Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

ramaj said:

I've been doing the breathing program for about a month now, and about three months prior to this for a long period of time I was experiencing these spider-like figures always lingering when I wake up at night. I pm'ed Laura and she told me to read high strangeness which I already had but was in the process of reading the ultimate truth. So I decided to heed her words and start reading high strangeness and I think I kind of understand this eclipsing of realities going on within/outside of me, but since I've been doing this breathing programs this has been happening almost every night and on Weds. night I woke up and seen a spider-like looking shape about twice the size of a basketball, this scared me. I keep telling myself this will pass and I have not lost hope but if anybody could help me shine some light on this I would be very thankful.

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Hi ramaj. I can't give an exact answer for your experience, but it may help to describe in print, or to someone else, either real or imaginary, exactly what you experience, with as much detail as possible. Maybe writing in some kind of diary or journal as a way of tracking your progress with the breathing exercises.

The purpose of this is to bring your attention closer and closer to being able to observe the 'spiders' or anything else and to just observe and nothing more.

You could start by looking at the way you describe the experience to the forum. For instance, where is the spider located? How is it physically supported where it's at?, How many legs? How fuzzy? What color eyes? What is it doing?

Some practice with self-observation would probably make this easier, but if you can find a way to recall and express these experiences until you can simply look at them without blinking or flinching (externally or internally), you may, at least, be able to stay "fully associated" (not disassociate) until you achieve an insight into what exactly is there (if anything objective).

With enough practice, you may find that the fear diminishes.

I hope this helps a little.

Carcosa said:

Mrs.Tigersoap said:

Or maybe I'm just an OP and no amount of breathing program can change anything to that fact ? :D

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Still, like you, due to the lack of physical symptoms, I wonder if I do it right... or if I'm an OP ;D
Well I keep trying anyway. I've only done the full programme 5 ou 6 times, so wait and see.

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I just wanted to remark on the above, since I am sure that many of us here (including myself) at some point wondered if presence or lack of symptoms or progress in specific areas means that we are OPs.

Well, first of all, we don't really know if any of the symptoms (physical or mental) are an indication that we have a soul or not. We don't know enough of the process to put this kind of labels on our experiences. In fact, if we consider everything that has been posted on the forum about all kind of "personal phenomena" traps, we should be wary if we get any tangible results too quickly or if they sound too good to be true. Of course, those symptoms might be totally genuine, we just need to remember that it's a process that might manifest itself in different ways for different people, doesn't matter if they have a soul or not.

And coming back to the issue of being an OP or not, ask yourself why you are concerned with a possibility of being an OP? What's wrong with that? Does it mean that you are doomed? I don't think so. OPs or not, we all make our own choices, and the rest of it is just self importance. Besides, since I also had (and still have) similar fears and doubts, and after contemplating on the issue a bit and putting my self importance needs aside for a minute, I realized that the prospect of not only having a soul, but coming here with a specific mission (being special) and not doing enough to fulfill it, is much more concerning than just being myself, learning my lessons and making a choice to associate myself with those that will help me to move to another level of personal evolution.

If I am an OP, then whatever I choose to give of myself is already of great service to myself and others. But if I not only can give much more, but on some other level made a choice to assume responsibility and participate in something of grave importance, than every second I am not doing super efforts to clean my vessel in order to do what I am supposed to do is like a crime against my soul and everyone who's counting on me and on what I am able to do and give. In my opinion, this option is much more worrying. :D

gaman said:

Csayeursost said:

One problem I've had most of the times that has no doubt limited the effect of the prayer meditation part is failing to actually meditate during it.

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Hey Csayeursost, I haven't done meditation before except listening to some holosync stuff I bought a couple of years ago so your post caused me to be curious as to what other people mean when they say meditate. When I do it, I just try to think about the words and meaning (read that somewhere on the forum). Is there something more to what you are referring to like a trance or something?

I guess I'm trying to understand what "failing to meditate" means so I will have an idea what to look out for in this regard.

