where it does not belong?
 

Laura

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Herr Eisenheim said:
I also worked many times on other people's constellations and I did experienced some very strange things, it almost as if you are instantly tuned to certain energies and you start acting as a conductor. The most extreme example was when I was chosen to represent a 26 year old man who suffers from Parkinson's disease, as soon as I was placed into the field I experienced tremors in my legs.
Another "high strangeness" moment occurred during my own constellation when one still born baby was discovered between me and my sister, this was something my mother never talked about and when I asked her about it she was pretty startled.

Can you elaborate on this? Did you know about the stillborn baby before? From whom did the information come? How?

Herr Eisenheim said:
I also noticed that once entanglements are detangled and acknowledging and healing sentences are uttered the energy of the constellation instantly changes as if someone has lifted a dark cloud and you can actually feel restoration of good energies or as they like to say love. But there were also constellations where no solution could be found and some of them had to be interrupted because they were too toxic for the participants.

It sounds very interesting and perhaps outsiders are simply twisting and misunderstanding things. Hard to tell sometimes.

Herr Eisenheim said:
Luckily the facilitator I worked with is considered a top expert in this field as well as Gestalt therapy and it was really amazing to watch her work. She was very intuitive and good at interpreting the body language and emotions that would emerge during the constellation. She was also very good at sassing out peoples ability to undertake this work. I felt very safe working with her but I have no doubts that this method can be dangerous and even lead to suicide , I would say such incidents are likely precipitated by inadequately trained or irresponsible facilitators.

Yeah, it does sound like it could be very dangerous. For some reason, it makes me think of the movie "Fast Runner". Have you ever watched that?

Herr Eisenheim said:
The lady I worked with was very selective and careful not to include people who were not ready for the experience, and she would also break the field at the first sign that energies being carried are having too strong influence on the representative (conductor). Very often the evidence of spirit attachments, and even possessions would be uncovered but she stirred clear from any metaphysical explanations and adamantly insisted on psychological jargon which annoyed me at the time but now I see it was actually externally considerate to all the participants.

Does it have any effect? I would say very much so. People come there with different issues to work on, sometimes toxic family dynamic, sometimes sick family member or like in case of the young man I represented, their own tragic circumstances or illness. Surely this method will not cure illness or change toxic people but it certainly changes our perception of these events and relationships. I think what happens is that bringing the hidden dynamics into the light makes you better equipped to deal with it.

It is very powerful work and very cathartic experience, for several days after I would wake up crying not just for my mother but also for every single member of her family who perished in WWII genocides and other family tragedies. My mother is still what she is, I cannot say this constellation changed her but my perception of her changed completely. All of the sudden I could see enormous burden she is carrying which lead to great love and compassion making it much easier for me to deal with her.

I'd be interested in trying it just for experiment's sake. But, as you note, it's not for everyone.
 

Deckard

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Possibility of Being said:
The premise of Hellinger's method is that with each sexual bond we create field and participants in this field have chronological precedence. So Man, First wife, First Child, Second Child, Second Wife. This is the order of love in this constellation. If the second wife doesn't acknowledge this order and is placed in between man and his children toxic relationship will develop. One of the children may take on their mothers pain and assume the role of their mother towards second wife. Everyone needs to know their proper place in the field and their role.

This is plain pathological, patriarchal, misogynistic and Old Testament-like for me. And what if the first wife was/is psychopathic or seriously disordered? And the children need protection and full support from the step mother? At the very least, it doesn't take pathology in the family into account, as far as I can tell.

FWIW I didn't experience it as misogynistic or pathological. More like biological, in a sense man is yang and women is yin and following the flow of procreation energy.
I dont know about the Hellinger but having done these workshops several times I experienced many similar family constellations, and I can only talk about how facilitator i worked with handled them. It wouldn't be about advising the step mother in this kind of situation to stop caring about her step children , it was about discovering dynamics involved so that when she relates with her step children she knows the limitations and full potential of her role in this family field OSIT

Possibility of Being said:
The patriarchal, hierarchical order that doesn't take possible pathology into account and blames the victims is to be restored? You seem to be really taken in by this theory. I understand that this kind of group therapy can work, but the whole Hellinger's theory is repulsive to me.
Again this was not my experience. FWIW I experienced a lot of "universal love" ( for the lack of better words to describe it) during this work and I do think I have "grown" as a result of it.
Those would be the fruits of Hellinger and his theory in my life, and many others I met and observed during and after the workshops so if we judge pathology according "by their fruits you shall know them" - I would say no.
I think you misunderstood the part about the victims and perpetrators. In the quoted explanations below I will bold a part relating to this.

