How are you feeling?

I would like to share a way of dissipating anger using the concept of timelines. Of course, the source of the anger needs to be addressed separately—this is just a method to internally de-escalate the tension once it overwhelms you.
One thing I have thought in mind is creating emotional safety, where I create or have a personal space to hold my feelings and be able to dissipate that energy or channel it to something different.

It may look like understanding your anger/emotions so this will not be an emotion that will govern my day.

Say, I have a scenario in mind and expected how it will play out. Then trying to understand within me and the part where that mental scene might have collapsed or what I thought might have been.

Usually, my anger arise when someone did not honor my boundary or did not meet the expectation of whatever narrative I have in my mind. If I felt like I was unseen in that situation, I asked the person that this is what I have in mind (or if the colleague is not ready to talk about it) I asked friends who can listen to my POV or breathwork-whatever is best for that situation.

This might be uncomfortable at first though practicing it religiously till it'll take only a minute or two is very helpful in my case.

This is one video I have found to have helped me.

 
......

How to create a state of emotional safety:

We create internal safety by building ourselves up and standing un-offended. Not taking offense by what other people say. We also have got to make sure never to use the words "Emotional Safety" as a way to badger or try and change someone else. So going up to someone and saying "You're creating an emotionally unsafe environment" is not going to be helpful if the environment is actually unsafe. Then what we need to do is set boundaries around other people. Ask for change, invite change, and when necessary. Leave to create emotional safety. We always have to focus on what's within our own realm of control.

So we focus on changing ourselves instead of trying to change other people. If we're in an emotionally unsafe environment, we're less likely to create change by asking someone else to change than we are by setting clear consistent and firm boundaries.

It is fair to ask other people to change to make requests and to tell them how they're affecting you, but it is rarely fair or helpful to expect that someone change or to demand that they change in order for you to accept them.
This creates a feeling of powerless in yourself because you're demanding that someone else change in order for you to feel okay.
We can take back our emotional safety by focusing on our own actions and creating clear firm and consistent boundaries with others.
 
When I was a teenager I signed up to do theater.

What was most difficult for me was to represent anger, since it is very difficult for me to get angry (although when it happens to me it is like a nuclear explosion).

Then there is also the other side, that is, sometimes the situation demands anger, so it can be used as a tool, which is stopped when it is not necessary.

An example is children and those of you who are parents know this.

The intensity, duration and application of anger will be what makes the child clearly understand where the limits are and the alleys with out the way out.
 
I would like to share a way of dissipating anger using the concept of timelines. Of course, the source of the anger needs to be addressed separately—this is just a method to internally de-escalate the tension once it overwhelms you.

One day, you are driving home from work. You aren't in a good mood because you had a quarrel with a colleague over a mundane thing. Suddenly, a driver violently cuts you off and intentionally brakes repeatedly in front of you. You barely avoid colliding with his vehicle by braking as hard as you can. You are filled with anger, you have a strong urge to smash his skull on the pavement.

So what do you do?

Well, you imagine a timeline where you discharge all your anger toward that individual. You play out the scenario in your mind, and you observe the consequences. For example, you get out of your car, walk to his window, smash the window, and get him out of his car. You hit him until he falls on the ground, unconscious, with blood all over his face. Then, you hear sirens. An ambulance arrives, and then the police comes. You realize that you've murdered him. You are placed in custody.

And then you ask yourself: what have I done?

You are relieved, because nothing of this has really happened. You are no longer as angry as a minute ago. You can now handle the situation with a clear head.

Again, the idea is to create a controlled environment where your predator mind, your ego can unleash itself and show you its true colors. Over time, this will allow you to distinguish your false self from your true self. Self-observation is a great way to regain self-control. Gathering facts about yourself is just as important as gathering facts about the world.

One major issue with imagining scenarios is that it can easily lead to dissociation, or negative daydreaming. It could also be that what you're actually doing is re-traumatizing yourself, meanwhile telling yourself that you're healing.

In Healing Developmental Trauma, there are several strategies shared for dealing with intense emotions. Mostly it's a matter of conscious somatic experiencing, and not losing yourself in the mind or the imagination. The concepts of titration and resourcing are also important life rafts when the waters get rough.