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I'm not too good at explaining it myself, except noting the general concept of focusing unyieldingly on something with the result of stilling the mind's mechanical activity and eventually a kind of sensation of "expansion" occurring. Searching the forum, there are a number of mentions of meditation to be found. One is the old thread "The Role of Meditation in the Work", though it goes on about all manner of things besides the point in simply answering your questions. But it does contain a post by Laura that I think is quite relevant, and also perhaps meaningful in the general context of this thread: (made in 2006. her note on the Lord's Prayer is interesting in the context of the meaning of the prayer, though the suggestion to use it obsoleted by the Prayer of the Soul)

Laura said:

Some people ought to meditate one way, some people ought to meditate another way. Each individual has specific requirements as to type and duration of meditation. Every case is individual.

Meditation, taken in proper doses, along with "tuning the reading instrument", can certainly accelerate one's "progress."

There are two basic ways to meditate: with seed and without seed. That is, to have something to focus on, or to attempt to completely empty the mind. It is generally more productive to meditate with seed in the beginning. Depending on your "type" the "seed" will be different. If you are a visual person, holding a visual image in the mind works. If you are an auditory person, holding a phrase and "hearing" it in your mind works. If you are kinesthetic, holding a "feeling" or trying to achieve that feeling, works best.

Also, at the point when you begin to have some success in stilling the "chatter," you can experiment with changing the seed or combining. You might have a visual and auditory, or feeling and visual, or auditory and feeling, or all of them at once.

My personal preference is a phrase that I can also "see" as letters forming words that appear and dissolve. With this, I have both "thought content" as well as visual image and can easily add "feeling" and sound at will. I can also discard visual, auditory and feeling elements and simply concentrate on the "content."

Breathing is very important for a number of reasons. Very slow, controlled breathing with counting to start the process works very effectively. Breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Once the breathing (that your are counting in order to regulate) becomes deep, slow and regular, then introduce either your phrase, visual image, or whatever you have selected as "seed." The breathing ought to continue as you have set it.

The object, in the beginning, is to set several tasks for your mind to focus on intently and to hold that focus for as long as you can. If your mind wanders and other thoughts come along, as soon as you realize that you have lost focus, just bring your mind back to the focus and don't get irritated that you have "lost your concentration." Most people can't focus on a single thing for longer than two or three minutes. That is why it is useful to begin with concentrating on the breathing and counting the breaths with the intention of setting up a specific depth and frequency. If you breath in for a count of 10, hold for a count of 5, breath out for a count of 10, and do this for at least 25 breaths in a row, you have achieved a respectable first step.

Another very useful technique is to find a poem or more lengthy quote to use as your breathing template AND "content."

For example, the so-called "Lord's Prayer" is very useful in this way.

Recite in your mind: Our Father Who art in Heaven ... on the in breath while holding in mind that the "kingdom of heaven, the "heavenly father" is the higher intellectual center ...

"Hallowed be thy Name...." on the outbreath while holding in mind that this is the part of you that is holy and which you desire to manifest through your self...

"Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done"... On the in breath while considering the fact that you wish to establish a link with your higher centers - the REAL you - via the magnetic center,

"On Earth as it is in heaven" on the out breath, contemplating the fact that once the magnetic center is formed that the will of the spirit, the "heavenly kingdom" can be brought into your life...

You don't have to do the whole prayer, the above is sufficient seed, but if you want to do the whole thing, I think you have the idea. You can visualize the words, consider the content, "feel" them, all the while the words themselves are acting as the "counter" for your breathing.

Some people can achieve very good results with very simple seed, other people require more complexity. Again, the point is to have something that you can focus on and to hold that focus intently. It is more or less an exercising of the Will and Intent, building a sort of "psychic muscle."

You may be surprised at the tenacity of the chatter and its resistance to this one-pointed focus.

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EDIT: Forgot to say, this reminder is also pretty much what I think I needed! Also, adding response to the below:

Mountain Crown said:

Csayeursost]One problem I've had most of the times that has no doubt limited the effect of the prayer meditation part is failing to actually meditate during it.[/quote] This is a learning process for us said:

Undue attention to these thoughts, whether meditating or not, can actually fuel this wandering effect. Paying attention to the regulation of the breath contributes also to the stilling of the mind and emotions.

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The problem is that such thoughts (or the "I's behind them) manipulate in such a way as to be able to "feed" on the resulting attention and grow stronger. But this specific issue with the meditation seems, in the most recent attempts (making use of the new ideas), to be more or less overcome by now.