IMO this website give a good explanation of the theory behind this method and pretty much in line with what i experienced FWIW
_http://www.familyconstellations.net/fcexplained.htm

familyconstellations.net said:
Firstly, it is important to say that Family Constellation ‘theory’ is based on observation, the observations made by Bert Hellinger, the originator of this work, and also during the more than 160 workshops I have given worldwide. Many of the observations may seem foreign to the first time witness to such family dynamics but as observations they become undeniable as you experience truth, loyalty and love unfold before you.

Each family has its own conscience, which is made up of all the members of the family; we could call this the “greater soul of the family”. So who is included and who is excluded?

A family consists of parents, children, grandparents, the siblings of parents and even the siblings of grandparents. The underlying principle of this work is that any member of an extended family that is forgotten or ousted from the family will be represented by a family member, mostly a generation or two later, sometimes several generations later.

So who are the forgotten ones? Forgotten members of a family can be aborted children, miscarried children, those that died young or those that have been forced out of the family. For example, when there is the death of an infant, and the child is not mourned, a sibling or even a child from the following generation will represent that child in the family. These representations can take the form of carrying the unacknowledged feelings of the grieving parents or the feelings of the dead child that feels excluded from the family. When a child that has died is not given a proper place within the family, it is neither with the dead, nor with the living, and therefore belongs to no one. The one that represents this child can clearly feel this, a deep sense of not belonging.

Another example of representation can be the former partners of parents. If a first marriage or relationship is not ended with love and the former partner is not respected and the original love not remembered, then a child from the new family can represent the former partner. How is this visible? For example a man is married to a woman and divorces her. He then re-marries and has a daughter. If the first wife is not honoured and remembered in love, the new daughter may show loyalty to her and may even display ‘unaccountable’ anger towards her father. The daughter does not know on a conscious level why she is angry, but on a subconscious level, she carries the feelings of the rejected woman. This is far more common that we generally suppose. This kind of 'representation' is especially true if the first wife died whilst in the first marriage."
Exposing Hidden Truths
In a Family Constellation set up, these hidden truths come to light and such identification with the excluded is clear and visible to all who experience them.

In the same way, if the first pregnancy of a couple is miscarried, or the infant dies at a young age, if not acknowledged fully by the parents, the children who follow can feel that there is something ‘missing’ from their lives. In essence, in each family there is a natural hierarchy so those who think of themselves as being one of three children when in fact are one of four children can suffer the fate of never knowing their place in life. This is so as their inner perception of their position in the hierarchy is erroneous.

These identifications also apply to victims and perpetrators of past events. For example if a great injustice has been done (murder, ill-gotten gain, the Holocaust, African Slavery, Anglo-Boer War etc) and the ‘guilty’ do not own their guilt or are never brought to justice, someone of the next generation will carry that guilt, maybe even become aggressive themselves, or repeat the same pattern. This is also true of the victims of such actions; they too can be represented by future generations.

Dr Rupert Sheldrake talks of the morphogenic field. It is a field of conscious energy that binds all members of a family, race, nation or tribe together. In Family Constellations we tap directly into that field through simple intention. As each representative stands in their place, they are able to feel the emotions, feelings, even the soul of those who they represent. This work is astounding and often leaves one thinking "how does this work?". However, we have come to rely on the truth it reveals and much of the information gleaned from a Family Constellation is verifiable by the clients who experience it.

Possibility of Being said:
Bringing a hidden dynamics into the light may be helpful, but how does it equip you with tools and knowledge, so that you know what to do with it and how to protect yourself from possible pathology and toxic relationship?
I would say yes. I grew up with bipolar sister which left a big painful mark on the whole family. My first impulse was to hate her and the second to run away as far as possible.
Thanks to family constellations I learned that my sister is carrying enormous burden on her shoulders. That she actually stepped in ( on soul level) to protect me from... well this is hard to explain because during specific work on her, the girl who was representing her got so sick that facilitator had to stop the work and have her go to the bathroom and splash herself with water. Just as she was reporting that she is experiencing dark entity from the past which is attached to the family. The facilitator wouldn't go there although I was insisting, as I said she wouldn't indulge metaphysical or occult talk for a second. The interpretation was that my sister stepped in to protect me from negative influences.
I instantly remembered family legend from my maternal line that we are cursed since middle ages due to some unspeakable crimes family progenitor committed in different kingdom before he took the refuge on the coast and started the family there.
Even interrupted this constellation ended up with resolving sentence as facilitator suggested that I should always honor my sister's sacrifice but in the same time repeat that I have my own life and while I appreciate her sacrifice I have to honor that life, otherwise her sacrifice would be in vain.
Since then I started looking at my sister with new eyes which significantly lessened the pain and enabled me to feel greater love and compassion for her but in the same time lessened the influence of this pain on my life. Well something like that, I find it very difficult to put in words everything that I experienced during and after this work.

