Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

mocachapeau said:

But I have made more effort in all of this than I have with anything else in a long time. I cut out coffee completely - I used to have one in bed every morning in order to get my eyes open. This has also prompted me to get to bed at a more decent hour, and I only drink tea now. I've eliminated fluoride. I buy as much organic food as I can afford, and I've lost about fifteen pounds in the last couple of months (I was about 20 pounds over my ideal weight).

But I need to get back to more regular detoxing and EE sessions. And I still need to go farther with the diet. That's where I'm struggling. That struggle is actually the reason why I haven't sent in my application for the Fellowship yet. I don't feel like I am actually "doing" it well enough to feel like I should be a member. Is it silly to think that way?

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It sounds to me as if you've made some pretty good progress with your diet. I think we all struggle to some degree, many people are not able to find all of the detox supplements/foods that they need, or simply can't afford all of them, but they are still doing what they can. I think that's the most important point, doing what you can at the moment, and when you fall off the detox wagon, just get back on. I don't think anyone is expecting perfection, just continual sincere effort to clean the machine.

Perhaps it's not really the diet, but something else that has kept you from sending in your application? Just a thought.

JonnyRadar said:

StandingOnTheEdge said:

It came to my consciousness just the other day. I no longer have a piece of me inside that was my 'pocket of grief'. I'm happy. I an beginning to accept things as they are. Indeed, I do still grieve for that which appropriately calls for it...the sad news of friend's lives, hearing of friends and relatives contracting cancer, the way the world is going, etc. But the constant, just under the skin gnawing of sorrow, mostly for myself, isn't there. Inner noise has quietened.

And I thank you for sharing this wonderful knowledge. May we soon sing together.

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That is truly good news.

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Awesome! It sounds like there has been some serious cleansing going on - I am very happy for you!! :D

A change I have noticed is that I tear up and sort of weep quietly most of the time when I encounter emotional things. This is particularly true now any time my wife and I watch a TV show or a movie. At points where there is great joy, sadness, dedication, honor, integrity, etc. I start tearing and weeping. I can't explain it but there it is :)

Incognito said:

Perhaps it's not really the diet, but something else that has kept you from sending in your application? Just a thought.

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Hi Incognito,

I've had that thought as well, but I haven't been able to come up with anything. I know that I feel like I should not join if I'm not making the effort that I think it demands, or deserves. And I also feel that if I join it would be like putting myself in a situation that would apply an external pressure to "do it all right". And I don't want to feel like I'm a let-down for the movement. It has to come from me, and I have a serious problem with self-doubt when it comes to being able to reach the point where I feel I am living this "lifestyle". I want to do it, yet I guess I don't have confidence in myself that I can, or will.

Well...after writing that little blurb I think we've arrived back at the subject of the predator, haven't we. And if I'm not mistaken, this is what has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. I guess maybe I HAVE come up with something. And this is a result of being raised in a narcissistic family, I think. I've been programmed to believe that whatever I do will never be good enough, so I avoid doing it. How the heck am I supposed to fight this thing?

mocachapeau said:

Well...after writing that little blurb I think we've arrived back at the subject of the predator, haven't we. And if I'm not mistaken, this is what has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. I guess maybe I HAVE come up with something. And this is a result of being raised in a narcissistic family, I think. I've been programmed to believe that whatever I do will never be good enough, so I avoid doing it. How the heck am I supposed to fight this thing?

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Perhaps the thing is to do what your predator is screaming at you not to do. Join. And perfection is not a requirement for membership in the fellowship. If that were the case there'd be no members. :)

mocachapeau said:

I've been programmed to believe that whatever I do will never be good enough, so I avoid doing it. How the heck am I supposed to fight this thing?

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Thanks for sharing this mocachapeau....I have the same program in me too. For me I'll happily drift off into fantasies of what I want to do, but never do it.
When I try it fails...because my expectations are set too high. And frankly I'm out of practice at doing the things I want to do.
Realising that my expectations are set too high was a good starting point. Being as gentle as possible on myself, and learning to be happy at doing even the tiniest thing has helped the most.
The fight is in the doing of the small things, the tiny tiny (and it will tell you 'insignificant and useless') victories of doing something, anything. Like having the courage to post what you did. Or doing the E-E program. Or not beating yourself up so much (or at all with practice) for 'slipping' in the diet/E-E program. Or being kind on yourself if you repeat the same old patterns but persist in wanting to be free etc
Those are the victories....that is how you act for your own destiny. You don't need to fight the thing, just act for your own destiny.