And on a final sidenote (observation for the thread) - I've recently noticed that the "effect" of Laura's voice is considerably greater on a decent sound system as opposed to the laptop's speaker. On the latter, you can barely discern whether she sounds relaxed or tired and lethargic, while on the former it is clear that it is the former.

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Thank you buddy, I will try that and keep an open mind. They always have 6 to 8 legs and are completely black, no eye's either. And I failed to mention I see them when my eye's are closed, this didn't happen til I started the program. But once again thanks for your comments. My goal is to be more active in networking and doing this breathing program. :)

ramaj said:

Thank you buddy, I will try that and keep an open mind. They always have 6 to 8 legs and are completely black, no eye's either. And I failed to mention I see them when my eye's are closed, this didn't happen til I started the program. But once again thanks for your comments. My goal is to be more active in networking and doing this breathing program. :)

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Hi Ramaj,

Several years ago I went through a very intense period in my life where I also saw spiders or big spider-like, just like you described. Either when my eyes were closed or when I was in a sort of semi-awaken dream (the first seconds of waking up). I don't know exactly what it was (and I read high Strangeness), but with time I came to realize that it was a strong message from my subconscious (or maybe some other source) that there are some inner elements or unresolved issues in my psyche that require my urgent attention. That it is a variation of a "dark man" dreams where you are alerted about a possible lurking danger (because unresolved issues can be potentially dangerous if you are not paying attention or are not aware of them).

Keit said:

And coming back to the issue of being an OP or not, ask yourself why you are concerned with a possibility of being an OP? What's wrong with that? Does it mean that you are doomed? I don't think so. OPs or not, we all make our own choices, and the rest of it is just self importance.

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Exactly - and the point, it seems to me, is that there are two directions one can move in, as 'time' progresses in this life - evolution or devolution; moving toward entropy or toward order; toward contraction or toward creativity and expansion. It really matters not whether one is an OP or someone with a seed of a soul - what matters is whether, every day, in all and everything, they are moving in one direction or the other.

And, it also seems to me that the progress of one is the progress of all, in ways we've not yet even begun to understand.

shellycheval said:

Indeed! I find myself setting a time to do the yoga exercises and breathing then procrastinating and telling myself I'll do it later--then later--then I was trying to squeeze it in before I fell asleep at night and not being able to finish. I think about doing the breathing meditation all the time and then sabotage the doing with "monkey-mind" BS resistance. It is getting better--but it is hard!!!

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Well, it seems that's how this school is designed - the things that may make the most difference are the most difficult to actually 'do'.

sc said:

Before the meditation was posted in July my mind was in a quieter place. I was stretching, conscious of doing some pipe breathing and breathing from the diaphragm every day, sleeping well, and carried that relaxed feeling of quiet inner peace most days, then I did that ultimate ;) test of spiritual growth and went out into the world to visit family for two weeks with no access to a computer!!!

So I missed the initial posting of the meditation and have been catching up ever since. Also, also about half the visit I had to sleep next to my beloved, well-meaning, but emotionally toxic, sister and I swear to the gods that I pick up some attachment from her as my head has felt possessed by a chattering, obsessive mind chatter stirring up anxiety attacks like what my sister experiences, but since my Ex3 moved out, I have not--until this visit. I find I now obsessively carry a stupid tune in my head that I don't even like one I heard on the radio driving home (Lionel Ritchie "All Night Long"--although lately it has been rotating with a few others) It's been a couple years since I've had that kind of chatter in my head all day!!! Also the "worries" are back--much of the day is spent worrying about the future occasionally to the point of heart racing, blood pressure popping, hyperventilating fear! I've lost a lot of the ability I had to stay in the present since my venture out into average American daily existence.

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I'd suggest to never underestimate the disruptive power of interacting closely with people who manifest toxic behavior, especially family, since those programs run so deep.

sc said:

If there is an attachment will a deep commitment to doing the exercise, breathing and meditation be enough to release it?

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I doubt there is an attachment, though it's not impossible - it is more likely to be the case that very old programs are running, that were triggered from the interaction with your family - and not identified, and noted, that once they've been activated, they're rather like a barrel of angry monkeys let loose in your mind. At least, this has been my personal experience...