Possibility of Being said:
I think that's a therapy designed more for the abusers, and those who wrongly blame their families for whatever their problems are and avoid their own responsibility, than for victims. Abusers and blamers are stronger and need to look at other family members as human beings, while victims are fragile, need to heal and learn how to protect themselves from the toxic dynamics within the family which that therapy seems to ignore altogether. At least that's my current understanding...
I think you got it wrong. But again all I have is my highly subjective experience.
 

Deckard

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Laura said:
Can you elaborate on this? Did you know about the stillborn baby before? From whom did the information come? How?
Yes. Actually the baby was not still born it was aborted, perhaps on a subconscious level I was shielding my mother as still born sounds better then aborted.
What actually happened was that my mother got pregnant very soon after my sister was born and decided to terminate this pregnancy. For obvious reasons nobody apart from her and my father knew about this.
During the constellation as soon as I positioned my mother in front of my father, her representative turned away from my father and my sister and me and couldnt lift her gaze off the ground. She started crying and reporting feelings of despair, gloom and doom.
The facilitator then explained this is the sign that there are dead people involved. So she briefly questioned me about any important deaths in the family. I started with my mother's brother who died tragically when he was only teenager immediately after the war. She quickly introduced another representative and put him laying on the ground. My mother was still looking into the ground but this time further. In the end I lined up like sardines all the dead relatives I could think of in front of my mother - including whole immediate family of my grandmother which perished in genocide committed by the SS Prince Eugen Division. My mother still wouldn't be satisfied, then facilitator introduced another person, without saying who this was and asked her what she feels about this dead. My mother wanted to go to it and hold it in her arms. So the facilitator concluded this must be the miscarried or aborted fetus. This was very emotional scene and I could see my mother giving her due grief and properly parting with this baby in resolving sentence. There was also my sister's identification with this baby and my identification with dead uncle but that's another complicated story.

I still remember chills down my spine when my (actual) mother confirmed. This all may sound very strange but as someone who represented many people in other constellations I know how these emotions, thoughts, even physical sensations out of nowhere start flowing through you as soon as you are placed in the "field".
Some people have difficulty in expressing them and this is where good facilitator steps in and helps them to voice what they feel. Some people are natural and some are not such good vessels.
I was curious to know what the girl who represented my aborted sibling felt as she was silent during the constellation so i questioned her during the break. She said she couldn't open her eyes and she felt like being in some sort of semiconscious but generally pleasant state.



Laura said:
It sounds very interesting and perhaps outsiders are simply twisting and misunderstanding things. Hard to tell sometimes.
This is it. As I said I never took the time to thoroughly research Hellinger or the theory and I admit that it all may come across as dubious or at least controversial on the superfical glance, but surely after what I experienced during every single workshop I wouldn't hurry to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
I remeber at the time feeling blessed with the opportunity to work with this facilitator who is world renown expert in the field. Not just that she has impressive CV with all sorts of PhD's and decades of experience but she also struck me as very compassionate, extrasensory, professional and efficient.


Laura said:
Yeah, it does sound like it could be very dangerous. For some reason, it makes me think of the movie "Fast Runner". Have you ever watched that?
You are spot on Laura! There was definitely something of that sort happening there.
The movies that reminded me of this work on another level ( more because of FC theory) were Shipping News and A Home At the End of The World.

I was simply astonished with the level of emotional energy that was released there and wasn't surprised when someone later mentioned that the house which is used for this work is known for paranormal phenomena.
I did consider wildest negative scenarios thinking what a feast all this energy would be for 4D STS and also thinking of Hellingers connections with church plus the hearsay that this particular institute and this lady is endorsed by Jesuits.

In spite of all that I realistically cannot say that I experienced anything negative.

Laura said:
I'd be interested in trying it just for experiment's sake. But, as you note, it's not for everyone.
I think it is a life changing experience. She normally accepts only people with burning questions and issues, even then after brief dialogue she sasses out who is ready and who isn't. I think some time in one to one therapy is the biggest factor.
 

Possibility of Being

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Herr Eisenheim said:
I think you misunderstood the part about the victims and perpetrators. In the quoted explanations below I will bold a part relating to this.

IMO this website give a good explanation of the theory behind this method and pretty much in line with what i experienced FWIW
_http://www.familyconstellations.net/fcexplained.htm

I'm not talking about other people presenting the FC thing. I'm talking about its source and original main concepts as presented by Hellinger himself. I quoted from his book where it is about incest, abuse within a family, not some old war or slavery related victims and perpetrators who usually are not parts of the same family, I also linked to a video where he apparently hit full force with his fist a disabled child in her back, which he demonstrates on the Italian translator, explaining that's the right approach to victims. The audience and translators are laughing.
 

Aiming

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FOTCM Member
Possibility of Being said:
I'm not talking about other people presenting the FC thing. I'm talking about its source and original main concepts as presented by Hellinger himself. I quoted from his book where it is about incest, abuse within a family, not some old war or slavery related victims and perpetrators who usually are not parts of the same family, I also linked to a video where he apparently hit full force with his fist a disabled child in her back, which he demonstrates on the Italian translator, explaining that's the right approach to victims. The audience and translators are laughing.