NARM works with the vulnerable preverbal and nonverbal elements of an individual who has suffered early shock or developmental/relational trauma. Individuals manage this kind of early trauma by developing the Connection Survival Style. These clients come to therapy struggling with the regressed elements of their personality and with ideas about themselves developed in response to early environmental failures. They need help to learn to self-regulate. Therapy for the Connection Survival Style can become re-traumatizing when it is not sufficiently titrated or resource oriented. On an identity level, using the transference relationship as the primary organizing principle may reinforce identifications with regressed aspects of self rather than release them. To regulate the nervous system, it is more effective to work consistently with the organized “adult” aspects of the self in order to integrate the disorganized, regressed “child” aspects. By supporting a dual awareness that is firmly anchored in the organizing here-and-now felt sense experience, we can explore adaptive survival styles that began in childhood while avoiding painful regression and abreaction and the trap of making the past more important than the present.

Elsewhere in the psych literature, there are two strategies I've read about that come to mind that help dissipate anger from the body that make use of the body. From the book called Not Nice:

Shadow Journal

Find a private and secure place where you can feel safe to write out anything and everything that comes to your mind. This is not the kind of journal you are going to flip back through, awakening enchanting memories of past meals and experiences. This is more like vomiting onto a page.

I suggest fifteen to twenty minutes per session. If you get into it and want to continue, that’s great. In those twenty minutes, your goal is simply to write freely, quickly, and uninhibitedly from the shadow parts of your mind and heart.

At first, much of this is unconscious. We are not even aware that we’re angry, or resentful, or sad, or sexually frustrated. Just reading this chapter may have opened up more of your awareness, and writing in a Shadow Journal will continue that process. The key is to start with what you are aware of.

The easiest way to get writing is to begin by discussing your feelings from the day. What happened that was exciting or challenging? How do you feel about the events that occurred, and the people you interacted with? As you let this flow, you can begin to ask yourself questions about your current circumstances in general:

• What is upsetting to you in your life?
• What pressures do you feel?
• What demands do others place on you?
• What demands do you place on yourself?
• What irritates or frustrates you?

Starting with these kinds of questions can help you access your repressed feelings. It also helps to remember that your shadow is mostly made up of your Id– the impulse-driven, immature, irrational, pleasure-seeking child inside of you. This part wants pleasure, wants it now, and hates not getting his or her way. He wants to be taken care of, and have all discomforts and problems taken away. She wants to be admired, praised, and seen as special. He may have fantasies of revenge, glory, or sexual conquest. She may be judgmental, petty, and highly critical of others. When you sit down to write, think about your life from this part’s perspective. What might your Id be pissed off about?

This kind of journaling can be an uncomfortable and humbling process. You start to see just how immature and irrational a part of you can be. This awareness, and the discomfort that it brings up, is the main reason most people will never look inward in this way, and never do a journal like this.

And, unfortunately, most people remain stuck, frustrated, dissatisfied, people-pleasing, anxious, unhappy, and never reach their dreams and true potential. Let’s not be like most people in that way.

Once you get into it, you just might find that this journal becomes relieving, helpful, and liberating. I personally have found that writing in this way greatly reduces stress, improves my mood, makes me more relaxed, loving, generous, and playful. All the energy that had gone into suppressing my shadow is now liberated and I have more vitality.

Rage Walk

Get suited up, it’s time to go for a walk. No headphones, no audiobooks, no cell phone, no distractions. Simply set out for 20 minutes, or more, and be with yourself. This activity is similar to the Shadow Journal without the writing. You can ask yourself the same kind of prompting questions and focus on the frustrations of your Id.

As you walk and focus on these things, let yourself fully feel the agitation and frustration inside of you. Let yourself feel raw anger and rage. Ideally you are taking this walk down empty suburban streets or around a park– somewhere there aren’t too many people around. Then, talk out loud. Speak some of your frustrations, angers, and resentments. If there are people nearby, you can always say these things under your breath.

When I do this, I walk quickly, let myself feel, and mutter quite a bit. I also let my face express the feelings I am having; I’ll grit my teeth, furrow my brow, and flare my nose. I let myself curse, and rage at all those people and situations in my life that enrage me. Sure, I may look insane, but who cares? I’m not doing this walking down 5th Avenue in New York City. This is a side street in suburban Portland, very few people are around, no one notices, and no one cares.