I think that until a person has really and truly 'cleaned their vessel', that we are quite susceptible to pathological/sleeping behavior - it sinks in, stains us in some way and affects our thought processes in ways that are sometimes very difficult to track. It's as if this new (Real) 'us' that we are developing and fusing, is quite fragile at times; and the din and confusion of nothing but A influences for two whole weeks can really wreak havoc on a mind that is becoming Real. I have no proof of this, but there really seems to be something to the idea that clarity and objectivity is a signal that - until it is strong enough to emit on its own all the time, despite its surroundings - must be reinforced by external influences that emit a colinear signal. The overwhelming signal of this world is entropy - so when one begins to sound their own signal of increased order and creativity, it is easy for that to be overwhelmed or knocked off key by external influences that are not colinear.

I think this becomes less likely as one gets stronger, though - but that it may always be a possibility.

sc said:

I am determine to get my ability to stay present and peaceful back and more, and by doing the yoga exercises and breathing meditation and being here at SOTT--"there's no place like home!" my real home!, I am sure that I will, but there is no shortcut (and I am sooo inheritently lazy!!) Any other recommendations and feedback from forum members would be greatly appreciated--so many of you are so committed and doing so well--that alone is very encouraging--well done! It is such an exciting time!
Thanks for listening.

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One other aspect that might be helpful to remember is that this is a process - and there will be times when it seems we are 'going backwards' when we really aren't - when things get more difficult, more frayed and that merely signals that we're about to 'pop it up another notch'. Usually, when I go through my most difficult times, I find, once I've reached the other side (which might seem like it takes FOREVER) - that everything is at a new level - even though I could have sworn that all was lost and that I'd lost all the clarity I thought I might have had. There are octaves, cycles and I do think it's a spiraling staircase, meaning that at times it might seem we're going sideways or backwards when we're really still moving up. (Though, that's not to say that we should delude ourselves when we're actually in free fall!) Just some thoughts...

Mrs.Tigersoap said:

Or maybe I'm just an OP and no amount of breathing program can change anything to that fact ? :D

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One could also look at it in a different manner. Since OP's don't get abducted or perhaps not as often, one could take that to mean that a potentially souled person gets abducted more. Meaning that more "controls" are inserted into a potentially souled person or they face more attacks. So there you are doing all this breathing and nothing seems to be happening while others are reporting all sorts of events. Maybe a potentially souled person may have to do it several years perhaps to see some effect, OSIT. I mean Laura didn't just do all this in a day!! It took years.

Now that is not to say that those who are experiencing events are all OP's. Far from it. Maybe they are have less toxins, maybe they have been practicing, maybe they are "wanderers", maybe they are 4D STO here to help and give encouragement by reporting these events when doing the breathing program, etc. So many possibilities.

Keit said:

ramaj said:

Thank you buddy, I will try that and keep an open mind. They always have 6 to 8 legs and are completely black, no eye's either. And I failed to mention I see them when my eye's are closed, this didn't happen til I started the program. But once again thanks for your comments. My goal is to be more active in networking and doing this breathing program. :)

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Hi Ramaj,

Several years ago I went through a very intense period in my life where I also saw spiders or big spider-like, just like you described. Either when my eyes were closed or when I was in a sort of semi-awaken dream (the first seconds of waking up). I don't know exactly what it was (and I read high Strangeness), but with time I came to realize that it was a strong message from my subconscious (or maybe some other source) that there are some inner elements or unresolved issues in my psyche that require my urgent attention. That it is a variation of a "dark man" dreams where you are alerted about a possible lurking danger (because unresolved issues can be potentially dangerous if you are not paying attention or are not aware of them).

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Several years ago, too, I had very vivid and unpleasant dreams of spiders attacking me. It was an intense period. I was in a very bad emotional state, in a destructive relationship, living with dangerous people (at least, dangerous for my psychological state for sure), cut off from everything -- in short, in a dangerous situation. These dreams were indeed like dark man dreams to alert me I must do something and get the hell out of it now!

Keit said:

And coming back to the issue of being an OP or not, ask yourself why you are concerned with a possibility of being an OP? What's wrong with that? Does it mean that you are doomed? I don't think so. OPs or not, we all make our own choices, and the rest of it is just self importance.

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Personally, in those moments of doubts / self-defeating thoughts, one concern has been that OP's can more easily be vectors of attack, thus can be used to hinder progress of others, or at least cause disturbance. I completely agree that ultimately, this kind of question is self-importance, as it's what you choose to Do that counts, whether you're an OP or not (and since there's no way of telling...) Thanks Keit for reminding us that.