Well, Hellinger does look disturbed. I found an interesting article about him which paints quite a clear picture of him (it's a German website, I've translated it):

_http://sekten-info-nrw.de/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=72&Itemid=46

The phenomenon Bert Hellinger


An extensive portrayal of the person Hellinger and his Family Constellations would certainly go beyond the scope of this article. Still I would like to outline the main points which contribute to an understanding of the phenomenon.

The person Hellinger is surprisingly little known in literature. Born in 1925, he was a catholic religious priest and missionary in South Africa. At the beginning of the 70ies he for reasons unknown left the order and turned to psychoanalysis and psychotherapy. He neither studied psychology, nor did he finish any recognized apprenticeship in psychotherapy. Nonetheless, he is still being erroneously refered to as a psychologist and psychotherapist.

Hellinger himself does not denote his FC as psychotherapy but as a "phenomenological way of knowledge". Nonetheless his followers are still often refering to the Family Constellation, as named such by him, as systemic psychotherapy - which however it is not.

One of the main differences is especially in that a systemic viewpoint assumes that everyone "constructs" their own reality. Thus there is no universal truth in systemic therapy. That which we perceive as truth depends on our individual viewpoint and is a product of our life experiences, not an irreversible law of nature, which is equal and unalterable for everyone (see Psychologie heute, 1995/98).

Such and other misrepresentations and twists of content are found with various followers of Hellinger, as well as among the "therapists'" publications of the above mentioned list of constellators. What stands out is the frequent attesting to Hellinger's infallibility as a person, an almost Führer-like homage towards him and a complete lack of any critical statements from his followers (e.g. "Everyone, even the worst criminals, even Hitler, are called by a higher power; all of us, like you, too, 'are in the service' of an inscrutable destiny.", "...in this way it becomes easier to pardon him for his guru-like features and apodeictic peculiarities, and to take his prophet-like manner as his mask of his genius. Because I do consider him to be of a therapeutical intellectual giftedness,...", SZ, 08.01.1999, T. Moser)

One is left with the impression that Hellinger has magical inspirations, which provide him and his clients with knowledge that can be had by no one else. ("For example, during a constellation I heard an American, who was just learning German and who was representing a father, constantly saying in German the phrase: "Sagen Sie Albert" ['Say Albert']. Later he asked the client whether he knew someone by the name of Albert. "Well sure" was the answer. "That's the name of both my father and my grandfather, and Albert is my second forename." (Das Familien-Stellen. Eine Einführung von Bert Hellinger, _www.hellinger.com))

The Family Constellation


Family Constellation is neither new nor is it an invention of Hellinger. It is a procedure that has a long tradition in the systemic family therapy. What is new is merely the interpretation of the constellation -- that which Hellinger allegedly believes to recognize within a few minutes and which is presented as absolute truth.

A participant puts his present or original family into a constellation within positions and how they relate to each other according to his intuition. For this he makes use of - as usual within a group therapy setting - the help of other, non-family group members, who vicariously take the position of the family members. In this, there are also put up long deceased, aborted, still-born and family members given up for adoption, since, according to Hellinger's statements, they cause crossgenerational familial disorders, and those only get back their feelings by their living representatives, which is supposed to result in the rectification of the present psychological problems of the participant. "They (the dead - author) can then step back and cause a healing effect on the family, just like the sun shining from the distance." (Fragen und Antworten, _www.hellinger.com).

In this way, according to Hellinger, severe psychosomatic diseases are caused by ancestors, "who during the French revolution (!!!, the author) died in bad conditions and who weren't mourned. Once these ancestors were deeply commemmorated and thus dignified, the disease symptoms of the descendants vanished permanently." (Fragen und Antworten, _www.hellinger.com) -- an explanation, which can hardly be sufficiently labelled with the term "bold speculation".

The "family members" put up by the client feel like the original people -- and that is Hellinger's personal assumption and is diametrically opposite to systemic thinking. Hellinger assumes a magic from a force field, whose affective streams cause psychosomatic reactions in the participants and thus let them take on the physical, psychical and soul form of the father, the mother, the brother or any other family member of the client - a holistic metamorphosis on the therapeutic theatre, as it were.

From this field of force, the "family soul", Hellinger reads "how via shifting the lines of relationship the hidden, suppressed or gone awry love could still find its goal, also especially when individuals were being hushed up, killed or passed away early" (SZ vom 08.01.1999, T. Moser).


All power to the order. Hellinger's world view


If one wants to understand Hellinger's system, one has to take a look at his conservative-catholic world view as the foundation for his therapeutic actions. Empirical data and scientific results play no role in Hellinger's cognitive process of FC and partially are presented as harmful and useless ("That only takes away power."). Hellinger goes all for his intuition. That is why there are neither apprenticeships nor a differentiated pathology following objectively verifiable studies of efficacy.