It also helps to breathe deeply as you feel the anger and other emotions. Deep, full breaths in and out. Fill your belly and chest with air. I also like to take the fingers of my dominant hand and gently tap on my chest. This, combined with the breathing, helps to move large amounts of anger and other emotions quickly.

Much like the journaling, after doing one of these walks I feel clearer, lighter, and refreshed. I am more resourceful in addressing my challenges and problems, and in dealing with people that may be frustrating or taxing.
 
I guess it's a way to temporarily intellectualize the situation while the emotional center is too 'shaky' to be trusted. It's a form of damage control, as opposed to a long-term strategy. For me, it was faster and easier to imagine multiple timelines/scenarios and evaluate the consequences than to take a few deep breaths.

Some of my anger bursts were so sudden that I had to find a way to trigger the 'moral layer' as quickly as possible to defuse the anger. And so when I would imagine the 'devastation,' it would bring an immediate halt to destructive urges.
Good for you if it works well for you and your self-control, what I see as a risk is that you must use a lot of energy to become aware and intellectualize a situation of struggle with the emotional center and then use your resources (more energy) in creating a “utopian” situation being aware that it escapes the control of the real emotion and overflows it in a creative process. Something like a great controlled dissociation. Many factors to take into account if you are angry, aggressive and irate.
I had an unpleasant experience with this kind of dissociation and as I am very creative unfortunately it came true in a similar way.
Long story short, I lost my second attempt to get my driver's license, all because I was in my “accept others as they are” phase, even if they were predators like the driving school teacher was; after losing the test I went back to the driving school with this man and I, angry, consciously wanted to crash the car I was in with him and be able to solve my situation, something like an escape type situation... After two months and having changed driving schools and having my driving license, a car crashed into us just as I had visualized it, I was in the passenger seat and the other car crashed into my door, it was total damage to my auto and a great lesson among other things not to underestimate creation.
I know I didn't have a “plan” or a “script” at the time, but I'm afraid if I had followed your tactic my timelines would have run into the main line, because if we are the first creator in this distorted world, it can be a conflict attractor; because one keeps having conflicts that are not resolved.
I think it would be better to use that creative visual energy, which you have so much enjoyment, in locating where that anger comes from - if that is the case -. I learned where this kind of self-destruction came from, (autodestruction) the word sounds ironic, and that helped me to improve my behavior of running away (atavistic) from conflicts. Of course it is difficult when someone pushes the buttons, but the best thing to do is to unroot them and intuitively keep looking for interesting methods like the ones you find and share.
 
I just wrote a post here and then lost what I was writing. Anyway going to try this again..
Something I have been thinking about today is how certain foods can cause bad dreams. I say this because last night or technically this morning I had a couple of out of control overwhelming type dreams. In one of the dreams, an out of control car drove off a cliff and hit the ground. The person in the car barely stumbling out of it alive..It seemed like I was witnessing things from inside the car too at times. It can be discouraging to have this type of dream. Maybe because I'd like to think I've progressed past them. I don't have them as much as I use to but the fact I still have them on occasion makes me think I could look into it more again. Normally, after having this type of dream I'll think think back to what I've read here on the forum about the 'The Parable of the Coach.'

Getting back to the topic of diet, I imagine eating take out food last night didn't help. The food was gluten free but deep fried. I also woke up around 3 and had trouble falling back asleep which is something I haven't done in some time.

Something I've been thinking about more lately too is prioritizing cleaning up my diet as this is something I've struggled with over the years.
After writing all of the above, I think of the following excerpt from a C's session after seeing it referenced recently on the forum:
Q: (L) Okay, is there any final bit of advice, or any last thing to say before we shut down for the night?

A: Just work daily at becoming more aware on three levels
1. Body and immediate environment,
2. Wider world affairs,
3. Cosmos and spirit.

Q: (L) Shouldn't "spirit" go with "Body and immediate environment"?

A: No, it is via the first steps that one achieves cosmic consciousness.

Q: (L) I don't understand.