And coming back to the issue of being an OP or not, ask yourself why you are concerned with a possibility of being an OP? What's wrong with that? Does it mean that you are doomed? I don't think so. OPs or not, we all make our own choices, and the rest of it is just self importance.

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Hi Keit,

Thank you for your answer. My 'concern' (for lack of a better term) was more about 'doing it properly', which I understand comes from my narcissistic wound. I also had a neurotic concern that 'if I'm not sick that surely means that my body is so loaded with toxins that it cannot even have symptoms anymore'.

I put a smiley behind my remark about being an OP because it's of no importance, really. I just guessed it was one of the many explanations for my lack of physical symptoms. I do see things (light, colour, grids, occasionally faces, etc.) when I do the program. I was just wondering why nothing transpires physically, so to speak. I totally understand why you would think that I was worried being an OP, and I apologize to have given you (and other people) the wrong impression.

fwiw the whole 'run over by a truck' feeling has passed (I have aided this with ongoing improvements to diet and supplements). I now perceive the 'hit by a truck' feeling to be a lack of something my body needs to help it with the process. More specifically as its quite a physical work out (and I do not get near enough exercise) I think in my case at least part of it was a lactic acid build up. Malic acid (in the form of cyder vinegar) has solved that problem osit.

The last few meditations have also seemed quite 'flat' in that not much happened (other than a deep sense of peace), this is not to say nothing important was happening, just that there where no 'experiences'.
Last week my mental chatter increased to a really high level, culminating in almost defining mental chatter and physical figiting whilst attempting the meditation.....this is also starting to subside. Although I think it may be back, as I see it as stripping away layers to expose 'programs' and emotions by bringing them to the surface, once at the surface then tend to have more impact (tend to run more)....this does mean however you have a chance to see it for what it is, rather than it being hidden.
Perhaps its simply a result of an internal light being shone on the programs? :)

One thing I have noticed is my ability to connect the dots and take an overview of myself/others is increasing quite a lot.....I just have to remember myself to use it!

I wanted to add an observation I had....and to get some feedback on it if possible. I did think about posting it else where on the forum but I concluded it may well be related to the program. Apologies if its a little on the long side/distracting from this thread (mods please move this part if it is).

I had quite a worrying dream last night, on waking I decided to work out where it came from and realised it was a mirror of events that had happened to me as a child. I managed to connect a few events together I had not done so before, and start to really unpick emotions and thoughts and observe the others involved in a new way.....the memory's seemed remarkably clear for once.
I did notice that it was creating an ache in my gut area....and that my shoulders had tensed up. So I did a round of pipe breathing and both sensations evaporated. My memories (now becoming more of a meditation) took on a new aspect. It was me (as I am now, not as a child) in the memories playing them out.
So what had happened to my child element? Had it been integrated or was it hiding?
I concluded (perhaps wrongly, this is where I need external input I think....as my following experience and resulting hypothesis is based on this conclusion) it was hiding and searched for it in the room in my memory (oddly the room now seemed to be lit by electric blue lights....I have seen those before in real life high strangeness experiences).
I found my child self hiding (again I presumed perhaps wrongly it was, as I only saw its hands/eyes), which I held with unconditional love/acceptance. After a while it started to retreat into its hiding place and I went with it.....into what I can only describe as a dark cave (where I was the only light).
Remembering about meditations possibly being a bad thing (inviting bad things) if not directed as such, I repeated the prayer of the soul (with breathing) at this point. On returning to the images I found that the child (who I could see more clearly) had a dark shadow (adult height) super imposed over it, which was flickering in/out like a bad fluorescent light. This was quite worrying......then a hypothesis formed in my mind.
All those negative experiences as a child, the connections between them and the high strangeness.....I concluded that this is when the programming/predators mind had been inserted (in some of those negative events I think I could perceive the negative higher forces acting osit)...how as a child we are programmed, and the programs then exists as a permanently disassociated internal child surrounded by the permanently sustained induced horror (from the initial potentially engineered situation) and the programming/predators mind. I think I could see it all laid out in front of me (but I don't know how clearly yet, my understanding is still forming it seems).....and my god I was furious at it/at what had been done to me as a child. The anger came from (and stayed in) the same place in my guts that had hurt before, which I have never experienced with anger before.
I did the breathing/prayer of the soul three more times (with some very deep breathing). And the last image was of this black figure where the child once stood, it looked like a black cloak with red eyes.