Family Constellation according to Hellinger is a quasi-religious system, which consists of value judgements, black-and-white-categorisations and norms which the client has to accept -- otherwise Hellinger abandons the constellation. Hellinger is never mistaken. If someone doubts or if resistance is stirred, he makes that into a problem of the clients themselves ("Sometimes however it is also necessary to break off the constellation before. There are clients who refuse to work together with the therapist and don't want to acknowledge the solution." Fragen und Antworten, _www.hellinger.com).

Most of all it is about one thing: the power of order. Order in love, order among siblings, order among the genders, etc., etc.. Hellinger assumes a disorder, which he himself determines and which looks like an extremely conservative, yes, almost an assumedly overcome anachronistic world view. His approach can be reduced to 2 components:

"There is an order in the life of each family". E.g. each first-born has their place before the second-born. This order is a natural law, no matter whether we like it or not. Each disorder of the order results in disease. These orders are to be acknowledged and are good. The attempt to break through these orders is evil, fails in every case and leads to severe psychological, psychosomatic and als physical diseases (cancer, disabledness, AIDS, etc.).

"Children want to love their parents". If this "stream of love" is interrupted, it veers into pain, desperation or also into disease. Neurosis develops by an "interrupted movement towards the parents". If you bestow honour to the parents -- no matter what they did to you -- something deep in the soul moves back into order. (compare Fincke, 1998, p.16)

As a general rule, "order" is being restored by the children bowing down before the representatives of their parents and thus bestowing honour to them ("And if someone slightly bows their head down, energy is flowing. He comes much more into contact with Earth. And if someone now does this in front of his parents and bows even lower, then he brings to bear the original order, that is that his parents are big and he is small.", interview with Hellinger at an event of the Erickson-Institute Berlin 1995, _www.erickson-institut-berlin.de/frames/community/whc/texte/i-hellinger.htm).

This takes place with antiquated and religious seeming phrases, which Hellinger says ritual-like to be repeated [by the patient], such as "I give you the honour" or "Please bless me". Apart from the lack of any kind of theoretical foundation the question comes up how these phrases within this setting, as brought up by Hellinger, would affect somebody who has experienced severe traumas in his parental home!

Hellingers world view is a simplification of ultra-conservative value systems, which find expression especially in the view on intimate relationships and family ("If the man follows the woman it has always bad outcomes", "I have observed that the woman and children feel better if they follow the man, into his family, his language, his culture ..., then the balance is created.", "... By the way: Children who are born unplanned are happier than planned children.", "If a woman works...the woman loses.", etc.; "A Sioux never says thanks", Couch Conversations: Gabriela Herpel and Ingolf Gillman converse with Bert Hellinger, SZ-Magazin, 21.11.1997). They are an expression of a theology of order -- often a step back into past times. He also revives disused pathologizing ("I let the homosexual son kneel before his father and let him say: 'I give you the honour', and two months later he married and has now a child.")

This could be discussed if he presented this as his personal conviction. But what he does -- and that is in fact what is alarming -- is making a quasi-therapeutic system out of his personal conviction, which you have to follow unswervingly if you do not want to go down.


Fascination of Hellinger


Interestingly many of Hellinger's clients and followers are for the most part themselves therapists and other psychosocial aides. They come from approved traditional therapeutic directions, as well as from the esoteric area. It seems Hellinger like no other "therapist" combines the various directions of thought in psychotherapy and counseling.

Where now lies the allure of Bert Hellinger and his Family Constellations? Which contemporary needs does he seem to be satisfying?

We are living in times where the big narrations and truths have lost their charisma. Everyone must live with the fact that theories won't deliver any pre-constructed truths anymore. However, there where the authority of theories vanishes, the authority of individuals can deliver new security for one's actions. Hellinger's partially simplistic and judging world view, in which there is a clear distinction between good and evil, right and wrong, provides a temporary end to the laborious seeking of each individual for securities, certainties, truths and integration into higher orders. His fascination is the single-mindedness. Completely free of doubts, sure of judgement and umimpressed by criticism, and also so authoritarian ("Authority means to me to able for something what others need.") -- this, nobody in the therapeutic world has dared before.

Obviously it exists, the conservative regression, which is especially being tabooed by leftist political organisations and women's initiatives -- and not only within the psychotherapeutical setting. But especially there it gives answers, at last somebody who is unambigious, who says: "I know that this is so". At last not everything is possible anymore, everything open and everything possible at the end of therapy. It seems, as the book author Ursula Nuber wrote: "as if the fighters for freedom, autonomy and independence, for self-realization and self-assertion, have become tired on their long way and are now resting exhaustedly their heads on the shoulder of an "Uber-father" (Psychologie Heute, June 1995).