Keep taking those small steps, and it will loose its power over you.
Victory is in the appreciation and beauty of those small (insignificant) steps. osit :)

Odyssey said:

Perhaps the thing is to do what your predator is screaming at you not to do. Join. And perfection is not a requirement for membership in the fellowship. If that were the case there'd be no members. :)

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RedFox said:

Thanks for sharing this mocachapeau....I have the same program in me too. For me I'll happily drift off into fantasies of what I want to do, but never do it.
When I try it fails...because my expectations are set too high. And frankly I'm out of practice at doing the things I want to do.
Realising that my expectations are set too high was a good starting point. Being as gentle as possible on myself, and learning to be happy at doing even the tiniest thing has helped the most.
The fight is in the doing of the small things, the tiny tiny (and it will tell you 'insignificant and useless') victories of doing something, anything. Like having the courage to post what you did. Or doing the E-E program. Or not beating yourself up so much (or at all with practice) for 'slipping' in the diet/E-E program. Or being kind on yourself if you repeat the same old patterns but persist in wanting to be free etc
Those are the victories....that is how you act for your own destiny. You don't need to fight the thing, just act for your own destiny.

Keep taking those small steps, and it will loose its power over you.
Victory is in the appreciation and beauty of those small (insignificant) steps. osit :)

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I want to thank both of you for your encouraging and helpful words. I've been struggling with this subject for so many years, it's what got me into therapy all those years ago, and with your help I've just had a moment of clarity.

There have been times when I've wondered if what stops me from doing things is an acute fear of failure, but I've never accepted that as the answer. I think what I wasn't seeing was the reason WHY I would be so afraid of failure, so I kept discarding the notion. But as of right now, I see it VERY clearly.

I've been pacing up and down, thinking about what we've all written here, and about the last time I spoke to my mom on the phone, when I told her about my efforts with regards to my diet and that I'd lost 15 pounds, bringing me down to about 184-185 (I'm 6'2"). Her response to that was, "185?!? That's terrible!" And in my family, my DAD is the one you would describe as the classic narcissist!! This kind of thing pretty much explains my choice of quote at the bottom of my posts.

It's quite a contrast to what Incognito wrote:

Incognito said:

It sounds to me as if you've made some pretty good progress with your diet.

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I HAVE made some progress with my diet. And I just had an ultrashake for supper...without anything to sweeten it!

Thank you - all of you! This is really a huge moment for me.

I'm going to have a smoke, make myself a cup of tea, and let this sink in.

Odyssey said:

mocachapeau said:

Well...after writing that little blurb I think we've arrived back at the subject of the predator, haven't we. And if I'm not mistaken, this is what has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. I guess maybe I HAVE come up with something. And this is a result of being raised in a narcissistic family, I think. I've been programmed to believe that whatever I do will never be good enough, so I avoid doing it. How the heck am I supposed to fight this thing?

Click to expand...

Perhaps the thing is to do what your predator is screaming at you not to do. Join. And perfection is not a requirement for membership in the fellowship. If that were the case there'd be no members. :)

Click to expand...

Exactly what I was thinking, do what IT doesn't want you to do. The rest should start falling into place.

Incognito said:

Odyssey said:

mocachapeau said:

Well...after writing that little blurb I think we've arrived back at the subject of the predator, haven't we. And if I'm not mistaken, this is what has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life. I guess maybe I HAVE come up with something. And this is a result of being raised in a narcissistic family, I think. I've been programmed to believe that whatever I do will never be good enough, so I avoid doing it. How the heck am I supposed to fight this thing?

Click to expand...

Perhaps the thing is to do what your predator is screaming at you not to do. Join. And perfection is not a requirement for membership in the fellowship. If that were the case there'd be no members. :)

Click to expand...

Exactly what I was thinking, do what IT doesn't want you to do. The rest should start falling into place.

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I'm doing it right now!

mocachapeau said:

I'm doing it right now!

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gaman said:

A change I have noticed is that I tear up and sort of weep quietly most of the time when I encounter emotional things. This is particularly true now any time my wife and I watch a TV show or a movie. At points where there is great joy, sadness, dedication, honor, integrity, etc. I start tearing and weeping. I can't explain it but there it is :)

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Same here except for the TV and movie thing. Mostly when the subject has to do with genuine communication from the heart...and even more so since I committed to the EE a little while back.


