Chaze
Jedi
I want to get slightly personal here, and I hope this resonates well with the parents, or soon to be parents on this forum, or anyone who could potentially lend some words of advice and/or encouragement.
I am currently helping to raise a young lady, aged 9, through quite possibly one of the roughest periods of her life. Her biological father just recently committed suicide, and her young heart and mind is conflicted. I have found letters and drawings hidden throughout her room that expresses the confusion and hurt that has lodged itself into her fragile psyche. And here recently, she has asked me some rather difficult questions that require incredibly thought out and carefully articulated answers.
"Are you going to be my "step" dad now?"
"You're not going to leave me too, are you?"
"My daddy loved me, didn't he?"
These are tough questions to answer. And this particular situation has birthed a level of responsibility I have never before faced. But I too was a child taken away from a parent, so I know the pain she feels, as it is all too familiar.
I don't want her to grow up in a state of the world as it currently is, but I don't get to choose how the world operates. I don't want to lie to her either, about anything. So the best thing I know to do from my current understanding is to begin to prepare her. Day by day, I've began to introduce her to simplified concepts of how the world works around her, and how she is going to be viewed and treated by most people. (Particularly men..) Of course, doing this for a 9 year old is a challenge in itself.. And I pray that I am doing this the right way.
I've began to teach her about the unspoken, unwritten (but overwhelmingly evident and omnipresent) series of cultural codes and behavioral guidelines that the majority of people like to follow. I'm teaching her how men view women in this day and age. With the advent of apps such as Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, etc., hyper-sexualization is RAMPANT, especially amongst young and impressionable girls. Boys/perverted men are going to look at her as an object, a possession, if she so allows.
I'm training her to understand that she isn't merchandise. The world is going to tell her that it's her image, her sex appeal that gives her her worth. That her heart must be nourished with only trivialities. Her spirit should be maintained by competing with others of her same gender in order to attract a "buyer". I'm trying my absolute best to teach her that it is her mind, her ideas of herself and her place in this world that is her greatest feature. Her weapon.
But how do you teach a 9 year old to understand that 24 hours out of the day, 365 days out of the year, from this moment on ~ while she is at school, online, venturing through town, or wherever she goes in life ~ that she will be confronting these challenges simply because she is a girl? And finding out she is traumatized only brings the wolves in closer.. So I must guide her to be rebellious, but in an intelligent and pragmatic way. That requires immense character, and a great level of fearlessness. I am sure that I can instill this into her. I can make her strong.
But what I don't know how to do is tell her about the state of the world without scaring her to death. How do I translate this for such a young mind? I can't leave her in the dark, her life has enough darkness right now as it is... But I must prepare her on all fronts.
I don't want to fail her. I can't.
I am currently helping to raise a young lady, aged 9, through quite possibly one of the roughest periods of her life. Her biological father just recently committed suicide, and her young heart and mind is conflicted. I have found letters and drawings hidden throughout her room that expresses the confusion and hurt that has lodged itself into her fragile psyche. And here recently, she has asked me some rather difficult questions that require incredibly thought out and carefully articulated answers.
"Are you going to be my "step" dad now?"
"You're not going to leave me too, are you?"
"My daddy loved me, didn't he?"
These are tough questions to answer. And this particular situation has birthed a level of responsibility I have never before faced. But I too was a child taken away from a parent, so I know the pain she feels, as it is all too familiar.
I don't want her to grow up in a state of the world as it currently is, but I don't get to choose how the world operates. I don't want to lie to her either, about anything. So the best thing I know to do from my current understanding is to begin to prepare her. Day by day, I've began to introduce her to simplified concepts of how the world works around her, and how she is going to be viewed and treated by most people. (Particularly men..) Of course, doing this for a 9 year old is a challenge in itself.. And I pray that I am doing this the right way.
I've began to teach her about the unspoken, unwritten (but overwhelmingly evident and omnipresent) series of cultural codes and behavioral guidelines that the majority of people like to follow. I'm teaching her how men view women in this day and age. With the advent of apps such as Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, etc., hyper-sexualization is RAMPANT, especially amongst young and impressionable girls. Boys/perverted men are going to look at her as an object, a possession, if she so allows.
I'm training her to understand that she isn't merchandise. The world is going to tell her that it's her image, her sex appeal that gives her her worth. That her heart must be nourished with only trivialities. Her spirit should be maintained by competing with others of her same gender in order to attract a "buyer". I'm trying my absolute best to teach her that it is her mind, her ideas of herself and her place in this world that is her greatest feature. Her weapon.
But how do you teach a 9 year old to understand that 24 hours out of the day, 365 days out of the year, from this moment on ~ while she is at school, online, venturing through town, or wherever she goes in life ~ that she will be confronting these challenges simply because she is a girl? And finding out she is traumatized only brings the wolves in closer.. So I must guide her to be rebellious, but in an intelligent and pragmatic way. That requires immense character, and a great level of fearlessness. I am sure that I can instill this into her. I can make her strong.
But what I don't know how to do is tell her about the state of the world without scaring her to death. How do I translate this for such a young mind? I can't leave her in the dark, her life has enough darkness right now as it is... But I must prepare her on all fronts.
I don't want to fail her. I can't.