It's the simple answers in a complex world. While the often reviled scientific psychotherapy goes for personal responsibility of the client, his decisions and the respect for the client, Hellinger knows the right solutions. His statements are relieving or punishing, approving or condemning -- always though do they suspend the personal responsibility of the adult human being. He knows himself to be the sole owner of the truth and those who in their counseling or psychotherapy invoke him, believes himself to be empowered to judge or pardon other people as well.


Bert Hellinger, i.e. even more his followers have dissolved the pluralism of values. They are contrasting unsettling confusions of roles with allegedly meaningful order.

And Hellinger himself. He has remained what he always was - a missionary. And that is exactly what makes him so attractive.
 

denekin

Jedi
Scientific validation of Hellinger's Family Constellation?

of interest; How much of our personal dysfunction streams down from our ancestors? Anxiety, depression etc?
http://www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2014/03/scientists-have-found-that-memories-can-be-passed-down-through-generations-in-our-genes.html

http://www.hellingerpa.com/
 

H-KQGE

Dagobah Resident
Re: Scientific validation of Hellinger's Family Constellation?

denekin said:
of interest; How much of our personal dysfunction streams down from our ancestors? Anxiety, depression etc?

Thanks for the post denekin. My first thought was "Assassin's Creed!" & hey presto... so it was. If you haven't seen it already, this thread has plenty of fascinating information in it, with several links all relating to "ancestral personal dysfunction."

When they said it was in the realm of sci-fi in the video, my next thought was "quantum Leap!" ("theorizing that one could time-travel in their own lifetime") because of the narrative in "Assassin's Creed", in one segment, the "protagonist" is unable to retrieve/relive the memory of his ancestor because of the stress level that they endured at that moment in time. When A-Creed was released, I did feel that it had some truth to it - the genetic memory projection angle, not... y'know.. the killing people angle. Just so we're clear. ;)
 

Serendipity

Jedi Master
I've taken part in family constellations in Croatia two times in in past 1.5 years and I'm planning to do it again in the near future. The therapist I worked with is Vedran Kraljeta. He learned directly from Bert Hellinger. You need to prepare your family tree diagram beforehand by following these guidelines: Your Family Tree

In each session none of the participants knows which person he or she represents. After short briefing with Vedran, he suggests which persons from your family tree you should pick for the initial setup for the constellation. You asign number to each person then you go to people in the room (everyone is sitting around making on big circle) and by listening to your instinct you pick a person and ask him/her: will you be my person 1? Then that person listens to his/her instinct/feeling and either accepts or declines. When you select all of your role representing persons you lead each of them one by one by their hand and set them in the middle of the room on position where your instinct tells you and you put your forehead on their upper back and 'transfer' the person they represent in to them. Remember, they don't know who or what they are representing/playing the role of. Here is my experience.

My first constellation session was few months after my father commited suicide. Constellation topic was about him. During briefing, Vedran told me to pick 4 persons. A person who will represent my father, my mother, me and a person who will represent my father's PTSD. [From now on, instead of calling for example 'a person who represented my father', I'll just say my father] My father's PTSD immediately bacame agressive and was swooping towards me. My mother stood in front of me and didn't let PTSD to touch me. My father was absent, seperate from us. Later, three people were brought in to lie on the floor. My father kneeled in front of them and held a hand of a person on the floor that was closest to him, and he put his other hand on that person's belly. When Vedran asked my father to look at his wife and his son and if he wants to join them, my father only looked and said he wishes to join but he can't, that his place is with the persons on the floor. Then Vedran asked my mother does she realize that she is dead, and she answered no (she died suddenly 14 years ago by falling into a coma). Then constellation was put in it's right place with my mother lying on the ground and my father also lying next to her and me (real me) taking the place of the person who represented me and making a promise to my mother and father that I will make something beautiful of the life they have given to me.

5 months later I had my second session. The topic was squeezing around my heart (which was quite serious at that time along with palpitations, April and May 2020). Participants in this constellation were me, my semi-ex girlfriend at that time (long story and explanation just trust me on that) who was pregnant with our twins at that time, and 'the squeezing around my heart'. [From now on, instead of calling for example 'a person who represented me', I'll just say me] Squeezing around my heart went around the room and hugged my semi-ex girlfriend, went towards me, but me immediately withdrew to the wall and put a chair in front of him as a shield and just stood there in the corner defensively. Vedran was constantly telling me: look, do you see it, etc., but I was a bit confused with it all. Then squeezing around my heart took a chair and stood on it and made a hanging man pose with her head. Vedran asked me if anyone in my family commited suicide by hanging and I said yes my uncle did (my father's brother), but I wasn't close to him at all! Vedran said: this here says otherwise. Months later when I was searching for some of my old posts on this forum I accidently ran to this post of mine from December 2012: Phone call from myself notice this part:

then my late uncle appeared who I didn't like at all when he was alive because he was pathological, but here I actually cared for him. He asked me to tell him what's bothering me. Instead, I made the words from wet paper. It said something like: psychopaths, 6%. I asked him does he know about them he said yes.