I'd like some feedback on this if possible....one thing I have noticed the last week or so (before the above) is an increase in my anger.....and a realisation that I've never accepted it, nor feel I know quite how to deal with it (besides keeping it below the neck).

Thanks Anart,
I really needed to be reminded about how deep and subtle our original family programming can be--living away from them physically for most of my adult life has created a bit of a "false shield" so to speak--but no amount of time and distance (which are also not what they appear to be!--interesting) can protect me from what I carry from the past in my own head--only conscious recognition and emotional processing can lower the level of toxic influence--with which the breathing meditation so helps. After processing all this a bit, I'm sure you're right in that old programming has been the problem since my "vacation" and not a real attachment, though the fear that it was was very motivating!

Anart:

there will be times when it seems we are 'going backwards' when we really aren't - when things get more difficult, more frayed and that merely signals that we're about to 'pop it up another notch'. Usually, when I go through my most difficult times, I find, once I've reached the other side (which might seem like it takes FOREVER) - that everything is at a new level - even though I could have sworn that all was lost and that I'd lost all the clarity I thought I might have had. There are octaves, cycles and I do think it's a spiraling staircase, meaning that at times it might seem we're going sideways or backwards when we're really still moving up.

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Yes, thank you, I had been in a fairly comfortable place (!!!danger--warning!!!) for many months before the visit and had forgotten so easily and so mechanically about the spiral nature of growth. Lately, as well has having felt like I am going backwards mentally and emotionally, I have also been going through another phase where things in my home and the farm seem to be breaking and wearing out all at the same time--which in the past has usually proceeded some change for the better in the long run.

The discipline required to do the breathing meditation is spilling over (slowly!!!) into my other activities. I feel clearly that I can no longer afford the luxury of procrastination anywhere in my life--mentally I've known this but these recent physical problems and anxiety attacks have really helped me understand this emotionally as well. (the positive effects of negative emotions . . . )

I've remembered a saying that has helped steady me in the past: "Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment chop wood, carry water." It reminds me there is no shortcut for doing The Work.
shellycheval

KEIT:

Thanks for you post: i have been struggling for two weeks to try to articulate my unease with some of the 'experience addiction" posts that that have ccurred in this thread: reminds me somewhat of the warnings in 'Darkness over Tibet" about spiritual materialism.

Another topic: I have been doing the prayer in sync with the breathing for about about a week now (i..e, it took me that long to fully memorize it and to feel confident in the technique that i could do it anytime anywhere) and I found my mind drifting into the need to add four more lines. I wish some feedback about its appropriateness. I don't know where it actually goes in the prayer and my mind inserts at different spots in different sessions:

Bless my speech
So that it bears truth

Arouse my courage
So that I join with like-minded others


The first, because how we express ourselves and external considering is so important. Speech--as a code for all types of communication, particularly the internet (reads weird to say "bless my fingers as I type" :)

The second, because I have been challenged by the imperative to network with others on the Cass. path.

Thanks.

Frank J.

anart said:

One other aspect that might be helpful to remember is that this is a process - and there will be times when it seems we are 'going backwards' when we really aren't - when things get more difficult, more frayed and that merely signals that we're about to 'pop it up another notch'. Usually, when I go through my most difficult times, I find, once I've reached the other side (which might seem like it takes FOREVER) - that everything is at a new level - even though I could have sworn that all was lost and that I'd lost all the clarity I thought I might have had. There are octaves, cycles and I do think it's a spiraling staircase, meaning that at times it might seem we're going sideways or backwards when we're really still moving up. (Though, that's not to say that we should delude ourselves when we're actually in free fall!) Just some thoughts...

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Thank you Anart for remind me this as well.

I had a rough time lately, sleeping very badly with troubled dreams and restlessness certainly caused by the meditation and breathing exercises.

So I think that there is still this program that I run sometimes that is to think that if it's spiritual, it must only feel good or be extraordinary, which is of course incorrect.
It's really a test to see how, despite all hurdles and setbacks, I keep going no matter what and keep faith in the exercises because if something happens or not it's because it is the right thing for me at this point in time ;)