Last night, while in bed for the night, just before closing my eyes after the PoTS and before sleep, something seemed to fly across my bedroom from left to right without making a sound. It looked like a small brown bird, but I didn't really see it clearly, mostly I saw something and then 'felt' what it was. I thought "how odd" and as nothing further happened, I drifted on off to sleep.

This afternoon, after a very brief power nap, just before awakening, I had two strange sensations. In the one, I was shaking a 'can' of something into my left palm. It was 'rain' and the sound was of one of those Indian bamboo 'rainsticks'. I felt a sense of reverence for some unknown something, and then the experience faded. Immediately afterwards, I had two thoughts of something. One of the two thoughts was supposed to be some kind of insight or revelation, and as it seemed so obvious, I made no special effort to bring it into wakefulness.

My mistake, because I couldn't retain whatever it was. That's something that's been happening to me frequently lately and it is annoying me that I'm not thinking about taking it seriously at the time (assuming it's something really significant and not just a dream).

mocachapeau said:

I HAVE made some progress with my diet. And I just had an ultrashake for supper...without anything to sweeten it!

Thank you - all of you! This is really a huge moment for me.

I'm going to have a smoke, make myself a cup of tea, and let this sink in.

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Congratulations, mocachapeau!

RedFox said:

mocachapeau said:

I've been programmed to believe that whatever I do will never be good enough, so I avoid doing it. How the heck am I supposed to fight this thing?

Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing this mocachapeau....I have the same program in me too. For me I'll happily drift off into fantasies of what I want to do, but never do it.
When I try it fails...because my expectations are set too high. And frankly I'm out of practice at doing the things I want to do.
Realising that my expectations are set too high was a good starting point. Being as gentle as possible on myself, and learning to be happy at doing even the tiniest thing has helped the most.
The fight is in the doing of the small things, the tiny tiny (and it will tell you 'insignificant and useless') victories of doing something, anything. Like having the courage to post what you did. Or doing the E-E program. Or not beating yourself up so much (or at all with practice) for 'slipping' in the diet/E-E program. Or being kind on yourself if you repeat the same old patterns but persist in wanting to be free etc
Those are the victories....that is how you act for your own destiny. You don't need to fight the thing, just act for your own destiny.

Keep taking those small steps, and it will loose its power over you.
Victory is in the appreciation and beauty of those small (insignificant) steps. osit :)

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This has been my realisation as well over the last few days, and I can definately say it's been of great help to me. I'm really starting to feel like I have a chance at slipping from the Predator's grasp (as long as I stay "switched on")!

My limited experience with the full EE program so far has actually been pretty quiet, with no upset or emotional difficulty. I just have trouble with yawning but I let that pass and push on with the exercise. At times I feel elation during POTS and I cant shift a massive grin that spreads across my face; but that could change when I start to peel the layers - its early days yet!

I have had a strange coincidence connected with it though:

The last time I did the EE program, I was sat at my desk at work during a quiet patch. I did some pipe breathing for a while and then did a few minutes of round breathing while no one was around, after that I was reciting POTS in my head for about 5mins and finished off by spinning on my chair 33 times clockwise (I hope the boss wasnt watching! ).

I finished the program feeling energised and headed out of work to drive home. During my journey I felt as if I was looking through someone else's eyes as well as my own, and everything felt pretty alien to me to be honest (even though I was comfortable and at ease). I decided to switch off my radio and really take in my surroundings, at which point I saw a bright light in the sky.. It was twilight at the time but every other star had disappeared from view and I kept as close an eye as I could on the object for about 30 seconds before it "burnt out" in an instant. This isnt the only strange thing that has happened around me this week! (Read my post in the "Our Forum Avatars" thread).

I wasnt going to write this because I couldn't prove whether it's true or not, but I figured that could well be the Predator just telling me that people are thinking the worst of me again :P fwiw

I'm not sure if this is EE related, but wanted to note it since it may be a result of the work going on beneath the surface.

For the last two days I have felt a distinct and rhythmic buzzing/vibration in my right foot. At first, I thought it was related to some external factor, but when I realized it is only in the one foot and I've felt it at home and at work, I started to be more curious. The vibrating lasts about a second, pauses for about 3, and repeats constantly. I experience a similar sensation, though sustained, in my chest after the first round of warrior's breath and have always found it pleasant. The odd thing is, the buzzing in my foot is a little distracting and starting to make me angry whenever I focus on it! I am one of those people who "don't get angry," so I am a little confused by this small thing getting my hackles up. (I put that in quotes because I realize it is more of a belief stemming from dissociation from my emotions than the truth).