Before I could continue to explain him he switched the subject and took the plastic object that looked like mix between brain and Christmas tree and had many pieces of paper hanging from it. I understood that each of the papers had some topic on it that my uncle wanted to discuss with me. Luckily, before I engaged in conversation something awoke me

You can imagine how flabbergasted I was. In one of the most symbolic, prophethic and meaningfull dreams I've had in my entire life, there was even additional layer of meaning that I would only discover 8 years later (I wont even touch on the rest of the dream here, especially the message over phone from my future self because it would be going on a tangent, but suffice it to say it was and still is tremendously prophetic 7-9 years after I've dreamt it). I can't but guess that there lies something quite important for me that I am yet to discover.

And get this as well: I was in such a depressed state at that time, never been that low in my life, hit from 7 sides/hardships all at once, that I wasn't planning to attend the constellation weekend at all. The woman who organises the constellations even called me before to tell me she would be really glad to see me again there, but I said I wont be coming. Then, the next day, few days before constellation weekend I was walking back from the beach and a car passes by me honking and I see a woman waving at me, but I wasn't sure who it was. She actually called me the same day and confirmed it was her and playfully told me that it's a sign, especially because we never saw each other randomly, we only met once, on the first constellation weekend. I couldn't disagree with her so I told her yes I'll come. She asked what day, Saturday July 11th or Sunday July 12th. I said of course Sunday July 12th, it's my birthday! We laughed! She then said on saturday 11 people signed and on sunday... I interrupted her and said 9! She said yes 9. And than asked wait how did you know? I said something like I see those numbers everywhere (and not only those) so I took a guess.

The constellation was completed when I (real me) took the place of a person who was representing me. I was sitting on the floor, then squeezing around my heart came and began to continuously slap and pinch my face and head and shake me, but I wouldn't budge (the real me this time). Vedran commented: here you can see what a man's heart can take/endure for love. Then my semi ex girlfriend came and asked me to stand up and to join her and hug her, but I still didn't want to. I only accepted it when she said: "you want that we do it together". We stood up together and hugged. Then Vedran asked a volunteer who would represent me as a child and I had to go hug myself as a child. Then the woman who organised the event told everyone that it's my birthday and everyone got together around me and did a group hug with me in the center 🥰
 

Serendipity

Jedi Master
Back to real life. Later the girl that played 'squeezing around my heart told me that she felt like she is going to explode. Ouch! My squeezing around the heart that began around announcement of pandemic in mid March 2020 finally got solved around September 2020. I found peace within myself in relation to my interaction with mother of our children. We went to family consultant who helped me gain some clarity. But unexpectedly the hearth pressure finally stopped all together when I did something that would be by someones standards be considered morally wrong.

Before my father's death, my brother got/took his part of father's inheritance, he took the money. I told him that he shouldn't have done that. I now know why: because a) father was alive, by doing that, to psychologicly sick and suicidal father he conveyed: a) I take your inheritance, so you are dead, b) he broke the family rule, it's not equal to everyone, and that's what our mother and father always taught us, and c) he put himself above others in the family, he decided how to split the inheritance, he gets money and me and our other brother get the apartment, even tho the rest of us agreed that fair way was that everyone gets third of the aparment after father's death, and money that helped him buy his own apartment 5 years before that, be given to me so I can do the same and start my own family.

He didn't do that, instead he lied that he didn't have the money, manipulated father, ignored me and my brother and put himself above everyone else. He even said that I don't deserve that money. And also said: why are you angry, you can live in the apartment with father and brother, no one is forcing you out (while he had bought himself his own and went away because he couldn't and didn't want to live there anymore). When he came for a visit after talking like he always did, that he still has part of the father's inheritance in that apartment, because it is worth more than twice than the amount father gave to him, and father mentioning how he helped him to buy his apartment, he also used to say: I DIDN'T NEED YOUR MONEY! I ALREADY HAD ENOUGH MYSELF. YOU ONLY HELPED ME BUY MAKING IT AS IF YOU BUYED IT, TO CIRCUMVENT THE TAX INSPECTION. I'LL BRING YOU THAT MONEY TO YOUR GRAVE!

After lying to me that he didn't have the money to return and transfer to me for use, and making the father lie for him as well, after father at one point put the knife to his throat and asked me if I want that he kills himself, I told him no, I'll let it go. Then he got wind of me telling father that he should write the apartment on me and other brother in his will, and he boarded a plane the next day and came to father and accepted the last money that father had on his bank account, so he can accept that me and other brother get the apartment. Father wasn't in a good judgement because of his psychological condition those last months of his life, but since I was the only son that actually listened to him, talked to him, drank beer with him, he knew I wasn't happy with that arrangement. That I got the worst end of the stick. In the end he knew I cared for him, and was maybe the only son that did.