(Chu) You have to work on the body and environment, and then understand the wider world at first. And then you can develop cosmic consciousness and spirit.

(L) Oooh. So in other words, to achieve cosmic consciousness, i.e. true spiritual advancement, you have to expand your field of vision to be very wide?

A: Exactly. Those who suggest that you must look only within live in a singular bubble.
Anyway, take care everyone! Hope to catch up with this thread soon..
 
Honestly, seeing everyone work together to tackle this (Perlou) issue makes me feel safe. I know my flaws are many, and I’m easily triggered, all going back to being mercilessly bullied and cast out by my peers and kids in my neighborhood for my entire childhood. I’ve used that as a crutch for most of my adult life, in fact I catch myself going down that road when things get difficult to this day. That said, I know that here on this forum, among this group, I will not be permitted to attempt those tired excuses. I will be called on my bullshit every time, and it will come from a place of love. I will be forced to deal with my crap by people whose interests lie in bettering me for the benefit of all. All my adult life it’s been my way or the highway. Being the lead singer/songwriter/lead guitarist in my band for 28 years meant I could basically do as I pleased. But here I’m only as good as my own progress, and I’m surrounded by people who are so much farther along than I could ever hope to be, and whom I respect so very much, I have no choice but to yield to people who know better than I ever could. I know that I’m a naked baby soul with everything to learn and everything to lose. But I feel safe and surrounded with love. I am truly grateful for this wonderful place and all of you who are here working together to build and maintain this lighthouse and the one dear Pierre is keeping on the other side.

Yes, it reminded me of this:
...Yogis generally keep an eye on fakirs. If a fakir attains what he has aspired to before he is too old, they take him into a yogi school, where first they heal him and restore his power of movement, and then begin to teach him. A fakir has to learn to walk and to speak like a baby. But he now possesses a will which has overcome incredible difficulties on his way and this will may help him to overcome the difficulties on the second part of the way, the difficulties, namely, of developing the intellectual and emotional functions.

Ouspensky, Piotr Demianovich . In Search of the Miraculous: Fragments of an Unknown Teaching (p. 48).

And then this:
...
Because you have to pay with your ready-made theories, with your rooted convictions, with your prejudices, your conventions, your “I like” and “I don’t like.” Without bargaining, honestly, without pretending. Trying “sincerely” to see as you offer your counterfeit money.

Try for a moment to accept the idea that you are not what you believe yourself to be, that you overestimate yourself, in fact that you lie to yourself. That you always lie to yourself every moment, all day, all your life. That this lying rules you to such an extent that you cannot control it any more. You are the prey of lying. You lie, everywhere. Your relations with others— lies. The upbringing you give, the conventions— lies. Your teaching— lies. Your theories, your art— lies. Your social life, your family life— lies. And what you think of yourself— lies also.

But you never stop yourself in what you are doing or in what you are saying because you believe in yourself. You must stop inwardly and observe. Observe without preconceptions, accepting for a time this idea of lying. And if you observe in this way, paying with yourself, without self-pity, giving up all your supposed riches for a moment of reality, perhaps you will suddenly see something you have never before seen in yourself until this day. You will see that you are different from what you think you are. You will see that you are two. One who is not, but takes the place and plays the role of the other. And one who is, yet so weak, so insubstantial, that he no sooner appears than he immediately disappears. He cannot endure lies. The least lie makes him faint away. He does not struggle, he does not resist, he is defeated in advance. Learn to look until you have seen the difference between your two natures, until you have seen the lies, the deception in yourself. When you have seen your two natures, that day, in yourself, the truth will be born.

First Initiation By Jeanne de Salzmann

Once we start on this journey, we ARE like babies; what is true what is false? Who am I? How should I think and behave? We learn from the beginning. And the same as the children´s need for guidance and a strong hand of a parent, the same is with us and we need guidance from the network. Otherwise we are left again on our own, in our own thoughts in an echo chamber, bouncing back and forth, feeding the predator.

And just as a child who has a gentle, guiding hand from the parents who put boundaries and in that way give a child a cocoon of safety (never mind the child protests), the same is with us here where the network corrects our behaviours and points to our week and blind spots and keeps us awake.
 