I have been planning my official abstinence from sugar and wheat for a while now and will be implementing it on Sunday followed by the Ultrasimple diet a week from then. I have a feeling it may be related to making a difficult lifestyle change in light of a lifetime of self-soothing with bad food. I find that I feel noticeably sickly after eating a lot of that stuff now, but some of my little I's feel cheated and beleaguered by the necessity to eliminate it and cook and eat real food. I have no other reason to think these two things--the diet and the sensation-- are related except for the anger/irritation, and the timing. That and the fact that the right side can represent "letting go."

I realize I should not make assumptions concerning this, and am thinking that I should just try to observe and fully experience whatever feelings come up.


Any thoughts or similar experiences?

Evolutionary said:

I'm not sure if this is EE related, but wanted to note it since it may be a result of the work going on beneath the surface.

For the last two days I have felt a distinct and rhythmic buzzing/vibration in my right foot. At first, I thought it was related to some external factor, but when I realized it is only in the one foot and I've felt it at home and at work, I started to be more curious. The vibrating lasts about a second, pauses for about 3, and repeats constantly. I experience a similar sensation, though sustained, in my chest after the first round of warrior's breath and have always found it pleasant. The odd thing is, the buzzing in my foot is a little distracting and starting to make me angry whenever I focus on it! I am one of those people who "don't get angry," so I am a little confused by this small thing getting my hackles up. (I put that in quotes because I realize it is more of a belief stemming from dissociation from my emotions than the truth).

I have been planning my official abstinence from sugar and wheat for a while now and will be implementing it on Sunday followed by the Ultrasimple diet a week from then. I have a feeling it may be related to making a difficult lifestyle change in light of a lifetime of self-soothing with bad food. I find that I feel noticeably sickly after eating a lot of that stuff now, but some of my little I's feel cheated and beleaguered by the necessity to eliminate it and cook and eat real food. I have no other reason to think these two things--the diet and the sensation-- are related except for the anger/irritation, and the timing. That and the fact that the right side can represent "letting go."

I realize I should not make assumptions concerning this, and am thinking that I should just try to observe and fully experience whatever feelings come up.


Any thoughts or similar experiences?

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I completely forgot about this, but 4 days ago I "cheated" on my diet when visiting friends and ate some biscuits - I had been doing very well up until that point. The following couple of days I ended up getting a couple of spots and feeling a dull ache in my right big toe. This is speculation, but based on what you have said and my recent experiences with my diet, I would say that maybe your body is trying to "jump up a notch" and hold more energy, or it could just be your circulation is improving in this area from the progress you have already made in your diet.

It would make sense that a lot of our toxic deposits end up in our extremities and your body is working to clear these out. The irritation could be caused by a number of things, like feeling the sensation itself or maybe it could even a trapped emotion

I have experienced similar sensations to this after I went cold turkey on gluten, wheat and dairy so I would say it's encouaging imho. Hope this helps.

Evolutionary said:

For the last two days I have felt a distinct and rhythmic buzzing/vibration in my right foot. At first, I thought it was related to some external factor, but when I realized it is only in the one foot and I've felt it at home and at work, I started to be more curious. The vibrating lasts about a second, pauses for about 3, and repeats constantly. I experience a similar sensation, though sustained, in my chest after the first round of warrior's breath and have always found it pleasant. The odd thing is, the buzzing in my foot is a little distracting and starting to make me angry whenever I focus on it! I am one of those people who "don't get angry," so I am a little confused by this small thing getting my hackles up. (I put that in quotes because I realize it is more of a belief stemming from dissociation from my emotions than the truth).

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Hi Evolutionary,

I have been feeling pain and some kind of energy surge with my left foot and my toes since last week. I am not sure if this is the same experience, but the way I would describe it is, someone pushes something up from the bottom of my foot and it is a really strong feeling. I find the sensation somewhat disturbing, so I wouldn't call it pleasant like your description in your chest, yet I also experienced similar pressures at other sides of my body, some were pleasant, some were strong and intense like this one. My initial thoughts were it is some kind of cleansing from negative energies or introduction of new energies to the organism, but I really don't know, so I am curious to hear what is others' take on it.

My two cents, fwiw.