I walked side by side with him unlike my brothers who walked 10 meters in front of him like brother 1 did after father travelled 9 hours with his condition to bring him money and help him buy apartment, and he didn't even buy him drink or lunch, and brother 2 (who often trated father like a dog, while living in his house) did when we were going to notary public after I made sure that father writes apartment to two of us, to make sure brother 1 doesn't screw us over. Brother one got the money, brother two got the apartment he is already living in and plans to live in until he dies. Me? I got nothing, unless I stay in the apartment which I don't want to, or after father dies. Then father kills himself. Now I can't but wonder was it maybe a straw that broke the camel's back, that maybe he didn't know any other way to achieve balance in his will, that every one of his sons is happy, and that I receive my part of his will.


Shortly before father's death I started moving back to his apartment with a goal to help him and heal him. I had a plan laid out, alternative medicine, hypnosis, cooked food, doing things together and even family constellations. I believed I finally had a chance to help him because he finally became open to alternative things which he would never even consider before because it goes against catholicism. After his death I stayed there, in a place from which I barely was able to escape and go on my own just few years ago. It was terrible decision because once again I got locked/overcome/beaten down by the place and it's energy.

Then when the pandemic hit and like 7 things hit me all at once almost crushing me in the process. My girlfriend who I gave my heart to on 14th of March 2018 (after of series of destiny-like decisions, coincedences, knowings, serendipities that put together seemed like pure magic) wouldn't meet me or speak to me, we communicated via email, while she was pregnant with twins that were concieved in a fertility clinic in Prague (in croatian Prague is called Prag, and the word prag in croatian means doorstep/threshold. And one hell of a doorstep it was. Twins were concieved on March 11th, date of pandemic, date of my dream-vision in 2012 that I wrote about here: Session 4 July 1998, our flight back was supposed to be on March 15th but when pandemic was announced it was cancelled, so the whole March 14th (our second anniversary... a psychic woman told me few years ago that we are connected with number 2, her karmic and my destiny number.. same psychic woman that over a decade ago told her that she will have a son who will be very important for the future, and then in her 47th year of life she got pregnant with twins).

Still beated down by my father's death, slowly drowning in apartement pulled back in old bad habits with my brother, after returning from Prague I lost the person I thought I could count on the most, and I didn't even know whether she will give birth to them, or if she will let me be their father, after returning home ending in self isolation, with toothache and nerve inflamation that began the day before the trip to prague, and then listening to her and telling the dentist that I'm in self isolation only to get the treatmen postponed, but til then hospitals forbid tooth drilling so the only option was to pull the tooth out, but I refused and rather chose to endure the pain and wait it out. At the same time realising that because of lockdwon I've lost highly payed job in tourism that I worked for past few years, a job that I counted on, because I invested everything in cryptocurrency I believe in, and at that time, like all the markets in the world it was at rock bottom, so I was at that time at a huge loss, and to top it all the world got crazy at the same time. In short, my suffering level was of the charts, I've been hit and hurt from all sides, and was feeling like I lost everything I had, feeling betrayed and trapped, and like my heart will explode.

I managed to survive. If I survived that there's nothing I can't survive anymore. What a lesson it was. The family counselor helped. But it stopped completely only after I did the following. One sleepless night the pressure in my heart increased to a point that I finally choose to make a decision. Decision was I will sell the apartment whether my brother wishes or not (he didn't want to sell it all this time after father died, he was good in his status quo, and he didn't want change and to have to pay rent). I will make his life miserable if I have to, but I will do this, because he is blocking my part of the father's inheritance, and more so I knew that I'd multiply the money in a quite short period of time. I first called the other brother and we convinced the brother that he must accept to sell it so we go our seperate ways. Next day we receive news that grandpa that lives in another city has died (he was never close to anyone, a complete loner and we were his only close relatives). We knew he has small apartment there, so very shortly I got convinced by brother out of selling the apartment. He told me that we can rather invest and split it and that we can use money from sale of grandpa's apartrment (later he admited that he was not serious when he accepted to sell the apartement).

Few months later when we got the apartment on paper, both brothers gave me authorization to represent them on probate hearing so I go to city where grandpa lived and solve everything and sell the apartement and then we split the money, so we all don't have to go. I went and tried to sell the apartement for 10 days without success. Got lied, manipulated and double crossed in many awful and apsurd ways. Then on the 10th night I again had a battle within my heart that resulted in me making decision to keep all the money from the sale of the apartment and to add it to my investment for the future. The very next day, the buyer appeared and we concluded everything the day after that. In my heart I knew it was the right choice, and that was all that mattered. After that the squeezing around my heart stopped. There are three principles of family constellations: Underlying Principles of Family Constellations I believe that in this case, the principle of balance was in play. And yes, I multiplied the money, many times over. 🙂
 
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