I had a dream this morning after I fell asleep during meditation practice :whistle: . Its not where the dream started but its what I remember the most. Since there's been lots of flooding around the globe, I thought it was interesting to also have a flooding dream. For those in flooded area, stay safe!!

I past a couple in a park while heading towards a shopping town. It was a dark overcast and the couple were nervously talking. An emergency evacuation was called but the couple did not seem to take it seriously and, I guess, they were having second thoughts. I was on the wrong side of the town so I didnt actually hear it but the overcast was indicating some heavy rain so I had the impression of potential flooding. As I walked past the couple, I asked if they had any valuable electronic they needed covering. I had a large ziploc bag for that purpose as a temporary kind of protection.

I was already carrying a lot of other important items that I was delivering to someone or somewhere, the bag was for this kind of unexpected emergency and I was going to put some of my electronics away. I think only one of them put their phone in. I walked towards the town and they followed (I now had one of their phones!). It felt very much like, if you pretend you know what you're doing, other around you will assume the same! In this case, I knew I was delivering something very important, like damning evidence, it looked mundane but it was more important than my life, so I had to get it to safety. Whatever it was, I had also put it in the bag just in case if it came to the moment where I could hand it off to someone else before getting swept away myself.

When I got to the town, it was actually quite pretty. The impression I got was it was a town square built up for tourist but all of the local still had their business there so everything was run by locals. It felt much more like a European town than an US rural town. The buildings were coordinated with a Marigold color on the walls and any wood external décor was painted over a dark brown. Any sidewalks were paved in cobblestone and lots of colorful plants were in large pots. It wasnt until then was I able to hear the emergency system.

Their emergency system played like museum tour, where you had to walk up to hear. Where I was at, in a calm voice it said to cross the bridge. The bridge had these large chain-link that would allow someone to hold on while crossing if the water was too high. Below I was able to see the water was already rushing fast but wasnt high enough that the bridge was flooded. While crossing, I remember thinking that if the water suddenly rose, I could at drop one of my bags, preferring the electronic bag from before. I'd prefer not to drop any of them, because these were important. Even if waterlogged they were still useful. The couple following finally realized the situation, they were shocked. But they saw me, crossing, I wasn't panicked; I looked like I knew what I was doing and calm enough that they crossed too, even though they were very scared.

At the end of the crossing the emergency picked up again where the recording continued with the story of the town. Mind you each recording was very short and followed down an evacuation route, so you had to follow it to hear the rest of the story. The older man in the recording talked about a historic hurricane that destroyed the town, suddenly, bringing heavy flooding. The flooding is what killed most of the people and in the aftermath, when they rebuilt, the townsfolk built in the evacuation route, including stuff like the railing, into the layout, so that if there was another that hit, there would be better survival rate. There was something about the region where they were located that if the kind of storm would hit again, flooding would always happen in a specific way so it was pretty certain where you could go for safety.

I remember when the path went from a straight to a sharp turn, and I was able to use the volume of the sound to figure out where to go. Part of the recording would tell you what to look for, so in this case, the last recording I past said to go look for a set of planters while the one at the planters said here you are now look across the street since there was now a large gap where they couldnt put one of the recording. The whole time the guy's voice was calm, flowing very easily between the relevant guiding directions and the story, I'm guessing to ease any nervousness.

At this point, the water was everywhere, flowing like you would see on a normal raining day, but it wasnt raining here, just the flowing water. After I past the gap (which I think was a road for vehicles as opposed to pedestrians), I saw a few (maybe 3 or 4) of remaining townsfolk that stayed behind in case there was any stragglers like myself. I remember there were yellow string or rope the length of the alley for the event of the water level rose. I glanced behind me to see if the couple were still there, they were, since I still had one of their items. I saw where we were just at, a small group of maybe high schoolers, they wore a school uniform, trying to cross but that section of the road turned into a shallow rapid, maybe up to the thighs or waist. Remember, the flood lines were still there so they could follow it to get to the alley I was at. In front of me, where the townsfolk were at, there was a set of stairs under an archway. The impression I got was that was the safety threshold, so if you could get there, that was cleared from the flooding. But, I woke up here :huh:
 
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